I've still got goose bumps...

My soul-sista, Tara Sloan, wrote a post today that was an absolute slam dunk. I am still coming down off of a high from reading it. I'm telling you, if you are limited on reading, skip my blog today and tomorrow and just go read her post about Clinton/Palin. I'm serious as a heart attack when I tell you, it's ANOINTED. And when you have time, if you haven't already read it, come back and read my post from yesterday, on the same subject!

Now you know why I say that woman and I eat out of the same box of Cheerios although I'm in Florida and she's in Illinois, we are abso-freakin'-lutely two peas in a pod, and might as well be joined at the hip. Now you know why we instantly became bff's when we met on that fateful day, over 10 years ago now. :-)

By the way, for any of you still reading this post who haven't clicked over to Tara's, we had a great day at church today. For a holiday weekend, attendance wasn't too bad and I was pleasantly surprised to have a full choir! Most of all, God's presence was really there in worship, Larry brought an awesome Word, and we had a good altar time. Just want to give you this quote from my husband's message today that was the "stand out" takeaway for me personally today:

"You are headed in the direction of your most dominating thought."

Powerful, huh? Here are some other bullet points from today's message:

• We talk ourselves into valleys many times. We have to keep a mountaintop perspective even when in the valley. (hhhmmm...was he preachin' to his wife today, or WHAT? Gotta love that man.)


• At the same time, we do have to survey our challenges and not deny our present reality. In other words, no matter how many times you name it/claim it or whatever, you're in the situation you're in...but God CAN do a miracle!


• God wants us to stimulate our courage. We've got to get it active, get it going.


• Some people have a "grasshopper complex"


• You've got to hop in the right direction.


• Little thinkers make big stinkers.


• All the people who said, "we can't conquer Caanan", DIDN'T!


• There are 9,000 promises that God has made to us in His Word! What are we doing with them?
  

Glass ceiling not fully shattering anytime soon

By now everybody is bouncing back from the shock of Sarah Palin being chosen as the Republican VP nominee. Relax. This post is not about who I'm voting for...or not. I know I have many readers on both sides of the aisle, and some of you no where near either aisle. (lol) I don't share from the pulpit or my blog who I think people should vote for - it's not appropriate, not to mention it's technically illegal! Quite honestly you just might be surprised at times were you to know how I vote!

It might shock some of you to know that I'm an admirer of BOTH Hillary Clinton AND Sarah Palin. (Okay, pick yourselves up off the floor...) I know what you're thinking. These two women believe COMPLETELY different things. You're right! I read a blog yesterday that said, "The only thing Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton share in common is that they have the same kind of genitals." Well, perhaps. I actually think they'd probably find a little more common ground than that, but here's where I'm going with this...although I might not agree 100% or even 10% with what a person stands for (their values) I can look beyond that to see the admirable qualities in a person. Just because I admire someone doesn't mean I'd vote for them.

I know she's not in the race anymore this year, but like her or not, you have to admit, Hillary Clinton is a sharp lady. She's a worker to the core -- you might not agree with everything she stands for, or even anything she stands for, but the fact is, she'll work to her dying day for what she believes in and with passion, and never give up. She embodies perseverance. I admire that in a person. I haven't known as much about Palin for very long, she has simply not been as prominent as Clinton. However I see many qualities in her that are admirable as well -- an equal passion for what she believes in, standing against corruption, cutting unnecessary spending, being willing to brave the storm that inevitably comes into one's life by not caving in to the "good old boy network". So now that I've told you that I admire things about both women, what the heck IS this post really about?

This post is about the questions people ask women that they would NEVER ask men. As soon as Palin was chosen as the VP pick, people rose up to question whether she should take this job, having 5 kids, one of them being a newborn baby. No kidding, I actually heard one pundit ask if she would have to bring the baby to the White House for meetings to nurse him, and if people thought that should be allowed!! I had to double over laughing on that one. (And yes, I breastfed my kids, and yes, I think it's a great thing.) It was my brilliant husband who shook his head at the stupid commenter as well and said, "you idiot, by the time she gets to the White House for meetings, if indeed she is elected VP, the baby will be at the age where he would be weaned before she's even sworn in." (I love my husband!)

Here's my thought...the glass ceiling is far from being shattered until we start asking MEN the same questions we ask women.

Do you think anyone in 21 years has ever asked my husband, "Pastor Shrodes, how do you manage to pastor the church while still having three kids in your home?"

Do you think in 21 years anyone has ever asked my husband, "Pastor Shrodes, how do you get everything done? How do you balance it all?"

Do you think in 21 years of pastoring, my husband has ever sat in an interview with a pulpit committee and heard, "Now Pastor Shrodes, you are after all, a husband and father. Do you think with that as a factor that you will be able to effectively do this job if indeed you are elected the pastor of this church?"

No, no, no. They have asked Pastor Shrodes, alright, but it's been THE WRONG Pastor Shrodes! LOL

John McCain has SEVEN (count 'em, 7!) kids and one still in the home. She was standing beside Cindy McCain yesterday at the VP announcement. Barack Obama still has two young daughters in the home. They were absolutely adorable the other night, talking into the microphone at the DNC, saying, "I love you, Daddy!" Why has nobody asked McCain how he will manage his large family, including his last child still in the home and do the job? Why hasn't anybody asked Obama how he will handle juggling the presidency and his two little girls at the same time? I realize they wouldn't ask Biden because to my knowledge, he has no kids in the home, so it's not applicable. Before you say, "well people haven't asked because their mothers are the ones raising them," I don't believe that. Both McCain and Obama seem like VERY involved fathers to me, from everything I've observed. (There you go, something I admire about both! But I can only vote for one.)

We will have shattered the glass ceiling when people are asking men the same questions they ask us.

Some of you might be ready to rattle off at your keyboard and comment or e-mail me with... "are you saying being a wife and mother aren't important?" and "don't you know motherhood is a high calling from God?" and "don't you believe in putting your kids before your job?" Answer to questions: no , yes, and yes.

I simply believe that all the same applies to my husband. Being a husband and father is important, isn't it? Being a husband and father is a high calling from God, isn't it? Being a husband and father comes before your job, doesn't it? So why aren't people asking the man the same questions?

It's obvious from some of the reading I've been doing that Todd Palin believes the way that my husband and quite a number of husbands today believe: parenting wasn't designed by God to be a one person responsibility. Single parenting is hard and most people aren't doing it by choice. God gave children a father and a mother for a reason. My husband and I believe God has given us our home and our children to lead as a team - together.

It's about a partnership. It's evident both Clinton and Palin have husbands who are partners. This is another thing I admire about both women, and something, ironically I have heard both criticized about!

Some of these questions about Palin's fitness to lead at this time come from women who strongly supported Hillary. Shame! Shame! Shame on you women!!! It's as if you forgot that Hillary ever had a child! She might be an empty nester now, but remember, she was raising Chelsea the majority of the years she was in the White House. And by all appearances it seems she and Bill raised her equally together. With all the bad you might have to say about the woman, give her this - she's a darn good mother who together with her husband raised a fine young lady. At least if you are going to criticize Sarah Palin, do it concerning her policies, not about whether she's going to nurse the baby or not, or whether she'll be able to keep the laundry done and still work on America's energy crisis. How ridiculous!!!

Ladies, ladies, ladies...let's not hold our sisters back or down by this type of rhetoric, whether we agree with their policies or not. Whether you are a Palin supporter or not, don't tear down what so many of our sisters -- and thankfully many of our right thinking and compassionate brothers --before us have worked so long and hard for.

No matter who gets elected this November, please keep in mind, the glass ceiling is not shattered until we stop asking women certain questions, or decide to ask men the same ones.

[Deanna...stepping away from soapbox now...gee, that felt good to get all that out. I feel better now. I can hear Leanne clapping all the way from Wisconsin and Tara all the way from Illinois! And yeah, I hear Patrick and Craig clapping too...gotta love those supportive men...lol]

Pain

Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain. - Kahlil Gibran

Yep, yep, Lord...that's me!

"Oh, the joys of those who are kind to the poor! The Lord rescues them when they are in trouble." Psalm 41:1 (NLT)

On Sunday, the Lord led me to read Psalm 41 for some reason. I mean, I literally woke up at 6 am, knowing I had to turn there. I did and the first verse got my attention. I got excited! I said, "yep, yep Lord, that's me! So I know you are going to rescue me! You specifically promised it in Your Word! Yippee!! I'm fixing to get rescued!"

I've always been kind to the poor. Always. My whole life. I can say that with all confidence...I have never looked down upon anyone that is poor -- EVER. If I can possibly help in some way, I do...sometimes to my husband's chagrin.

It's not that Larry isn't compassionate. It's just that he gets upset with me at times for giving things out the window to people when we are in the car. He thinks they will just throw it away or squander it. I have given Hillsong worship CD's to prostitutes on the street. He thinks they will just throw them in a dumpster. But I don't care even if they do. I get joy and hope just by giving. When in the car with the kids (without Larry) I've sometimes handed a few dollars out the window to a homeless person holding a sign, and I usually say to the kids, "keep this between us...don't tell your Dad." (lol) Of course I know they are always going to tell him...we don't really keep secrets, but I know I'm going to get a lecture when I get home.

My view of it is -- if I feel led of the spirit to give something, I got a blessing from it no matter anyone else does with it! When the kids tattletale and Larry gives me a lecture I just tell him I gave it out of my birthday money and I can do whatever I want with my birthday money and don't have to get him to agree on it. He shakes his head at me and walks away frustrated just like he has often been with me in the last 21 years. (SMILE) So when I read Psalm 41 on Sunday I got excited. Because it says that the Lord rescues people who are kind to the poor. So I know that means I'm DEFINITELY in line to get rescued by God!

Yesterday we had an interesting experience. We went to video some stuff for church and we did it right after lunch. Larry ate his sandwich but not his greek salad so he had it boxed to take home. We were coming out of the place and walking down the street and a man saw Larry's box and walked right up and said he was hungry, and asked if could he have what was in the box. Larry said, "sure" and handed it to him. The man said, "sir, do you have a fork?" and Larry said, "I'm sorry, I don't." I thought the man was just going to pick up the salad and eat it with his hands, but instead he walked across the street to a garbage can and dug down in there and pulled a dirty plastic fork out. I was sick at the thought. Just as he was getting ready to stab it into the salad, I said, "Sir! Please DO NOT do that. I will get you a fork somehow."

We were already down the street from where we ate but I went into a place we were standing in front of and asked for a fork. The server I spoke to said, "um, it'll cost you $5." I said, "whatever. I'll pay for it." Then he followed it up with, "alright, I'm just kidding." He not only gave me a fork but a napkin to go with it. I was so glad to be able to give it to the man. It would have made me heartsick to see him eat with that fork from the dumpster. Yes, I know he probably does it all the time, but this was one day he didn't have to. I felt like the person in the famous poem who rescued one starfish. They were asked, "why are you doing that when there are countless others that you can't possibly help?" The person responded that for that one it made a difference.

The man stood there while we shot the video. Larry was talking and when we finished taping the man said, "do you know who you sound just like? You sound just like the preacher at Relevant Church!" I said, "oh, that's interesting, we happen to know the pastor there..." and he said, "Really?" and I said, "yes, do you go there?" and he said, "yes I do." I said, "awesome, please keep going. It's a great church."

I was happy to find out, Relevant ministers to more than just 20 and 30 somethings, but just like us they also reach out to the poor.

We should always be kind to the poor even if there's nothing extra in it for us, but isn't it interesting that God has promises in His Word specifically for those who are kind to the poor?

Ahhhh...the flip side of being a hard worker

"Your salvation requires you to turn back to me and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me—The very thing you've been unwilling to do. Isaiah 30:17 (The Message)

It seems that most weeks, the Lord sends people to my husband and I to talk to and encourage who are struggling, many of them in the ministry. We never mind it even when we are struggling ourselves, because first --we do care about people, especially those who are walking this road that we are walking. And second, it helps us in getting our mind off of our own problems for a while!

Recently Larry was encouraging someone who was having many hard times and the frustrating thing for Larry was that no matter what he suggested, this man was not willing to budge in doing anything at all to help his problems. If Larry said, "why don't you try getting up fifteen minutes earlier," the person would respond with, "wow, that would be a real challenge...I really don't want to lose any sleep..." or if he said, "why don't you start studying a few evenings a week?" the person would respond, "well, I wouldn't be able to watch my TV shows," or something to this effect. Frustrating!!!

At times you try to help someone and it seems they are unwilling to do ANYTHING that it takes, let alone WHATEVER it takes! I have little patience for that.

The Bible tells us to avoid all extremes. Just like this man my husband was trying to help was extreme, so I err on the side of being the opposite extreme. My tendency is to try to work myself out of anything. Our friend Randy has often said, "If you want something to get done, just tell Deanna it can't be done and it quickly will be because she'll never let you get away with saying that about her!" Whereas the man who called my husband doesn't want to lift a finger to do anything to help his problem, my struggle is to stop trusting in my own abilities to save me all the time. Even if I lack in skill in an area, I try to make up for it in hard work. This can be an admirable quality, however taken to extreme, it causes a problem. Take it from me, as I've been struggling for 42 years now with it. My issue is learning to trust 100% in God to save the day in the long run, no matter how hard I might be working.

I have always believed that if you work hard and long enough you can accomplish anything. You know, that "American Dream" people talk about. The truth is, over time, God has blessed so many of my endeavors, especially as I have invested myself in the things He cares about most. But sometimes, like now, I have to remember to continue to do my best, but not depend upon what I do as the answer. It's all about complete dependence on His abilities to bring the breakthrough, not mine. One reason I am trying to learn this completely and do it quickly is because I don't want a long storm! So c'mon God...my work isn't going to solve this no matter what I do or how well I do it. So just "do your thing" as only you can...and, um...preferably in the next day or two? (SMILE)

Youngest "Fusionite" at last week's service

I couldn't resist pulling out my camera from my purse and taking this last Wednesday night...

Michele had Marcus in service because he fell asleep before Royal Rangers and so here he slept during our service, underneath one of the altar cloths.

I definitely believe in "raising them on the pew"! You're a great Mom, Michele. Keep your chin up and keep going!

"Do not be weary in well doing, for at the proper time you shall reap a harvest if you faint not." Galatians 6:9

Jordan's new career (maybe!)

We went today to have Jordan's senior portraits done at Thompson Studios in Tampa. It went fantastic! The way they do it there you see the proofs right after taking the pictures and order everything the same day. So we will have the photos within about four weeks. It's the same place Dustin's photos were done and we have a special photo of both boys that was taken that will soon go up on our wall. It's going to look spectacular!

Well, get this...

Jordan was such a natural in front of the camera and he looked so awesome. I feel that way of course as his Momma, but today the owner of the studio said, "I honestly don't say this to many people nor do I make any kickback on this, but this guy is really a natural and honestly better than many of the pros I work with. You need to take his proof's down to such and such agency and see if he can get some work." (He was SERIOUS.) Right there on the spot he gave me a referral to three agencies he works with and said, "you will not have to invest ANY money in classes, or pay these people anything...this is not a scam...it's not "modeling school" nor are they going to ask you for any money. These are real agencies that will be the ones hiring you not the other way around!" Then he pointed to a kid's picture that he referred who is now modeling for Abercrombie and another guy who paid his entire college education on ONE JOB. Seriously. Can you believe that? I have to be honest it was hard for me to believe but he said, "I'm not kidding, I think he's a real natural and you need to at least think about pursuing this, especially since he seems to be a young man with a good head on his shoulders that could handle it..."

Jordan is almost 18, it's not like he would be a child going into this if it worked out. I don't know what will happen as a result but the photographer recommended we make an appointment with all three agencies and take his proofs from today and present to them. He said he was relatively sure Jordan could get "catalog work." Is that amazing or what?

Once we get his photos I will show you some of his "work" today (GRIN) and I think you might be amazed too!

In other news, it was a typical Tuesday for me cramming in as much work as possible as it's my most productive day. I got about four projects for church done and then did our laundry and Bobby's laundry. He dropped it off yesterday in desperation. Larry says, "Deanna, why do you agree to do stuff like that?" Can't help it, these are my "kids" - (not just my natural ones, my spiritual ones too that Jesus has entrusted me with to 'raise up'.) I know, I know, you might think as my husband does, "how will they be raised up if they can't do their own laundry?" (SMILE) Well, the poor boy had school AND work today. When was he going to do it? I just had work and did the laundry in between times. :-)

We're winding down for the night and I'm getting my jammies on and watching the DNC. I'll probably fall asleep watching the speeches...morning comes so early in my house.

Sweet sleep to all...

Going and going and going...

Thoughts from today:

I had an incredibly busy day ~making breakfast...
getting the kids off to school (back into the routine)...
reading Streams and my Bible...
getting to work...
busting through a few Unstoppable initiatives quickly with Cathy...
Going to a sectional credential meeting...
heading to staff lunch where we had a meeting about our upcoming friends day...
rushing home for another appointment...
and then tonight catching up on all the work I missed today by being in the sectional and staff meeting. I had to get at least 3-4 projects on my weekly list done or tomorrow would be just a horrible pile up.
I have Jordan's senior portrait appointments tomorrow...can't risk having a pile up of work...gotta keep it moving...

Ahhhhhh...finally time to take my contacts out, get my glasses on...put my feet up and watch some TV with Teeb.

I'm tired.

Didn't blog last night, just too wasted, but from a real good day. In a nutshell:

• Real good service Sunday morning. Killer choir song...
• Cooked lunch
• Took power nap
• Put finishing touches on house for leadership meeting
• Had great leadership meeting...planned next friends day!

Ordered our tickets for upcoming Africa missions trip! (yes!!!)

Remember the other day I was giving the insights from the life of Ezekiel? Well one thing you note about his story is that even when circumstances were crushing in upon him - in fact - when he found out his wife was going to die the next day, he still just got up and went to work. Yep, he was a prophet. And he just kept prophesying. The brother got up and went into the prophetic office the next morning. Can any of you relate? I sure can.

Unstoppable is coming so fast it's unbelievable. Just trying to put the finishing touches on. Excited, but wanting more time...can't wait to see everyone, but also longing for a bit of rest. It's been a long month. I'm going to savor seeing those I love at Unstoppable.

Then I'm going to breathe.

At least for a few days.

This present darkness

Many of my friends and acquaintances are going through difficult times, but I really learned the extent of it more when I wrote my "Wrecks" post earlier this week. I've gotten quite a bit of mail about it. All good - as far as people appreciating me writing it, but bad in that so many related to it at this present time.

If you would have asked me a month ago I was utterly convinced I was alone in the darkness I was feeling, but right now it seems we have more people that not who are living in a time of darkness in their lives. Remember the excellent book by Frank Peretti, This Present Darkness? I loved it. I am realizing I need to pull it out and read it again, for truly we are all in a time of spiritual warfare that I believe is unprecedented.

I am not glad that so many are walking through a time like this, but one thing I have realized is that we don't have to be in the dark alone. Jesus is with us, but we can also join our hearts together and stand with one another until everyone sees the light of day again. Everyone won't experience the breakthrough at the same time, but let's take the time to pray everybody across the finish line to victory. In particular, one person who e-mailed me about the "wreck" post who did not want to comment publicly with the details of their struggle is in serious need of a breakthrough by TOMORROW. Monday is a serious deadline for them. They need God to show up with a miracle in the next 24 hours. I can't tell you this person's name or circumstances but I am burdened for them and ask all of you reading this right now, will you just right now agree with me in prayer for this dear one in their "special unspoken" request? God will know who you're talking about...He's omniscient God...so just pray for "Deanna's e-mailer who needs a miracle by Monday." Thank you!

Here's something I read last night in my devotional from Streams in the Desert:

"The mighty God can make us stronger than our circumstances. He can bend them all to our good. In God's strength we can make them all pay tribute to our souls. We can even take hold of a black disappointment, break it open, and extract some jewel of grace. When God gives us wills like iron, we can drive through difficulties as the iron share cuts through the toughest soil. "I will make thee," and shall He not do it?" --Dr. Jowett

Friends, many of us are going through "black disappointment' as the author spoke of, but here is a verse I have stood on time and time again and want to remind all of you of today: I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. Isaiah 45:3

God showed me this truth years ago...there are certain things you can't get any other way but by going through the darkness. God's got something great for all of us who are struggling on the other side of this.

I am preparing right now to go to church this morning...I am always up way before the sun rises... quietly preparing myself for the day before my family ever wakes up...drinking my hazelnut coffee...talking to Jesus. I believe praise is a major key to breakthrough. This morning as I praise, I'm going for the breakthrough not only in my life, but in all of yours! I'm standing for all of us, in praise, in prayer. I will link arms with you and walk through the darkness until everybody has made it to light again. After we've done all to stand in this present darkness... we must stand.

Have a great morning at church, everyone! I may give Sunday night highlights, and then again may not depending on time. We have a leadership meeting at the house tonight and that always keeps me very busy...especially this week because Larry was in bed all week up until last night, nursing his injured leg, and I have done more than usual because I've been waiting on him and helping him with anything he needs me to bring him. He's doing 100% better but it's still sore.

Thanks for your continued prayer, my fellow wrecks! We are not alone. Not at all.

Does anybody else but me...

love it when school starts but feel guilty that you do?

think often about the disproportionate amount of housework you do?

wake up and then can't go back to sleep?

hate to pee in the middle of the night?

twitter on some days all the time, and absolutely none the next day?

really believe nobody else would do your job and pick up the slack if suddenly, you weren't there?

have a hatred for weeds?

clean the shower while you're in it?

love wearing just a t-shirt and underwear around the house?

wake up in the middle of the night with a horrible headache, take an Excedrine Migraine tablet and then be so "awake" from it that you never go back to sleep?

hate your phone?

think some Christians will end up following the anti-Christ because they are so biblically illiterate and driven by mysticism?

always go to the bathroom before you get on the scale?

have a love/hate relationship with e-mail?

get irritated when people crack their knuckles?

feel like the older you get the more filled with compassion you become?

get really queasy or pass out if people even talk about blood?

understand why some mothers in Texas do crazy stuff? When my kids have me at my wits end, I tell them, "THIS is why mothers in Texas do crazy stuff!!! Do you hear me?! You're lucky I don't go Texan on you right now!!"

get frustrated when you go to Super Wal-mart at typically busy times, see fifty bazillion cash registers and about four cashiers and lines out the wazoo. What the heck? Sam cannot be that broke. Hire more people.

think the school supply lists have gone OUT OF CONTROL? We DID NOT take all this stuff to school when we were kids. If you were in school in the 60's and 70's, did your Mom have to buy kleenex and Clorox wipes and paper towels to send in to school?! I'm just sayin' ...

love Panera bread coffee? (or Panera anything, really...)

think muffin tops are stupid?

Love to all,

Wrecks

I wrote this during the past few weeks, and was getting ready to post it and had second thoughts. I just couldn't bring myself to press the "publish" button. So I saved it to draft. I don't like to leave things unfinished, so a few days ago I was going to delete it but couldn't bring myself to do that either. I thought it over, prayed it over and have come to the conclusion it really might help somebody. On the other hand, it could make some people never read again. But after thinking it through it's a risk I'm going to take. I think it's important to note that I've made major strides forward since writing this. Although my circumstances haven't changed, I have. I am personally moving forward...through several sources of help ~ the greatest one being Jesus and His great love, and some of His followers who are particularly compassionate. Day by day, my strength and hope have started to return. I post this here to help somebody who might still be stuck. If anything said here gets you unstuck, my goal will be accomplished. This is the "special post" I mentioned yesterday. It's special because I may never post something like it again. Here we go...

"If your Bible is falling apart, you probably aren't!"

That's what I've often heard.

Well, mine is falling apart. For a while now my main reading and preaching Bible (a leatherbound NLT) has been absolutely falling apart.

Sometimes the pages flutter to the floor when I'm preaching. From I Corinthians to Revelation, it just consists of loose papers that fall out anytime I open it. It's sort of a pain to deal with but it's the Bible I like to read most or minister with and just haven't gotten around to replacing it.

Confession...

it's falling apart but I feel like I am too.

I'm a lover of the Word...love to read it, love to teach it, and try to live it. But even so, sometimes, like now...I feel like a wreck.

Does anyone else who is also actually in God's word feel that way? I've decided to dare to find out. Because I feel so alone.

I'm not a wreck because of sin or a moral failure. In a twisted way, I wish it were that easy. Sometimes I find myself in such a vexatious state of despair I think, "If it were a sin or moral lapse, it would be easier to fix! I'd just "ask, believe, confess"! I'd do the Christian ABC's and I'd be done with this. I'd "admit it, quit it and forget it!" Confession and repentance seem like a piece of cake compared to depression. Most people who have problems and come to me for help aren't reading their Bibles or praying. What an easy fix! I just say, "get into the Word and prayer." They do, in the majority of cases, things get better. Because anybody who is not in the Word or prayer is going to have issues. And when you fix that everything improves.

But honestly, there are times my head is into the Word, but I'm still feeling hopeless. I put the Word in but it leaks out so fast. There are times I get up to minister and I think, "what in the world do I have to give these people?" Well, that's a stupid statement to make while I'm holding a Bible...of course I have the good news of the gospel to share with them. But what I mean is, even though I have prayed and sought the Lord more than ever, I am still struggling. I think of all the times I've told people, "just praise your way to a miracle!" I believe that, and it's worked for me many times. I still believe that. Right now though, I just feel flat.

Here's what I am finding as I study this. There have been a lot of passionate God followers who were history makers that were a wreck at times. People throughout scripture such as David, Moses, Jeremiah, Elijah, and Ezekiel, were wrecks, just to name a very few. I've been especially drawn to Ezekiel in the past, and now today I find myself looking at his story again . His wife died and he was not allowed to mourn her loss. He had to shave his head, and lay on his side for an entire year. Then when he was done and thought that craziness was over, he had to do it for 40 more days. His food and water intake were greatly restricted and God made him cook what food he was allowed to eat over a pile of human poop. I'm serious. It's in Ezekiel 4 & 5. One of Weight Watcher's slogan's is, "Diets are Mean!" I need to tell them they don't know what a mean diet is until they've read Ezekiel. Being limited to 20 points a day is NOTHING, compared to the insane stuff the man had to deal with.

Nothing that was asked of Ezekiel seemed to be too hard and he plodded on...until the poop thing. He was so upset about the human poop that when he petitioned God, He relented and said, "okay, you can cook it over cow poop. Wow, what a consolation. Ezekiel trembled and shuddered while he ate in awful pain. I would too if I had just cooked my food over poop. I really believe Ezekiel should have been mad at Job for stealing all the attention! In studying the book of Ezekiel, I am finding the theme to be that it's not so much about our circumstances getting better as it is about God making us better as people. It's about God doing something in me internally even when externally my situation seems hopeless.

Honestly if you look at Ezekiel's situation, it didn't get better, at least until chapter 37, and let's be real...that took forever. And the kicker is that God told him in the beginning that the people were not going to straighten out and listen, but that he would still be held accountable for preaching to them! What the heck??! Why does God do that? It's still happening today. God purposely sends ministers to people all the time that He knows in advance won't listen! Could it be that He sends His messenger for their sake rather than for the sake of others? Ezekiel obeyed and was faithful to this call. People said he was out of his mind. Honestly, anybody who is abandoned to God and His will and fully obeys Him will be considered crazy at times, I'm convinced of that.

I could go on forever about Godly people who were wrecks at times in the Bible. For some reason everybody has accepted that there were wrecks in the Bible but nobody today wants to admit that they are a wreck. You fear people figuring it out. What if they don't respect you? They might not want you to pastor them. People might not invite you to speak to them anymore. At the very least they might think you are unspiritual. Why can't you just plead the blood and snap out of it? This is the fear you have when you are a a wreck. What if somebody realizes I really don't have all the answers, and am only sure of a very few things in life?

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me..."

I sometimes sing, "that saved a wreck like me." Only some days I wonder, "if I'm saved, why do I still feel like this?

Could it be that a lot of spiritual people who love Jesus, read His Word, and pray are wrecks at times but we just don't know it? Could that be why it's hard to believe this phenomenon exists?

I have "submitted myself therefore to God, and resisted the devil so He will flee..."

I have "cast down every imagination and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God..."

And yes, I have "called the things that are not as though they were."

I have bound...I have loosed...I have spoken to it...I have stood on it...

I lay in bed with the light streaming in my windows, not wanting to get up, surrounded by the feeling of darkness and say...

"you do not feel sucky..
in Jesus name, you do not, you do not, you do not, feel sucky..."

I have named it and claimed it.

I have blabbed it and grabbed it.

And still I feel sucky.

A few people have quoted, "this too shall pass" to me. My husband says that all the time. And I know it's straight out of the Bible. But frankly one of my secret fears has been that it won't pass. As much as I try to quell that fear it pops back up again after I have beaten it into submission and taken it captive.

Here's some interesting things I've found in my quest the past few weeks to study wrecks :

The famous reformer and preacher, Martin Luther, who wrote the song, "A Mighty Fortress is Our God", was a wreck at times. His biographer writes that he was "prone to recurrent periods of depression" and that Luther himself wrote, "The content of my depression was always the same -- the loss of faith that God is good and that he is good to me." During one of his severe period of depression, he wrote this: "for more than a week I was close to the gates of death and hell. I trembled in all my members. Christ was wholly lost."

Charles Spurgeon struggled so severely with depression that he had to take a break and step down from his pulpit for two to three months out of every year. In 1866 he had the courage to confess his struggle to his congregation. He said, "I am the subject of depressions of spirit so fearful that I hope none of you ever get to such extremes of wretchedness as I go through." He described the period of depression as "every mental and spiritual labor had to be carried on under protest of spirit."

Sounds like these guys had some sucky days.

They changed the world as we know it.

I am not alone.

There's hope for me.

The Hilton Garden Inn totally rocks!

Okay, I am not getting paid nor am I getting any kickback by saying any of the following so please don't see it as a sales pitch. This truly comes from my heart.

I am amazed by the Hilton Garden Inn Tampa North, their entire staff, and in particular, two women who work in sales -- Joyce Johnson and Sarah Garcia. I want to recommend strongly to all of my readers -- if you are ever coming to the Tampa area and need a hotel, please consider staying at this hotel if at all possible. You will not regret it, I promise! You'll love the beautiful clean rooms, the restaurant, the very comfortable lobby where you can visit with friends, the pool, the jacuzzi, and you will be impressed by the helpfulness of their staff, I guarantee it.

This is the hotel where we hold the Unstoppable Conference. Last year they were awesome to work with, and we could not have possibly had a better experience. This year I was nervous about quite a few things, not on their part, but on mine. The conference has been hit hard by the economy and many other factors. Quite honestly, no "miracle" came to turn around all of those circumstances, even as much as I prayed about it. I had a few sleepless night, and moments of fear about meeting with the sales reps to talk about final things concerning our contract.

Last week, the miracle I prayed for did indeed happen, though our conference circumstances didn't change, God worked it out in other ways. I spoke to Sarah Garcia and she and Joyce Johnson ended up being the miracle God sent! These ladies put me at ease immediately and totally worked with me in the situation to do whatever it took to make our event work. Today was my final meeting with them about all of the details for the conference and what could have been a very difficult meeting for me was absolutely one of the most pleasant afternoons I have EVER had!! Joyce, Sarah, and the Hilton are absolutely bending over backwards to do anything to accomodate us!!

I continue to stand amazed at Hilton's service, and their willingness to be flexible and make special exceptions when needed. They truly put the customer first. I am so incredibly grateful, and they will have my business in the future for anything we may need in the way of conferences and events. They are also the hotel where we put all of our guest speakers throughout the year. Without exception, all of our guest speakers have told us how much they enjoyed their stay at the Hilton Garden Inn North.

I just want to give them kudos and send any business their way that I possibly can because they have been agents of God in the way they have treated me. God still does miracles, and today he chose to do one through the them!

* This is not the "special post" I spoke of yesterday...it's coming up soon...not sure yet when I'm going to post it but hopefully the next few days when I get the courage! :-)

The devil is scared to death of us right now...

You won't beeelieve what I am getting ready to tell you. It's bizarre!

First let me set the stage. God is blessing so much on Wednesday nights. I am more excited about this than anything right now. I am just loving what the Lord is doing. A new word was created at Northside this past week...the Ruiz family made it up and the term is "fusionites"...because we have people who are so crazy about "Fusion" - the Wednesday night service under the new format!!! These people are now referred to as fusionites. We have so many NEW people on Wednesday night, and old people (meaning people who have been at Northside longer) who have started attending on Wed's for the first time and God is doing stuff that is OFF THE CHAIN!

I was especially excited about tonight's Fusion. I knew God was going to do something special. It was truly our best night ever of ministry. People were expectant! They are more on time than ever...cause they can't wait to get there! Worship went awesome, then prayer and then the Word. I preached tonight on "Fused for Burden Bearing." (Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.) The main text was Galatians 6:1-5, although a lot of additional scripture was incorporated and some great illustrations to go with it as well as a song with multi media that went with the message. This was right before we got into our fusion groups (small groups of 10) for ministry. This is a time when the body ministers to one another and they encourage and pray for one another.

A few minutes after getting into our groups, there was a great commotion in the sanctuary. A woman who was visiting, who is a local "minister" (and I use that term loosely) spoke up in Bill's small group and went on a 5-10 minute tirade (without coming up for air or letting anyone else talk/get a word in edgewise) and basically said that what was shared tonight were"philosophies" and that no one is called to bear another's burden, we are only called to get on our faces and fast and pray and receive whatever we need from God. She said the body of Christ is not called to help each other, we just need to look to God. Bill (group leader) was respectful about it but said that wasn't right according to scripture, and that they needed to stay on track in encouraging one another and having prayer for one another. If you only knew Bill...he is the kindest, most gentle man. If he gets upset with you, you REALLY deserve it! I've never known anyone more gracious. Well, she didn't receive his direction. She went off. Totally. Loudly! Again she wasn't coming up for air and was determined to take over the group and hold it hostage. Later, Eddie told me something to the effect that she went off trying to bring a message from Genesis to Revelation! Bill kindly tried to redirect her, but she seriously went off. He ran over to get me, at his wits end with her.

I came over and she went into telling me her role in the body of Christ is that of evangelist and that God had "put a word in her mouth" for us tonight, and she was trying to give it but was being stifled. She started talking about the fact that we "only need to look to God" (not one another) and that she had a message for the people. I said, "the Word has already been preached tonight and we don't need you to preach. It's time now to encourage one another and pray one for another."

She was very offended and cut me off and her voice escalated even more (EVERYONE in the sanctuary could hear this loud and clear) and she was saying that she was not going to be stopped from giving this word. She said "God invited me to come here and say this tonight." I said, "Well I didn't invite you." And she said, "What? I'm an ordained minister for 44 years and you need to come under my authority." I said, "No actually mam, you need to come under mine. I've been placed by God as the co-pastor of this church and if you are going to participate in this group, while you are here you need to come under my authority and under this man's (Bill's) authority as the leader of this small group." She said, "no I won't! I'm under the authority of no man, or you. I am only under God!" I said, "well then do it somewhere else!" (She started shaking when I said that. She was so angry. Looking back I wish we had it on tape. It was surreal, you just had to be there.)

She rebutted that no, no, no, she was called to share this word and I said, "you're mistaken about that. You need to get in order right now." She stood there and would not listen and kept going on very loudly where EVERYONE in the sanctuary could hear her. Misty's (Pastor T's wife) eyes were as big as saucers. It was sooo funny. The lady just wouldn't quit. So I emphatically stated, "you're out of order!! I'm sorry, but you need to leave now." She said, "you are immature! You don't understand the five fold ministry! I said, "Actually, I am operating in the five fold ministry right now...!" Believe it or not, she was so thick headed, she wasn't going to leave without help and yelled back at me to "grow up!" as we were escorting her out the door. Pastor Trinity had to get up and literally escort the lady out of the building!!!

Meanwhile as this loud confrontation was going on, those in the sanctuary had joined hands and were praying as she wasn't giving up without a fight! All the way while Pastor Trinity and I escorted her out of the building she is still loudly stating that I need to come under her authority...that she is older and has been ordained for 44 years...yada yada yada" and all this crazy stuff. As she is leaving out the other doors she shouts over her shoulder, "you have a lot of growing up to do, Deanna!" (are you laughing as hard as I am right now?) ** sigh ** And then her last word she shouted on the way out to her car was, "Shalom!" (What the heck?)

I went back in the sanctuary and the people were still holding hands and fervently interceding and praying. Then when they broke they said, "Pastor Deanna, where God is blessing, Satan's messing!" I said, "isn't that the truth!" Pastor T said, "get ready, because when persecution comes, it has a way of seriously uniting a church even more! This is awesome!"

We all agreed, it had been our best Fusion night yet, and the devil is seriously, seriously, seriously scared! The people were not deterred at all, in fact I think this fired them up more!! My leaders are PUMPED! The anointing has been flowing in an incredible way and it's only going to increase! Not only are"philosophies" not being preached, but the Word of God is going forth powerfully and people are being changed! The anointing is breaking the yoke of bondage! The enemy is so worried right now. Not only can't he destroy my life through depression, but he also won't scare me with a charismatic nutcase who decides to descend upon our service and try to take over.

Tonight as soon as I got home, I got a bunch of encouraging e-mails about the power of God moving in our church and what people see happening, and just saying to press on. Thanks everybody! I will share one email that I got from Aimee Nunez:

Hi Pastor Deanna,

I just wanted to drop you a few lines of encouragement. First let me start by saying the devil has been hard at work this week trying to wreck tonight’s service. Secondly I appreciate all the time you spend preparing the lessons and want you to know I receive my encouragement and strength from God first, but also from your teaching and your blogs. The lady who came tonight was right she was sent there to bring a message. Doesn’t the Bible say the devil always tries to imitate God? Well I am guessing that her spiritual gift is not discernment. Don’t be discouraged know that God is with you and that we will be praying for you. You can always tell when a break through is coming by the devils attempts to bring you down.

Aimee

Deanna back again: By the way, the ushers are all on alert. She's not allowed back on the property, at least not without an apology prior to coming in, and an agreement to respect the authority of our church while she is here.

I'm not upset in the least about this whole thing tonight, in fact I'm encouraged!!! It shows me how close to an incredible breakthrough we are! It shows me what a threat we are to the enemy! It shows me just how powerfully God is moving the mountains!!!! It shows me the greatness that is getting ready to be unleashed!!! And, Pastor T says, "and let's be real, now that it's over, it will also give us something to laugh about for a long, long time!''

So that was my night. How was yours?

p.s. either tomorrow or Friday I'll be posting a very special blog. Be sure to check back. :-)

Wordle

This is the coolest thing...it will pull the most often used words from your blog, or you can make your own. Try it, you'll love it! Just click the above box and you will see my "Wordle" in a larger box. Hmmmm...could be addicting...

Fay was a wimp

But I'm glad! The storm was...not even a storm. It was merely a threat to us, which did not materialize. think about that spiritually...how often does the devil threaten and scare us with impending storms and they don't ever manifest?

I realize some spiritual/physical/emotional/financial storms do happen. (I've been in one recently...and I'm still there...) But there are just as storms that we worry about that don't ever come to pass! And I've wrung my hands and stayed awake at night over many of them that I never needed to give any attention to and wasted a lot of my valuable energy. I'm learning that even in a bona-fide storm that really does occur, worrying doesn't help anyway. In fact it saps energy we need to get through. We can't just ignore the storm if it comes, but allowing fear to consume us is not the course of action needed.

This morning I got up, put dinner in the crock pot, made Savanna french toast and went to the store right away. We were out of bread and a few other things (it happens so quickly in our household) and I still thought the storm was on the way and didn't want us to be out of anything. I hurriedly went to Sweet Bay and got the items I needed.

I came home and started doing all my church work and a few writing assignments and kept waiting for the downpour. Still not a drop... and mid-day Savanna asked if she could have a friend over, so I said yes. They played in her room and even played tag outside for a while and we didn't so much as have a rain drop.

Larry is really out of commission with his leg injury, and can't even drive, so I found myself making several trips today - to get him a wrap for his leg, to take Jordan to and from work, and finishing up my work. I got a lot done of course, because I'm...home. It feels good to have several projects off my back. Larry has been in bed all day with his leg up and tomorrow Adam has some crutches for him to use to get around. Meanwhile I'm getting some extra exercise waiting on him for everything. (more than usual, lol!)

Right now Tara and I are working on a tag team message for Unstoppable and I am so incredibly excited about it I could screeeeeammmm!!! I think she's just as excited about it. It will be our first one we've ever done together.

I'm very excited about that, and I'm also excited about our Fusion service tomorrow night. I've got such a word to unleash, and music and media that God has given me to enhance it and...I am just beside myself with expectation!!

Bracing for Fay... what's happenin' today

I'm not worried, as I've been through this a lot of times since I've lived here the past six years. We usually have hurricane parties. I actually look forward to it in some ways. No, not the possible devastation of everything around us (I'm not that sick) but when we have hurricanes on the way and have to stay indoors and stock up and stuff, it's an opportunity for me to work from home. And I get so much done! Usually I can get so much work done (without interruptions) that I have a lot more time to spend with my family. Actually I have quite a number of friends that love hurricane days and have gatherings at their house to wait it out. You'd have to be here to experience it I guess, and I'm sure none of you outside the state of Florida would want to right now.

School is cancelled tomorrow. (Tuesday) The kids are thrilled to be able to sleep in. What a shock to their systems to wake up so early today. I can tell Savanna is fully into middle school mode. She asked me to wake her up 2 hours before she had to be at the bus stop today!!! Why? It takes her that long to do her hair, get dressed, and have 'the look' she wants to have for school. This entails changing shoes several times and all kinds of other stuff. This year she has to leave so much earlier and I said, "hon, you're getting up at this ungodly hour of the morning and you really don't have to..." but she wouldn't hear of it. It was no surprise to me that she came home and slept this afternoon for three hours and only roused when I went in her room and told her I had just cooked steaks on the grill and had one ready for her on a plate in the kitchen. I decided to cook on the grill tonight since I probably won't go outside for quite a while once Fay hits in the morning and we are in our house, riding out the storm.

In other news, Larry strained his achilles tendon. Don't ask how this happened. Ugh. He's in a lot of pain and I'm basically doing everything for him. He's sitting on his chair with his leg elevated and an ice pack. I guess as he's waiting out the storm it's not exactly the worst time for this to happen as he has to stay home anyway. But I'm praying it gets better VERY soon.

And...last but not least, Aaron gave me an incredibly touching shout out on his blog today. It had me in tears...good ones, not sad ones.

Please pray with us that Fay passes over quickly and we can get back to life as usual here in Florida.

I was wrong

So I'm admitting it here, folks. As I'm eating crow, you'll probably find it amusing. It will also give you some insight into mine and Larry's interesting relationship.

Conversation in our car on the way to work one morning when the presidential campaigning first started:

Deanna: You know Lar, although I don't agree with John Edwards' political views at all, I can't help but love him. In fact, I might even vote for him if he actually makes it to be the nominee!

Larry: (incredulous look) WHAT?! You've got to be kidding me, Deanna! What in the world would possess you to do THAT?"

Deanna: (wistfully) Well, I know, I know, but on a personal level, I'm just crazy about the man. I mean, look at their story...awesome marriage...losing their son in a tragic car accident...making it through that...now facing Elizabeth's cancer...and the way he loves her, and is so faithful and caring...and their recent vow renewal...I start crying just thinking about it...

Larry: (clearly irritated with me) Oh, come on babe, have some better sense than that. You can't vote for a political candidate based on the fact that their wife has cancer and they just renewed their vows or whatever. That's ludicrous! Not to mention, if you ask me, I think he's exploiting this whole thing with his wife's cancer...

Deanna: No, no Larry I don't think so. He wouldn't do that. He seems so sincere. Although I don't agree with much of what he says, I love to just hear him talk. I even think his southern voice is soothing. You know I'm a hopeless romantic and John Edwards fits the bill. I think, if he's taking care of Elizabeth like this while she's going through her cancer treatments...would he not take care of our country in the best way he knew how?

Larry: (laughing now, shaking his head at me...) No Deanna, that's crazy. He would not. He's a whack, I'm telling you. You can't base things on how someone makes you feel . What does he believe? You've got to take all that personal and emotional stuff out and just look at the issues.

Deanna: (sadly looking out window while I say...) Hmmmm...yeah, I know his views are off. But when I saw them on Oprah recently, I just came to really love them as people...you know what I mean?

Larry: (very strongly) No, I really don't...

Back to present reality:

I was wrong. **sigh**

According to some reports, Edwards' mistress, Rielle Hunter, has just been hanging on and waiting for Elizabeth to pass away so she can marry John. Is that not one of the most awful things you have ever heard? She was interviewed by Newsweek and didn't hold back at all in sharing what they called her "scornful view" of Mrs. Edwards. She is on record in a Fox News report saying that Mrs. Edwards gives off "negative energy", and in this Newsweek article she's quoted as saying, "Someday the truth will come out about her [Elizabeth]." Excuse me? Can this woman be any more brazen? Elizabeth is on her sick bed right now but I think some of her girlfriends need to catch Hunter in a parking lot and show her a little "negative energy". They need to put the smack down on that woman. I am dead serious about that.

One time when a woman in the church openly propositioned my husband, I went right over to the fifth pew where she sat and said, "don't go near the pastor again or I'll break both your legs. Enjoy the rest of the service." Larry had an absolute cow about it when he found out and and said, "Honey, we can't keep pastoring if you tell people you're going to break their legs...it's just not appropriate!" I said, "Sorry Larry, but you're just going to have to deal with it. She crossed a line with me that you do not cross, and before you're anyone's pastor you're my husband." Today when he tells that story he says, "you know that was back at the beginning of our ministry and my wife was younger and not as mature..." and to that I say, "Shoot! I'd do the same thing now!" So call me immature. If somebody is going to openly make a pass at my husband, they need to make sure they have a good plastic surgeon who specializes in reconstruction. Okay, back to Elizabeth...

Can you imagine what Elizabeth Edwards is going through right now? While she is dying of cancer she finds out about this torrid affair, during a time when she needs to be reassured of her husband's full devotion and support more than ever. Not only is she terminally sick and feeling poorly, but I'm sure she probably has visions of the other woman marrying her husband, moving into her house, sleeping in her bed, and being an evil stepmom to those precious children. Ughhhh...the whole thing just makes me want to puke. And speaking of kids, Edwards has supposedly fathered a child with the mistress. If you think it can't get any worse...it can. Supposely he had been paying Hunter $15,000 a month in "hush money." Can you imagine? "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive..."

This week's PEOPLE Magazine had an article where Elizabeth's best friend, Hargrave McElroy, was interviewed and said Elizabeth is in "excruciating anguish" right now and feels that she has no choice upon the revelation of this news but to stay. McElroy says, "She couldn't say, 'Well, maybe we'll work through this for years, or maybe we should separate for two years.'" The cancer "forced her to choose whether to move forward." I know she's basically a celebrity of sorts and I don't know her personally but I can't help but feel moved with compassion toward Elizabeth Edwards. I'm serious when I say I'm praying for her.

Well that's it my friends. My naivety is OVER. I don't care if a candidate has a story like The Notebook or A Walk to Remember. I could less about their family life, or even if they have a family. We won't know if what is presented about their family is the truth, so why does it matter? All I care about is - where do they stand on the issues, and how have they voted on them? Get these candidates the heck off of Oprah, and just show us on paper what they've done or haven't done.

This isn't about creating a love story. This isn't about a historic moment that will have us all crying. Let's be real, even "Camelot" wasn't real! We now know that JFK was fornicating with Marilyn Monroe and God knows who else! Has any of it ever really been real?

My heartstrings are cut as far as politics are concerned. Just show me their voting record. I want proof of what they've said yes or no to. Show me how long they have been in politics and what they have accomplished. Show me the bills they have sponsored. I don't need to see their wife, their kids, their dogs, their house, or get their cookie recipe. No, no, no. I'm done. I don't care to see the interior decor of their home and hear how many times a week they eat dinner together. It's all a moot point because we can be sure of absolutely none of it. It can all be so easily spin doctored, fabricated, and airbrushed. We really do have to base things on their political voting record alone and their official position papers on the issues at hand, if we are going to make a truly educated, sound decision.

John Edwards has cured me of any interest or fascination I once had with politician's families.

I was wrong about you John.

You are the deadbeat my husband always said you were.

I. am. done.

Chalk one up for Teeby. He was right.

I was right.

(Recent photo of Savanna and I at left... can you believe my baby starts middle school tomorrow? Sniff...sniff...)

Amazing day today.

First, I enjoyed my class this morning so much. I've been a Sunday School FREAK as long as I can remember....well, this is my 26th year teaching if that gives you any clue. The more time goes on, the more I love teaching. I never, never, never tire of it! I don't teach out of a quarterly, by the way. Curriculum is a great tool but it would drive me crazy. I'm a student of the Word and I write my own messages, my own teachings. I rarely if ever use any other material for anything. Too many creative ideas flowing through this head of mine to copy somebody else's. Right now I'm on a series I'm calling, "Honest to God" which is about integrity/honesty. I think somebody else (maybe Bill Hybels?) wrote a book with the same title, but I am not getting any material from it, just using that title. Man, we're having some good discussions! By the way, a question I tackled this morning was, "is it ever the appropriate time to lie?" Answer: YES.

WHAT?!

Hold on, don't get your panties all in a bunch. It's in the bible. I'm serious! Yes, there is a time to lie. I'll tell you when at the end of this post, if you don't already know. And I'll back it up with scripture.

On to the rest of the day...worship...off the chain except for a few instrumental issues, but wasn't to be deterred from what God wanted to do come what may, and we got what we came for. (His presence!)

We pressed in...pursued...and we came in to His presence. As I said yesterday, I'm at a whole new place in my walk with the Lord...in worship...in my passion to pursue. Tried by fire, I'll come forth as gold, just like Job! Wait and see!!! Larry preached a dynamic Word today. Excellent. Great altar time. All the visitors from Wednesday night were back, plus our visitors from last Sunday. They all loved it! "This is our new church" is what we heard from all of them. (Yea, God!) One new lady who is really into gift making and interior decorating came up and said to me, "Pastor Deanna, I'm making something special for every woman coming to Unstoppable! I'll get it together and have the gifts ready for you this week!" Wow! WHAT A BLESSING.

We had a choir dinner after service today. We are having such a great time doing this. We've decided to do it this way for a while, for a few reasons... first, because it's fun to eat together and share lunch and fellowship, second because it's very convenient to just eat together right after service and then not have to spend gas money going back and forth between Sunday afternoon and Sunday night. Some people in the choir live as far away as Clearwater and believe me, it's not fun to have to drive back and forth especially with the price of gas. We had a fantastic rehearsal. I was so pleased...got a new song for this Sunday AM and a dynamic new soloist who will make their debut Sunday. Can't wait! (the one today wasn't bad either! Seriously, he did an incredible job.) We also passed out the Christmas music and CD's today. Christmas! Did I just say CHRISTMAS!? Yikes, it's only four months away...

Stopped by to see Tom and Cathy's new place again this afternoon. It's reaaaallly nice. I love it!!! So happy for them. They deserve it.

Okay, to end this post, I'll answer the question...is it ever acceptable to lie?

Answer: as a general rule NO. However, there are very, very rare times where God's higher law is involved, such as with the saving of lives that it IS okay to lie.

One story we find about this is in Exodus 1. Pharaoh ordered the Hebrew mid-wives who always helped women deliver their babies to kill the baby boys. We read this in Exodus 1:16-19 "When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live."The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live.Then the king of Egypt summoned the midwives and asked them, "Why have you done this? Why have you let the boys live?"The midwives answered Pharaoh, "Hebrew women are not like Egyptian women; they are vigorous and give birth before the midwives arrive."

Were the mid-wives honest? No… they lied. But it was for a righteous cause. Sort of like Oscar Schindler, portrayed in the movie Schindler's list, who rescued the Jews. These midwives were standing up for God's higher law, to the Hitler of their day...the Sadaam Hussein, the Osama Bin Laden of their time. These people were basically terrorists intent upon murdering all the boy children in Israel. The midwives lied to preserve these precious babies lives.

We see how the Lord looks upon a lie in this situation from reading about His reaction. Exodus 1:20-21 says, “So God was kind to the midwives and the people increased and became even more numerous."

The midwives were acting in the fear of the Lord, and God increased them for their righteous actions. When people tell a lie and it is for an unrighteous reason, (which is in the case of 99.9% of lies) it is only to cover themselves - their sin - their mistake. However, if a lie is told to preserve lives or keep God's higher law, it is because you fear THE LORD, not what could happen to you.

Today the title of my post is, "I was right." What was I right about? That we were going to have an EXCELLENT day in the house at Northside.

Tomorrow the title of my post will be, "I was wrong." Come back to see what about. I promise, it will be an interesting read!

This is the day that the Lord has made...

Sunday comes every week. Isn't it amazing? For us pastors, we REALLY realize just how quick Sunday and Wednesday both come. They never stop, they just keep on 'comin.

I'm so ready for today. I have been saturated in worship all week long...my heart is prepared for whatever God wants to do.

Last night I was reading Streams in the Desert and there were some great points about God doing what He said he would do. You know, the whole, "if He can move my mountain, He can move your mountain," thing. In my life coaching class yesterday, one of my ladies brought up the fact that she knows the promises of God "academically" as she called it, but is having a hard time believing them in her heart when she sees her life circumstances right now. It seems like a lot of people are eating out of that box of Cheerios at this time. I talked about saturating ourselves in God's presence, and also the power of agreement with a friend, and borrowing a little of their faith when yours seems low. That has been extremely key to me in my life right now.

Coming home from class and reading Streams in the Desert reinforced to me the importance of standing on the Word. Listen to this excerpt:

"Do as thou hast said, that thy name may be magnified forever" (1 Chron. 17:23-24).

Every promise of Scripture is a writing of God, which may be pleaded before Him with this reasonable request: "Do as Thou hast said." The Creator will not cheat His creature who depends upon His truth; and far more, the Heavenly Father will not break His word to His own child.

I love that! The Creator will not cheat His creature who depends upon His truth! That's me! That's you! He will not break His Word. We can count on it. As the song says, "I Have to Believe", but the thing is, I can believe knowing that He will not lie, He will not cheat, He will keep His promise to me. Because He's God! Hope does not disappoint. He's hope!

I really felt apprehensive about leading my life coaching class yesterday with the way I've been feeling. But really, it went great. The Lord empowered me as He always does, and besides that, it was fantastic to focus on other people's issues. I love my ladies so much! Also, I'm evening out more...getting more in balance and mornings are slightly better each day.

Speaking of mornings, this morning we're going to a new level in worship. I feel it, I know it, I sense it... did I mention that?

I might blog my thoughts again this afternoon or tonight with an update from service...or I might just crash for the night with the Teeb. I am really tired from A LOT of work yesterday. I worked pretty much tirelessly on Saturday because I did take off on "fun Friday" and did absolutely no church stuff and was just with my family. Teeb and I went on a date to Carrabbas and used a gift certficate I got for my b'day. And we hung out with Savanna, as the boys worked most of the day. The price I pay for fully taking my day off is always working like a crazy woman on Saturday, but the time with my family is much more important and worth whatever to do it.

All that to say -- I'm definitely getting a nap today after morning worship, choir lunch and rehearsal. A snuggle and snooze is absolutely on my daytimer.

Anyway

Tara felt led to send this video to some of us a few days ago...it's "Anyway" by Martina McBride. I'm going to post it here again for those who haven't seen it. After you watch it please come back to see the rest of what I have to say, below! :-)

Yesterday I just watched this video again and again and cried...and let it sink into my spirit. It's anointed. I found out through this article online that it's based upon the poem by Mother Teresa. Martina co-wrote the phenomenal song, being inspired by these words:

ANYWAY

by Mother Teresa

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway!
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway!
If you are successful, you will win false friends and enemies.
Succeed anyway!
The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway!
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway!
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway!
People really need help but may attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway!
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway!

Soaking

Lately I have just needed to soak in worship.

Ever been there? It's a place spiritually and emotionally when you can't get by on the normal amount of God's presence. Life has become abnormal for some reason, so the level of dependence on Him is also more than normal. Hopefully that abnormality brings you to a different place in your walk where you never want to go back to where you were again.

I've said it before about stuff I've gone through in the past and I'll say it again... I've gone through too much hell in my life to stay at the same level!! I believe if you go through hell you better get a payback for it. The devil is supposed to give you back seven times whatever he stole - so don't ever settle for going through hell for nothing. Ever. Demand the payback! Demand the next level! When I go through something, I just keep saying to the enemy, "thank you, thank you, thanks for my next level! Couldn't have done it withoutcha!"

I've been saturating myself in worship constantly, unless I'm just sitting in silence listening for Him. I was reading a quote by Tommy Tenney the other day where he said, "Some forms of worship only release their sweetest fragrance to God when offered from the fires of trial and adversity." I'm learning that. I'm telling you, I'm at a new place in worship than I've ever been. It's kind of scary to get me at a piano right now, because I don't know how to stop or at least I don't want to. The last thing I want to do is shut off the music whether I'm listening to somebody else or singing it myself. And I don't care if anybody's with me or not. In fact it's most precious when I'm alone. The presence of God is so soothing. Here's how I would describe it in my life right now...

Have you ever burned your finger while cooking? You probably have quite a few times just like I have. When you do that, if you stand there and hold your finger under the faucet with cold water, it's a great relief...for as long as you keep it there. But as soon as you take your finger away from the water, it hurts like crazy. Worship to me right now is like that water. My spirit is the burned finger, and I'm placing myself under the faucet every moment I get. When I get a burned finger in the natural, I get tired of standing in my kitchen at the sink and after a little bit, I give up and let my finger hurt while I go on to something else. However, right now I'm not getting my spirit out from under the faucet!! I don't care if I have to let everything else go. I really don't. I am just at a place where I don't care because I just need the relief that the spirit of God brings. I just need the healing that comes from worship. So I stand there, sit there, lay there and listen...repeatedly. ..and I do mean hundreds of times, and let it wash over me.

I've also been spontaneously singing and writing worship songs in the secret place with God, just singing my prayers to Him. I just wrote a new worship song called, "Compassionate God". I might share it and then again I might save it for just for He and I. :-)

Friends have been so faithful to send me songs and say, "the Lord told me you need to listen to this now..." Some of the songs I knew already, and others like "Part the Waters Lord" and "Bless Your Name" that LaDonna sent me, I had never heard. (Both of the songs I just mentioned are by Selah. Click the links to go listen to them.)

There are many songs that I've continuously played the past few weeks and I'd like to share them with any of you who are going through something. Here's a list of the top ones I'm been soaking in, as well as the two above, with links:

I Have to Believe by Rita Springer (lost count a long time ago at how many times I've played it..hundreds...I also go to her Myspace page and just listen to all four songs repeatedly and soak in them for hours.)

Healer by Planetshakers (doing this one with the church now too...it's become a fav quickly)

For Every Mountain by Karen Wheaton (Tara felt the Lord speak to her to tell me the other day to go back and listen to this one...I did and wow, forgot just how powerful it is. )

Believe by Kirk Franklin (As crazy as I am about Kirk -- yes, I'm a HUGE fan -- somehow this song escaped me until now. I love it. It's going on my Mp3 so I can bike to it.)

Also go to Tara's blog where she dedicated a song to me and some other women friends in ministry who are going through some stuff. The song is, Do It Anyway by Martina McBride. I cried... and said, "yes, Lord, I'll do it anyway." Let me tell you friends, this is a prophetic word from Martina McBride, and I am SERIOUS.

Give God the Glory ~ Part II

I'm back, with the next part of this amazing story. It all ties together, to illustrate the goodness and faithfulness of God, and the power of giving.

In November, the Assemblies of God Women in Ministry department will be hosting an awesome conference, Conversations, in Phoenix, AZ. I have attended the A/G Women in Ministry Conferences since they had the first one in Springfield, MO in 2002. It was life changing for me. As a matter of fact, Pastor Tara Sloan and I went to it together, and we will never forget it. Things happened there that set our lives on a new course. Two years ago, I went to the regional conference at Valley Forge. (My alma mater!) Again, it was so awesome...unforgettable.

I was so excited about Conversations when I got the information in the mail, and even more so when Beth Grant (leader for the national AGWIM) contacted me personally and asked me to be a small group leader at Conversations. What an honor. But, unfortunately, the current financial picture made it impossible for me to go this year. I was sad, because I cannot even tell you how much I was looking forward to it.

I do have to be honest with you, it was a real bummer, however, compared to all else that was going wrong the past few months, it was small. Please don't think I stayed home boo-hooing and had a temper tantrum over staying home from Conversations... (I'm not that spoiled or shallow!) rather, it was just another thing to chalk up in a long list of recent disappointments. So many larger things were pressing down on me, I just set it aside as an unfortunate reality and went on.

Beth contacted me again about leading the small group and I had to tell her that regretfully I wouldn't be there this year. She was very gracious and understood.

Then last Thursday an unexpected miracle came. Remember I told you I actually got out of bed and rode my bike because something had me so excited? Well, I also told you I couldn't tell you what it was because the person made me promise not to. Well here's the deal. I asked them if I could share a testimony of God's goodness in this situation, they said, "yes, absolutely just don't reveal my name." So here we go...

Someone contacted me and asked if I was attending Conversations. I said no. They subsequently told me that I would be going, because they were paying my entire way to go!! They are covering my airfare, hotel, registration, the whole thing! And you know what they said to me? "Deanna, you are a proponent for women in ministry and sometimes we need other people to be a proponent for us. So I'm being that for you right now..." and I realized...

I have spent so much of my time both last year and this year, giving of my resources and imploring the people of God to give whatever they could to see women attend who couldn't otherwise afford to come to Unstoppable. This is my passion! It has absolutely made my day, to contact a woman and say, "I have a scholarship for you to come to Unstoppable" and hear the joy come into their voice. Even better is to see them at the altar, renewed --and in some cases restored when they were on the brink of a meltdown. Some of them were ready to resign, but what they experienced at Unstoppable helped them get back up again from their hurt and pain and stay at their place of ministry. When asking for scholarships for others, I don't even care if people think I'm begging, because honestly...I will beg to help other women in ministry. They're worth it.

God knows that, and just like He blessed the precious man in my church this past week with a scholarship - directly related to his giving, so now God has also blessed me with a scholarship! I believe it too is a result of sowing and reaping. Glory to God! Let me say, although I can't reveal this person's name or identifying details I just want you to know how miraculous our God is...I do not hang out with this person and never have. We aren't even close. We never talk. I had closed the door on the possibility of going to Conversations and had considered it a dead issue. But God spoke to somebody I'm not even in close relationship with to contact me and pay my way! IS THAT CRAZY AWESOME, OR WHAT???!!!!!!!!

I can't even tell you how much I need that conference. Well, you probably do realize it if you've read my blogs for the past few weeks. I have been in a difficult place in my life and ministry. I need it. I seriously need it. God knew and He spoke to somebody about it.

And, it gets even better!!! Our best friends in ministry, Randy & Dawn Visconti, pastor a church in Mesa, AZ. Their church is just a hop, skip and jump from Phoenix. (And no, they have absolutely nothing to do with paying my way nor did they know about it til' I told them and they were shocked!) Dawn is going to go to the conference as well, and.......guess what..........

Larry's going with me too!! Being that he's going to preach while we're there, his honorarium will cover his airfare to go with me. So, not only am I going to go to Conversations, but we will stay another few days to visit with our friends and minister at the church there. In addition to me getting away to be at Conversations, it will also be a little getaway with my husband and we haven't been away together for a while. So, this is just THE BEST news I've gotten in, a long time.

I didn't expect it nor ask for it in the least, but I needed this news.

I needed this miracle.

God knew. He cares. Even when we've given up, He's still working on stuff for us.

Even when we think something is just an unfortunate reality, He takes it and makes it a beautiful opportunity to show His love and care!

Give God the Glory... Part I

I love that song by Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir...

Give God the Glory...
Give God the Glory
Give God the Glory
and He will give you...
and he will give you...
...and He will give you...the victory!

I just have to share every good thing I can that God is doing. If you've been reading lately you know I've been going through an extremely challenging time. Through all of this I have been saying, "I will bless the Lord at ALL TIMES... and His praise shall CONTINUALLY be in my mouth. No matter how I feel, I will BLESS HIM! I will not lose my song. Like another Brooklyn Tabernacle song says, "I've never lost my praise!" I've lost a lot of other stuff lately, but my praise...NO. And I'm going to keep praising Him for everything possible. Because praise brings victory. Two things I want to share...

1) We had a FANTASTIC service last night. The Fusion groups are going incredible. Just like I dreamed! And more! The leaders are doing a spectacular job! God is blessing the Wednesday night service greatly. We also had four visitors last night, who seemed to love it. We're already maxed out on our groups and adding another one. Let me say, the fact that I can get up and minister right now is seriously GRACE. The amazing thing is, I feel like an unusually strong anointing when the moment comes and I have to speak. I say, "have to" because usually even five minutes before I think I can't. (You have to realize, that's very unusual for me...) But last night in my office I listened to "I have to believe" by Rita Springer four times before I went into the sanctuary, just to saturate myself in His presence so I could have strength do what I usually can't wait to do, but now ask God to give me strength to get through. He's helping me to do more than just get through! He's giving me some of the best messages of my life and helping me to deliver them. Praise God for His faithfulness. In our weakness, HE is strong!

2) INCREDIBLE TESTIMONY...there's a man in our church who has attended almost three months. Less than three months ago he was in our parking lot trying to kill himself with a pair of box cutters when Rob, our outreach director found him, stopped him from committing suicide and led Him to Jesus. What has unfolded in his life is just miraculous...

In less than three months this precious man has come off the streets. (He was homeless and living out of his car and previous to his conversion had simply lost hope.) These past few months He has been transformed by the power of God. Rob discipling him has also been key in his transformation. He gave a testimony about 2 weeks after beginning to attend church that he had started showering daily. This sounds like an odd testimony, but understand that prior to giving His life to the Lord, he wasn't even showering once a month! Not only does he shower, but he's an extremely sharp man. He cleans up well! (SMILE) He has also been reunited with his 8 year old son who lives in another state, and Rob helped him to find a room to rent at a transition house. Shortly thereafter, Rob also helped him get a construction job, building a new local hospital. He's been working the job about a month and a half. He started paying child support again after being a "delinquent dad" for these past years. He sits on the second row of church each service and soaks it in. But that's not all... He's started ministering already! The past month he's been working in our homeless ministry, helping people who are like he used to be just less than three months ago. This past Saturday, they had him give his testimony! But that's not all...

He has heard me get up each week and passionately ask the people to give scholarships so that women in ministry who are financially challenged and couldn't otherwise come to Unstoppable will have a way to come and be refreshed, and in many cases, restored. Although he was just getting on his feet, he came to me and said, "I'm going to sponsor one of those women!" I was shocked. There are people in our church who have a hundred times the resources this man has who probably think they can't afford to sponsor somebody. But here he was, a new Christian - fired up, and ready to respond to the call. He said, "I can't give it to you all at once, I'll have to do it in several payments, since I'm just starting to get paid..." And each week, for the past four weeks, he's given something until last week, he gave the final amount to fully sponsor a woman. Amazing! Well, the story doesn't end there...

Last night he testified at church that his boss called him in a few days ago and told him that they have chosen him for a scholarship for a college apprenticeship program. In addition they gave him a raise! He will continue working his construction job during the day, but they are FULLY PAYING for him to go to college at night!!! They are PAYING FOR THIS MAN'S EDUCATION!!! He said to Pastor Trinity and I last night, "I thought it was kind of ironic that I just paid the last payment on that Unstoppable scholarship last Wednesday night and the Lord opened that door for a scholarship for my own education a few days later."

GIVE A SHOUT NOW!

This man is far ahead of many long-term believers in his level of obedience and faith. But friends, that's not all! There's part II of this testimony...

but you'll have to check out my blog tomorrow to find out what it is...

And as Danella is famous for saying... (I'll steal her slogan just this once...)

tGbtg,

I'm being tuned

"Sainthood springs out of suffering. It takes eleven tons of pressure on a piano to tune it. God will tune you to harmonize with Heaven's key-note if you can stand the strain."

~ from today's Streams in the Desert

Eleven tons...yep, yep that feels about right.

Family changes

Yesterday was Savanna and Jordan's school registration. I had to face reality -- Savanna is not in elementary school anymore. Tonight is also her first night in youth group. I just haven't been at a place mentally to face the change without a pile of tears. But reality is, I also haven't been able to walk to the mailbox or brush my teeth the past few weeks without crying. (lol)

Savanna's fine with all the changes as usual. She loves growing up! She's such a confident child and flows well with change. She's excited about everything from her new school t-shirt to what she's going to pack for her lunch the first day. And I'm happy to see her so happy. We registered Jordan for his senior year. He's looking forward to finishing up. There's so much to take care of ...just made the appt. for his senior portraits... and I've sort of been in a fog trying to remember everything to do. I'm glad I had a year's break between Dustin's graduation and his. (They are just 17 months apart in age.) Dustin has been registered for his college classes this semester for a while and he just got another job (in addition to his Publix job) at the new Cobb Theater that's opening up. He's working a lot of hours, and keeping a lot going and I'm so proud of him.

Larry has been working and when he's not he's watching the Olympics.

I'm reading a lot, writing a lot and talking to God whether He talks back right away or not.

Love to all,

A little understanding goes a long way...

A reader sent me these two amazing videos today and said how much they would minister to me. She was right. I just have to share them. (They are part I and II and worth the time to watch.) If my e-mails lately are any indication, a lot of you will relate as well.

Much love...

This is my 1,000th post!

Today is cause for celebration...as I've now crossed the threshold into 1,000 posts! Woo hoo!

Just thought I would share with you some things I'm thinking about, and in some cases really not sure of.

Let's start with the not sure. Yesterday in reading Streams in the Desert, the subject was the importance of always meeting with God in the morning. Here's an excerpt:

"The morning watch is essential. You must not face the day until you have faced God, nor look into the face of others until you have looked into His. You cannot expect to be victorious, if the day begins only in your own strength. Face the work of every day with the influence of a few thoughtful, quiet moments with your heart and God. Do not meet other people, even those of your own home, until you have first met the great Guest and honored Companion of your life--Jesus Christ."

When I first wake up in the morning (usually while my eyes are still shut but I'm technically "awake") I talk to the Lord, as in, "Good morning," and that's about it for quite a few hours . Honestly, although I read the Word and one or two of my devotional books each morning on the way to the office, I don't spend my private worship or prayer time with God in the mornings because it's not my best time of the day. I've always spent time with God when I'm at my optimal best and felt good about doing that. Sometimes it's real late - I'm a night owl. I've never felt anything was wrong with that because I saw it as giving God my best. But in reading Streams yesterday, and also in reading Bruce Wilkinson's book, Secrets of the Vine in times past, they both indicate if you are really going to go deeper in God, you really must commune with God in the morning and that many well known Christians who have gone before us have learned that this is essential for a deeper walk. I know some of the Psalms talk about meeting God in the morning but it also talks about the evening as well, so I've never seen it as a command, but a choice. If mornings are essential, that is kind a bummer thought for me. Especially now. As I said yesterday, mornings have been a real struggle.

This whole issue is one I'm giving more thought to and committing to prayer. But I probably won't make any change on it for at least a few weeks to months until I'm more on track physically and emotionally in the mornings.

Now, some things I'm thinking about that God has been showing me or doing in me...

* What is happening TO me doesn't define who I am. What is happening IN me does.

* External circumstances are not the sum of our life. Internals are what God bases things on.

* There are some days we are operating in nothing but sheer obedience, but that's alright.

* Today I read the book of Habakkuk. It's a great book too that I never gave much thought to before.

* "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Shout Outs

No apologies for having my head much more into the Bible than blogs lately, but I'm finally putting Haggai aside for a moment and catching up on some blog reading. Some of my friends have awesome posts right now...

Tara just posted, "Drawing the Line" that I completely relate to. Most of you in ministry will probably understand this all too well, so please if you pastor a church do yourself a favor and click the link. It will let you know you're not alone.

Lisa's got a great post, "So you really wanna be used of God?". Do yourself a favor and click there too. Great reminders of exactly what we got into when we said yes to this thing called ministry...

LaDonna's got a very encouraging post with, "Part the Waters Lord." Go there to be reminded of what you need to go through victorious...

Cassandra's got a terrific post that let's me know when it comes to the "I'll be the perfect Mom this year" new school year resolution (that always gets broken a few weeks into the school year if not sooner), I'm not alone. Thanks Cassandra. You bless me more than you know.

And last but not least, if you want to know 100 interesting things about the always interesting Laurie, just click here.

Reflections on yesterday and stuff

(photo outside my house)

We had a great service yesterday! Worship is really going to a new level. There is a greater freedom and flow of His Spirit than before. God is doing new things in me, and God is doing new things in the church as well, for where God takes the leaders, He takes the church. The best is yet to come. If you don't believe that, just read Haggai. :-)

In other good news... I ate dinner at the table Saturday night, and lunch at the table yesterday. That might sound like a stupid announcement, but honestly I haven't been there in a long time.

I realize many of you, like me, are pentecostals who believe in healing. I also believe God uses doctors and counselors to help us and sometimes they are part of our healing process. I have had many more e-mails than comments lately because so many have privately wanted to tell me what God has brought them through, and given me greater understanding and hope. I am so thankful to those who have ministered to me in such a spirit of compassion and realized that this is something very real and not something that can just be snapped out of. Sometimes God instantaneously heals us, and sometimes there are processes of healing we go through. What about those in scripture who were "healed as they went"?

I have been through many things in my life and one thing I've noticed is that with each thing God gives me a greater compassion and much less judgment. My heart is greatly filled with concern more than ever for those who feel that the darkness has closed in on them. Some people have e-mailed me and it's been a message of, "I'm going through the same thing too...please pray for me." I'm not happy that anyone else is going through stuff, and especially not the blackness (the main word I'd use to describe it right now) of depression, but at least it makes me feel comforted that others do understand.

For any of you who did write that kind of an e-mail to me I want to suggest a great website I found with a ton of information that was very helpful. Here you go.

I'm not really sure why, but mornings are the worst time for me. I have wondered if it's that way for others who have gone through this. I'm taking steps to hopefully see that improve.

Other little tidbits from today:

• We did "Healer" yesterday - this time, rehearsed with the band fully. It was awesome!


• We stayed a long time greeting visitors in the hospitality room, and talking with others. It was good. Great spirit in the church. We are blessed with loving people. Some of our members have said, "mean people don't last long at our church." I think that's a compliment.


• I made roast for my family. I haven't done that for a while, but today I did. My kids love my roast recipe. They and their friends say there is nothing like it. I ate it too. Yum. :-)


• We didn't have anything for church last night so I got to rest. Good times. Larry and I watched the Olympics and snuggled.


• Saturday I went out and rode my new bike again, for 3 miles.


• I was asleep by midnight.

These might sound like small things, but they are big to me. God is good. Come what may, I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth!

Quotes I recently found that speak to me... and other stuff

(Photo taken in our back yard...sometimes when I'm reading on the patio or swinging this is what I see...and I just have to say, "thank you, Jesus." Am I the only person who sometimes cries at a sunset?)

"Obedience is never a waste:
it is an investment in a future we cannot see."
- Alicia Britt Chole

"The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be.
It may seem to be much worse, but in the end
it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger."
- Elisabeth Elliot

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up
and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.
You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”
- Anne Lamott

And this is one that one of my blog friends (also a PW),
Melissa from over at The Diaper Heads, sent to me.
She e-mailed and said the Lord laid it on her heart
to give me this scripture and to insert my name in it...
and here's what it said:

"Listen to Me, Deanna,
you who I have upheld since you were conceived
and have carried since your birth.
Even in your old age and gray hairs,
I AM He who will sustain you,
I have made you and I will carry you.
I will sustain you and I will rescue you! "
Isaiah 46:3-4

Those of you who know anything about my personal history know exactly why this scripture would mean so much. Thanks, Melissa...words can't express what your obedience to send that scripture means...can't wait to meet you face to face at Unstoppable!!!

On another note I had been reading through I and II Peter this past week in my personal devotions. Usually I stay pretty much on track with where I'm at in the Word in any given week. However yesterday morning when I woke up, as I was turning there -- a bookmark was in Haggai. I stopped there for a moment, started reading and didn't stop til' I finished the book. I never realized the richness of this book before! It's uncanny how much it relates to my life right now. I devoured it and have since been reading all kinds of commentaries on the book. There's too much for one blog post as far as what God is speaking to me from it and quite truthfully I'm just beginning to process it all. But the great thing is, I'm sensing His presence...feeling Him begin to speak to me again. And I can't tell you how much that means to a person like me who is used to just flowing in conversation with God and then...silence. Hearing God's voice is such a comfort.

I BLESS THE LORD AND THANK HIM BECAUSE...

1) I'm starting to hear Him...above the din of the circumstances...little by little.

2) I'm gaining some insight and wisdom I couldn't have gotten in any other way. One scripture I have leaned on in times past is: Isaiah 45:3: "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." One thing I am seeing through this time is that I am getting some treasures in the darkness that couldn't be gained any other way.

3) I feel a re-positioning coming on. (No, that doesn't mean I'm moving, it doesn't mean I'm changing jobs, yada yada...please don't read into that...) To further explain...my favorite quote of the week comes from author Alicia Britt Chole. She says this:

"Sometimes God corners us. Through disappointment, closed doors, conflict or unwanted events, He cuts off routes we were planning on taking so He can reposition us. As we yield to His repositioning, God draws our attention to opportunities we might never have considered."

And what I'm sensing right now is that God is cornering me for a repositioning. More on this later.

4) Last but not least (in fact I almost put it first!) I've found out who my real friends are. :-) Some I was already aware of...others are a new and welcome surprise. It's amazing who God brings into your life, or brings you closer to through struggles. If you are one of those people in my life I want to thank you for being God's hand extended. Some of you have gone through real depression before...not just circumstantial but clinical, and you have been my "understanding" saving grace. You've reached a hand to me, some of you all the way from Africa or the West Coast of the USA, and helped me begin to get out of bed. Things are starting to even out a little bit. Those of you who have been through it (and some who are still there) can understand and appreciate what I mean by that.

I'm headed to church this morning expecting a great service...will try to blog later...

My prayers are with every one of you ...that God would bless and increase you and yours today...may he bless you hundred fold for how you've encouraged me. ((hugs))

What am I sensing?

"We must get to the place where we get our joy from obedience."
R.T. Kendall

This is a big lesson God is teaching me right now.

Do it when you don't feel it.

Do it when you don't hear anything.

Do it when your heart is breaking.

Do it when you're in the middle of the desert, living off of periodic streams.

Do it even when you think you can't anymore.

Just do it and take joy that you're doing what He's told you to do.

And make sure you do it with a few friends, otherwise it's the loneliest place in the world to be.

This is a test. This is only a test.

I wish it was as easy as a scantron, fill in the blank, true/false.

Several of my friends have reiterated to me lately, "Deanna, you're not alone." Oh how much that has meant!

I've been hanging onto that truth... and to my friends while at the same time spending more time alone with God. Yesterday, the reading from Streams in the Desert was all about the value of time alone with God, and how nobody becomes great without it. Here's an excerpt:

The greatest miracles of Elijah and Elisha took place when they were alone with God. It was alone with God that Jacob became a prince; and just there that we, too, may become princes--"men (aye, and women too!) wondered at" (Zech. 3:8). Joshua was alone when the Lord came to him. (Josh. 1:1) Gideon and Jephthah were by themselves when commissioned to save Israel. (Judges 6:11 and 11:29) Moses was by himself at the wilderness bush. (Exodus 3:1-5) Cornelius was praying by himself when the angel came to him. (Acts 10:2) No one was with Peter on the house top, when he was instructed to go to the Gentiles. (Acts 10:9) John the Baptist was alone in the wilderness (Luke 1:90), and John the Beloved alone in Patmos, when nearest God. (Rev. 1:9)

One thing that has been difficult for me lately is that except for that one time on my birthday when I felt the Lord speak to me, He has pretty much been silent throughout the whole process that I'm going through. That has been the maddening thing. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but even after 22 years in ministry I have found myself saying, "Are you even really there?"

Then today I came across this quote, related to times when God is not speaking:

"When a student takes a test, the teacher is always silent." - Jim Goll

Okay.

So that's why.

So now I know.

I need to continue to come to the secret place even when I don't feel Him there.

I need to keep singing even when I don't sense Him.

I need to keep crying out even when I don't see Him answer right away.

This is a test. This is only a test.

* Sorry to get melancholy again today but it's just reality of where I'm at. I'm going to listen to "I have to Believe" again. It speaks loudly to me even when He is quiet.

I went out on the bike. (updated)

Are you proud of me?

Whether or not, I'm proud of me. I went outside into the sunshine today and rode my bike for 3 miles. It felt good.

Something got me out of bed. It was a blessing that happened in my life today, not one that solves my problems but one that gives me something to really look forward to in the coming months. I can't share the details of the blessing here because the person who gave me the blessing did so on the agreement that I wouldn't tell anybody they did it. :-)

Finding out about this gave me such a boost that I got up, cleaned the kitchen and went and rode my bike. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I got out of my bed today.

By the way, I got on the scale today. I've lost 8 lbs. in one week. Seriously.

Look forward to my new book that I'm writing on depression. I think I'll call it 5,267 ways to get out of bed, or something like that.

I have a women's ministries event tonight. I had to get out of bed for that whether or not, but this blessing today made it much easier to have motivation. I'm going to take a moonlight path bath and get ready to go. Savanna Rose is going with me. Tara wrote to me this morning and said, "Stir yourself up! You've got a WM event tonight!'

That's the story of my life lately...stirring myself up, and then...laying down before I have to stir myself up again.

Friends tell me, it won't always be like this, and this too shall pass. I'm choosing to believe them, and when I'm too weak to believe, they have been believing for me.

Random thoughts from my bed... where I've been living.

Back with a hodge-podge, mish-mash post with stuff the past few days that is on my mind...

not really related to one another...

but just things I'd like to blog about that are in this head of mine, or happening in my life.

I haven't had the motivation to bike for three weeks, even with my new bike. I know, that's stupid. But it's reality. Aside from work and essential appointments for the kids or myself I've pretty much been in bed. Don't worry, I'm not getting fat. I've lost six pounds in a week even though I've been laying here. Pretty amazing.

If I'm not reading the Word I've been listening to Healer or I Have to Believe. Well last night I thought, "even though I still don't have the urge to bike, I'm going to change up the routine even if it's from bed." I sat up, turned on some soothing classical music and wrote a letter to the McDonalds Corporation, imploring them to bring back cherry pies to all locations in the USA. I'll keep you updated on the progress of this project.

I went to get my teeth cleaned yesterday after work. I'm going every 3 months now instead of six and paying for two extra cleanings a year in hopes that I won't EVER have any more dental work done again. Due to what I went through before, I never want another needle or drill in my mouth again. Lia doesn't work there anymore...another goodbye, but...we still keep in touch aside from the dentist office so I guess it's not completely goodbye. I hate goodbyes in case you never noticed. Why couldn't God have just created hellos? We could just have hellos, and no goodbyes. One day we will exist outside of "time". It's possible. So why can't we exist outside of goodbyes?

Also in yesterday's news, a demon spoke to me. Seriously. I was taking something down to the church kitchen and was by myself. I didn't even bother to turn the lights on because I was just quickly running in and out. I took the item in my hand and placed it on the counter and as soon as I did I heard this guttural voice speaking foul things, and I broke into a cold sweat and froze in my tracks. It was gravely and raspy and so creepy. You know how you just want to run but can't? It was one of those crazy moments. I felt like my feet were glued to the floor. I thought, "this can't be real. I am truly cracking up. I'm not only depressed, I'm going schizophrenic. I'm hearing things." I stood there and took a deep breath and got my bearings and there it came again -- the voice in the dark. It was another voice this time screeching out and saying some really bad stuff and it seemed to come from the kitchen wall.

I have cast out demons before and I know I have power over them and am not afraid of them. However it has never happened to me this way in the dark and unprepared, and minus a human body! (Usually it's happened in church or when I am counseling or something, not in the dark by myself in a building. And the reason I was freaked is because I didn't see a person, I only heard a VOICE! )

I ran up to the office burst in the door and said to Larry and Cathy, "oh my gosh, there is a DEMON in the kitchen...I swear...please do not think I'm crazy...there is seriously a demon and I need you to go down there with me and help me deal with it...it's just a voice...just an awful voice... "

Cathy says, "oh yeah, I know, I heard it yesteday. The same thing happened to me."

WHAT?

My assistant hears a demon in the church and doesn't mention it? Okkkeyyy dokeey folks, that should show you what our staff faces here. We have so much kooky stuff that goes on it doesn't even phase some of our staff anymore! Well actually it did freak her out at first. But then she realized it was a demon coming out of an actual person, and came back up to the office and went about her work. She went outside and saw that it was coming from a woman who was on the other side of the wall. It was someone outside the door who has been hanging out on the church property. On the other side of the kitchen wall this person was there, speaking in these different voices very loudly and it is what I heard in the kitchen.

Cathy went back down with me and Larry soon followed us down. All is well now. The situation has been handled as we always do at Northside...however, just goes to show you the spiritual warfare that we so often go through. It's serious business folks. When you pastor a Pentecostal church and the spirit is moving, you will encounter these things and in increasing measure.

One day not long ago my kids came to me after Sunday morning church and wanted lunch money to go out with the youth. I said, "I don't have any cash on me right now - go ask your Daddy. They said, "we can't Mom - he's casting a demon out in the sanctuary..." I kid you not. My husband is not a demon chaser by any means. But they sometimes seem to chase us! We have had so many of these experiences here.

Larry had a pool party with the youth last night at the Currie's. It was Savanna's first youth activity. She graduated Wednesday night from Mpact girls into the youth ministry. I can hardly believe it. My baby...in the youth group. If I think about for very long it makes me depressed so I have been avoiding thinking about it since the last thing is to be more depressed. Don't get me wrong, she'll experience great ministry in the youth group. Right now the youth group is going FANTASTIC and I have no doubt she will soak it up! It's just that I'm not doing well with change right now, period. For the past few months Savanna has been telling us she feels called to missions and particularly to Europe. If you would have told me that 6 months to a year ago I probably would have jumped for joy, but right now although I reacted favorably to her, (I'd never hurt her by acting outwardly depressed about it) inside I just felt devastated, seeing it as another loss...saying goodbye to her. I can't fathom it right now. I've experienced too much loss and the thought of saying goodbye to the baby puts me over the edge right now so I have blocked it out of my mind for now every time she chatters on about Europe. She came home from camp talking about even more after she was spirit filled. I'm proud of her, so proud. But right now I have to just concentrate on the fact that she's in 6th grade and I have at least seven more years with her living in the same house, laying on the bed with me watching Jon & Kate Plus Eight, sharing shoes (yup, we wear them same size now - 9!), and snuggling.

Nope, nope...can't even think about the babe leaving now. I cling to my family even more than I used to because I realize through it all they are one blessing that remains...they are all saved, spirit filled, and serving God. This is my greatest treasure. A lot of other things have gone wrong, a lot of other things disappointed, but my marriage and family is strong and I've heard many people say, if you have that, really you have it all. I do have it all then...and 1/5 of it is not going to Europe until at least 2015, so I'll put it out of my mind for now.

Bleep. There it goes.

So, what are your thoughts on the election?

Offshore drilling?

What do you wish we still had?

Calm down. That's not me. I know, I know...some of you mistakely thought that was me in high school. You thought I posted a risque photo of myself, back from the days when I still had brown hair. But it's really Jennifer Beals from Flashdance. Take a deep breath. Relax. It's an honest mistake. Really. ROFL...

Okay seriously...

some of you are probably ready for me to post something zany. You've been been reading my blogs the past few weeks, envisioning an intervention, saying, "C'mon Deanna...put the razor blades away..." No worries. My sister would come down immediately from Baltimore and kick my rear and and say, "don't ever try anything like that again or I'll half kill you..." (LOL) And believe me folks, you'd rather be dead than make my sister mad. Well it's apparent, I've been dealing with depression. But, much like David in the Psalms, who was also very depressed (only he didn't have any Ben & Jerry's fudge brownie ice cream in addition to his harp and songs) I am finding strength and grace for each day in the Lord. And having my friends encourage me has also been my saving grace. Yesterday it was my friend Joy Conley who saved me from destruction. I'd be lost without my friends and that's just a fact. I'd be lost without them even in normal times but right now while my brain is on a haitus, they are basically functioning for me in many situations and picking up pieces of things I've dropped by the wayside that months ago would have never slipped through the cracks if my life depended on it.

We had a great night in church Wednesday night and fusion groups have grown to the point where I need an additional leader immediately. Good problem to have. Okay, so I'm sitting here listening to "Healer" two more times before I go to bed, (okay, three) but figured I'd write something silly...it's about time, so here we go...

Five things I wish we still had in 2008

1) Flashdance shirts. (Yeah, that Jennifer Beals photo was up there for an actual reason...it wasn't just some gratuitious photo. Sheesh, have more faith in me than that!) Back to Flashdance shirts...I liked them. They were comfy not to mention just a tad bit sexy without going immodest or overboard. I mean really, how bad can they be? They don't even show any cleavage, just a little bit of shoulder action. I remember getting one back in 1983 when I was a high school junior, and wearing it up on my shoulders in the morning when I left for school but pulling the one shoulder down once I got there, as well as applying my makeup. My flashdance shirt was pink. I wore it with big white and pink earrings. Everyone from my church was convinced I was going to hell. Good times.

2) "Singspirations" in church. Yep, I loved those too. It was like our own small church version of the Gaither Homecoming. At our church somebody always pulled out an accordian, and sometimes even two people would bring them out . That really put it over the top. :-) Note if you are going to do an accordian solo (if you ever decide to strike out on your own and attempt one) it would be best to pick a song like "Power in the Blood" or "Jesus Hold My Hand."

3) Toga parties. I think they're fun but haven't heard of anybody having them lately. I attended one in high school. I know, I know. You're shocked that the same girl who participated in Singspirations at a church with accordians also went to toga parties. Don't ask. It's a long story. It takes more than a blog post to explain my dysfunctional history to you.

4) Full service gas stations. (But at no extra cost!) I hate, hate, hate pumping gas. Especially when I'm dressed up. Always have, always will. Larry used to get peeved at me when we first got married for going through full serve every time even thought we were too poor to pay attention. I said, "Look, it's like this. You either be the gas pumper in this marriage, or I go through the full serve every time." He did very well with that first phase of training and I pumped very little to no gas for many years of our marriage until full serve became pretty much non-existent. I have to think of something else to get out of pumping gas now.

5) Cherry pies at McDonalds. I know they have them in very select places, like the McDonalds in the itty bitty town of Richlands, VA. However at 99% of McD's they don't have them. I know they have apple, but I'm not an apple fan - whether dealing with food or computers. When I find a McD's that has cherry pies I eat several of them at a time to make up for the fact that I can never have them. Yes, I eat a few in a row, and then I end up feeling totally bloated. Bad idea. Don't eat double or triple of something even if you usually can't get it. It just makes you feel like your jeans are cutting off your circulation and this is really bad if you aren't close to home where you can quickly put on your stretchy sweatpants or pajama bottoms.

What do you wish we still had?

p.s. Jordan is in North Carolina at Fine Arts...just did his drum solo and short sermon today. He called us several times. We miss him. He'll be home Saturday.

I have to believe

God showed me in several tangible ways today just how much He cares... first through both an incredible devotional time today, and then through some of His people.

Today I went in for a nail fill. It's been a while -- too long, but I just haven't had time or money dependent upon the day. It seemed every time there was a convenient time I wouldn't have the cash or vice versa. So today I grabbed 45 minutes when I had it. It was during a time I never normally go. I walked in the door and Lisa my nail lady said, "Deanna, it's been forever!" (Well, forever as nails go...) But before I could pick a color and get started, I glanced over and, who do I see in the pedicure chair but Marsha!!? And I ran over and hugged her and greeted her and she said, "hey, how are you?" and I told her the truth.

I do that.

I believe in telling the truth. We all say way too many, "how are you?" "I'm fine's" and don't really mean it. I believe God calls us to honesty even when it's a struggle to admit how we really are sometimes.

I came to a point years ago where I realized, your real friends or colleagues who are worth your time will stand by you even when you're down and if people don't they weren't worth your time anyway nor should you care if they respect you anymore if that's how they are. So I told her honestly, and she was so encouraging. It was clear exactly why I went when I did and how God arranged it.

After the fill, I came home and did a few hours work and then had to head down to Brandon to meet my friend Jennifer Lee for dinner. We had a meeting about Unstoppable but also to just bear our hearts and talk to one another for a few hours. Wow. I always feel totally different after we do that, and she tells me she does too. Sometimes you just want to talk without weighing all of your words. Oh the comfort.

We actually had a whole lot of time together because even after we were ready to go, a huge thunderstorm came and was so bad we couldn't leave, so we got our lattes, and moved to a couch area and just talked and stayed another hour or more until the storm passed by. We both left lighter-hearted than when we came in. God is good.

Well, I was driving home from Brandon and as I was in the quiet of the car driving home for 30 minutes I was praying and I said, "Ok Lord, I hope this is not too much to ask but it would really mean a lot to me right now if Rita Springer, "I have to Believe" would come on the radio. I just really need to hear that right now.

Would you believe literally 10 seconds later, the DJ said, "and right now folks, we've got Rita Springer coming up with a song we all love..."I have to believe..."

Amazing.

Coincidence? No, not in my book! Just as the song came on, the rain had totally cleared and all the cars around me had cleared away too and were either far behind me or far ahead of me, and I didn't even have to worry so much about traffic... could just drive without stress around me and enjoy the song and let it go deep inside and do it's work.

I am posting it for you here now to listen to...just let it sink into your spirit...let it fill you with faith and hope as it does me as I'm sitting here listening to it once again... this song more than any other describes exactly where I'm at right now... (lyrics posted below the video)

I have to believe that He sees my darkness
I have to believe He knows my pain
I have to lift up my hands to worship, worship His name
I have to declare that He is my refuge
I have to deny that I am alone
I have to lift up my eyes to the mountain, it's where my help comes from

Oh yeah He said that He's forever faithful
He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
if He can move mountains -- He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too...

Oh, I have to stand tall when the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong when I'm weak and afraid
I have to grab hold, ahold of the garments... the garments of praise.... I know, I know, I know

I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight
He unlocks these chains that bind up my soul
My sin and my shame, He has forgiven and made me whole
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cause

He said that He's forever faithful
And He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
He said that He can move mountains
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains -- He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too
I have to believe
I have to believe
He's got everything under control
I have to believeLord, I believe
Help my unbelief
I have to believe in You
I have to believe

Praising in darkness

"Passive faith but praises in the light, When sun doth shine.
Active faith will praise in darkest night-- Which faith is thine?"
~ from Streams in the Desert

I am praising God in the darkness.

"Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:1-5

Driven to Pray on Sunday night was awesome. We had women from all over the nation listening in! I felt the Holy Spirit in a powerful way.

I'm sure there will be another Driven to Pray in the future, and I'll post about it when it comes up.

If you are going through the darkness, keep praising. Don't let anything steal your song. And as Pastor Craig Sloan once told me, "never forget in the darkness what God has said in the light!"

Phenomenal Report: Driven to Pray

Go to Pastor Tara's blog to read just a few incredible reports from last night's Driven to Pray teleconference. It was my joy to participate in this. I loved it!

Part the waters Lord...

My friend LaDonna Jones sent me this video this week and thought it would really minister to me. She was right. I have always loved the song, "I Need Thee Every Hour" and have sung it many times in church as a solo or led it in worship. But I've never heard it with this other song, "Part the Waters Lord." It's beautiful. I'm going to learn it and sing it soon at Northside.

If anybody needs the waters to part in your life, just listen to this...repeatedly if necessary.

By the way, I normally read Oswald Chambers each day in addition to my Bible, and Come Away My Beloved, by Frances J. Roberts. That's my regular custom but right now I've changed things up a bit and I'm reading Streams in the Desert...and OH MY.

Listen to just a portion of the devo from yesterday...

"With patience wait" (Rom. 8:25). Patience takes away worry. He said He would come, and His promise is equal to His presence. Patience takes away your weeping. Why feel sad and despondent? He knows your need better than you do, and His purpose in waiting is to bring more glory out of it all.

Patience takes away self-works. The work He desires is that you "believe" (John 6:29), and when you believe, you may then know that all is well. Patience takes away all want. Your desire for the thing you wish is perhaps stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled in its arrival.

Patience takes away all weakening. Instead of having the delaying time, a time of letting go, know that God is getting a larger supply ready and must get you ready too.

Patience takes away all wobbling. "Make me stand upon my standing" (Daniel 8:18, margin). God's foundations are steady; and when His patience is within, we are steady while we wait.

Patience gives worship. A praiseful patience sometimes "long-suffering with joyfulness" (Col. 1:11) is the best part of it all. "Let (all these phases of) patience have her perfect work" (James 1:4), while you wait, and you will find great enrichment.

Deanna here again: wow...is this good stuff or WHAT? I guess this is what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm waiting for the waters to part.

Sunday night reflections

I just got done soaking my feet in rose petal salts in my foot bath. Then I covered them with lotion and propped them up. Seriously. Remind me to take my flip flops or slippers to church next week. This is what happens when I have a long day at church and wear my heels until I get home. Usually I take flip flops with me to slip on after church, but I forgot today. But it's A/G ~ all good! What a day!

Thanks to those who were specifically and strategically lifting us up in prayer today. We had a blowout of a service. (Blowout = good) I know many of you who read my blog are praying. Thank you for your e-mails. God is so faithful to speak to hearts and lives and I love it when His people obey and follow through. Yesterday I got an e-mail from a reader who doesn't really know me aside from this blog but she said, "God showed me what you're dealing with" and she was spot on - and shared an encouraging Word and let me know she's been interceding for weeks on our behalf.

Prayer works! Man, the spirit of God came in that place and just took over! We had an amazingly good service. I met several several visitors in the hospitality room who just loved the service. Tom Gay's fiancee came for the first time today and seemed to love it and said, "see you next week!" and then there were two elderly ladies and they were both just AWESOME. One woman lives in Georgia but she's trying to move here and was checking out the church. She used to be a member of a fantastic church we know of in Ohio and she just loved the service today and said, "there's only one problem with this church..." and I thought, "okay, gee whiz, what's she going to say??!" (like I need another thing to be depressed about, right?) so I braced myself, and she said, "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT! YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE HERE!!! THIS IS A FANTASTIC CHURCH! HOW COME MORE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT? " She was pumped up about the service and seems to think everyone in Tampa needs to know about it. I agree.

Then another elderly lady came back - she was so sweet...just moved into a retirement community here and she was from the huge A/G church out in Naperville, IL where Pastor Schmidgall used to pastor. She just got to Tampa and is looking for a home church. She saw Larry hosting America's prayer meeting and she said to him at the back door today that she "thought he was such a good looking man" (no I'm not kidding, she really said that!) and that he "prayed such good prayers and was sensitive to people", (yes, she really said that too!) and went on to say, "now, that's the kind of pastor I like..." so she looked up the directions for how to get to our church and thankfully we aren't too far away from her home. Upon talking to me for a few minutes, she just threw her arms around me with tears in her eyes and said, "I'm home..." and I said, "yes you are, welcome home!"

So we got at least two new very happy people this morning who are returning, and one who is trying to move here. :-) I hope she does, she was really a cool lady and would make a fantastic advertiser for the church. :-) I need to get her here to Tampa and turn her loose in a few retirement communities... (GRIN) Actually I'm serious about that.

Teeb preached his heart out today. It was awesome. We started our new series, "Faith Walking People." He had four killer points that I want to share with you...

FOUR KEYS TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GO INTO THE PROMISED LAND:

1) Fix your eyes on the obstacles instead of the goal.

2) Compare what you lack with what others possess.

3) Allow fear to take control of your situation. Your desire for relief will ruin your courage to soar.

4) Determine to turn back and seek gratification and justification rather than endure and develop character.

Are these not awesome truths or WHAT? I was pumped.

God just took over in such a great way in worship today. I don't think Larry even got the pulpit until quarter of twelve! Although the band had only rehearsed it once I felt led to do "Healer." They loved it. What an anointed song.

For communion Dustin and I also did, "Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone". I did fine til the final verse then couldn't make it through and cried...that doesn't happen to me often but when it does, look out.

Right after church we had a choir dinner. It was fantastic! Everybody seemed to LOVE it! We included the choir members and their families. It was so yummy and lots of fun. And, we had several new people join the choir today!! After lunch we had a great rehearsal...even though (bummer of the day) the air conditioning went out. Ugh!! At least it waited til' after church to go out. Seriously folks, this is a big problem when the air goes out in Florida. It's really not optional. We just replaced our air conditioners in the Christian Education Building but not the sanctuary. Were hoping we wouldn't have to deal with that this summer...so pray with me that we won't have to. Hopefully this is an easy fix.

I thought the choir members would not want to stay long since it was sooo hot in there and we were dripping with sweat, but no...they were really excited to rehearse. I said, "since you're all incredibly sweaty and fanning yourselves, let's table this song until the next rehearsal..." and moans and groans of, "ooooohhhh we wanted to do that...please......" so dripping with sweat or not, we still rehearsed everything on the agenda today and everybody was stoked about it. We've got two new special numbers ready to go and two new worship numbers. Yippee!

Lisa and I stopped at Publix for some groceries on the way home and by the time I got here my feet felt like they were on fire. I immediately started soaking them while going over my notes/agenda for "Driven to Pray" which is tonight at 8 pm. Can't wait! If you read this in time and want to participate follow the instructions on the Driven to Pray website. It's a national, FREE tele-conference when powerful women of God are going to dare to believe God!

The good news is, it's a tele-conference and no one can see me. I'm going to sit here in my jammies, may still be soaking my feet if they still hurt, but at the same time I'm going to be on the phone with Pastor Tara and Pastor Shelisa, Tammy, Cristy, and Noelle, praying the power down with hundreds or possibly thousands of women around the USA! Halleluia! The perfect cap off to a great day.

The best is yet to come. As I said before I felt led to change our opener to "Blessed be Your Name..." and sang it with all my heart really understanding the words and living them to a deeper level than ever before.

I love you all...keep praying,

More reasons to bless the Lord at all times...

Yes, my friends, I will BLESS THE LORD at all times, and His praise shall continually be in my mouth! Praise is a powerful weapon. I was going to open the service this morning with another song but last night felt a check to open it up with "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord". It's just what's on my heart. Yes, yes, yes...He gives and takes away, but through it all I say, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME.

Today I'm thinking of five reasons to bless the Lord at all times even through the trial...which is still there, by the way. Nevertheless, I choose to praise! I choose to bless! I choose to thank the Lord.

1) My family are all believers, baptized in water and baptized in the Holy Ghost! Whew, that's the best one of all! As for me and my house, we are all serving the Lord! After that, really, everything else is gravy when it comes down to it. I have to keep things in perspective.

2) Jordan leaves tomorrow for Charlotte, NC - he'll be flying there and staying for a week for the A/G National Fine Arts competition. He is competing in short sermon and drum solo. He is going to have such a fantastic week! We are all excited for him. One thing he's most excited about is that Planetshakers (the group that does "Healer") will be leading worship for the week!!

3) Trials are pruning me for a flourishing future such as you or I have never imagined. When it happens, you'll say, "now that HAD to be God!"

4) Going through trials shows you who your real friends are. They bring amazing clarity once the confusion lifts. Suddenly, you have a very keen understanding of who the covenant relationships are in your life.

5) I've heard people use the quote,"watch out! You may be in my next novel!" Well, as for me, "watch out, you might be my next sermon illustration!" I thought about it the other day and my past trials are my greatest source of message illustrations that literally bring some people sobbing into their hankies or waving them. Get ready, get ready, get ready because right now I'm building up for some absolutely mind blowing message illustrations once God does the breakthroughs I know He's going to do. It's only a matter of time...

No matter what the weapon is, I want you to know that I WIN. I will bless the Lord!!!

HEALER

This song is so amazing, if you haven't already heard it, you need to.

Right now it's ministering to me so much..........I cannot even tell you. I listen to it again and again. Then put the Word of God in some more. Then listen to "Healer" again. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm washing myself with the Word, and worship. It's my anthem right now.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

Surprise at Carrabbas

Larry told me to be ready to go to dinner tonight and said we'd be going on a date by ourselves. After resting, reading, watching a movie and blogging - I settled in for a bubble bath with "moonlight path" and got ready to go out to dinner.

We went to Carrabbas which is my favorite restaurant. Once we got there and approached the doors I noticed a bunch of people....all of whom I recognized, clapping...

Tom & Cathy, Pastor Trinity and Misty, Michele, Sue, Susan, Lisa (Bernie was in Melbourne tonight) and Bill. What a night! So awesome, with those I love so dear. We shared some wonderful food and even better conversation. I had my usual meal of House Salad, Spiedino DiMare, Rigatoni with Tomato Cream Sauce, and Sogno Di Cioccolata. Yum!!! I have been to Carrabbas many, many, many (did I say many?) times and tasted most things on the menu but hands down this is my favorite meal and nobody I've ever recommended it to hasn't had the same reaction of falling in love with it! (I think I have Pastor T hooked on it now, too!)

We had such a good time sharing around the table...I never fail to have the most interesting conversations with those gathered tonight and maybe that's why I love being around them so much...well, at least one of the reasons.

I received some beautiful cards with words from the heart that meant so much...also a new pink bag from Cathy to carry my work stuff (the first one I've had in my entire ministry/career that has actually held ALL of my stuff I lug around!!) She couldn't wait til my birthday to give it to me so she gave it to me Sunday night and I've been loving it. I also got a lovely silver necklace and earrings from T & Misty and a very special gift from Bill. He's truly one of the most thoughtful men I know and such a special gift giver who puts such planning and thought behind what he gives to anyone....he gave me the DVD of Sense and Sensibility, and several boxes of varieties of teas. I immediately thought, "I need to have a girls night soon where we watch the movie."

One of the best things about the evening was coming home to find Dustin and Casey, and Jordan cleaning the house. They were getting everything in order in the common areas of the house. They had been at our house along with the Savanna and the Currie girls, watching movies and eating dinner and then cleaned up their mess. PERFECT!

Only thing left to do tonight to cap off a perfect birthday is snuggle up with Teeb and thank him for his thoughtfulness and such a wonderful day/night. I have to admit, I was dreading today. Not because I'm getting older, but because celebrating family birthdays is important to me, and a special time. The past few weeks I have been going through so much, and with all that my thought was, "why does my birthday have to happen at a time like this? Can't we just table it for a while? Come back to it later?" I knew that wouldn't happen so I was wondering what in the world would happen today. It was my day off as well so I thought maybe I would just lay in bed and cry in between watching a few movies, reading the Word and listening to "Healer" by Planetshakers for the 4,284 time. Instead, both God and Teeb had different plans. What a beautiful day. Thank you Jesus...and thank you Larry.

Teeby got me a new bike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's the one I've been wanting!

Today right after I was finishing up my devotions and the Lord talking to me concerning pruning, the kids and Larry came in and excitedly asked me to come out to the living room...

and they were all giddy to present me with this...a pink vintage cruiser that I have been wanting. Is this the coolest looking bike, or what? It reminds you of something from the 50's. Now Savanna gets my bike, and today she said, "Momma, we can go together everywhere now!"

Yes we can sweetheart...yes we can.

Savanna baptized in Holy Spirit!

Savanna Rose (11 now) came home from kids camp today and smiling ear to ear couldn't wait to tell me she was filled with the Holy Ghost at camp!!! She said, "Momma, I'm not really sure when it happened though...because last month at Missionette retreat when Miss Rennae preached about it, I heard the words in my head and stuff but I just didn't speak them out. I wasn't sure. So I waited." This time when Miss Mary was preaching she said, "you might have heard the words in your head before but just didn't speak them out and you weren't sure if it was it, but be assurred it is, so just go ahead right now speak it out..." and she said, "Momma, I knew she was talking to me, so I just did...I spoke out the words that were in my head and that was it!!" She said, "so should I give credit to the Missionette camp or the Kids camp?" I said, "just chalk it up as even and give the credit to the Lord!" :-)

IS THIS AWESOME OR WHAT?

All three of my kids are now officially Pentecostals. :-) Woo hoo, somebody shout now!

What a birthday present. I just sat here and smiled with tears running down my face when she told me....

Keep reading...these's more to come today and I'll blog it to share the goodness of God with you. I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall CONTINUALLY be in my mouth!

God spoke to me powerfully today!!!

There's a ray of light breaking through! God is speaking! (We took this picture outside of our house, by the way...)

On my birthday ~ I heard His voice. Lately it has been like the heavens are brass and I have just been leaning on the knowledge of His Word - and the strength and care of friends because quite honestly it has been difficult to feel anything. I have been listening to the song, "Healer" by Planetshakers over and over again and just trying to saturate myself in the presence of God in hopes that I'm going to not just KNOW His care, but FEEL it...to have that "peace that passes all understanding."

This morning after sleeping in (favorite thing to do) I got up and did a little bit of house work. Even though it's my birthday, I can't let things get out of sorts or it makes me nervous. So I did some dishes and laundry but then I noticed how one of my plants was in need of help and desperately needed pruning. I went over and decided it would only take five minutes to prune it, so - birthday or not, I started on it. When Jordan saw me take the knife and cut all of the leaves off of the corn plant down to tiny little stubbs, he looked over and said, "Mom, what are you doing? Why did you just cut all of that off down to nothing?!! It looks terrible!! " I said, "for it's health, Jordan. It needed to be pruned so it could grow again, and just watch, in a few months it's going to look like that one over there," I said pointing to a plant I had pruned months ago which is now flourishing and full of bright green healthy leaves.

Standing there holding all the mess in my hands that I had just cut off, I heard the voice of the Lord loud clear in my heart saying, "WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING IN YOUR SITUATION, DEANNA?" Oh my. I was so struck by hearing the voice of the Lord, I had to go sit down.

I quickly threw the plant mess away and went in and got out my devotional books and Bible since I hadn't done my devotions for the day yet. I felt the Lord's presence in a real way and wanted to soak it in . I have been reading, "Streams in the Desert" for the past few days along with the Word for my devos and I opened it up and would you believe, THIS is the entry for August 1st!!!

Pruned to Yield Fruit

"And every branch that beareth fruit he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit" (John 15:2).

A child of God was dazed by the variety of afflictions which seemed to make her their target. Walking past a vineyard in the rich autumnal glow she noticed the untrimmed appearance and the luxuriant wealth of leaves on the vines, that the ground was given over to a tangle of weeds and grass, and that the whole place looked utterly uncared for; and as she pondered, the Heavenly Gardener whispered so precious a message that she would fain pass it on: "My dear child, are you wondering at the sequence of trials in your life? Behold that vineyard and learn of it. The gardener ceases to prune, to trim, to harrow, or to pluck the ripe fruit only when he expects nothing more from the vine during that season. It is left to itself, because the season of fruit is past and further effort for the present would yield no profit. Comparative uselessness is the condition of freedom from suffering. Do you then wish me to cease pruning your life? Shall I leave you alone?" And the comforted heart cried, "No!" --Homera Homer-Dixon

It is the branch that bears the fruit,
That feels the knife,
To prune it for a larger growth,
A fuller life.
Though every budding twig be lopped,
And every grace
Of swaying tendril, springing leaf,
Be lost a space.
O thou whose life of joy seems reft,
Of beauty shorn;
Whose aspirations lie in dust,
All bruised and torn,
Rejoice, tho' each desire, each dream,
Each hope of thine
Shall fall and fade;
it is the hand of Love Divine
That holds the knife,
that cuts and breaks
With tenderest touch,
That thou, whose life has borne some fruit
May'st now bear much.
--Annie Johnson Flint

Above is the photo of my pruned corn plant. Some things needed to be removed so it could grow again. I'm sure it was a little traumatizing to the plant, but it's going to flourish again, and so is everything else that concerns me. So is everything else. I hear you, Lord.

** lots else happening today but they deserve posts of their own just like this did...so I will be back several times today. Keep checking. Gosh, this day is unfolding in the most interesting way...

I'm 42...whoop-dee-doo!

Wow! I've made it this far! And, the best is yet to come! I have full confidence and trust in the Lord and His care over me!

If you want to read a pre-written post by me today, go to Take Root and Write, where I share a column the first Friday of each month for ministry wives.

Not sure what's happening today for my birthday, but I'll be back to share more later as the day unfolds.

Blessing the Lord at ALL times,