I will bless the Lord at ALL times! Long update ahead...

Has the thing I'm dealing with gone away? No. However, every day I choose to bless the Lord. I choose to thank the Lord! I choose to share of His goodness! Even though I am going through a great struggle right now, I WILL BLESS THE LORD! HIS PRAISE SHALL CONTINUALLY BE IN MY MOUTH! Thanks again for your continued prayers for my situation.

I may be going through something but it does not totally encompass my life, THANK GOD! I have a praise report today to give of some bright spots that occurred yesterday that were like incredible beaming rays of sunshine onto the darkness that has hung over my life lately.

I walked into the sanctuary last night and a dozen roses awaited me...they are so beautiful. I'll try to take a picture and post later once I get fresh batteries for my camera. In addition to the dozen roses there was a beautiful pink gift bag full of "Moonlight Path" products including the new moonlight path shampoo, conditioner, and oil warmer/fragrancer! It was all from Susie Q. and it was just an "I love you...you're gonna make it...thinking of you" gift. Wow and double wow. I was so blessed. That girl is somethin' else!

Then David and Gayle walked in the sanctuary and said, "hey we have something for you..." and proceed to give me this big magnet that says, "save the tatas" (research for breast cancer advertisement). They knew I'd love it. I did, but Larry won't let me put it on the car. I put it on the fridge last night and Jordan says, "Mom, please don't put that thing about tatas on the fridge!" Where oh where am I going to put it? I don't know but I'll find a place.

Then right before church started, Tom Gay comes up to me and says, "I've just got to tell you something..." and he proceeds to tell me in the months he's been coming to our church he's grown like never before in his spiritual walk...he's never been part of a church like ours...never had pastors like us...can't wait each week to get to the building...lives for Sundays and Wednesdays...and he says that he got the last few messages on CD and mailed them to his grandmother. He said, "Pastor Deanna, the only person I've ever heard that can teach Sunday School like you is my grandmother and she's been doing it for 42 years!" I said, "Well Tom please tell your grandmother I want to be like her one day. I've been teaching for 26 years now (seriously!) and people like his grandmother are my inspiration!!!" (I'm a SS nut, if you don't know that by now. I highly believe in it, will never stop teaching.) Tom wants John to start putting the SS Messages on CD. We'll have to see about that...

So why did I tell you all this right now in my blog...some of you who have never read it might think, "that's really bragadocious that she's telling us all this wonderful stuff this guy said about her and her husband at church last night." Well my friends, you have to understand, that this man's words last night were like life to me. I have been in such a depressed state and just hearing him say that what I am doing in serving is making a difference in his life and that he actually compares me to his grandmother who has been doing this for 42 years shows me that what I do makes a difference. Yes, believe it or not sometimes I get in the throes of depression and I doubt that what I do makes any difference in anyone's life. I typically don't "need" boatloads of encouragement to do what I do...I normally get such a high from serving and giving -- I don't require it to do an excellent job and keep going. But lately...well, I've just been in such a state that I take in encouragement like a little sick bird who is being fed through a dropper. I just drink it in and it's helping me to feel Jesus' love and nurse me back to health again if that makes any sense. And I'm just so glad to have something GOOD to share with you. Okay, on to the next report...

After Tom Gay comes up and gives me this great encouragement I noticed that on the first night of our new format for Wednesday nights, we have a phenomenal turnout, with many people who normally do not come on Wednesday nights!!! Last night was the kick off of our new format which I am leading with a new leadership team, and it not only includes praise and worship and prayer and the Word, but also "fusion groups". These are small groups of 10 that take place at the conclusion of the teaching. With the leadership we currently have in place and the groups we have set up, we are almost totally full! We only had a few spots open in the groups last night and so I'm going to have to come up with another leader or two pretty quick to make more room for others. All the leaders were very excited! And the people seemed to LOVE these new groups.

Last night we served drinks as the people came in, then had worship, prayer, I preached for about 25 minutes and then they split up in groups for about 30 minutes. They had discussion questions based on my message and group prayer. During the 30 minutes I looked around the room I saw a few group members crying and others encircling them to lay hands and pray over them. I heard one group rejoicing and clapping over what God had just done in their circle. The other group was sharing laughter together. One man (a new man) came in after his wife had just served him with divorce papers that day and said, "this is exactly what I needed tonight...I can't believe we're having these groups...this is incredible." Wow, what a hit! I can't wait to see what God does next. I am now completely over adult ministries on Wednesday nights. Which leads me to my next praise report...

Several weeks ago our youth pastor resigned and left. (This is not the praise report.) My husband is doing the youth in the interim during this time (indefinitely, until he gets it how he wants it and knows it can be - and until he finds someone he can implicitly trust to put over it). If you don't know, we were youth pastors for many years and quite effectively. But that's many years ago and my husband wondered, "could he still do it today?" He also wondered how this would go over now that all three of our kids are in the group! (To our surprise all three of them screamed with excitement when their Dad told them he was taking over. No kidding. I think that's a testimony to our relationship if anything.) Anyway, Larry has a huge heart for youth (we both do) but he wondered how this dual thing of being the Sr. Pastor/Youth Pastor would go over. Well, in just a few weeks time he has gotten 11 solid adult leaders and begun training them to form a real solid leadership team with adults leading, and the youth group has more than doubled!!! Last night there was not ONE empty chair! They sent someone down to the sanctuary to get a camera. Isa happened to have hers and came up and took these photos that are here. All of the seats were filled last night and the altars were full too and one young man gave his life to Christ! Someone has been getting saved almost every week and there are lots of new kids.

Larry was so thrilled and several parents came to me in the sanctuary afterwards and said, "this is amazing...Pastor Larry was just what our youth group needed."

I'm so proud of him. Let me say, my husband has time for this like he needs a hole in the head, and he's tired. He's exhausted, but those parents are right - it's God's timing for this. Today believe it or not he is out with the youth at Adventure Island all day! He has been doing so many things with them. He just took them to see the Dark Knight and is getting ready to take them tubing on the rainbow river, and then have an all night lock in. I'm amazed by Teeby. Truly amazed. With all that he is under right now, he's plowing through...with excellence, glory to God!

Well, this is my report for today. It's a good one, and I'm excited to share it here on my blog. Yes, I do still need your prayers, but in the midst of what feels overwhelming, GOD IS WORKING, GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING, GOD IS BEING GLORIFIED!

I WILL BLESS THE LORD AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!

Friends help us to feel God... when He seems far away

This was on my little desk calendar for today:

"The God who created, names and numbers the stars in the heavens also numbers the hairs of my head...He pays attention to very big things and to very small ones. What matters to me matters to Him, and that changes my life." - Elisabeth Elliot

I know God cares - theologically I do know this to be fact, I have just not been feeling it too much lately. I have borrowed a bunch of faith from my friends.

Tonight I will be preaching at church and my topic is, "Created for Fusion", and it's going to be about why we in the body of Christ need one another so much. Part of what I'm going to share about is the fact that through other believers we sense and know God's love and care. Author Gary Burge says, "When God's love feels distant or non-existent, the body of Christ's love is real and tangible."

So in other words, even though we don't feel His love directly sometimes and He seems so far away, and our prayers seem to just bounce...through others, we feel His love. That's really huge to me right now.

I have been feeling like God is so far away right now (though again, theologically I know He's not...) however friends have reached out to me and through them, I feel the incredible lavish love of God.

Thank you friends, for helping me to feel and sense God...through you I feel His tangible presence.

Look what Lourdes did...

Lourdes Manners, member of our life coaching group - and official photographer, made this online scrapbooking piece today and sent to me...isn't it adorable? She's the only one missing from the picture because she was taking it... (and we have other members in life coaching but these were the ones who were able to get away to go to Go Girl conference.)

I love my ladies. Yesterday I spoke of the last days and dark times in the ministry. Fortunately my life coaching group is an incredibly bright spot for me! Thank you gals, for being who you are. I love you so much.

Duh, it's the last days, stupid!

I'll admit it. Some days I've just sat in a daze wondering why pastoring is so hard in these days and times. I'm not alone in feeling that way. Every pastor or pastor's wife I know feels the pressure.

Well, today I took time to read through I Timothy, II Timothy and Titus...the pastoral epistles. This is basically the handbook on pastoring. I make a point to read through it several times a year and keep reminding myself of things again and again and again. (The Word leaks out of me...gotta keep putting it in...)

Each time I read the pastoral epistles I get many new things out of them. Today while I was reading it, I was struck with this thought:

Is it any wonder why pastoring is so hard today?

The pastoral epistles point again and again to why it is so hard! We are living in the last days!

Get this:

II Timothy 3:1-9 "But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth—men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone."

Okay, so that explains it. There will be terrible times in the last days. And make no mistake that what is described in II Timothy as characteristics exists not only in the world but in the church. Notice the line, "...having a form of godliness..." This pretty much describes the state of many churches and church people today!

The good news is, we can make it. We have to! Because we're living in the last days and souls depend on it! We must be faithful to the task though God's servants are dealing with all of the above and more. II Timothy 4 goes on to charge us to continue to fight the good fight, keep the faith, finish the race. Not only because souls are at stake now but because there is reward for His servants. Verse 8 goes on to say, "Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

I came home from work at the church office today and as Larry was cooking supper and I was tidying up the house we had on FOX News and I was riveted to the TV as I saw Governor Schwarzenegger from California giving a press conference about an earthquake there today. Apparently it has quite literally rocked their world. What does the Bible say will happen in the end times? Mark 13:8 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains.

We are living under the threat of terrorism everyday, in the midst of the Iraq war, experiencing Tsunami's, earthquakes, and yes, famines. I should not wonder anymore why pastoring can be so hard, and neither should the rest of you who are doing this. Here's the thing...we are definitely in the last days and unfortunately instead of repenting and being concerned about souls and holiness, we have a lot of carnal Christians displaying the above behaviors just like the world!

It's not easy out there, my fellow ministers. No, not easy at all. But God put us here for such a time as this. Out of all the times we could have been born, He chose now and He chose YOU and ME for this task. Let's keep going for much is at stake, and our eternal reward is great.

p.s. regarding your prayers for me, Larry, our family...we still need them. This more than likely won't be a quick process, unless God brings a miracle. I still believe in them. Thank you for believing with me. I will keep you posted from time to time on the blog as well as a personal update to anyone who has written me an e-mail. Thanks so much, friends.

The process is the goal

My devotional in Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, really spoke to me strongly today. I'm off to take a bike ride before the sun sets, but wanted to share it here:

"We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea" ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.

God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.

God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious."

Deanna here again: Wow, this was such a timely reminder to me. I am being reminded once again that to God, the process IS the goal. Too many people speak of destiny as it being all that is important but the truth is, destiny is now.

Yes Lord, I'm listening.

If you haven't signed up yet

for DRIVEN TO PRAY, please do so!

It's coming up on Sunday night, and I can't wait!

To register for your spot at this FREE live teleconference call, simply go here.

If you are wondering what in the world this is all about and you have happened upon my blog for the first time, go to my prior post here, or to the Driven to Pray website here.

Once you have signed up to "attend" you will follow the step by step instructions when calling into the, "Women Driven to Pray" event. Again, it's this Sunday night, August 3, 2008 at 8 pm EST. You will dial the Attendee dial-in #: (712) 432-1001 and when prompted, enter the Attendee Access Code: 489447432#

Can't wait to hear all the PRAISE REPORTS of what will occur through this WORLDWIDE prayer meeting! Mega kudos to my dear friend Pastor Tara for responding to the call from the Lord to do this.

Sunday night is going to be a night of breakthrough! I have been preparing my heart in prayer this afternoon for this and I sense a strong breaker anointing over this whole event. Get ready!!!

Family Chat

(Larry and I pull up our chairs to have our "family chat" with the leadership team tonight. We're real relational like that...)

Great day at Northside today!

The Lord really moved among us and we don't take that for granted for even one second!


This morning's service was really good with the spirit moving through the worship, right into the Lord moving in the gifts of the Spirit, into a great message from Larry about living in God's "intervals" and staying in the place of intercession as Daniel did. Powerful. Tons of comments about how much the sermon ministered to all...


Tonight was our leadership meeting which we have in our home. I love our leadership meetings. We have a great group of leaders who are very supportive. Tonight was an especially good meeting. We listened to a CD of Pastor Perry Fruscella, a friend of ours, giving a message on "How to Support Your Pastor." Well, we already have a good group of leaders but this kicked it up a notch! The message was really good in opening up some behind the scenes things that pastors deal with that most people have no clue about. It is amazing how once you clue your leadership in to some of those things, how supportive they can become if they just know about it.

Larry and I just shared openly with them tonight and poured our hearts out and they responded...

God is good.

The Message... perfectly describes my feelings so many times

Psalm 51...The Message Bible...

" Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing... God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!"

Yes.

This is my prayer.

(I took this photo at Clearwater, by the way...)

Few more photos from yesterday...

Some sanddollars and shells Jordan got from diving...

Teeby

My sister, Kim in the water...at Ft. Desoto

Savanna and Lexi building castles...

Capturing the end to another beautiful day on camera...it was like this when I was taking my walk on the beach at sunset before leaving, just talking to the Lord...it was pretty deserted out there and a perfect time to chat...

While you were sleeping...

More and more I realize just how much the Lord loves me and cares about my needs. The Bible says if He cares for the birds of the air and provides for them, how much more will He provide for us? I took this photo today of Jordan enjoying the birds and running around on the sand at Ft. DeSoto. I'm reminded these days in all kinds of ways, large and small - just how much the Father cares for me and is watching out for me. Every sunrise I see, every sunset I experienced, every e-mail received, every comment, everything positive that is large or small is shouting out to me right now in my spirit about how much He cares.

I woke up this morning knowing that our plans were to go to breakfast with my family and then to Ft. DeSoto beach. I was looking forward to going and spending another day at the beach with my sister and her family, but as my eyes opened this morning, I felt the heaviness of some things with work upon me. I thought, “Lord, you know what has to be done and even though I worked myself to the bone before my sister arrived so I could take this time off, how can I possibly relax with this that I have to do?” I was concerned, because I’m up against a certain deadline right now that is weighing on me like a ton of bricks on my chest. Well, guess what happened…???

A few moments after waking up I logged on to my computer and checked my mail. There was Tara Sloan…telling me she had basically been working for me already, doing exactly what I would have spent my time doing today had I not been on vacation! The Lord sent me a friend to work FOR me. Amazing. I didn’t ask, I didn’t even tell her I was thinking about this today, but she just did this as a blessing to me. Tara, you’re the best. Your help this morning enabled me to leave my work behind for another day, go to Ft. DeSoto, float on my noodle and get some rest.

What a day! We ate breakfast out this morning and then I introduced my sister to my favorite shopping place – Bealls Outlet. Then we headed to Ft. DeSoto Beach and it was such a beautiful day. Two things happened at the beach this week that were so funny. First, my nephew got a custard cone (I love frozen custard! Addiction Pastor T got me started on) and Cody had this piled up custard cone and right when he purchased it, a seagull swooped down and ran right into it, ruining it! Ugh! (They gave him a new one right away, free.)

Second, today I was getting ready to lay out in the sun for a while and sleep (it was so wonderful!) and I prepared to lay on my stomach. This necessitates me digging two holes in the sand so I can comfortably do that. (Is this TMI?) A lady on a nearby blanket that I don’t know bursted out laughing and shouted, “Ahh haaa!!! Look at her, she’s got to do the same thing I have to do! She has to dig two ______ holes!” I’m thinking, “Um, announce it a little louder lady, New York can’t hear!” (LOL)

We had a really nice day together on the beach, staying til’ sunset, diving for sand dollars (Jordan got about 100 of them at least, no exaggeration!), floating on noodles, laying out, feeding seagulls, walking the beach, and more. I got a walk by myself in at sunset and nobody was around and I walked along singing, “Breathe on Me, Breath of God” by Hillsong. It was just on my mind today and I was worshipping to that, and just talking to the Lord throughout my day whether I was walking on the sand or out in the water by myself for a while.

I love the Lord and am grateful for all of His many blessings on me. I am giving Him thanks and glory for each and every thing I see daily around me that is praiseworthy, and even things behind the scenes that can’t see that I know He’s doing without my knowledge. While I was I prayer today, I thought of Tara going to work on my behalf and I felt the Lord say to me, “While you were sleeping I had already set it up. Relax.”

Another amazing post from Craig... FRIENDS OR FANS?

I don't even want you to have to do so much as click to read the amazing post Craig posted last night. I'm fixing to post the entire thing here for your convenience. I read this and all I could think was, "well, I'm really blessed. I've got more than a few real friends! Halleluiah!" I understand this whole concept of friends vs. fans. I've had way too many fans, believe me...and I don't say that in an egotistical way.. please note in Craig's blog post, fans are not something of a positive nature. In this case, "fans" are bad. The more time goes on, I am learning the difference between friends and fans. I am learning to let a fan go and thank the Lord for His provision over my life in protecting me. The past few weeks I have a whole new appreciation for real friends and also a new level of discernment about fans. Thanks Craig, for another awesome word...

FRIENDS OR FANS?

by Craig Sloan

John 2:23-3:1 "Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name when they saw the signs which He did. 24 But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all men, 25 and had no need that anyone should testify of man, for He knew what was in man. NKJV

Oral Roberts once said, "If you get to the end of your life and you have five close friends you are blessed."

If you have more than three to five friends, they are most likely not friends. but fans. Jesus is accumulating a lot of fans in this text. They are people from a distance that love your gift, not you. They love you based on what you bring to the table, what they can get from you to advance them. Most people come after you for what they want from you, not the real you.

T.D Jakes, in some people's opinion the world's greatest preacher, and leader of a powerful movement, shared at one of his leadership conferences with tears in his eyes that when his mother died, he had a funeral service and only a handful of people showed up. He said he was devastated. He learned that they don't love him, they love his gift.

The root word for fan is fantasy. Fantasy means to project a unreal image. When you love my gift, you love a unreal image. I am not my gift 24 hours a day. That's why a lot of famous people die tragically. The fans fall in love with the way they look after 100 plastic surgeries. They project a image that is not real. Many of them die tragic deaths because every time they walk out of their house they feel the pressure of projecting a image that is not real. A fan has a picture of what is not real, and they want you to project that image all the time. They put expectations on you to be something you can't be...to provide something to them that you weren't intended to provide. This is how we get idols and gods. Jesus is trying to give us the wisdom of who are to commit our lives to with the understanding that the masses will never love the real you. It is only a handful of people that can look beyond the exterior and love the real you. This also helps you to understand the nature of people. For example let's look at critical people...

Critical people are people that criticize what they don't understand. That is their nature, so I base my expectation of them on their nature and I'm not offended or hurt. Who is your fan and who is your friend?

* Fans love you for what you can do for them, but when you need something, they are no where to be found.

* Friends can see your behind and still love you. Fans want to share your behind with everybody else.

* Fans are perfomance based. Friends are permanant. They don't love you more or less based on your performance. They are constant.

* Fans put false expectations on you, and when you can't meet them, they become offended at you. Friends are flexible in the relationship realizing things change.

* Fans will leave when something better comes along, Friends stick with you through hell or high water.

* Fans will praise you one moment and crucify you the next. Friends will die with you.

* Fans share inside information with others to make themselves look more important. Friends keep your secrets.

Why do people leave us? It is not because of something we've done, it is because they expected us to do something we didn't. Disappointment is the child of a unrealistic expectation.

Blessings,Craig

Where we spent yesterday...

We went with Kim and the family to John's Pass and Clearwater Beach. After floating on a noodle for hours and playing in the sand, we went to eat at a phenomenal seafood buffet called Shephard's. So good. I ate crab legs until I couldn't eat one bite more.

Here's Dustin's heart he made in the sand for Casey. She was supposed to come yesterday but she got sick. (We missed you, Casey!)

Here's where I spent lots of the day...in a chair, scrunching my toes in the sand...just what I needed...beach therapy.

Started out raining this morning but by the time we got to the beach it was so beautiful. Did I mention how much I needed this day? Thank you, Jesus.

There is nothing I love more, especially when admist a stressful time, to be at Clearwater at sunset, floating on my noodle...

We got home tonight and Larry said, "we need to do that more...on our day off." Mmmmhmmm. I agree.

Thanks to all of you who are continuing to pray...I love you all.

I saw a little sign in a shop today at the beach. It said, "I don't just believe in miracles, I'm counting on them." My feelings exactly! In the same shop they had a little box for prayer requests. I wrote mine on there and dropped it in the box.

If you've sent me an e-mail, I'm behind on answering them with taking some vacation days, but please know I've read them and I'm encouraged. I'll answer asap. Please know, you make a huge difference.

Re-cap of the day yesterday & some pics

Yesterday and today the family spent time at Busch Gardens and Adventure Island. A good time was had by all who went.

Parks are not my thing anymore ~ and thankfully my kids are all old enough now to not care if I go or not. :-) (Bad part of that is...they are growing up! Fast!) Anyway, I had a quiet day just cleaning up around the house a bit and resting, which has been sorely needed in my life more than anything. I need to get a little stricter about my days off, upcoming, if possible because I can see that my body/mind needs them more than ever. And that means days off where I don't necessarily go anywhere or do anything, but just a day to seriously rest. I've just been at a real breaking point...

Special thanks to those of you who posted a comment or emailed me personally. You're amazing. I have been so bouyed by what all of you have shared. When I haven't had enough faith for myself, friends have loaned me enough of theirs to get by. It's that whole I Thessalonians 3:10 thing again! ("Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.") That one friend has called a worldwide prayer meeting, another was standing proxy for me with her husband at their altar on Sunday morning, one prayed all day from 6 am the other day, many have said, "we won't let up til' we see victory", wow, wow, wow, I feel so surrounded.

Craig Sloan said a promotion was going to come from this. I believe it with all my heart. Please keep praying for me, for us, as it comes to mind. We're not at the point of breakthrough - circumstances all still the same, but my faith is being strengthened daily by reading the Word, speaking what it says over our situation, praying, worshipping and being surrounded by amazing people like many of you who read this blog.


By the way, got the photos from our weekend away at Go Girl Conference...Lourdes gave them to me tonight at church and I thought I'd post a few here. Above you will see our life coachers (not all of them, just some) who went for the weekend ~ left to right, Kim, Susan, Tina, Michele, Cathy, Liane, Yours Truly and Lourdes. Also here's a photo of the team of speakers for the weekend: Pastor Andrea Fruscella, Marsha Woolley, me, and Dr. Debbi Dunlap.

Had a good night last night at church...we got to sharing about the goodness of the Lord in the sanctuary, started testifying, building one another's faith...it was great. I love Jesus and I love our people.

By the way, when you get back from the Mouse House, Michele, just know how much I missed you last night in the sanctuary. :-)

Latest few days with my family....

Monday we went to Tarpon Springs with Kim, Dave and Lexi. We ate at Hellas, and then just walked around the shops all day and headed over to Howard Park afterwards to the beach to watch the sunset.

It was really beautiful. They loved it.

Yesterday they were all at Busch Gardens, but I chose not to go being that it's really not my thing and I would have just been a drag, quite honestly. I will never use the pass again and didn't want to spend the money, so I had a quiet day at home by myself...which is extremely needed right now.

As far as my situation I've been going through it actually just got a bit worse. I got a negative report yesterday. For all of you who have been praying, I just ask that you pray even harder if possible. :-) Thank you so much. I mean it (not just cliches or the "thing to say" here) but I REALLY MEAN IT when I say thank you for holding me up -- you'll never know what it means.


I just have to believe that God has a miracle in store...it's my only option, so I have to believe.

Christian Women Take Root!

A few months ago I was contacted by a woman named Noelle Mena, and asked to start writing a column for ministry wives at a new online community she was starting called, "Christian Women Take Root."

CWTR was just launched on Monday and is an incredible gathering place for women of all ages and backgrounds. It is a community by women, for women. There are over 20 groups (and 21 writers involved at this time ) who are speaking out on every topic imaginable, and leading these online groups.

My column for ministry wives will be published here every first Friday of the month. My bio page is here, although I think any of you who read my blog regularly probably have this information memorized by now. (SMILE)

My good friends Pastor Tara Sloan and Pastor Leanne Weber are also writing columns for CWTR. You can find Tara's column, Feminine Fire, here. She will be blogging at CWTR every Tuesday from this week forward. And, find Leanne's column, Women in Ministry, here.

There seems to be some fantastic insight and encouragement being shared at CWTR, so I encourage you to check it out!

Guest Blogger: Pastor Tara Sloan

As many of you know, Unstoppable 2008 will take place September 4-6 in Tampa, FL. Unstoppable is hosted by my dear friend Pastor Deanna Shrodes. This conference is second to none. If you are a woman in ANY ministry capacity, ever have been or desire to be in the future, you MUST not miss Unstoppable 2008.

The vision Pastor Deanna has for Unstoppable and the Pastoring Partners Network would BLOW YOUR MIND if you ever sat down with her. This ministry is God ordained and is life changing… let me share my own story with you.

Last year I made it a priority to attend Unstoppable 2007. Craig and I had to scrimp, save and plan, but we both knew the importance of my attending. To say the very least I had had a very rough year. Every fiber of my being had been through the ringer, my calling questioned and scrutinized. I was near my breaking point.

On the very first night after a beautiful and delicious banquet, Unstoppable launched with a powerful time of praise and worship. I remember losing myself in the presence of God, almost melting into Him. I was determined to suck every bit of marrow out of Unstoppable.

Pastor Sherri Hawley brought the Word that night. As she spoke I felt myself begin to break, all of my walls came shattering down around me. At the time of ministry I collapsed into the arms of Pastor Deanna who prayed and encouraged me for quite a long time. After the service I felt so light, so refreshed. I slept better than I had in months. The days following were just as powerful. There were sessions for EVERY woman and hours of fellowship and networking. Pastor Deanna spoke on Friday night on the topic of, “Why Women Stop.” As Pastor Deanna and the other speakers made themselves available for one on one ministry so many woman received a fresh impartation from the Lord. I watched many women who walked into Unstoppable downcast become filled with the joy of the Lord once again.

Unstoppable 2007 was one of if not THE BEST conference for women I have ever attended. And allow me to say, I have been to MANY! One thing that separates Unstoppable from every other Christian Women’s Conference venue is the personal touch that is given. There are women on hand to serve and love on every one of the attendees. The speakers are accessible and available to minister corporately and individually. The facility is gorgeous and very reasonable! I could go on and on and on but I won’t keep you!

For more information, including excerpts from last year’s speakers, go to http://www.unstoppableconference.com/. Are you in need of a touch from the Lord? Do you desperately need to hear from Him away from present influences? Are you looking for a place to gather with other women you can network with and call on at any time for encouragement and or prayer? Do you just need to get away????? Unstoppable 2008 is the place where you can experience ALL of those things and SO much more!!!!

I know the economy is not great right now, but I also know that if you are determined to go and you commit to do so, God WILL provide! You may have to get a little creative, but it will be possible! Need some ideas on how to get creative? Email me and I’ll brainstorm with you! I don’t want you to miss this opportunity!!!! If you haven’t made a decision to attend, let me encourage you one more time to take the plunge. Do it! You will be so glad you did. Do whatever is necessary to be there. I can’t wait to hug your neck! Be Blessed!

Tara Sloan

Sunday wrap up...

God knows what we need when we need it! Today we had "ministering angels" called alongside to help us.

Of course it was nice to have my sister and family in church with me. Some other things that meant a lot today...

Tom and Cathy drove in from vacation to be at church today...just felt it was important to be there for Larry and I. You know, it means the world...really. They didn't have to do that. Who drives back home from vacation to be with their pastor? The Garland's do, because they do anything they need to do to show, "we're with you." It's part of who they are.

Second, Debbie and her words of encouragement today were like a healing balm. Often over the past 6 years Debbie's words have just been absolute LIFE and HOPE to me. Today was no exception. I don't know ANYBODY who has the gift of encouragement like she does. Every single week when I come off that platform, Debbie is waiting for me with an encouraging, "I love you," and some word of LIFE to speak into my spirit. She is a friend in the church who comes from a pastor's home. She grew up in the ministry...and so she understands it. She knows what pastors and their families go through and she has made it her mission to be there for me, to always speak a word of encouragement to me on a continual basis. Every pastor out there knows what a value this is, to have somebody like this. She sits with her husband Eddie behind on the second row, and there are countless times over the years, I'll feel a squeeze on my shoulder, as Larry is preaching or makes a point, Deb will squeeze and say, "that's for you today, receive it," or "I love you, I'm behind you..." or "Pastor Deanna, the anointing was flowing so powerfully through you today...we're headed to the next level." She's AMAZING, that Debbie...

Third, we had a surprise visit today from our friends, Pastors Mark & Judi Cotignola who co-pastor the A/G in Palmetto. They were on their vacation today and decided to be with us in service. At the conclusion of the service, just talking to them for a little while was like a cold drink of water in a parched world. I told Judi, "you're on vacation, this isn't your time to be ministering and functioning like 'a pastor's wife' a this moment, but here you are spending your vacation time, ministering to me..." She said, "no, I'm not 'the pastor's wife' at this moment, I'm just A FRIEND."

Thank you Jesus, for friends! Friends who follow the leading of the spirit. Judi said, "Now I know why we were here today...everything happens for a reason..." Sometimes God knows when to send the pastor a pastor!

In the next few weeks once my family goes back to Baltimore, Mark and Judi are going to make another trip up and spend time time with us over lunch. Fun! Have I mentioned lately how much I believe in the fact that ministers need each other? Yes, we do! Connection, networking, support, fellowship with others in ministry is one thing I'm so passionate about. Judi told me today she knows one reason I'm so under attack right now is my work with the Unstoppable Conference & Pastoring Partners. Anything the enemy can do to try to bring me down he will because I am passionate about encouraging and strengthening other leaders. And if the enemy can stop that - he will. He is NOT going to win though, in Jesus name He is NOT going to succeed. The enemy IS DEFEATED.

I am reminded of the story of Joseph of the Old Testament, when he went through trials...the Bible would chronicle those trials and then the Word would say, "...but the Lord was with Joseph..." I am feeling this week that although I am going through trials, "...the Lord is with Deanna..." Yes, He is.

The next week as I'm spending time with my sister and her family, I'll post photos as I have time along with highlights from our time together.

I also have some posts pre-scheduled that I've been working on that are just things I've been thinking about and wanting to share in blog world.

There will be something here for you each day, so come back and enjoy. :-)

"You Go,Girl!" Highlights

We have just gotten back from the "You Go, Girl!" Conference in Jacksonville, FL. I was one of the speakers there this weekend and took my life coaching group to it. We had a great time! So many good memories and some great spiritual highlights.

I'm too tired to blog anything major right at the moment and need to gather my last minute things for in the morning and get to sleep...I had planned to post a few photos that I had gotten off of Lourdes's camera disk, however I thought I had downloaded them onto my computer and now that I look, I discover that I cannot find them on here. Ugh!! Evidently I did the wrong thing in downloading her disk. No clue. I'll have to wait to get the photos

Anyway, other speakers were Marsha Woolley, Dr. Debbie Dunlap, and Pastor Andrea Fruscella.

Marsha preached a word that was so off the chain and basically what I'm dealing with right now...I needed it so much. Great time spent together, great conversation...just talking to the ladies riding in my car was an amazing uplift. I am not alone. Not at all.

My sister is here!

My sister and her family just arrived from Baltimore to spend a little over a week with us! We are so excited and thrilled to have them here. We are going to have a Tampa "staycation" together. (Staycation for the Shrodes, and vacation for the Moraniec's) Actually Larry and I are taking a week's vacation from all things office related, emergencies and such (Pastor Trinity and Cathy will handle the office & emergencies) but for any Northsiders reading just know we will be there for all services , both Wednesday and Sunday. :-)

My sister decided to fly in late last night (well actually in the early morning hours...they got here after 1 am...) and go with me this morning to the Go Girl Conference in Jacksonville. I am speaking there, and will be taking my life coaching group and Kim accepted my invitation to come along. She's excited that she will also meet another fav blogger of hers, Michele from Northside as well as my assistant/friend Cathy. She already feels like she knows them through their blogs and reading mine.

We're traveling to Jacksonville today with the ladies and will be back late Saturday night, leaving the guys with the kids to do fun things like see the new Batman movie and whatever else fun they find to do.

I will post photos and highlights from the conference when I get back. I hope you all have a fantabulous weekend!

Also, please know that my sister coming in has absolutely nothing to do with the prayer need I posted yesterday. In fact, she's one of the people holding me up right now. In one way I'm sorta down that her vacation week and mine has to fall during a time when I'm going through so much. On the other hand, I really need her more than I ever have. I told Larry yesterday, "why does it have to be NOW that Kim comes when I'm dealing with this?" He said, "baby, I think maybe it's the perfect time for Kim to come."

All that to say, the storm is not over. Please my blogging friends, when you pray...breathe my name...and my family's. Thank you. Also thanks to all of you who commented or e-mailed yesterday. You'll never realize how much your words and your concern mean.

Hugs,

WOMEN DRIVEN TO PRAY

As you know from my post yesterday, I'm going through something...not just everyday spiritual warfare but something beyond. The friend I have leaned on most is my dear friend, Pastor Tara Sloan. Some of you are blessed to know her as well. After seeing what I'm going through, and walking through it with me, as well as receiving calls from several other close friends in ministry about some of the same type of things, Tara just became totally fed up with the devil and his schemes against women of God, pastors, churches, and our nation, and decided to do something majorly earth-shaking about it!

There have been times lately I've just needed to hear her voice or have her pray for me. She's been praying the power down in Chicago, and I can feel the power of the Holy Ghost coming through that phone line when she prays. But right now she's taking it a step further. She has decided to call a WORLDWIDE prayer meeting. That's right, I said WORLDWIDE, and I do mean literally inviting everyone in the world to join TOGETHER with us in prayer.

On August 3, 2008 at 8 pm EST hundreds of women will come together over a FREE conference call and we will pray together. This conference call event will be called, "Driven to Pray." Tara has put together a team of women leaders who will lead the call with her. Each participant will receive an agenda for the prayer event and a list of prayer requests compiled through the online request form here.

We are believing for a great move of God! This worldwide prayer meeting is going to strengthen leaders, break strongholds, shake nations, and more!!! We will be activating Matthew 18:19-20, "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."

All of you are invited to join us by conference call for this evening. We are encouraging you to GET THE WORD OUT about this. It's going to be a time of breakthrough, all over the world.

There have been a few difficult times I've gone through where I have felt like I was so weak spiritually that I couldn't minister to myself, and as Craig and Tara spoke or prayed, it was like they were dropping Holy Ghost anointed drops of medicine moment by moment into my spirit and giving me strength again when I was too weak to feed myself. Right now I am in need of a breakthrough myself but being that we partner together in so many things, Tara has asked me to be on the leadership team of this conference call, and of course I gladly will. I know as I reach out and pray for others, God will also be touching me and ministering to my need.

For more information about this event, "Driven to Pray," click here.

I need you

Blogging friends...

I can't get into the specifics on my blog, but for any of you who read daily and feel like you "know me" - whether you are from Peoria or Singapore, would you just please pray for me in a special way right now? Put me and my family on your prayer list.

I try to be nothing but uplifting on this blog and encourage everyone but I also aim to be honest and I'm telling you, I honestly need your prayers. Many of you who are my personal friend outside of this blog know the details, but the details aren't important, just pray in the spirit that God would move upon my situation in a mighty way. I need a miracle. Yesterday.

If you do read everyday or even a couple times a week, whether I know you or not, whether you ever commented or e-mailed or not, whether we ever meet this side of heaven or not - know that I do love you and pray for all who click on this blog.

Thank you for lifting me and my family up.

p.s. A special thanks to my longtime friend Pastor Tara...yours and Craig's words are absolute LIFE to me right now.

Insane mind dance about parenthood

I go back and forth in my life between wanting to have more children and not wanting to.

Not that I have a choice.

1) We're both "fixed".

2) Even if we weren't, my husband would still say no. He has said no, period. No adopting. No foster care either. So, that's that. End of discussion.

On some days it pains my heart that I won't have more children in my household. I say in my household because I have lots of spiritual children who don't live with me. That's my life...spiritual parenting.

But every once in a while when I hold one of our babies at church, like I am here (holding Joel & Sheri's son Dylan here when he was a baby, at one of our church dinners)... or when Michele's son Marcus flings into my arms for a hug after church as he is here in this picture below, well...it puts a pang in my heart that goes something like this... "ohhhh...this season in my life is fading...the kids are growing up...my house is going to be going through a real transition soon as much as I'm trying to hold off on it..."

On some days the fact that we're heading towards transition seems a welcome relief. Like one day this week which was very typical... I had two extra kids here...stereo blaring in one bedroom, Halo 3 blaring in the other bedroom...with Jordan in the garage banging on the drum set for 45 minutes as I was cooking dinner. At the same time, Savanna and her friend were running through the house...doors opening, doors banging shut as they are bouncing between outside/inside. Every time they open the door, it seems a fly gets in. (Question of the ages: why didn't Noah swat those two flies?) Meanwhile, Dustin and his friend are banging on the piano and the telephone is ringing mercilessly.

When my two boys are home from work or school, this is basically what my household is like right now. And on days like this when the noise gets to fever pitch and I'm stressed, I say to myself, "Nope, no more, no more, no more. Larry's right. Our kid raising days are ending with these kids. We need peace and quiet and in the next few years, it will finally be here for the first time since 1989."

And then other days I think of being without conglomeration of noise and activity and get dreadfully depressed. Sometimes I even start crying over the thought. On days where my kids make me so proud I could burst, I get woefully down about it and think, "what was I thinking to just stop at three kids? Why didn't we have a dozen at least? Why am I not doing this all the rest of the days of my life?"

And then the next day Jordan gets kicked off the bus or something. Never for anything serious, knock on wood. Fortunately my kiddos have never gotten into trouble for anything catastrophic. It's usually for something like standing up in the middle of class and singing a song, or banging empty coke bottles like a drum set against the seats on the bus, or pulling a prank on someone. Yes, they are stupid childish pranks but still nevertheless a stress for his father and I to get a call from the teachers or principle. And on days like that I said, "why did God ever trust me enough to give me kids? I am not equipped to handle this!"

But then the next day Jordan leads somebody to Jesus, or helps an old lady in the parking lot at church, I think, "how crazy am I to be stressed out about anything? I am so blessed!"

Yep, this is the insane back and forth dance that goes in my mind about parenthood.

Does this happen with anyone else but me, this insane mind dance? Are you convinced you can't handle parenthood one more second sometimes and then at others you absolutely ache to have a little newborn in your arms again, or long for the days to come back when you were teaching your kids to tie their shoes?

Do the wave!

If you've been reading the my blog for very long, you know that 2007 was a challenging year for me. Oh, some phenomenal stuff happened, the two most notable being my Africa preaching trip, and the Unstoppable Conference. Off the chain. Simply off the chain. God showed up...to Him be the glory.

Other than those two amazing things, it was a year from the pits. I can't for the life of me imagine that it was from God. My son getting so sick and coming down with a near fatal disease? My husband having an operation and one year recovery? (Yep, he's still recovering...will be til' October) My car being totaled? And some other things happened, that due to their confidential nature (ahhh yes, the ministry) I won't mention.

I thought 2008 was going to be radically different and declared it so even before it began. And so did some other people. Several people prophesied over me..."this is your year, Deanna!" I'm starting to ask, "my year for what?!" Actually they (the Lord through them) told me for what...a year of increase, power, breakthrough, yada yada. And I so desperately want to believe all that.

But here I am, facing another wall the past few months and thankfully some women who know how to get ahold of God have been hammering away at that brick wall in intercession for me. Thankfully God specializes in WALLS. Maybe I should get my friends to come to Tampa and we'll march around seven times and see what happens? LOL

Yesterday, I e-mailed my friends Pastor Tara Sloan and Pastor Sandy Phinazee to give them an update and what I considered a small praise report about 4 things, (actually to be exact, four out of 46 more that have to be accomplished for this particular breakthrough) and Tara got incredibly excited and said to Sandy and I via e-mail, "Ladies, right now, let's do the wave, four times! I'm serious, I just backed up from my desk and did it! Do it with me!" I have to confess, I did it right then, and later on opened her e-mail and did it again with her, for a total of eight times. :-) I am so thankful for friends who have FAITH when mine is weak. I am being strengthened even now, and I am coming out, through the power of His Spirit, fighting!

I am also thankful for God being so faithful to speak to me through so many avenues. Did you know God can speak to you through the news? Yes, He can. Today the news waves were full of the story with GM announcing their plans for cutbacks for this year and next, based on what's happening with the economy. After telling everyone about the new plan, the president of GM, Rick Wagoner, said this: "This is not a plan for survival, it's a plan to win." God reminded me, HIS plan for us is not survival, but a plan to WIN. Why am I experiencing such huge walls in front of me? Why did I face them last year? BECAUSE HUGE THINGS ARE AT STAKE! I am taking new ground that has never been taken before, in several areas. God has called you and I to win...to do exploits, but it doesn't come easily. "The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force..." (Matthew 11:12)

Before bedtime last night I was reading come Away My Beloved and it was uncanny how it spoke to me in dealing with situations:

"O my beloved, do not be anxious concerning tomorrow. You shall encounter nothing of which I am not already aware...My wisdom has conceived a solution to every perplexity...I will not always cause favorable winds to blow upon your life, for then you would be at ease and you would soon grow soft and dull. It is when the wind is high and the waves are threatening that you become alert and keen, and then I can strenghten your spiritual fiber...You have no need to fear whether I will be faithful to you, for I have never failed anyone else, so why would I fail you? You have an innumerable company of spectators cheering you from the ramptarts of heaven, reminding you of what I did for them, and encouraging you that the struggle is not interminable, surprisingly soon it shall end in victory for you also - if you endure faithfully."

ATTENTION: Women involved in ANY kind of ministry...

Just a reminder that no matter what is going on in your life, you can't afford NOT to take a break.

Your marriage, your family, your church, your ministry team, your people desperately need a healthy, fully focused YOU. How does that happen? Times of refreshing, and taking care of YOU.

Making plans to attend the Unstoppable Conference is a way to do that. Guaranteed you will find this to be a one-of-a-kind gathering that will bless you in ways you never imagined. If you want to know what others are saying about that, just go to the conference site and read the testimonies!

For those of you who are regulars here on the blog, please take note, Pastor Tara Sloan is also a key speaker this year at Unstoppable! To register to share this awesome time with us , just go get your downloadable registration form here.

Ladies, if you are living and breathing and involved in ministry in any capacity, I encourage you to make plans to be there. If you need a roommate to share costs, if you have other special needs, just e-mail me and let's talk about it. Nothing would make me happier than sharing coffee with you personally at Unstoppable. Let's do it!

Hugs,

The value of women of faith...

So the other night, my vision was keeping me up at night again. Scaring me out of my mind.

Someone once said if your vision doesn't scare you to death when you lay awake at night, it's too small.

Sometimes I honestly wonder why God gave me a vision for anything because I also know fear is not of Him, yet I do feel scared to pieces sometimes when facing the vision before me.

So the other night this was happening, but I got up and started to read the Word. One night I was in that tossing and turning mode and God said to me, "It's like this Deanna...you can TOSS, TURN, OR TRUST!!!" I realize I'm called to trust Him, not called to toss and turn. But I can't trust Him without His Word. I don't know about any of you but the Word leaks out of me. I have to keep pumping it in to me, or I start to falter. Most times that means getting out of bed and going to the other room to read so I don't wake up Larry.

So there I went the other night, out to read and before I open the Bible I often read Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, because it has a way of cutting through the craziness in my life so quickly and there it was. He said, "What I need is God’s surgical procedure— His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification." Yep, yep, okay I'm there, Lord.

Even before I came out to the other room to read I had already prayed, "Lord, I need peace, so what is it that you would have me do? I just want to walk in wisdom...just want to walk in righteousness...just want to obey you."

As I read a few minutes later in the devo it went on to say: "Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You." Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision."

I have to be honest that I am totally all about this and saying "yes" to the Lord, yet my faith has been lacking the past few days. When I see the mountain that is in front of me it seems too big to climb at times. Honestly in the natural some days I do not have the strength to do it anymore. I feel like a heel about that. I'm supposed to be filled with faith and power, yet the past week I have struggled. If it weren't for God's Word (which never fails) and a few friends who are very strong women in God I do not know what I'd do.

I was feeling really cheesy about this (my lack of faith the last few days) until I opened God's Word after reading Oswald Chambers and saw this in I Thessalonians 3:10 "Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith." That simple verse reminded me that there were occasions Paul and Timothy had to come and encourage the believers who were lacking in their faith. I need a miracle right now. I'm having trouble hanging on for it the past few days, but it seems I have a few women of faith in my life who like who like Paul and Timothy, are supplying what I'm lacking right now.

I won the B.O.W. Award!

I have been informed that I am the winner of the Assembly of God Blogs "B.O.W. Award" this week. (B.O.W. stands for Blog of the Week.)

I'm so honored! Thank you Sharon, for bestowing this award on me, and thank you Laurie, for nominating me. These ladies are the bomb! (SMILE) If you click on the B.O.W. Award it will take you to the interview that they do with each winner and mine is posted there this week. Also, since I am the B.O.W. Award winner this week, the award will be displayed in each of my posts this week.

Thank you again...you are a blessing and I appreciate all of you who read my blog and especially those who let me know it has been a particular blessing to you in some way. I love you all.

Sunday wrap up

Busy day and I'm so drained right now.

Amidst all the cleaning we're still doing, we had a super full Sunday schedule as usual. It began early like it does every week. I got up as I usually do while all is still pitch black and put on some hazelnut coffee which is my saving grace first thing every Sunday morning. :-)

Several last minute call outs/sicknesses, etc. to deal with this morning and I told the team, "we've got to leap several tall buildings in a single bound this morning, but I'm used to this, so come hang on for the ride..." and they did. It actually went incredibly smooth for all that happening. I was rather amazed!

Went right from church to a meeting with my women's leaders over lunch and we had a good time as usual. Just charting stuff for the next few months and expecting God to do some significant things.

I came home, slept for 30 minutes, then got up and freshed up for our couples barbeque that we had tonight. It was really fun! Great food and even better fun!

I'm tired, with an incredibly busy day before me tomorrow. I think I'm going to sleep well tonight. It just started pouring down rain and I love to sleep at moments like this when I can hear the rain.

Thank you Lord, for small blessings...they are significant to me.

Nails n' getting stuff done

That's what I'm doing today. Last night we had a nice dinner with the Watson's and it was great conversation as usual. I got to bed late but had to get up this morning (no sleeping in) because I had made an nail appointment. I usually never go on Saturdays - the shop is too crowded and I don't like it. But I had to make an appointment because yesterday as I was cleaning one of my acrylic overlays popped off. Gosh that was painful! This doesn't happen easily by the way, at least with me. I have real nails and just get acrylic on top and fills every few weeks. Acrylic doesn't just pop off, and I've needed a new set for over 6 months now, but it's like this...

1) I'm a busy person and I generally don't have time to sit there while they take them off and put them back on. It takes much longer to do a full set.

2) It costs more to get a new set than a fill. (Only $8 more at my salon, but heck, in this economy $8 is nothing to sneeze at!)

3) I hate the pain. I've actually taken a pain killer on the morning I go to get my set changed. No kidding.

I'm the same person that once asked for an anesthetic block when I got my eyebrows waxed. (LOL!) Seriously, I took aspirin for that too. But I don't get them waxed anymore, I save my money and just do them myself each day when I get out of the shower. Isn't it amazing how much beauty stuff is really uncomfortable? Plucking, waxing, yeech! I don't like either. As far as acrylic, you are supposed to pull the old off every 3 months but for reasons of time, money, and pain, I wait. And then Lisa and Tony (owners of my nail shop) and Mai (another nail tech) scold me...

"Deeeena...yoo shoooent dooo daht. Yooo get eeenfecshon..."

Yes, yes, yes. I know. I've even gotten an infection once already, and heard about it profusely from the three of them. But they don't care about the time or money it takes me... however, fortunately they do seem to care about he pain. Today I told Lisa, "I'm just sayin, there's not many things I hate to go through that getting the acrylic off...it's so painful to me...I wish I never had to go through it..." and she patted me like she could tell how much it bothers me even though I have never complained before. I noticed she was extra gentle today when taking them off. They were off so quickly and easily compared to the past. She seemed to be more creative in getting them off. Maybe I should have tried that tactic sooner? Oh well, new set is on and the popping and peeling has stopped. Some of you wonder how I had three babies when I don't even like the pain of getting nail acrylic changed. I'm odd that way. I'd rather have a baby than get a blood test. Sometimes smaller thing bother me more. For instance, I put up with the excruciating pain of an ulcer and a bad gallbladder for a long time, and my doctor never understood how I withstood it for so long, but on the other hand, blood tests freak me out! The scariest thing for me about having a baby was getting the IV. Once it was done all three times, I was like, "whew, okay, the worst is over." I know, I know, I'm strange. Anyway, back to nails...

I have often thought especially in this tight economy and gas prices as they are (and my house payment and insurance going up) maybe I should just stop getting my nails done. However I'm trying to hang on as long as possible. Before I had them done, I did them myself every night for about 30 minutes before bedtime. Seriously. If they were going to look decent, that is what it took, no exaggeration. I do a lot of work with my hands...cleaning, typing, playing the piano and each night no matter what I put on them, the polish would chip and my nails were very soft so they would often break or peel and they would also be uneven. I like them to always look especially nice as I am ministering to others, speaking, praying for people, holding someone's hand, etc., so I would spend a lot of time on them each night. This got very tiring, and I did it for years even when the kids were little.

The good thing about having my nails done is that in between I don't have to do one thing with them and they always look great! The bad thing about it is, I do have to spend money on it. On the other hand, it's the one thing I do for "me", aside from riding my bike. So, not sure what I will do in the future if the economy stays tight like this but one thing I will say, I will dread having to sit down for 30 minutes every night and do this, but I will if necessary. Oh well, on to other things...

Still cleaning in preparation for our week ahead and company coming in. I've been getting loads of sorting, scouring, laundry, gardening, etc. done for days now and Larry has been working hard too. I'm so grateful. Today he not only cleaned the carpet in Savanna's room, and went grocery shopping, but he made dinner tonight and surprised me. Again, he tried to recreate my favorite dish from Carrabbas. I mentioned a while back we haven't done Carrabbas in a really long time, (which is my favorite place) and so to do something special he tried to do the dish here at home. It was really good!

I rode my bike tonight and it was glorious. Jordan came and got me this afternoon from my scrubbing and said, "Momma, come outside...there's a cold front coming in!" (Well, as cold front as we get here in FL) Sure enough the temp had come down and it was a little breezy. Tonight I rode at sunset and it was awesome.

I am getting our clothes ready for church tomorrow and getting some more laundry folded up and then barring rain will go out to the patio to pray for a little while. My prayers for everyone reading is that you have an incredible Sunday filled with God's blessings...and His power flowing and changing lives in your services tomorrow.

Teeby is laying here next to me while I blog, listening to David Cassidy's "I Woke Up In Love This Morning". Makes me happy... will stay a few extra minutes before I get back up to do laundry.

p.s. Since I was at the nail place extra long today I was able to see a whole movie there (they show movies at my shop) and it was "Bonneville". I loved it!!! Have any of you seen it? Did you like it as much as I did? Gosh, what a good "friendship" movie for women...

Cleaning with the gators...

I'm working my tail off trying to prepare to take a few vacation days off upcoming. That's the way it works - you have to double it up on the front end or the back end but one thing is for sure you can't just not have a week of work, at least the type of work I do.

So this week I'm preparing 6 messages. Seriously.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. I have about 40-50 work initiatives right now besides that in order to be able to take some time off. I've actually knocked out an amazing amount so far and am going along at a good clip. My brain feels like mush right now since I've been writing teachings, and the last thing I want to do is write something that requires any serious brain power right now.

We went to Home Depot last night after work to get some stuff for the weeds that seem to love our yard so much. It's amazing how healthy weeds are and what it takes to kill them.

Larry tried to annihilate some weeds while Jordan cleaned the jacuzzi. While doing that he saw an alligator in the backyard that was about 8 ft. He called us out to look at it. This is not really shocking when you live in Florida. In fact the photo above was apparently taken by a homeowner who had an interesting visitor at the door one day. Glad this has never happened to me this up close, that's for sure! We tried to take a photo of the gator but it was aleady too dark outside.

I cleaned the fridge (one of my least fav jobs but it's gotta be done). Then we ate chili for dinner. Not exactly a summertime food but I was craving it, so it's what we had. I was also able to get a bike ride in tonight for a few miles. It was so awesome to be out there. I haven't been in days because it has been thunderstorming so bad.

I should have "fun Friday' today but honestly my house needs a lot of attention and I'm going to be working on it all day doing stuff in preparation for company to come. I am dreading a day of housework but I'll have to do some things to make it as fun as possible to make the time go by in getting it done. What I normally do to make cleaning more enjoyable is light candles and play music I like or I listen to some of my favorite preachers while I clean and get a few hours of the Word in me while I clean. Many times T.D. Jakes and I clean the house together. :-) At least I got to sleep in before I had to start working.

I'll be back in the next day or two with something really thought provoking. Right now my mind is tired.

Ten off beat facts about me

Okay, I've been writing about really serious stuff here on the blog for several days and it's time for me to lighten up a bit, so I'm going to write things you'd never know about me, unless I told you.

1) When I was growing up, I always cried at the end of every episode of The Incredible Hulk. Seriously. That show breaks me down to tears. Reruns of it still do. I guess I'm still growing up.

2) I have been waiting to see the Hulk in theaters currently because I want to go with Lisa, so we are coordinating our schedules to go when I can go with her, and.....my box of kleenex.

3) I like fried bologna. I know it's terrible for you. I usually only fry it up when I'm depressed and binging.

4) If I am uncomfortable with a group of people or in a situation where I don't want to deal with a conversation,I just clean. Nobody ever gets mad at you for cleaning, they just think, "oh, what a saint" and let you go on your merry way, or say, "hey, wanna come to my house and do that?" It can get rather interesting though when you try this at Applebee's or at somebody's wedding reception. (I've been offered employment on the spot more than once. I'm thinking, "are you kidding? I don't want to be on the payroll here, I just want to get out of an uncomfortable situation, so give the table rag back to me and skeedaddle!")

5) Riding on rollercoasters that go upside down or leave my feet dangling throw me into "that time of the month." Seriously. So I don't do them. Who wants that? "Hey Deanna, wanna ride this rollercoaster?" "Uh, hold on let me make sure I'm wearing protection and prepare myself to have cramps for 5 days..." Noooooo thank you.

6) I don't watch movies with Michael Douglas anymore. Too many unholy thoughts invade my head. I'm just sayin'.

7) I can't stand to have any wax in my ears.

8) I don't like made up jokes or stories. There are so many hysterical true stories, I never run out of them to tell and I never tire of hearing other people tell theirs! I love stand up comedy when people are just sharing their real life experiences or observations. But as soon as somebody says, "Two guys walk into a bar..." or "So there was this priest, a rabbi and a baptist minister..." I just tune out until they talk about real life again.

9) I get cold easily so when I go to the movies I take my little fuzzy rose blanket and a pair of socks in my purse. I really don't care if anybody thinks I'm a nerd when I pull out my socks and blanket, although I usually wait til' the previews start to pull them out.

10) You know those big round racks in clothing stores? I hid in one once to avoid a meeting/conversation. I didn't dislike the person nor was I upset with them. They're cool. Just didn't have the energy for the conversation at the time. Life is about choices right? That day I chose the clothing rack. Long story for a serious blog one day.

Remember my chains

The past few days I have been reading through the book of Colossians for my devotions. There are books in the Bible you read again and again and each time something different jumps out and you say to yourself, "now why didn't I notice that before?"

I say for two reasons - first the fresh revelation the Holy Spirit gives you as you read it. The Word of God is living and active - not like any other book. Second, my circumstances when I read it cause me to read passages in a new light.

Today was one such time - I read Colossians 4 today and I got to the end at verse 18 which simply said, " I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand. Remember my chains." Immediately three words stood out: remember my chains.

I so relate. But more on that in a minute.

Before I get into my issues, think about what Pauls' reason was to say that. We can find the answer in II Thessalonians as to why he reiterates to them that he is indeed writing the letter himself. There he says in II Thessalonians 3:17, “I, Paul, write this greeting with my own hand. This is the sign of genuineness in every letter of mine; it is the way I write”.

So apparently he was the victim of identity theft. People were trying to forge letters in Paul's name and claim to be him. He also talked about this in II Thessalonians 2:1-3 "Concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered to him, we ask you, brothers, not to become easily unsettled or alarmed by some prophecy, report or letter supposed to have come from us, saying that the day of the Lord has already come. Don't let anyone deceive you in any way..."

Paul was passionate about guarding the integrity of his ministry and made sure nobody was trying to pass off some lie for something he said. He absolutely hated anything that would possibly lead the sheep astray. Every pastor including myself can relate to that. We have a holy passion to set right anything that would cause our people to be deceived. This is the heart of a true pastor.

So on to the chains. What's up with that? Is he asking for them to feel sorry for him? No. Paul wasn't a cry baby or going "emo" on them as my son would say. He wasn't looking for a pity party or for them to take their eyes off of Jesus. But what he was doing was simply saying, "hey guys I'm still going through some stuff here, so don't slack off on the prayer!'

I do realize Paul's chains were real. In fact it probably made his hands bruised, uncomfortable, maybe even bloody as he wrote the letter.

Although I always have nicely manicured hands, usually with pink nail polish and little whispy white flowers on them, never the less sometimes I am in chains.

Chains of ministry stresses...

Chains of relational stresses...

Chains of financial stresses...

all kinds of stuff.

I'm sure you relate.

There are times I email or call a friend and basically say, "hey, remember my chains..."

It's also really nice when people remember your chains and you don't even have to remind them. That happens to me quite a bit because I have good friends. I am so thankful!

Speaking of remembering friends, would you please join me in praying for a friend of mine who is experiencing the chains of grief and disappointment in a profound way? A dear friend, Ronnelle, who is a pastor's wife and also a minister in her own right, has just experienced a significant loss. We have been friends for many years through the Pastoring Partners Network. Most of us on the boards know her as "Flow" and she never ceases to amaze all of us with her wisdom and way with words. Anyway, our dear friend is almost 40 and has wanted to have a baby for all the years she and her husband have been married. Finally a few months ago she became pregnant with what she and her husband thought was finally their miracle child. The ironic thing was, she became pregnant before the doctor started her on treatments they were planning on doing! They were so incredibly excited. She made it to the four month mark, but this past weekend lost the baby. The baby was a girl, and they have named her Faith Legacy, because in Ronnelle's words: "We have appropriately named her Faith because she has given us a reason to believe and and appreciate the Lord all the more and Legacy because she has given us a strong foundation to look back upon and to build our future."

Many of you, like Ronelle and myself included, have lost a child to miscarriage and know and understand the pain. Please if you would, join me today in breathing a word of prayer for my friend who is in the chains of grief and longs for God to fill her empty arms.

Personal Safety Awareness Domestic Violence Awareness

Through a tragedy that occurred years ago with a dear woman in our church, we found out all too up close and personal that domestic abuse does indeed happen, even among Christians. Even among leaders in the church! Did you know...

* 1/3 of American women report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend.

* 30% of all Americans know a woman who has been physically abused by a husband or boyfriend in the last year.

This problems transcends all race, backgrounds and socio-economic groups of people.

WHAT ARE CHURCHES DOING TO RESPOND TO THIS NEED?

At our church we now have a ministry in place to reach out to women who are dealing with these issues, or who have just come out of a situation. Help is completely confidential. We are committed to protecting these precious women at all costs. Interestingly enough, when the group was started we wondered how many we would have or if anyone in the church would respond. It is sad to report, but the statistics bear out and we have never had a lack of people in our support group ministry who need help along these lines. You might think your church is exempt, but...think again. You would be surprised who would attend a meeting if they could be certain no one would ever know! (We change our meeting times/dates each month to avoid detection and ensure safety of the participants, and the only one who knows the meeting times aside from the group members are myself and our group director. Our other leaders in the church don't know -- even our pastors don't know!)

We want to help other churches in developing ministries of their own to meet this crucial need. If you are in the Tampa Bay area, join us on Friday night, August 8 at 7 pm at Northside Assembly of God in Tampa, as we tackle the important issues of Personal Safety Awareness, and Domestic Abuse Awareness. This will be a Tampa Metro/Section 9 Event and we have invited all of our area churches.

First, we have Sheriff Mark Michaelson of the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Department coming, who will speak on personal safety awareness for women. We are going to separate fact from fiction. You know, the scary e-mails that you get about what to do to avoid being assaulted in a mall parking lot or gas station. What is real? What's not? Come and learn from the wisdom of a local sheriff as to how to protect yourself. You've got prayer as your #1 weapon but it wouldn't hurt to add some street smarts. :-)

The next feature of the evening will be our very own Sue Flint, Director of Aprile's Hope Ministries who will speak on domestic violence awareness and how the church can help. If your church is interested in having a ministry for women in these situations, resources will be made available to help you!

There is no charge for this event, but we do ask that you RSVP so that proper seating and refreshments may be prepared.

Guest blogger: Oswald Chambers

So God has been all over me about the issues of obedience, holiness, doing the "difficult thing" once again when I can't see it's current worth, yada yada yada. And as happens so many times I opened my My Utmost for His Highest devotional yesterday and it sent a zinger through my heart. Oswald will break it down for you, I'm tellin' you. That guy reads my mail time and again. I rarely print somebody else's entire devo for somebody else to read, but you just have to see yesterday's entry...

All Efforts of Worth and Excellence are Difficult

by Oswald Chambers

If we are going to live as disciples of Jesus, we have to remember that all efforts of worth and excellence are difficult. The Christian life is gloriously difficult, but it difficulty does not make us faint and cave in—it stirs us up to overcome. Do we appreciate the miraculous salvation of Jesus Christ enough to be our utmost for His highest—our best for His glory?

God saves people by His sovereign grace through the atonement of Jesus, and "it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure" ( Philippians 2:13 ). But we have to "work out" that salvation in our everyday, practical living (Philippians 2:12). If we will only start on the basis of His redemption to do what He commands, then we will find that we can do it. If we fail, it is because we have not yet put into practice what God has placed within us. But a crisis will reveal whether or not we have been putting it into practice. If we will obey the Spirit of God and practice in our physical life what God has placed within us by His Spirit, then when a crisis does come we will find that our own nature, as well as the grace of God, will stand by us.

Thank God that He does give us difficult things to do! His salvation is a joyous thing, but it is also something that requires bravery, courage, and holiness. It tests us for all we are worth. Jesus is "bringing many sons to glory" (Hebrews 2:10 , and God will not shield us from the requirements of sonship. God’s grace produces men and women with a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ, not pampered, spoiled weaklings. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to live the worthy and excellent life of a disciple of Jesus in the realities of life. And it is always necessary for us to make an effort to live a life of worth and excellence.

Obey the Lord and send me a brownie

"We are prepared to serve the Lord only by sacrifice. We are fit for the work of God only when we have wept over it, prayed about it, and then we are enabled by Him to tackle the job that needs to be done. May God give to us hearts that bleed, eyes that are wide open to see, minds that are clear to interpret God's purposes, wills that are obedient, and a determination that is utterly unflinching as we set about the tasks He would have us do."

Alan Redpath

I have struggled with something the Lord has asked me to do. Something I've done for a long time. Something I've even been asked to teach others to do. But when it doesn't have the end result I desire, I tend to not want to ever do it again.

At the same time I chafe against the attitude of this millenial generation that so often asks, "what's in it for me?" and if the answer is "nothing" they often don't listen any further. I hate that. I despise it. I rail against it. Yet now I realize it's exactly what I'm doing when God is asking me to do something once again that has absolutely not a whit of value for me at times, save the joy of knowing that I simply obeyed Him. Can that be enough? It has to be.

Lest I become exactly what I can't stand in others, I need to find joy in simply obeying God. There really is value in obedience to Christ alone.

I will do the hard thing Jesus has asked me to do again just because He asked.

I will invest even when it doesn't work out like I hoped it would.

I will give when I don't see the reward or value on earth.

I will do what He asks me to do.

I might, however, need counseling first...

or at least a brownie.

Thank you for your prayers and any donations of brownies you might want to send my way at:

Northside Assembly of God
16235 Lake Magdalene Blvd.
Tampa, FL 33613

Don't mark anything on your brownies and they will be acceptable as a tax deductible donation.

Sister Chicks Forever

This picture is of Savanna (center) and her friends Britney (l) and Taylor (r) on their recent Mpact Girls STARS Retreat. They had a blast.

Tonight she's spending the night with her friend Morgan. They consider themselves "sisters", in fact we lovingly refer to Savanna as Savanna Hart-Shrodes. :-) I like them to have as much time together as possible. They are good for one another in their friendship. I am a strong believer in encouraging our children in positive relationships by saying "yes" whenever possible to them getting together. This generally means one of two things -- either my house is filled with other kids who are hanging out and staying here, or my house is empty or emptier for a day or two because they have gone to stay at those friend's houses.

I really want my daughter to grow up knowing the power and importance of girlfriends and not just any female friends, but ones who are girls/women of faith. I believe we all need to have unbelievers in our lives that we are befriending and also influencing to lead across the line of faith. However I'm a firm beliver that our most intimate friends need to be Christians. For how can one truly be a most intimate friend and not share the most important thing in our lives?

The STARS retreat theme was all about friendship - specifically female friendships. I wasn't there, but trust me, I have heard all about it - in detail! The theme was "Sister Chicks". My daughter is STILL talking about how great it was. A missionary friend, Rennae DeFreitas was the speaker, assisted by her best friend - another friend of mine - Rhonda Gray who is the senior pastor's wife at Venice Assembly. These ladies are amazing. They have been friends since grade school - they grew up together and have remained best friends all these years. Their relationship really is an amazing testimony of the power of God in friendship.

Savanna has quoted parts of their messages to me for several weeks now and has e-mailed "Miss Rennae" and can't stop talking about how it impacted her. Here is a photo of Rennae and Rhonda, as Sister Chicks "Lexi" and "Chloe". Their messages were mostly skits that they acted out about things such as how to deal with mean girls, and stuff like that. Neither of these ladies looks this way, by the way - they are dressed up for the skits. Gotta love Rhonda with that Hannah Montana wig on! :-)

I have opportunities in my life all the time that remind me how important the "Sister Chicks" in my life are. There are so many who are a blessing in my life in profound ways. I hesitate to name people, because I don't want to leave out anybody who is making a difference in my life. But there are some incredible Sister Chicks that believe in me and love me. My church seems to be full of them. Can't even tell you how much I appreciate them. Gosh, I love my ladies.

There are some outside my church as well. Although there are more, I just want to give kudos to three friends who have been an incredible blessing in recent days more than ever, and they are my friends Tara, Sandy, and Joy. These three women in ministry have been with me when times were flying high and times when the chips were down. They are a blessing all the time actually but the past few weeks their support has been particularly amazing.

This morning before I walked onto the platform Larry came down from the office with an envelope that came in the mail yesterday. He thought I would want to open it before church, after seeing the return address. It was a card and letter from Sandy. It meant the world. Sandy is an exhorter and I have been filled with faith and confidence by her words many times. Tonight I woke up from my Sunday afternoon nap (which lasted 4 hours - that's how drained I was) and when I logged on, I saw I had an e-mail from Tara. Ministry just flows out of her hands, into her computer and thousands of miles away to me as if we might as well be sitting in the same room. And Joy? Don't know what I'd do without her. At a moment's notice she'll pick up the phone or meet me for dinner or do whatever. Kindred soul friends. I am blessed with them.

Jesus, thank you for my Sister Chicks. I can only hope I'm as much a blessing to them as they are to me.

When the sheep start to care

There are times I blog about various challenges people go through in pastoring, and I think on the flip side, it's equally important to give kudos where they are due. I talk about challenges because I have a heart for ministers who are walking this road and I want to encourage. This is one of my main passions in life. I believe one's pain can become one's platform, that they can stand on -- healed, to minister to others.

On the other hand, I have to give praise for the blessing of the flock that Larry and I currently lead. When you have led an unruly flock, you appreciate one all the more that cooperates, at least with a minimal amount of biting! When we started out, an older pastor advised us, "Just be aware - sheep do bite!"

They say over time the church personality and people take on the complexion of the pastor and all I can say about that is that it's mine and Larry's heart that John 17 would be reality in our church. More and more I see that happening, and it gives my heart joy! Oh that Jesus' prayer would become reality in all of our churches!

When pastoring an unhealthy church, I would find it especially difficult when things happened in the church and people only thought about how it affected them. When Larry and I were installed into our abusive church as pastors, the district official who preached at our installation (who knew that it had a history of being a problem church) told the congregation, "Folks I want to admonish you to treat your pastor right. Your pastors are real people. If you cut them open, they will bleed." I don't think those people heard a word of that sermon!

The truth is, we are real people. In fact, the shepherd hurts worse over difficulties in the church, but the sheep don't even realize it. Think about it - if you are a pastor or pastor's wife, you know you have your heart and soul into that place more than anyone else. It only makes sense that when anything happens good or bad it affects you more. However the people rarely if ever think about that unless they are really mature in Christ. And especially in any unhealthy flock they don't care because all unhealthy people care about is themselves! Selfishness is one of the major marks of immaturity or lack of health. But in a healthy church, people have consideration for others, including their pastor. I don't mean an unbalanced consideration where the people are leading the pastor or propping him/her up all the time. No, of course not. But I refer to a healthy perspective where people realize, their pastor is a person too, with real feelings.

As an example, in an unhealthy church we pastored, my closest friend in the church ended up betraying us, and leaving with someone who had caused a major schism that split the church. It was horribly painful. When it happened, because my friend was a key person in the church who was in relationship with many, it was upsetting to quite a number of folks. But the people would talk to me as if I wasn't also hurt in the matter. Some spoke to me as if I could have actually prevented it from happening! . But no, I couldn't have. I would have done anything to prevent that pain, but I couldn't. Why didn't it make sense? Because sin never does. And people have a free will - you can't control them.

What I wanted to do during that time more than anything was get up in front of the congregation and scream, "Okay people...it's like this....you think YOU miss her? You think YOU'RE HURTING? I loved her more than all of you, okay? I just lost the person I thought was my closest friend in more ways than one. Not only did she leave me, she betrayed me, so shut up already! You people basically have an emotionally stubbed toe, while I've just undergone open heart surgery without any anesthesia!!!" But no, I couldn't do that. I had to just keep getting up there week after week, sucking it up, holding my head up high, charging forth in leading the people and patching up their wounds. It was hard to bind up the people's wounds and not get my own blood on them. Leading while bleeding...it's a reality for shepherds. A book I absolutely hung onto for dear life during that time was T.D. Jakes, "When Shepherds Bleed."

Larry and I did not come into a healthy situation in our church here. It wasn't always this way, and we are still very much on a journey. It has been an uphill battle more than anyone would ever realize to get our church to health. I have learned, many people can grow a church but having it become healthy is a whole other deal. You can have a large church but it can be really sick. The journey here is a loooong story that would take me an afternoon over coffee to tell you so I won't go into it now but suffice it to say we had our work cut out for us. If it had not been for the Lord on our side...

Larry and I believe it' s not good or appropriate for a pastor to come into church and blab their hurts, frustrations and challenges from the pulpit. Not that you should be be fake, but there's a time and a place for things. The pastor needs to come in and preach God's Word, not have a group counseling session. Also the shepherd is there to minister to the sheep and bind up their wounds, not the other way around - at least as a general rule. But I am proud of our sheep. They have become a sensitive and are a caring flock! And they not only care for each other, they care about us!

I am seeing that our congregation is growing more daily into a perceptive, maturing group who don't need their pastor to tell them anything to know they need to pray or reach out, or to lift up their pastor's arms as Aaron and Hur. Sheep that are being led of the spirit act accordingly. I am seeing a new level of spiritual growth in our people and this makes me proud, especially since many of them have become Christians or come back to the Lord under our ministry. It makes me a proud Momma!

Recently I've gone through something but haven't said a word about it to the sheep. Interestingly enough I have gotten quite a number of unsolicited notes or words of encouragement from many of them. The general theme is, "we can only imagine how you must you feel, Pastor Deanna...our heart goes out to you...after all you have invested...just know that we notice, and God notices, and we want you to know we're with you 100% ..."

Not a discouraging word.

Only support.

No lamenting.

Only uplifting.

The fact that they do notice? imagine? care? It's pretty awesome. John 17 is becoming a reality more at Northside Assembly of God every day.

Thank you Jesus, for a maturing church. No, we're not there yet, we haven't arrived, but we are on our way...

Happy 4th

Today I slept in...Teeby made homemade waffles and brought me breakfast in bed, then I went right back to sleep for another hour or so.

I love to sleep, for anyone who hasn't figured that out yet. They say people need less sleep as they get older. Not that I'm ancient or anything but my love of sleep shows no signs of slowing down. On my day off sometimes I sleep into the afternoon (if the kids don't have school) and if my cell phone rings and it's not a true emergency, I hate it! If you've known me personally for very long you also know I hate my cell phone. It's a necessary evil of living in today's world. I'm not a lazy person by far - in fact I have workaholic tendencies, or sometimes, well...I guess I'd have to say I have been a full blown workaholic. I've balanced out a lot more in the last 10 years especially. I still work real hard but when I'm off I also relax real hard if that makes sense!

I originally had no plans for 4th of July other than sleeping in, doing quiet things around the house and then having the boys come home from youth camp --which automatically makes the house noiser. Say goodbye to the quiet peace Savanna and I have had all week, snuggling on my bed in the evenings after work, quietly watching shows like Big Bang Theory. Nope, goodbye to the peace and quiet. But that's alright - I love my three kids. It is so good to have the boys home! I have done a serious amount of snuggling with both of them today since they've been home. While watching fireworks I snuggled with Dustin outside and then inside while we were watching the Washington DC celebration on TV, I snuggled on the couch with Jordan and rubbed his back for a while. I am a serious snuggler if you also haven't figured that one out.

I had absolutely no plans for today until I woke up this afteroon. I thought I was just going to have a slow day to do things like get up at noon, read or take a bike ride until the boys got home. But then Larry said, "Bernie and Lisa called...we're getting together with them for a barbeque today and you need to make a bunch of sides to go with the meat they are grilling..." My husband knows it's no big deal for me to whip up food at the last minute -- I often kid around with Lisa that if MacDill fires her and Northside gets rid of me, she and I will go into business together doing catering. :-) We have done so many events together, everything from church events to wedding receptions . So I got up and in a matter of about and hour and a half I had made a macaroni and shrimp salad, a baked bean casserole that is to die for, (although Pastor Trinity always says he would never die for any casserole - ha ha!), and some stuffed eggs. Yum, yum! Lisa made burgers and hotdogs on the grill, spinach artichoke dip, and a flag cake with ice cream. Truly a feast...one I need to work off of my body tomorrow by biking twice as much.

The boys came home saying it was their best year of camp. They were so excited. Casey received the baptism in the Holy Spirit and Dustin prayed for her! So cool. They loved the speaker. They played a million pranks and even got in trouble for childish pranks and had to stack chairs in the gym as a punishment. I never get upset about these things -- their father and I did the same things, and now look at us. :-) ha ha! Of course church vans are tempermental and ours is no exception. It broke down over on I-4 and Larry had to run over and get the kids. Oh well, such is life. Tom will figure out what's wrong with it and get it back and running.

At Bernie and Lisa's we did fireworks (it's legal to do your own here in FL) and we were lighting off all kinds of stuff. Dustin lit off two that he put in the wrong direction. They were aimed straight at us. We screamed our heads off and started running the opposite direction. I was upset and yelled, "Boys! Be careful! You've got to remember that fireworks are nothing to play with!!!!!!!" I was serious when I said it and everyone burst out laughing and said, "Um, yes...fireworks are actually to be played with...that's why people purchase them..." (LOL) I can't help it...I get a bit worked up about my boys lighting up these things and shooting them off like it's nothing. But it was a good night. Very enjoyable with our dear friends and family.

Speaking of the 4th of July, everyone needs to check out Mark Batterson's post about it. It's awesome. Hope everyone everywhere had a spectacular day.

Girls Nite Out

Last night, Jenn picked me up from work and we went to Crispers for dinner (Southwest salad, yum yum!) followed by a night of rollerskating. Yep, I'm serious. It was the night they play 80's songs at the roller rink, and buddy we were THERE! Being children of the 70's and teens of the 80's, this is our element.

Our husbands think we're kind of offbeat for doing stuff like this but who cares? Every once in a while a woman just has to break out of her normal routine and do stuff like this, at least I do, to stay sane.

We were so proud of ourselves for all the calories we worked off but then on the way home we stopped at Dairy Queen. Go figure.

If you haven't been there - be quiet. If you have - help somebody.

The other day I found myself really upset while reading a pastor's wife's blog.

Oh, I wasn't mad at her. She seems to be a precious woman. She wrote a few things she wanted to share with everyone about the life of a pastor's wife.

She said things like, "sometimes mine is a very lonely life..." and "sometimes I bear burdens no one could ever imagine the weight of..." and "I just want everyone out there to know that your pastor's wife is probably dealing with some really heavy things you have no idea about..."

She was opening up with her readers and being transparent and she encouraged everyone to pray for their pastor's wife everyday, adding that few could ever understand or imagine the burdens upon a woman married to a minister.

Many comments from readers followed, all positive but one. It came from another pastor's wife, who left a comment saying, "Sister, it's evident that you are bitter and I will pray for you..." and then went on to chastise and rebuke and give her advice about the dangers of being transparent. What followed were a bunch of old school "words of wisdom" about how pastor's wives need to avoid any close relationships, keep all our feelings to ourselves, and whatever we do don't speak of these things aloud even with other ministers because talking about our hurts just breeds resentment and bitterness. (That's funny, I've always found that holding things in is what often breeds these negative emotions.)

Did the commenter actually think she was helping this woman? I feel strongly that if you're not going to help somebody, at least don't hurt them! When people become judgmental like this, God has a way of allowing them to go through experiences to understand the things they've been blabbing about but previously had no understanding or compassion about.

I would bet my closet of shoes that the commenter has never gone through some things that the pastor's wife blogger has! ***sigh***

In our first pastorate, Larry and I pastored an abusive church. Our son who was just a baby at the time was even thrown across the room by one of the nursery workers who was upset because he wouldn't stop crying. I. am. not. kidding.

It came to the point where we had to leave. It was so painful. It was one of the most depressing times of my life. All of our possessions that we did get to keep were sitting in a Sunday School classroom (couldn't afford a storage unit) and our life was headed nowhere as far as I could see. Pretty dang depressing if you ask me. I needed a case of Prozac but ended up just downing 1/2 gallons of "death by chocolate" ice cream and gaining 30 pounds to try to soothe away the pain.

Up to this time our closest friends (another couple in ministry) had not gone through anything like this. Pastoring for them had actually been pretty even keel. A few bumps in the road here and there and normal pressures of the ministry, but nothing colossal. No church splits. No forced resignations. No business meetings from hell. No leaving with no where to go. Nothing like that. So when we went through our issues and ended up losing everything, it was hard for them to comprehend what we were going through. When our friends would call and talk to us we let them know the reality of what we were going through. We would just dump out all our feelings on the table and emotionally we were a mess. Instead of what I expected to receive from our best friends, what we actually got were preachy platitudes, and cliches, and sort of a condescending attitude. Several times I said to them, "you just don't understand." Then there would be silence on the phone. Things were strained with us during that time, but we remained friends.

I realized they had no idea where we were coming from and I hoped they never would. Because I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemy let alone my best friend.

Larry and I got back on our feet again ministerially about a year later, and things started looking up. We started pastoring another church and went into some of our best years in the ministry the next few years. About five years later we got a call from our best friends, who had still through it all remained our closest friends. The same thing that happened to us five years prior had now happened to them! They were devastated as you can imagine.

Nothing made sense for them. Life was crazy. Their world turned upside down. Supposedly "Godly" people in the church doing amazingly unGodly things. They lost their home. Lost their church. Lost their livelihood. Lost their kids school. (Their kids were enrolled in their previous church's school.) Where to from here? Life was absolutely a fog of depression for them for about a year. They never imagined any of this would happen to them. Like many of us in ministry, they had started out believing, if you just go to a church and you love God and love the people, everything will always work out. No. That's not the way it always works. Sometimes you love God, you love the people, and they eat you for lunch. Really.

From the first phone call I never had anything but compassion for them. Never once did I ever think of saying, "I told you so" or "now you understand". I didn't have to try to imagine what they were going through - I knew. I could feel their pain in such a strong way, although we were separated by many miles in my heart I was by their side each day.

I decided to give my friends what I would have wanted back when it happened to me.

I called them every single day. For months and months. Just to say, "how are you feeling today?" Just to listen. Not to talk, just to listen.

I let them vent their feelings in a safe place. I knew pouring out their feelings unedited and raw didn't mean they were bitter, resentful or unspiritual. They were simply hurting and needed a friend.

I reminded them they were still God's called and anointed. I often told them, "remember, one church's trash is another church's treasure!" I encouraged them -- their abusive church did not determine their future. God has the last word.

I sent a card or note by regular mail every single day. Sometimes I'd enclose a tea bag with a note that said,"get a cup of hot water...make this tea and sit down and relax and read my note" and then proceeded to encourage them through the letter and speak life into their spirits. It was my goal everyday to give them a call, a card, some kind of meaningful touch to let them know somebody out there felt their pain and they weren't alone.

I sent a packages with small "love gifts" of encouragement for them and their kids .

I prepared a letter of reference from Larry and myself to try to help them get a new pastorate. I told everyone I knew in ministry about my friends, that they were looking for a new pastorate and would be an incredible answer to some church's prayer.

I made it my mission to be a part of their healing process and get back on their feet again.

Most of all I prayed for them every single day.

It wasn't long into this whole journey that one day on the phone with my friend, they said, "Deanna, I'm sorry. We had NO IDEA."

I said, "what do you mean?"

They said, "when you went through your ordeal, we had no idea what it was like. We had no idea this is what happens to some people. We didn't understand or comprehend what you were going through, but now we do."

I said, "that's okay, I understand. But thank you."

The fires we went through have bonded us and our friends much more. We both have an understanding now and a compassion for ministers that runs deep. My friend confessed to me that they had a lot of repenting to do for the judgmental attitude of their past when they would look at other ministers who seemed to be hurting and would think, "what are they whining or crying about? Are they just getting bitter? They need to just get over it. Their situation can't be that bad..."

Now upon having this life experience, they realize in some cases it is that bad! And also, in some cases it may be even worse - for people can go through things we have never experienced yet nor could understand.

It's easy to judge when you haven't been there. My prayer is that those who haven't been there would be quiet, and for those who have to reach out and give others what they need. I think that's the God thing to do, know what I mean?

Post script: about a year into their ordeal, our friends ended up getting voted into a church across the country in a new place of ministry where they never imagined they'd end up! They have been absolutely wildly successful there and are thriving! The church has exploded in every way possible under their leadership. They are leaders in their district. The church treasures them! Their family is healthy and happy. God is amazing!!! We are still best friends, continue to talk on the phone and by e-mail all the time and usually preach in each other's churches every year when we can get away to do so.

Hail, Hail, the gang's all here!

Tonight people had come into the sanctuary and church was about to start and about 5 minutes before the start of service, it started hail storming like mad! It was crazy! Everyone ran outside to see it, in awe and wonder -- and some were bringing pieces of hail back into the sanctuary. Yep, we're a different kind of church, I know. :-)

So I allowed about 5 extra minutes for this craziness hail watching and then started the service. Part of the issue with starting on time was the hailstorm was so loud it was hard to hear even with the volume up on the sound system. But it was fine. Made for another interesting night at Northside.

All of the worship songs were focused on preparing ourselves as a sanctuary and the holiness of God. It was a good night in worship and then I brought a teaching on, "The Seven Habits of Highly Holy People." (SMILE) The teaching was sorta a play on words from Stephen Covey's "The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People". Anyway, the issue of holiness has been really on my heart lately and I enjoyed our teaching and discussion tonight. Good comments from many people and interesting insight into purity, holiness, sanctification, etc. I love teaching God's Word and seeing it practically applied and lives changed! Nothing like it!

We really do have special people in our church. I love them! They are so loving toward each other, of the unchurched, of everybody in general. And it becomes more so every day. As my husband often says, "Mean people just don't do well at our church." Nope, they don't seem to last, because love abounds too much.

Two weeks ago we had a lady named Annie who walked to church for 2 and 1/2 miles in the rain with no shoes on to come to church. She was homeless and had nothing. When she got there Rob and Gayle gave her shoes and got her a change of clothes (to keep) from the clothing bank. At the close of the service she prayed the prayer to accept Christ. This past Sunday when I got to the church at 7:45 am, Annie was already sitting on the bench outside the sanctuary waiting to come in. She couldn't wait for service. Tonight it was hailstorming and about 7:15 as worship was going on I noticed Annie come in the back doors. She was late tonight but had walked all the way in the rain to get there in the hailstorm. She was soaking wet but so happy to be there.

My worship was mixed with tears, not only because I love Jesus, but because I love people like Annie.

Sleeping with the enemy

Last Tuesday night I was going to sleep and was praying beforehand. Suddenly in the midst of my prayers, I sensed a voice say some really harsh things to me. The things were all about my personal relationship with God. It was very specific and left me feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach. Rehearsing shortcomings in our relationship was the point of the exchange and I went to sleep feeling filled with shame even though I repented. No, not shame as in shame for having done anything colossally (is that a word?) sinful lately, but just general shame for not being more diligent in my personal walk with the Lord.

Suffice it to say, I took a few deep breaths, stared into the darkness of the room and asked for forgiveness.

I determined to do better.

I committed to work harder still on my personal relationship with God.

I apologized for my lack of diligence in some areas, when in fact I knew I was capable of more.

Even with asking forgiveness, still I felt bad. Shameful.

When I woke up Wednesday morning I got ready for work and as I was walking out to the car to get in, I grabbed my Bible as I always do on the way to work (Larry drives - while I read the Word each day -- it's my habit, as I don't like to waste a minute of my day, and we have a 15 minute drive both ways during which I can read God's Word).

Before I even opened the Bible, while I still had one hand on the car door and one hand on my Bible, I heard the gentle voice of the Lord say to me, "Did you think I was talking to you last night?"

Instantly I recognized the true voice of the Lord as He said to me, "no, it wasn't me...remember, I come to bring conviction, not condemnation. And if it WAS me, then after you repented you sure wouldn't end up STILL feeling shameful!"

I am reminded of a verse I recently preached on about six months ago, in a series on shame...our key text was:

"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." Isaiah 61:7

God comes to cleanse us and release us from shame, not fill us with it.

The other thing I realize is, even after you've known the Lord many years, it's easy to be deceived into thinking you are hearing His voice sometimes when the enemy comes at you masquerading. He is the FATHER OF LIES, and he can put on a good impersonation sometimes and make you think what you are hearing is Godly when in fact it's from the pits of hell! Does it make you feel like a piece of dirt? It's probably not God. Does it make you feel convicted and after you repent you feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of you? Then it probably is God.

It's not about me "doing better." It's not about me "trying harder". Make no mistake, I'm a huge proponent of spiritual disciplines and I know we need to be holy and we need to prioritize time with God, but with that said -- it's about His grace, not formulas. It's about relationship, not ritual. It's not about how long I was in the Word today versus yesterday. It's not about whether I talked to God for 30 minutes on the bike today or whether I laid on the floor in my office and spoke in my prayer language. God isn't keeping score, He's just delighted to spend time with me. It's like Bob Sorge, author of Secrets of the Secret Place says...when you miss your time with God, He's not mad at you, He's sad for you!

If you're a person like me who was raised in a legalistic atmosphere sometimes it's hard to keep in mind that God isn't up there gleefully waiting to bang you over the head and punish you every five seconds. Just enjoying my walk with him takes work sometimes to strip myself of all those old mindsets.

He spoke to me on my way to work Wedesday morning and let me know, He was not the person talking to me in my bed last Tuesday night. That was the enemy.

The Word says in John 10:27 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." I've known the Lord for many years and I do know His voice. I follow it day to day and make my everyday and life's decisions based on it. But my point is that the Word says that even the elect can/will be deceived. Satan is a good impersonator and he can pull a fast one even on His faithful servants especially if you are tired and weak or your defenses worn down. It can happen in a minute.

What's happenin' in Deannaville

Whew oh me oh my. I'm still re-cooping from wee-hour-of-the-morning talk-fest with Pastor T and Misty the other night. :-) But it was worth it. I just love them to pieces. This was two nights ago but I guess I am just slower to bounce back in the mornings these days. I did get a ton of work done today...it's just that I am slower getting started and it takes me longer to finish.

Sunday night was newcomer's and a late night as forementioned. Then yesterday I worked from home but met the staff for lunch. We were all absolutely exhausted but agreed it had been a great weekend. In the midst of my day Joy called and said she and Keith wanted to do dinner. We quickly made plans for Savanna to go to Morgan's and we met them. We were overdue for a Keith and Joy talk-fest. :-) We would have stayed much later and talked however, Keith had to host America's Prayer Meeting last night on CTN and had to get to the station. So we went over to pick Savanna up and ended up staying a few more hours having a talk-fest with the Harts. (Notice theme here: talk fests. There's nothing I love more than connecting with those dear to me.) We laughed and shared and Jenn and I made plans for a few upcoming outings we're doing together, among them a kayaking trip. Yep, seriously. I'm doing this. And I can't wait. (Don't laugh.) This is after we go on our upcoming hike to Brooker Creek Preserve. Jenn is what's known as a Master Naturalist.

In other late breaking news, I just finished riding my bike at dusk, which you already know if you follow me on Twitter (lol) and I'm doing laundry. Anybody wanna come fold it?

My favorite scriptures

People have often asked me, "what is your favorite scripture verse?" I'm sure everyone who is a Christian has been asked that question before, and especially those who are in pastors or pastor's wives.

My favorite book of the Bible is Romans, and specifically chapters 6-8, and if I had to narrow it down further, chapter 8.

But lately I have been thinking of a favorite scripture I lean on and live by and it would probably be II Corinthians 9, verse 8:

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

Good stuff, huh? And the runner up would be...

II Peter 1:3 "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

Particularly regarding ministry these are two verses I lean on all the time.