Harvest Carnival

Tonight was the Harvest Carnival outreach at Northside. It went really awesome! I personally did the registration table, and the women's ministries did the cotton candy booth. We had everything from moon bounces to a dunk tank, a cake walk, a hayride, absolute TONS of candy and much more.

This afternoon while I was sitting at my desk working, Larry calls me on the phone and says, "come out to the parking lot - we just got this moon bounce hooked up." (He knows, I love them.) So I came out and although I was dressed for work as I usually am - in a dress, I hopped in anyway and started to go crazy. Everything was fine until my slip fell down. (I was wearing a half slip and it's gotten kinda loose with losing more weight.) Cathy laughed so hard. I was trying to gracefully pull it back up without lifting up my dress but the thing is, it was difficult to accomplish and the guys were outside. I finally got it back up without showing anything that shouldn't be shown in public. Moments later after finally getting the slip back up, Dustin hopped in the thing with me (he works at NS with us, remember?) and he starts jumping away and knocking me every which way but loose.

It was a busy and a fun day. I'm working double hard this week and next Mon-Wed trying to do next week's work as well (that I would do if I was here) but won't be able to do because I'll be in Africa.

Something really significant happened today! I can't blog about it in detail yet because I'm still praying about it and Larry and I are figuring things out, but I just got a really interesting offer today and I'm seriously considering it. God works in mysterious ways.

By the way, at WW weigh in today I lost 1/2 pound. Yippee-aye-aye! Now that's something to jump about...

Ten things I did today

1) First thing I did today...

Got up and let the dog out and got Savanna's breakfast for her

2) Best thing I did today so far...

Got an absolute ton of work done

3) Most enjoyable thing I did so far today...

Took a nap

4) Least enjoyable thing I did today...

Cleaned the bathroom

5) Best thing I ate today?

Two Dove sugar free chocolates

6) Most tiring thing I did today...

Cleaned the kitchen

7) Most irritating thing today...

how many times the phone rang

8) Best conversation I had today?

with my son Dustin

9) Best song I listened to today...

Vince Gill, "Whenever You Come Around"

10) Last thing I'll do tonight before I sleep...

Cuddle with Larry

Most blogs don't make it

I found out today by reading one of my favorite blogs by Keith Drury, that most blogs don't make it! According to an article that Drury cited, since blogging began, 300 million people started blogging and 200 million of them have already given up/let their blogs go inactive. The topic of his blog was about why that happens. I found it very interesting.

One reason he cited was this...he says, "People can be mean. When we put our ideas in the public domain, it opens us up for public abuse and some folk feel free to torch our ideas (and us personally) publicly. This discourages some—especially women, from continued blogging."

I thought about that and realized a few things about why I'm still blogging. (By the way, I started blogging officially on December 21, 2005 on my MySpace and then transferred to here. So I've been blogging everyday for almost two years straight.) And in addition to being a writer and not just recreationally writing but having the call upon my life to write, I believe there are some other reasons I don't give up. Drury says that people can be mean and that our ideas (or we personally) can be torched and many women give up - presumably not being able to "take the heat" so they get out of the kitchen. With me, I'm used to being torched. So I guess it's really no big deal to be torched for a blog now and then if it happens because in the ministry if you stay in it for long, you will go through abuses and torchings and kind of almost taken them as a given.

Besides that, I love writing way to much to care about being torched. I would rather die than stop writing.

No amount of rejection would ever cause me to stop. Martin Luther said, "if you want to change the world, pick up your pen." I would give that the modern translation..."if you want to change the world, log on to your computer."

Why move more?

Tonight was "Holy Roller Night" with Northside. For the past 3 years on the 4th Sunday in October, we go to the skating rink and have an outreach. It's one of my favorite nights of the year. It's a great time of having fun, hanging out with people, introducing some new people to our church and burning a lot of calories! At left, you'll see Savanna enjoying the night. (And there's another pic below of us in the arcade at the skating rink tonight.) We always do games and contests. Savanna won for speed skating for her age, and Jordan for his. I always worry about Jordan - I hold my breath til the race is over and he's come through it with no accidents. :-)

I haven't posted anything about fitness this week, so here goes. I'm absolutely committed to being as fit as I can be. Please don't think I have this accomplished yet. It's an everyday journey that I've been on for three years now. As Pastor Lisa says, I'm absolutely committed to "living well."


This past week, my Weight Watcher leader taught about the reasons for "moving more." She listed the following reasons:

1) When you move more you will have increased calories burned when resting.

2) If you move more it decreases body fat.

3) If you move more it improves your self confidence.

4) If you move more it results in fewer health problems.

5) If you move more it can provide stress relief.

I have found all of these things and more to be true. Some things I have noticed personally regarding these things are ~

Working out affects you not only right afterwards but all through the day/night/week. You'll feel the results all the time when you start to do it.

Not only does it decrease body fat but it helps to shape you. If you don't move more but you just watch what you eat, you lose weight but you still have the same "shape" problems you had before. For instance, if you've always had big arms, your arms (although having gotten smaller through weight loss) will still be a "problem area". For instance, my legs tend to be my asset, and when I work out they only get better. I get on the elliptical to maximize this best feature. My stomach, and back tend to be my problem areas and my worst features. If I lose weight my stomach and back will get smaller but still be an issue somewhat so I have to work those spots more. I have learned they will probably never be just as I would dream of them being, but the point is, I can make them better and get them more in the "shape" I want them in by moving more to work on target those areas.

The first time I lost all my weight years ago I was just shocked that my stomach and back weren't just perfect. I thought, "I've lost all this weight but I'm still unhappy with the way I look underneath it all..." I learned EXERCISE IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THAT BETTER. And my personal feeling is this...if you are going to work hard to lose all this weight, don't you want to achieve more than just a number on a scale? I do...I want to be happy with the way I am with no clothes on! So that's something I work toward. I have talked to a lot of skinny people who tell me they might be 105 pounds however underneath they are all jiggly and out of shape. The fact is, you can be thin and very out of shape. So moving more helps with that. By the way, it's not about being at 105 (in fact, I'll never be that - it would be very unhealthy for me!) but it's about fitness and health.

As far as increasing self confidence...absolutely! Moving more helps with that. The reason it increases self confidence for me is that I am not only happy getting on the scale at WW or wearing a new outfit to church, but I'm comfortable in my bedroom at home with nothing on or when I'm getting in the shower, or standing in front of the mirror. A big key is, are you comfortable with yourself? It's not even all about what your husband thinks, or what anyone thinks. First you've got to do this for you. It's between you and God. Moving more gives you greater confidence when you are getting dressed or undressed all by yourself, trying clothes on at the store, and letting go of your habit of cringing when you see yourself naked or in your underwear in a mirror!

Having fewer health problems? Oh yes! Did you know that losing just 10 lbs. takes 30 lbs. of pressure off your knees? Amazing. Think about it, what does your average toddler weigh? 30 lbs. or so...or less? Well, I've lost 30 lbs. Basically when I was overweight it was like I was carrying a toddler around all day long. Some people have to lose 50 lbs or 100 lbs or more. Now, can you imagine carrying a load of 100 lbs extra around with you all day? If you are, no wonder you can't walk without getting winded! The load is too great. Just think of how amazing it is what you have been going through each day in carrying all that around. But it's time for a change, because God never meant for you to carry that load. Just 30 minutes of moving a day greatly reduces your risk of cancer, heart disease, diabetes. Moving more is so worth it. You will start dreading your yearly physical a lot less and perhaps you will make the appointment for the first time in years because you won't be so afraid. At this point, after losing my weight - I have gone for a yearly complete physical the past three years, as well as my annual GYN appt., plus other stuff such as a yearly blood workup (the thing I hate most...I hate needles, mammograms, and even the dreaded colonoscopy. (Get it done if you're due to have one ladies - it's only once every 10 years and it can save your life.)

Back to moving more... stress relief? Perhaps this is my greatest benefit that I find. Moving more helps me deal with anger and depression more than anything else. Combine moving more with reading God's Word and prayer and it's an unbeatable combo. Sometimes I am too angry to settle down and read God's Word. I can't even see straight I'm so out of sorts. My whole outlook changes if I go for a 30 minute fitness walk, or get on the elliptical. Once I work it out, come home and take a shower - I am now relaxed to open God's Word and talk to Him for a little while. Rest comes easier. Sleep comes quicker and is more uninterrupted. I am nicer to my family when I exercise. (Truly I am...I am just simply not as "wound up" with day to day pressures when I let off the steam by working out.)

I find that if I do not do the elliptical machine, it is difficult to get my lower body in the shape I want to work toward. For this reason I try to do 30 minutes on the elliptical on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. On the other days (except for Sunday) I choose whatever else strikes my mood ~ fitness walking outside, riding my bicycle, doing "Walk off the Pounds" DVD's by Leslie Sansone, doing some things off of the Weight Watcher fitness website links (they have many choices on there), and over the past three years I've tried many other options, just checking them out ~ everything from kickboxing, Zumba classes, hip hop, pilates and other stuff I probably shouldn't detail on my blog if I want to keep my A/G credentials although it's perfectly legal and God's real happy about it as well. :-)

When do I find time? This is what most people ask. The fact is you have to make the time. Sometimes I do it before work, sometimes after work. I boldly ask Larry to help me. He always does. What husband doesn't want his wife in shape?

Why move more? These are just a few reasons but there are hundreds more and I'm sure you have your own. If you are one who is refusing to move more and need a little convincing today though, I hope this helped.

Well, we have an 18 year old!

It's surreal.

I can't believe my son is 18 years old. Last night before I went to sleep I had to go to his room at 12:45 am to wish him a happy birthday because that's when he was born. He was laying there watching TV and I leaned down and gave him a kiss and he said, "thanks Momma ~ love you" like he always does...

Today he worked for part of the day but then at 5:00, Casey came and we headed off for our "birthday date." Larry and I wanted to do something adult-like with him today in celebration of his 18th. Besides that, he knows his Dad and I date, but he needs to "experience" it in style...not just the "hang out at the house" or "go to the movies" dating but what it's like to dress up and do something elegant with the one you love. I think everyone needs to learn this and while my son has seen my husband treat me very lovingly around the house and so forth he has never gone on a "dress up" date with us. That's because we are alone and ...dating without our children! So, tonight was a great night together having a double date.

We took him and Casey to CK's "The View" here in Tampa at the airport Marriott. It's a restaurant on the top floor of the Marriott that has a moving floor that circles all the way around while you eat, giving you a view of the city. It's one of my favorite places, in fact Larry took me there for my 40th birthday. The view is absolutely exquisite (hence the name "The View") and the food is sublime. There's also great music ~ tonight a pianist singing songs we love such as Fly Me to the Moon and Summerwind.

We took photos at the house before we left and then also once we got there. Upon arriving Larry and I ordered iced teas for ourselves, Casey ordered a Coke and Dustin got a Shirley Temple. Then they brought us some wonderful olive bread, chibatta bread and hummus and pesto butter. I decided to have some lobster bisque to start because it's my favorite thing there. Larry had some calamari to start being that it's one of his all time fav's, and it came with some Thai dipping sauce that I really enjoyed. Dustin and Casey didn't want appetizers - they were enjoying the bread a lot. Dustin, Casey and I all ordered steaks which were PHENOMENAL and Larry got the leg of lamb. The mashed potatoes that we got with all our steaks were just melt in your mouth yum yum. As my former WW leader used to say, "this is making my mouth real happy..." After we were done eating dinner the waitress brought a piece of chocolate lava cake for Dustin with a candle, and the pianist sang a special rendition of Happy Birthday to him. Then Casey ordered chocolate mousse, I got a lava cake for myself along with an Earl Grey. You can tell I didn't worry about points tonight. CK's and points sorta don't go together. :-) It's not everyday that we would go there, only once in a great while for very special occasions and I'm not going to watch my points while there.

While we were having dessert I gave Dustin his other gift - a leather Message Bible with his name engraved. We've gotten him Bibles over the course of his life, but none with his name engraved. He really seemed to like it. I know he'll enjoy reading that version as much as I do. He seemed to enjoy his card - his face lit up when he read what I wrote in it. Here's what it said:

I'm thinking of you on your birthday and what a special son you are. Your life is making a difference in the world around you. You're a blessing to your friends and family. Your faith in God is noticed in your day to day activities, and your future is bright and full of hope and promise. What a privilege it is to call you son. We're so very proud of you on your birthday and always. This perfectly expresses how we feel about you ~ you are all we ever dreamed of and more. We love you~ Momma & Daddy.

After dinner we went to the Westshore Mall and walked around. Larry wanted to walk around for a while after eating all that - we felt stuffed.

We came home and Dustin asked Casey to watch The Princess Bride with him, so that is what they are doing now.

Dustin said tonight that while he's 18, he really doesn't wanna grow up. I have told him, that's okay...he doesn't have to grow up all at once so stop worrying. Of course his Dad says, "son...it's time to grow up..." and I say, "Larry.........take it easy...don't push him.."

I know he has to start growing up but it's not like all that has to be accomplished right now, overnight...right?

It was a good night together...I love my Chocki.

It really doesn't matter how old he gets, he'll always be my baby and I'll always be his Momma.

A glorious day off

Today was a wonderfully fantastic day off. How I love my day off when it is just that -- time off! This Fun Friday was one such glorious day.

It started by Larry deciding to get up with Savanna and take her to the bus stop - instead of me having to do it. Ahhhh...bliss! Then he came back to bed for a while and we decided to get up at around 10:30. I promptly got on line at 10:30 to take care of a few things regarding Dustin's birthday and then said, "we've gotta shower and get out of here to take care of some stuff for his birthday" (more details tomorrow...) So we had to go shopping for his birthday. At this time with Dustin being a high school graduate, he is home much of the time on "fun Friday". Unless we are on one of our private dates, we usually invite him to do things with us -- so we asked if he wanted to go out with us today. He did. (He likes being with us!) We went shopping, for something for his big day tomorrow. He was none the wiser as I shopped. I just told him I was doing some things for women's ministries. I think God is okay with this kind of thing but just to be sure, I went ahead and made a very small WM purchase to justify what I told him. He still has no idea that I was buying something for him.

We went to lunch with him and enjoyed our time talking, mostly about political things. It makes me happy that my son's head is on straight regarding political matters. :-) I won't detail here what we talked about, but let's just say he shares the same conservative mindset that we do. Speaking of political matters, our friend Rob Schenck called Larry yesterday and invited us to come up for a special event he's having. We can't go because I'll be in Africa but it was good to hear from him.

We finished up our shopping and I was hoping my glasses would be finished today to pick up, but they weren't. Larry took them in for me before 10 am yesterday because usually they will come back from St. Pete the next day but it didn't happen today. This means I need to be without them two nights in a row which is uncomfortable, however necessary. They will more than likely be ready by tomorrow afternoon and we'll get them. By the way, the new contacts have settled down and are feeling normal now just like Dr. Stanley said would happen. I'm also getting them in and out relatively easy although they are slightly larger and thicker. They are much better for my eyes so it was something I really needed to pursue.

So after all this we went to a thrift store for me to look for more clothing selections for Africa. I only found one thing for $1.99. I pulled out my debit card to pay for it and the cashier said, "do you really need to use a card for that?" I said, "yes, I'm sorry I don't carry cash." He said, "just take it. It's not worth it to me to swipe the card." I felt bad for him but honestly it was all I had and my only method of payment. So he sent me on my way without having to pay.

Tonight Jordan and Savanna went to Jordan's church softball game. Larry and I stayed home with Dustin. Larry was setting up Dustin's TV we got him for his birthday. (That is one of his 2 gifts) He wanted it to play video games in his room. I made dinner and Stephen came over to eat supper and spend the night and he and Dustin enjoyed playing halo, eating cookies and generally putzing around. Lisa and Bernie stopped by tonight and gave Larry an early birthday present: a Stryper Live Concert DVD. HE IS LOVING IT!!!

I did some minimal housework but have been trying to just rest today while I've been home and resist the temptation to do lots of laundry or other stuff, because Friday is my one day to rejuvenate and then things crank up for the week and it's like a rollercoaster ride. This is my maintenance day to get ready for what's to come. Tomorrow we are celebrating Dustin's big day but I do have to finish some things for Sunday too.

I've enjoyed this beautiful day. It was a good day ~ spending with my husband and son and just being together. It's starting to be a big reality for me right now that I'm getting ready to be apart from them for a while and today I actually cried over it but I know it will be alright.

Your husband IS your family

Get ready, I'm on my soapbox again, but what's new? I'm getting ready to go off so get a Snickers.

I'm so sick of hearing women say they can't date their husband, or go on couples activities because of spending time with the kids in "family time." Not that there is anything wrong with family time because we all need it and it's very valuable. But we also need "couple time". I just want to shout, YOUR HUSBAND IS YOUR FAMILY!!!


I don't just suspect, I know for a fact some women do not realize that their husband IS the first and foremost definition of family. What do you do as a pastor when you see so many of your flock following this cult-like behavior among the young couples of our day that once you have kids they come first? I know, it's exalted even from some of the pulpits in our nation, "mothering is your first priority..." and "mothering is the highest calling..." NO IT'S NOT. This is a completely man made (or should I say woman made) doctrine! It sounds good, but it's not scriptural. The fact that it sounds scriptural is part of the problem - there are those who even preach this and fashion it in such a way as to make it sound like it is the Godly way to live.

The call to be a wife, a helpmate was proclaimed in scripture before the call to be a mother ever was. Genesis 2:18 says, "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." We are called to be a partner before we are called to be a mother, plain and simple. So why don't so many women "get it"? I love the family too but the fact of the matter is the "family" starts with my husband and I! The kids didn't create us, we created them.

The tail is definitely wagging the dog in many of our homes. Many women today are serving their children and training their husbands instead of training their children and serving their husbands! Unfortunately this is epidemic in the church. The sad thing, these women actually believe they are being faithful to God to live this way. They think they are doing God's will, but they are duped by this lie that has come across the microphone during many of our churches Mother's Day services. Your children are incredibly important, they are a high calling. But they cannot and should not be your #1 priority. A woman's top priorities are her personal relationship with God and then her relationship with her husband if she has one. Third place goes to the children. Please don't take my word for it - read the Bible.

Winston Churchill once said, "Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior alternative has yet been found." This is how it works - man and woman join together and create children and together they take charge of them and the home. Today we have so many child centered homes, and this is why we see so many homes falling apart not just in the world but in the church.

I talked to a Christian woman recently at an event where I was preaching whose marriage is on the rocks. I asked, "what is your husband unhappy about the most?" She told me that he complains about sex the most. I said, "oh, the lack of it?" she said, "it's not so much a lack, but that we don't do that we used to." I said, "why don't you do the things you used to do?" She said, "I'm a mother now, I just don't think it's appropriate. Things are different now. I think we need to settle down and be more mature now that we have kids." WHAT?! The last time I checked, a boring sex life had nothing to do with maturity. If that's what we're supposed to do, then I'll settle for being immature the rest of my life. Your life is not over when you become a mother contrary to what some say. I wish this was isolated but I hear this a lot.

Many young mothers think that there is something about motherhood that requires one to simmer down the side of themselves that was once adventurous, flirty, affectionate, sensual, and yes - sometimes flat out wild - with your husband. Truth be told, some wives use meeting their children's needs as an excuse because they didn't like cultivating a greater level of intimacy anyway. Then the same women completely fall apart emotionally if their husband looks at porn or another woman...or worse -- if he gets into other relationships. My thought is, "weren't you expecting it?" When you put the kids first and lose that side of yourself it's a recipe for complete disaster. Please expect your husband to do the worst (or at least fantasize about it)!

A Christian counselor told me that my hunch is correct that some women aren't really interested in a man, or in having a passionate, ever growing relationship. There are some women who get married solely in order to have children. Generally, Christian women don't run out to have kids out of wedlock on purpose. They want to do things right, so marriage is in order. But the problem is, some are not interested in cultivating a marriage before the children. The marriage is just the ticket to get them there. One Christian counselor told me (and I quote) "Some of these women use their husband as a stud - literally - a sperm donor to give them the "Christian family' they always wanted but the man is really not their focus - he is just the means to an end."

I have ministered to a few young women who want to get married for companionship reasons (sort of to have a "best friend/buddy" relationship) but are squeamish when it comes to intimacy. They don't even want to think about it and they find the thought "icky." I have to be honest that when I meet young women like this, I am often MORE concerned than ones I minister to who are struggling with lust! (Why? Because quite honestly I think the lust problem is much more normal than the ick problem.) I recently had a young woman ask me, "Do I have to do this when I get married?" Yes, there are a few young ladies who feel that way, surprisingly even in this day and age. My advice? Please don't get married. Spare some man the tragedy of being married to you and needing to take a lot of cold showers. You'd be better off to stay single and adopt a child (and there are plenty of needy ones right here in America) and put your whole focus on them rather than involving a man you really don't want to give your attention to.

The bottom line is the way God ordained it, family starts with you and your husband. So dating is a must! No matter what. At all stages of your marriage. Don't make excuses. There is no such thing as "seasons" when it comes to this, at least scripturally. I have had women tell me, "this isn't really my season to spend time with my husband and go on dates and things like that because right now my focus is the kids." That sounds nice. But show it to me in scripture where God says there's a season your husband is on the back burner.

Another thing... if you are waiting for the Super Nanny to be there to watch the kids, it probably won't happen. For many women Super Nanny would not be good enough. The truth is, no sitter will be you or do things just like you do. I talked to one desperate man in the church one time who said, "my wife says there is no one qualified to leave our children with, so we can't date or go away together. I miss being with her so much." I felt so sad for this man because he loves his wife so much and wants to wine and dine her and romance her and treat her like a queen, but she is not interested if that means leaving her children for even a few hours or one overnight stay. Ladies, we have to give up the idea that somebody will be as good as us as a mother with our children because nobody is like Momma! If you're like me, you do things differently even than the kids grandparents do! That's normal. (Grandparents are there to spoil kids and so they let them do things like drink soda and eat donuts and ride the little rides at Wal-mart five times in one afternoon. So what, it's not going to damage them for life. )So give up on finding the "perfect sitter" because no one compares to you. Getting child care for a date at least once a month is essential to a healthy marriage. Then in between times - take some time for each other every day at home.

If your kids are sucking the life out of you 24/7 it's because you're letting them. Larry and I have time together every day. We tell the kids, "this is our alone time. Don't knock on this door unless you are bleeding from the head." My kids are 10, 16 and 18. I know they are quite a bit older now but we have done this since they were just little. When they were just toddlers, Larry and I would take at least 15-20 minutes alone a day. Then we increased the time as they got older. And surprise, they are still alive and well. They didn't die because we insisted on having time together. This isn't selfish, it's God plan.

I started doing this from the time Dustin was born. When he was a newborn, I was basically up all hours of the nights with him because he woke up screaming to be fed every 2 and 1/2 to 3 hours. This is the way it is for most Moms, I think. At least with my three children, I went through this. Despite the fatigue, I especially loved the newborn stage. It is such a special time, bonding with your child, nursing them and caring for them. However after two weeks of doing this round the clock and not seeing my husband at all, I had a talk with Larry. I said, "I've pumped a bottle. We're getting a sitter and you're taking me out!" He seemed a bit surprised by this revelation but I said, "Larry, for two weeks my entire existence 24/7 has been as the "dairy queen." It's time for a change. I'm not just this child's mother, I'm your lover. And I'm not giving that role up...so let's get a sitter and go out."

We went on our date that day! He had a sitter in a New York minute! He was so happy about this! I think he was afraid to ask me (like many men would be afraid to ask their wives) thinking it's too soon...the baby was just born, she's not going to want to go out, she's not going to be interested in romance, etc. But -- this made him so excited that our relationship was still going to grow, we were going to stay close, and that I did not see him as #2 now and Dustin as #1. Rather, Larry and I continued to nurture our relationship and together, we parented and led Dustin -- not the other way around. By the way, he's an extraordinary kid if I do say so myself! If you wanna see why I think that, go check out his Myspace page.

Dustin has a rather enchanted view of marriage, I think. Sure he's seen Larry and I disagree, and he knows we're far from perfect. But he has grown up seeing his parents in love. And it is something he strongly desires for himself. (No, not just the affection of a girl, or sex - but he truly desires companionship and a girl that he can really get into serious conversations with and share with on the level his Dad and I do...and mainly someone who loves the Lord.) Larry and I aren't perfect but this is one thing we've modeled well for the kids, I think. None of that would have been possible if I had my babies and started putting them first and left time for Larry when I got around to it. If you aren't intentional, the truth is, you'll never get around to it. A whole lot of husbands today are just living on the back burner, waiting for their wives to remember they are there.

When will they realize that their husband IS their family? The truth is, even if a woman is not able to have children...if they are infertile and spend their entire lives childless, the fact is, A HUSBAND AND WIFE CONSTITUTE A FAMILY. Why is so hard for many young women these days to see this?

I guess when people don't want to see something, it's easy not to.

I love my children. And I'll never forget the person who made it possible for me to have them. Yes, ultimately God is responsible...but the way He set it up, I got these three gems through my relationship with Larry. And I'll never forget that, or put him aside.

I am finished my last Africa message

and it feels like I've birthed a child. I can't even express to you what a relief this is. I have also gotten a lot done today...but more on that in a minute...

Lest you think I don't like to prepare messages, please realize I love it! This is what I live for! However, until the message is "ready", I'm not. Yes, the Holy Ghost can do what He wants to do and I hope He does and I'm certainly going to be prayed up, but if I don't have my notebook ready, well...I'm a mess. Sometimes even if I don't use it, (someone asked me the other day...why do you have all that written up in your sermon notebook but don't refer to it a lot? Because I've gone over it, and I know it for the most part, but I have to have my notes there as my emotional safety net.)

Everyone keeps asking me, "are you ready for your trip?" Well, until today...no. I had my ticket, my shots, my gifts for the women, and I'm getting my wardrobe together. But until the actual messages are prepared to preach, I felt very uneasy. Especially since they want me to send them my text, maybe an outline - since the entire thing will be interpreted in Swahili.

So, message number five is done. Yesterday afternoon at work I finished the second message to the executive women'sleaders/pastor's wives. Now, today I woke up, and my first priority was getting the fifth message done. I couldn't have had a good weekend if I didn't, and since this weekend is Dustin's birthday, I really want to have a good weekend!

So the messages are in my sermon notebook, (I just did them for the pastor's wives and women's leaders for their sessions - I don't have room in my suitcase for 3,000 handouts for the other women...) object lesson illustrations prepared, etc. It's all there.

On the subject of wardrobe ~ it's proving to be harder than I thought. It's a challenge. I never realized how many clothes I have that are inappropriate for Africa. I have actually gone to the thrift store to get a few things, reason being I might not necessarily choose these things to wear here in Florida, and I might even leave them behind in Kenya depending on the room in my suitcase, and the need of the people where I'm at. While at this conference in Nairobi, I am only able to wear pants in my room, alone. (I'll be able to wear them at the missionary's compound and then when we go into the city to see some things one day.) But during the entire conference I have to wear a dress or skirt. I have many dresses, but for various reasons they are not "Africa appropriate." For instance, sleeveless is a no no. I am not talking just spaghetti straps or such (obviously I would not wear something strapless, spaghetti strapped or such even to my own church services!) However, being that I live in Florida I do have a lot of sleeveless tops and dresses. Most of my dresses also come to the knee but not below. I'm not sure how appropriate that is for this culture and I don't want to offend.

Most of the photos I'm seeing of the women who attended last year have dresses that are mid-calf. It's not just an issue of style, it's an issue that they view as right/wrong and so as to not offend, I need to comply. I do have a few longer dresses but then they have slits which I'm also unsure about. When I looked at the photos of the women at the conference last year the majority had on very long skirts with loose fitting tops and all their heads were covered. The missionary said I do not have to cover my head, however they do ask that I wear a skirt or dress the entire time. No problem with that on my part - I'm agreeable to anything even if I'd have to cover my head, but I need to get some additional clothes. I have two longer black skirts that I wear quite a bit and I'm wearing each of them, for two of the days. But for the other two, I don't know. I'm at a loss. Most of my suits also come to my knee with the skirt having a slit in the back. I don't dress like a ho by American standards (smile) but I don't want to look like a ho in Africa according to their standards in the Kenyan church!

It's hard to believe it's getting this close. We're only 13 days away from departure. I still have to do my mother/son date with Jordan. That's coming up. Then at least one more date with Larry, maybe even squeeze in two. Everytime I lay in bed and hold on to him I think, "soon I'm going to be without him for nine days"...and I try to stay there, be fully present, and savor the moment.

Jordan stayed home from school today (overslept) and Larry was so ticked. So he told him he had to clean the entire day. And he assigned him the weeding outside. Well, that was on my initiative list to do by Monday. Halleluiah! I'm mad that Jordan was home from school however, it did help me out. He's already finished the worst of it which was the backyard and the two side beds. They are absolutely killer to do. Right now it's 6:00 and he's still working, doing the front yard now. Larry is wanting to teach him a lesson and I think he's learning it big time since the weeding in our yard is probably one of the least desirable jobs in the world. Once it's weeded this time I'm going to take Dawn's advice and start having somebody come out and do the pre-emergent treatments.

I finished all my initiatives today except for picking up my final Africa prescription from the pharmacy! I'll do that tomorrow. Then I'll be ready to celebrate Dustin's birthday, enjoy the weekend fully and start attacking a new initiative list next week. It was a great day of accomplishment. I have finished 30+ initiatives this week by the time all was said and done and it feels wonderful.

10 Things I've developed a lower tolerance for as I've gotten older

1) Sheets that haven't been changed for a while. (For practical reasons I can't change them every day or even usually every few days. Our beds usually get changed on Fridays or Saturdays but by the time it gets to that point honestly it's hard for me to sleep. My best night of sleep is the night I change the sheets and duvet cover. It's like heaven!!!)

2) Whining. (leads to wilderness living instead of promised land living.)

3) A sense of entitlement in the church. When will people understand, it's not about what they get, it's about what they give? Everytime I hear another complaint about, "the church" not doing something for somebody and them having themselves in a tizzy about it, it doesn't make me more mindful to help them. It makes me more determined to shut my ears to this kind of stuff and focus on something else because that kind of behavior is just plain wrong and unGodly.

4) Bad pizza. I just won't "spend the points" to eat it. Not worth it. The only pizza I will eat except rare occasions in Tampa would be Amici's. I also love Uno's but there aren't any around here, so I just normally eat there on trips. The fact that they put calamata olives on pizza? GENIUS.

5) Excuses. They are dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Just do what you're supposed to do, when you're supposed to do it. That's how it's supposed to work in this life.

6) Trophy wives...kept women..."arm candy" as I call it. I tolerate them so little that I have none of them currently in my life as friends or associates. When I meet one all I can think is, "when are you going to do something to justify your existence on planet earth?" By the way, Larry told me a great joke yesterday. He said, "A friend of mine just married someone and she's basically a trophy wife. Evidently she didn't take first place..." ha ha ha!

7) People who want to spend a lot of time pouring all their problems out to me, but never take my advice. No time for it, sorry. Side note - the other day I was having brunch with Ada and as usual I shared a few challenges with her and she spoke her wisdom into my life as she always does. Immediately I was like, "yes...yes, I get this..." and started putting it into practice and I've felt like a different woman for the past two days. So why don't so many people do that? Why do they yap on to people incessently about what's bothering them, receive advice but then discard it? As for me I take advice and eat it up like a Dove chocolate! Most of the time when I'm with Ada I'm gulping her advice, I don't just eat it.

8) Rudeness. At 41 years old, I find myself doing one of two things when I encounter blatant rudeness. I either immediately remove myself from the situation and make it clear I will not stay in the presence of rudeness or I correct it. For instance, if someone were standing there berating one of my friends I wouldn't just stand there and listen to it thinking, "is it my place to say something?" At this point in my life I'd stand up and say it, my place or not and if someone wants to hate me, let them.

9) Inappropriate cell phone usage. I won't compete with a cell phone. Just not gonna do it. I really believe they have become a serious hindrance to our society today and believe the bad is outweighing the good currently because people today don't understand proper manners. Check your ettiquette books people...it's rude to constantly be interrupted by calls when you are with other people.

The one reason I like a cell phone is to keep track of my kids and make sure they are safe, and to talk to my family and tell them I love and miss them when I'm away. And that's it. Otherwise, cell phones in my opinion can go straight back to Hades where they came from. Cell phones were not invented in Japan, by Verizon, Cingular or anybody else on this earth. Please realize, they came straight from the Big B himself...BEELZEBUB.

Don't you hate it when you are in a conversation with someone and their phone rings and they keep answering it? That is so rude. You can often forget what you were talking about, and the moment is blown. I have even been sitting with people in a serious conversation, one of us can be bearing our hearts or crying and "bbbbrrrrrring!" there it goes, or worse yet irritating songs come on. True story: one Wednesday night in church service somebody in our church did not turn their cell phone off. Right in the midst of church Carrie Underwood's "Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats" came blaring on. Was this a prophetic word? No, it was STUPIDITY!

I have been with people where half of our time together was spent in interruptions from their cell phone. One thing I love about Pastor Lisa is that when you are "with her" you are seriously WITH HER. The whole weekend I was with her in Houston, if the phone rang she pressed "ignore" and gave me her full attention. I was impressed. Ada always does the same thing, unless it's one of her kids. That's my only exception too. I will answer if it's Larry or my kids and take a very brief call and then profusely apologize and say that because it was my family I felt I needed to take the call as they come first. Everyone's husband, wife, or kids should come first especially whereas concerns their safety. But otherwise? Geez whiz people, GIVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION TO WHO YOU ARE WITH. So, to make a long rant longer, let me just say that I refuse to compete with cell phones. When somebody does this to me, (and it's not their immediate family calling) I immediately switch gears and start doing something else. Sometimes I leave. Sometimes I pull out my work folders, start working to use the time wisely instead of sitting and staring at them waiting for them to finish their conversation about the dog they just adopted from the pound, or who won their kid's soccer game. Or sometimes I just say, "evidently this isn't a good time for you...let's catch up later..." The way I see it is...my time is valuable. I don't have time to sit there and listen to somebody's cell phone calls or God forbid wait until they text message somebody (another tool from the abyss).

and my final crowning "low tolerance" for the day...

10) People who text message or instant message me when they can either:

a) Talk to me face to face because we are in the same building.

b) Pick up the phone and call me instead of doing this slow back and forth deal. The thing is, I type 130 words a minute so text messaging or IM'ing will never be quick enough for me. It drives me crazy. Yes, I hate the phone but I'd much prefer it to texting or IM'ing.

Do I sound old? Maybe so. I am getting older. I don't consider myself stuffy, but really folks, these are things in life that do make me just a little irritated and some of them are changes in our world that I don't know are truly advancements. Technologically? Yes. Relationally? Probably not.

It was a rainy day...it was a very rainy day.

Today was a dark and dreary day but I tried to make it as happy as possible. It wasn't bad with any difficult things with people or work, it was just wet and cold. Yes, we can get cold even here in Florida especially once we have adjusted to tropical living. My feet were so cold today all day, I wore my boots to church tonight! Northerners would find this humorous - it's still in the 80's here and sometimes 90's. I know, it's crazy but today I was craving heat.

This morning when I got up, it was raining and I had to get ready and take the dog out in the rain. This is always a mess and is a morning I don't really enjoy, but it has to be done. Then after getting the dog out and getting myself ready, as I was making my tea Larry came out and said he wouldn't be done in time to take Savanna to the bus stop so I had to leave my tea, go out in the rain again and drive her up there. Then I came back, got my things and went out in the rain again. Rain, rain, rain. This was the kind of day where I just wanted to stay in bed or sit on the couch in my jammies under a blanket and read a book. But I'm a responsible adult and I have to work. Yes, believe it or not we pastors DO work more than on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights!

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and weighed in and was dismayed, despite being relatively good all week, to be up .06. (That's point 06, not six pounds.) It's minimal but still....I want to lose, not gain. I realize there are many factors involved in one's weight from day to day including but not limited to salt intake, "that time of the month", simple things such as -- did you just drink a bottle of water and not go to the restroom before you weighed? Judy (receptionist who weighed me in) said, "it's just a slight gain, it's really no big deal but I wasn't terribly thrilled. So I have to work hard this week. I am committing to more of the elliptical machine.

So I went to work today, then went to lunch and it was still raining, came back to the office in the rain, worked a while, then went out again in the rain and came home and then started making supper. By this time I felt so yukky from being out in the rain so many times today and my feet were wet and cold. I wasn't dirty - of course I showered this morning and got ready for work but all this dampness just gives me a "yuk" feeling. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was go anywhere but of course I'm faithful to the house of God. So I started supper and started getting ready. Tonight I made baked chicken, stuffing (made with low fat ingredients) and green beans. I got a few plates ready as I do quite often and took them to the boys at church...they are always there a few hours before us, with worship rehearsal for the youth.

We had a good service as usual tonight and then I came home and made some homemade chicken corn soup. I had one point left when I came home and was going to use it wisely. If you make soup right it can really be one point, seriously. So I did. Dustin and I had some and we all watched Kid Nation.

The show was very entertaining tonight as usual, but have I mentioned, I have a serious dislike for Taylor? That girl drives me up the wall. I don't know anybody who watches the show (that I know personally) who likes her. Cathy (mine and Larry's assistant at Northside) feels the same way and we commiserate about the fact that we are sooooo over that chick. I think one reason I feel this way is because she reminds me of a few people I have known over the years who have possessed the same exact attitude only they were grown adults and are somehow getting away with it. And actually, these aren't just adults - they are in ministry! (And supposedly saved but I had my doubts at times.) The thing is, WHERE DOES THIS BEHAVIOR START?

By watching Taylor, I can see how this behavior begins at a young age, and just continues on even after they are adults and have their own children. There are a few things Taylor really needs the first of which is a good butt whipping. There are no adults at Bonanza City, so these kids need to take advantage of that and pop the laziness and beauty queen mentality straight out of her. Whammo! One good jolt is all it would take to let her see that nobody gets a free ride in this life. I seriously had my fingers crossed that one of the kids on the show was going to just drag her off by her ponytail to do the work she was assigned to, but they actually kept it under control very well considering. At least they threatened to take away her paycheck and a chance at the gold star. It'll be interesting to see what happens next week... hopefully she'll change, get saved or...somebody will clock her. Something's gotta give!!!

The love of my life

Here's a meme I got from Pastor Leanne. Fun! (You can also see by the pictures just how much we have changed during the past 20 years, and...how "high" my hair was at one point. I think this not only qualifies for extreme 80's hair, but also incredibly Pentecostal. The only thing that would have been more so was if I had it up in a bun with a bunch of bobby pins...and ditched the make up...) Here we go...

1. Where did you meet this person? Valley Forge Christian College ~ Phoenixville, PA

2. What was the first thought that went through your head when you met ? He’s so funny…he makes me laugh so much. He would make funny quips and sing me songs he made up or popular songs that he changed the words to. Being that he's not exactly skilled at singing, this was something that I really found humorous.


3. Do you remember what you or they were wearing? Very casual clothing because we were both working in the kitchen at college.

4. Where was the first time you kissed this person? In the music building.

5. How did they ask you out ( or you ask them out )? I was at Valley Forge a year before Larry so I knew some people before he did. When he first saw me, he asked an upperclassman, Rick, (who worked alongside him in the kitchen), “who’s that girl?” Rick said, “that’s Deanna.” Larry said, “I’m going to ask her out.” Rick said, “she won’t go out with you, she isn't dating anyone for a while - it's some commitment she and her friend made...” (long story for another day) So Larry said, “I'm going to date her. Watch me.” He started singing these funny songs to me, coming around and making me laugh on the job. I did think he was hysterical - and that was about the extent of it. I didn’t have any money to speak of – was a poor college student washing dishes in the cafeteria. I had just bought a winter scarf which I loved and I really treasured it because quite honestly it was a big deal for me to buy it. It was probably only about a week old. After work one night I was putting my coat on to leave and put the scarf on and Larry came over, took it away and said, “if you want your scarf back, you’ll go out with me!” So, I did, thinking I would get the scarf back. (To this day I never got it back – he still has it in his top dresser drawer! He always kept it for sentimental reasons.)

6. Where did you go for your first date? The music building. I spent a lot of time there. I actually told him, "okay,if you want to see me, just come there, it’s where I always am..." Little did I know sitting in the music building the first time, folding ministry newsletters and talking about our different calls to the ministry that the Holy Spirit would speak to me and say, "this is going to be your husband..." YIKES! Sort of scared me to death, (even though I did think he was cute and funny) only because I didn't know him or feel "in love" with him yet. I think shortly after that we went to Valley Forge Park (which is a beautiful place) and holds a lot of memories as well.


7. How long did you know this person before you became a couple? Not long, probably a few months.


8. Has this person ever proposed to you? Yes, he proposed on June 25, 1986 and we married June 27, 1987. We’ve been married 20 years.

9. Do you and this person have kids together? Yes, three on earth and one in heaven.

10. Have you ever broken the law with this person? Have we broken any laws...let's see... college laws? Yes. Several times. We got written up, mostly for "lap sitting." (No, not lap dancing. ha ha!) Seriously when we went to Bible college, there was no "PDA" allowed - no sitting on laps, no kissing, no arms around each other, nothing...at least on campus. We went to bible school back when it was really strict. We couldn't wear shorts unless we were in gym class, boys had to wear ties, and we couldn't even sit next to each other in chapel the first semester - it was against the rules to sit by the opposite sex the first semester. I ended up having to paint the dorm one time because of breaking the rules. (My R.A. who wrote me up for sitting on Larry's lap talking one day is no longer in the ministry but I just want to point out, I am a 20 year ministry veteran, despite my lap sitting.) I guess the lap sitting should have been a prophetic indication to Larry -- he was getting a "wild woman"! (smile) As far as laws of the land, we haven't broken any that I can think of. If we have it’s something small and stupid that we don’t know about…I dunno, parking on the street in Pasco county is against the law and we’ve done that occasionally.

11. When was the first time you realized that you loved this person? I can’t remember the exact moment to be quite honest. Our love evolved. I knew before I ever loved or even really “liked” him a lot that he would be my husband. The Holy Spirit told me that just days after we met but I never told him until we were almost married because I thought it was inappropriate. I knew it would scare him and rightfully so. Although I was young at the time, I began to realize even then that too many people throw God’s name around and and say, "God told me this or that" and it really gets old and is overdone because so many times it’s not God, it’s just their own desires. In my case I did know it was God because despite very little feelings for him and just laughing a lot when he was around, I had a knowing in my heart that he was supposed to be mine. I said, “God, I feel nothing for him…he’s just a funny guy, and I actually know nothing about him…” but as I looked over at him as he was talking in the music building one night, I felt God speak to my heart that he was the one. From that time on, despite the lack of immediate romantic feelings, I just trusted God was leading me in the right direction and as time when on, the feelings developed.

12. Do you get along with any of the ex's of your boyfriend/girlfriend? I don’t see any of them so it’s really not an issue.


14. Do you trust this person? Yes but more than that, I trust in God – I realize Larry is not infallible so I don’t expect perfection out of him . I don't expect Him to be God -- but as much as I could possibly trust any man on earth, I trust him. With the rest…I trust God.

15. What is the best thing this person ever gave you? Great sex. Repeatedly. And my Mustang Convertible. But aside from that… his whole heart, his commitment, faithfulness.

16. What is the most expensive thing this person bought for you? The Mustang

17. What is the one thing this person does that gets on your nerves? Doesn’t notice the mess around him and housework that needs to be done, like I do – he’s totally oblivious to it.

18. What is the thing you do that gets on their nerves? Got a few hours?!! Wow. It’s not just one and hard to choose but probably the things I do when I get angry and he pushes me to deal with things right then that I don’t want to deal with at the moment.


19. Where do you see each other in 15 years from now? We will be 55 and 56…old enough to get a seniors discount. That is incredibly scary to me. I don’t like it and I’m treasuring every moment right now. But where do I see us at 55 and 56? We'll be pastoring. ’ll be writing more than I ever have. Larry will be playing golf more when he’s not driving the kids everywhere. On our day off it will really totally be a day off and we will not be dropping kids off at meetings and events or picking them up and getting stuck on church things because we were on the premises. On Fridays we will probably be at home, completely naked the entire day/night. I guess actually 55 and 56 doesn't sound so bad after all...

Recap of today's events

Today has been a good day. Normally I work from home on Tuesdays but today was different. Ada and I met in Tampa for brunch, so that meant I needed to have the car (we still only have one). So I drove Larry to work, dropped him off and went to have brunch with Ada. Then I went and worked at the office for the rest of the day with Larry.

Ada just came back from her trip to Hawaii with Chris. They were there for 10 days. She got me a necklace and bracelet there, made out of nuts. I love it! It might sound kind of strange/different but it's really beautiful and shiny. I put it on right away and am just loving it. (I'm wearing it in this photo of us, above.) We talked about everything we could cram in during our time together. We wanted to get together and spend some time before my trip to Africa. I get my hair done the day before I go but the thing is, even all that time to talk is never enough...we run out of time. Truth be told we ran out of time today but I guess perhaps any friendship is like that. She said some things today that were absolutely prophetic for me personally. Confirmations galore. As so often happens after we have a serious talk, I feel like a have a completely new perspective on some things. There is really nothing like having a friend this spiritual.

She couldn't believe how good I was being with eating today - egg beaters and turkey sausage and wheat toast with nothing on it. I told her, it's like this...weigh in is tomorrow! And I'm counting on being down at least a pound. I really wanted to be at Lifetime by the time I went to Africa. At this point that is a litle unrealistic to think it will happen however I can be just a few pounds away by the time I go.

My contacts are starting to feel a bit more comfortable today. I had a hard time getting them out last night. They are really a bit different than the old ones...slightly bigger -- not much but enough to make a difference in getting them in and out. And, for some reason they are more difficult to get out - I am not sure why except maybe with the astigmatism - now my contact fits perfectly despite that and it's more shaped to my eye, therefore it doesn't come out as easily. Oh well, Dr. Stanley said this would settle down and be normal in a few days.

Can you believe my son turns 18 this Saturday? I can hardly believe it. I can remember his birth like it was yesterday. It is true, time does fly. We have something real special in store for him for Saturday...something very "adult like". I won't put it here because Casey reads my blog. :) Although I don't think she'd tell him if I asked her not to. Anyway, the big day is Saturday. I am pretty okay with it since he's still at home for a while. I really have no desire for him to move out - at all - it's pretty common knowledge how crazy I am about him! Now Larry would love nothing more than to have all the kids move out and it be just me and him again...which, I'm not saying I will mind being alone with my husband - certainly not. I love being with him and we will have A LOT of fun when they move out! I will probably live naked 95% of the time. I know, that's a scary thought for anybody besides Larry. But anyway, I am fine with waiting however long it takes for them to move out, especially Dustin. He's Momma's Chocki Woki and he shall remain so forever, and a day.

Typical Monday

Today was a normal Monday with a ton of work on my plate when I got up...I think I started with about 28 initiatives today. I didn't get to my Africa messages as I would have liked, and we're 15 days and counting, but tomorrow's a new day. Um, CAN YOU BELIEVE I'M LEAVING IN 15 DAYS?! I'm getting ready more day by day though my most important thing - the messages - are not done yet. However, rest assured that by week's end, all 5 will be done, regardless.

I got a pile of stuff done this morning...typical things - tons of mail to send out, calls to make or answer, and projects to delve into. Then we went to staff lunch and I stopped by Lifeway to get my new Bible engraved. I love it! It's just the right size for my purse and I'm taking it on the trip with me. I wanted to read the whole Message Bible during the plane ride - Pastor T figured out for me, I'd have to read 50 pages each hour. Quite truthfully I need more rest than that, so I'm not going to attempt it, BUT...I will be able to read quite a bit.

This afternoon I got some more work done, we had staff meeting and I went to my eye doctor appointment. I figured, I am on my last pair of contacts and I'm getting ready to go on this trip and I want to see the giraffes and elephants clearly not to mention the 3,000 faces I'm looking at when I preach! I realized that I probably needed a slight adjustment on my glasses and contacts since my vision seems to deteriorate a bit every year. (Bummer) If my eye doctor wasn't so wonderful, I would hate going. There's nothing like hearing, "we're going to shoot a little puff of air in your eye...just hold steady and try not to blink..." YEAH RIGHT. I hate having my eyes checked. So uncomfortable! But I go to Dr. Jennifer Stanley here in Tampa and she is WONDERFUL. In fact she gave me a whopping discount on my lenses today because I've gone to her for four years. I decided not to update my frames this year because I got these Fendi frames last year and I love them. Of course nobody sees them but my family - I wear contacts pretty much every waking moment and just wear my glasses right before bed when I'm winding down for the day. But anyway, I do love these frames and besides that I wanted to save money and not have to get them again right now. Thankfully my reading glasses prescription is the same. No purchase necessary there. Dr. Stanley is one of the nicest people I've ever met. I just found out today she lives in the same neighborhood as Ada! She's also very thorough with her patients and really takes time with you. Since my last appointment they've come out with contacts that correct asigmatism (which I have). Glasses corrects it but up until recently contacts could not correct it. Now they have them as well as contacts that enable you to have more oxygen. So I'm trying these for a week. I have to admit tonight was hard with them - they are a bit heavier with a different feel and Dr. Stanley says it takes a few days to feel normal with them. So we'll see. But it is a definite improvement in sharpness of vision. I highly recommend it to anybody who wears contacts and is in this situation.

Tonight I went home and ate dinner and laid around for a while talking to the kids. I did zippo housework. I desperately need to do a few things but I had no "housework" energy today knowing I did need to work out. I got on the elliptical at the gym tonight once I had the energy to go after dinner...came home and showered and now it's time to do the last initiative on my list, which is the most fun...spending some time with Larry. So, goodnight all...that was my day today and the night is not over... God is good...

Rope holders

Larry brought a message to the church this morning from Acts 9, about when the people were conspiring to kill Saul and he found out about the plot and his followers helped him escape by lowering him down through an opening in the wall through a basket. Larry spoke of people being willing to be "rope holders" in the Kingdom of God and he also talked about the importance of mentoring. At the conclusion he gave an altar call for people to once again commit to being a rope holder, to be willing to also invest, mentor, etc.

I normally don't answer altar calls at my church - not because I think I'm spiritually beyond it - far from it, but I usually believe my first responsibility when I am at church is not to be fed, but to feed -- to be there for the people and pray for them. So this is usually my place - functioning at the altar in ministering to the people. I'm sure it's the same way with the majority of pastors and pastor's wives - they are not "too proud" to come to the altar - they just feel the responsibility to minister to the flock which we have been called to do.

Well this morning I set that aside for a brief moment and went and responded to the altar. Larry didn't preach this message exclusively for me, (I haven't even shared my thoughts with him on it before now - didn't want to discourage him) but it applied to me. Just frankly speaking here, I've been ready to give up on the idea of mentoring. Me...the person who has taught workshops on mentoring. Yep, you read it here first.

I am not kidding one bit when I say that I decided as of late to lay the "mentoring mantle" down, at least the up close method -- anything besides what mentorship people receive by hearing preaching or teaching. Maybe not permanently, but for a season...it's been what my heart has wanted to do and what I had decided I probably would do for at least a few months to a year or however long it took me to feel ready again.

This feeling comes from the discouragement and a sense of failure within myself of seeing as many people fail that I have mentored, as those who have succeeded. For every person that I have seen go forward through my mentorship, I have also had situations that have turned into nightmares. They have all received the same type of mentorship for the most part, however, some have become a dream and some have become a nightmare!

There are times I have failed at something where I just stop for a while to get my equilibrium back.

Regarding mentoring, as of late I have asked myself if I really want the headache or if I just need a break. Tonight Alex Rivera said something in our vision meeting that was awesome - he talked about the morning's message and said, "do we want to be rope holders even when we're getting some rope burns?" This is what God spoke to me about this morning as I sat in the service. He gave me my answer as much I as really didn't want to hear it. I wanted to just start preaching and teaching my guts out and give myself more time to do it well instead of investing in people, half of which seem to be bent on making the wrong choices.

In the past few months, Larry and I have gotten letters from some people we've mentored over the years who said thank you, and told us just how much we impacted, and are continuing to impact their lives through things we taught them. One letter I read about a week ago caused my eyes to well up with tears of gratitude. At the same time, I got on the Myspace of someone I mentored years ago and was horrified by how far they have fallen from grace. There were things so horrible on the page, I can't repeat them here. Quite honestly, I thought, "why did I ever invest my time?" Others may not be touting x-rated material, but have fallen into other disappointing situations or decisions where you say, "why? did they learn nothing over our time together? What could I have done to prevent this or that?" The answer many times is...nothing. I'm learning right now through reading, and talking to some great mentors that every mentor encounters these variables. However the issue with me that I've been pondering is...is it worth it?

Then there are those you have mentored who might not be a flop in life or ministry, (in fact they might be very successful) but they turn around and burn you personally despite all you've done for them. Or, they really don't give a rip about the time you spent. I know we don't do it for exaltation, at least we shouldn't. We don't give for the praise of people. But Larry says although he doesn't invest for the praise of men, he doesn't want to be taken for granted either. There's a difference. You don't need to be praised, but at the same time you don't want to be stepped on. As Sis. Coker often says, "you won't miss the water til' the well runs dry." I've been wanting to close my well.

Then there's the issue of pastoring and trying to mentor to see increase not only in the Kingdom of God, but your portion of the Kingdom. You mentor some people first to enrich that person's life and help them grow, but second you also have the desire to see them come alongside you and help you to grow and tend to the part of the "vineyard" where God has placed you. (After all, the role of every pastor according to Ephesians 4 is to equip and train.) You do this with high hopes that people will turn around and utilize that investment to serve and make an impact in church and the community. When you sow seed, you expect a harvest. But often, the people you help are less concerned about serving with you than they are about moving on to "do their own thing." Do you know how many pastors I have talked to who are discouraged because somebody they have poured into has just split from them and started their own church? Too many to count. Or they have invested in people only to have them fly the coop and move somewhere else to do their own thing.

Recently I read a blog of an ex-pastor who has left the ministry permanently after many years of service. He's not a bad guy, on the contrary he's a real good guy who just got real discouraged. He said, "I gave for years and years and invested countless hours in equipping and training people, only to see the vast majority of them leave to do their own thing."

There's nothing wrong with that in some cases - people are called to launch out elsewhere in some instances and it is all about the Kingdom of God. However, as Dr. Lee taught us, when that is consistently happening more often than not in a congregation, there is no way it can grow. He suggests asking the individuals before you decide to mentor them or put them in ministry, "what is in your heart to do, and will you do it through the ministries of this church?" He always asked people their intentions right up front. He didn't invest without a definite commitment. He got the the bottom line and point blank asked them if they were called to stand with Him - to do whatever it took to fulfill the mission/vision of the church. If they weren't going to invest back into the church he didn't heavily invest in those particular individuals most of the time, nor choose them for leadership positions that he knew would just have to be filled again. This always worked for him as a pastor years ago, but I have found at least in my experience so far in trying it, it hasn't worked as well and I don't know whether that's just the fact that we're not Dr. Lee (yes, I know that makes a difference!) or the fact that times have changed so much. I've found most people today will give some ambiguous answer like,"well, I don't know, I can't really commit to anything concerning that, or tell you what I'm going to do..." and then of course even when they do commit to you they can always just quit later and say, "I know what I said, but God spoke..." and flit off to do whatever and blame it on God. (After all, who are we to argue with God? That's why so many people use that excuse even when it's many times not the case.)

The pastor who blogged made mention that this is one of the main reasons he has resigned, works in the marketplace now, and attends a church with his family and serves where he can to help another pastor. He said, "I'm tired of investing my all into people just to have them go do their thing and still not really be able to move the church forward." I'm not saying it's right...but I do understand what the man is saying. I wonder how many pastors out there feel this same thing so deeply? And is it the reason many have quit?

This morning God renewed my heart to be able to say, "yes, I will still step up to the call of being a rope holder, even when I feel rope burns." So a lot of the people that I invest in may disappoint. But many of them also succeed. We often say, "if you or I were the only person in the world, Jesus would have gone to the cross just for you or me." That's true and I guess we have to look at mentorship in the same way. Are we willing to hold the rope even if there's only a certain amount of people in the basket, or if some people have jumped out of the basket? Larry's one statement that really got ahold of me this morning was, "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S IN THE BASKET!"

I've been lamenting lately over people I've mentored making stupid decisions, making me feel as if my investment in their lives was a brain warp on my part. In my eyes, they jumped out of the basket. God drew my attention to the fact today, it doesn't matter whether they are in the basket, jumping out of the basket, asleep in the basket, or whether they go get their own basket. Sometimes that stuff may hurt like heck, but the bottom line is what matters is my obedience to the call to be a rope holder. Obedience. That's what God cares about. Our job is to do what God calls to do - and leave the results up to Him. Some people might think, "that shouldn't hurt you...what's wrong with you that you feel that way?" Obviously that person is not a pastor or is a complete rookie. Of course it hurts any normal pastor when people jump out of the basket, have indifference, fall asleep, stab them in the back, or just take your investment so they can go get their own basket. (especially when they do it behind your back or in an unscrupulous fashion.) Anybody who doesn't see this reality that pastors are human and feel the pain of this when it happens and find it hard to just spiritualize it away...well, they probably deserve to have their own church! And I personally put my request in to God to be a fly on the wall when this happens to them! :-) That would be better entertainment to watch than American Idol. Pop the popcorn, sit back and watch them try it. I have gently brought up this conversation before (with people I probably shouldn't have, and been given a dissertation on how it's "all about the Kingdom" and we shouldn't fret or be hurt over such instances. Yes, yes, yes, I understand all about kingdom principles. But does that mean stuff like this isn't excruciating sometimes to a man or woman of God? NO, NO NO. Hello. We still bleed. (I love that book by T.D. Jakes, When Shepherds Bleed.) Does it not hurt when somebody we invested in goes astray? Makes poor choices? Take a route that negatively affects their destiny? Have ungrateful attitudes? Stab you in the back? Um, is the Pope Catholic? So you can stand there all you want and recite mantras about Kingdom principles but all the while you're still going to have to wrap something around you to stop the bleeding, principles or no principles. What you can use to stop the bleeding is a whole other blog post.

Results are so unpredictable. Not only can you not predict them, but you can't control them. Therefore, you must function on the truth that you obey despite the results. I am learning more and more to be less results oriented and more obedience oriented. This isn't to say that it's easy or that I don't get really discouraged -- or that I'm "there" yet. I have to be honest, there are days everything in me wants to let go...but,

I'm still here, God. I'll hold the rope as long as you ask me to.

Girls day

I'm trying to spend some extra time with each of my kids before I go to Africa. The other day Dustin and I went on a lunch date. Today was Savanna's turn and in the next week or so it'll be Jordan's turn. After life coaching Savanna and I went to Michael's to look for some things for her jewelry making that she's doing. Then we went to lunch at Jersey Mike's for a sandwich and then headed over to the thrift store, one of our favorite jaunts. I was looking for a few things for Africa, and she was just looking for anything interesting. She got an adorable little purse with the tags still on for $2 - and also an adorable skirt and blouse for just a few dollars. She also found a board game and we played it when we got home. As for me, I got two shirts I'm going to wear in Africa (I've been looking for long sleeved, loose clothing that is "appropo" for the occasion ~ as I've been instructed to wear) and in addition to two shirts, I found a B-E-A-utiful outfit that I'm just still shaking my head over in amazement. It's a gorgeous Plaza South suit, with the tags still attached - never worn...and the skirt was $3 and the top was $4. Savanna was amazed and the woman at the checkout even said, "that's an unbelievable find!" It's red and I'm planning on wearing it for Christmas. The only thing wrong with it at all is that the top button is loose and needs to sewn tighter. I love it when I find a bargain like this. I got two Liz Claiborne dresses as well recently at the thrift store for about $4 each and I'll wear them at some upcoming things that are more formal. One thing I love about thrift stores is finding Jones New York suits and Claiborne and stuff like that with all the tags still on many times, and I wear it and people are none the wiser about what I've paid for this stuff. I will never forget teaching Ashley Haley from church about looking for bargains like this. She had no idea what the words 'Jones New York' meant until she met me! :-) One of my greatest joys is finding this stuff for only a few dollars.

We came home and I didn't feel like cooking supper, neither did Jordan or Larry so we just did frozen pizzas from the freezer. Nobody seemed to mind.

Tonight I still have a few things left to do such as set everything up for our vision meeting tomorrow night (we have dinner here at our house with about 20 leaders, and then a meeting), iron all the clothes for in the morning for everyone, and look over my notes again for in the morning. I would like to go for a late night walk with Larry if we aren't too tired...we'll see what happens. I am believing tomorrow will be a great day in the house at Northside.

Five things I'm thankful for today:

1) My life coaching group brought up today how excited they are for me about Africa. They insisted on having special prayer for me today. It was a good time together as it always is. Today our teaching was on depression and spiritual insights into combating it. And our prayer time was on the theme of Thanksgiving.

2) Candy brought some YUMMY stuff to life coaching and we enjoyed it during our teaching and I made a pot of tea. It was so good to share it together around the table as we talked.

3) It rained last night real hard which was good for my plants and trees outside but it was also wonderful to wake up, hear the rain beating down and go back to sleep. I love sleeping while it's raining.

4) I took a bath when I woke up this morning with "Moonlight Path". Sometimes I just need more than just one luxurious start to my day per week.

5) I feel God's love and my family's love. Who could ask for more?

Tonight's Sequel: had to add this to my blog before bedtime...Larry didn't feel like walking tonight - no big deal, I needed a harder workout on the elliptical - my legs are crying out for change! So I headed to the gym and worked out. When I came home I noticed that Bobby had stopped by to visit. He brought us onion rings from Remington's. He said, "you guys feed me so much, I wanted to stop by and bring these..." (Sweet? Yes. A temptation? Also yes...) Larry ate some, and I told Bobby as grateful as I was, I had just worked out and would leave the rest to Jordan, who was very glad to eat them! Ah, that workout felt good...time to shower, put the finishing touches on tomorrow and spend some time with the babe.

One of the girls are gone

There are three birds - sandhill cranes - that are on our Northside Church property much of the time. They are always together, the three of them. Larry calls them, "his girls" as does Dustin. This morning I was driving Dustin in to work at the church and I had life coaching class. As we pulled in to the parking lot, Dustin said, "these people better not hit one of the girls, or I'll kill them..." and I said, "why would you say that? Who is trying to hit them?" Dustin explained people just aren't careful around them. They are often found just slowly walking around the property, or across the road. Sane people stop for them, go around them or wait.

Dustin must have had a premonition...

During my coaching class, he walked in all upset. He had been crying. He said, "they killed one of the girls, Mom..." the whole class could see he was very upset. I was so hurt for him (and for the poor bird). Some impatient motorist was an absolute numbskull and ran into one of "the girls." Dustin was there with her when she was struggling for her last breath and Savanna (who was with him) said that he was talking to the bird, saying that he was so sorry, and wanted to "kill the man who did this to you..." We don't know who he was. Dustin said he was a stranger, and someone just passing by on Lake Magdalene Blvd. who ran over her.

Dustin buried the bird with some help from some of the Hopetown people who were there. I'm so sad for him. His heart is broken and I understand. And how sad that somebody is out there who has so little regard for life and is in such a hurry that they just ran over a sandhill crane.

YIKES!

I just heard from the missionary's wife in Africa, and...in addition to preaching the general sessions, they want me to speak to the leaders not just once, but...TWICE, two days in a row! Well, I do have 18 days but I'm not prepared yet ...so I'm going straight to the Word and prayer now for guidance to get ready for this additional session. I get ansty when I'm not well prepared quite a bit in advance, so...I'll keep you posted as to what I'm going to bring to the leaders in addition to "Survivor: Africa" that I told you about yesterday!

Fun Friday

Our day off...what a wonderful day. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE THIS DAY?! Especially when it works out that we truly do have the time off and nothing interferes.

This morning the kids didn't have school so I didn't have to get up early. I slept until 10:30 am. Glorious! Did I mention how much I love to sleep?! After that I took my time drinking tea, eating my breakfast, and checking my mail. Then I took a nice warm bath with my favorite...Bath & Body Works "Moonlight Path." (It is absolutely aromatheraphy at it's best for me...it transports me to such a tranquil state.) Then I headed off to get a fill and pedi. It's been a month. I felt like I was developing claws. I just haven't been because I really haven't had time. Mai was delighted to show me a new color that just came in that she thought was perfect for me. It wasn't OPI (I rarely depart from OPI colors - I don't care what anyone says, I think they last longer and many times still look freshly done after 2 weeks - plus they're just kickin' colors!) But she was right - this was a good one, so we went with it.

Casey came over today and spend the day/evening. When I finished getting my nails done, I stopped at the grocery, picked some things up, and started on dinner. I took my best chicken casserole recipe (my fam's favorite) and adjusted all the ingredients to be "lite" and halved the calories. It still tasted great - only a very slight variation. We had that and garlic mashed potatoes, fresh broccoli and my homemade biscuits. There's really no way I can adjust the biscuits so what it amounts to is limiting myself to just one! Jordan helped me with the entire dinner which I was really grateful for, with this being my day off and just wanting more of a break from the routine of doing the majority myself. After cleaning it up, Larry and Jordan headed to the church softball game. Larry doesn't play this year because of his arm, but Jordan does. They won tonight! The score was 10-2 ~ and Jordan played great - he had 3 hits ~ scored twice. Here are some pics that Larry took of him.

While the guys were at softball, I stayed at the house with Savanna, Dustin and Casey and we watched a movie. We made chocolate chip cookies and I limited myself on those too. :-) We watched a comedy and laughed ourselves silly.

I sorted more scarves for Africa and washed some. Still stacking stuff up in my room getting ready to go. Tomorrow will be 18 days...and counting. Savanna made me a bracelet tonight to wear while I'm in Africa. It has all of my family's initials on it. That will be a little "anchor" for me (as they call it in weight watchers) while I'm gone, to refer to.

Speaking of WW, I didn't do as well as I'd like to the past 48 hours. Thursday was difficult for both Larry and I. I just want to encourage those of you who are reading who do WW (so many of my friends are OP right now) and I just encourage you not to let the scale dictate your mood too much. Things can fluctuate so much and what's important that even with a slip here and there, that you do the right thing THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME and it will even out. I weigh myself every day. I don't recommend that if you have a whole lot of weight to lose but when you get down to the final 10 or you are maintaining, I think it's important to keep a short leash on yourself and be extra diligent to stay on course. Well, I was incredibly depressed this morning when woke up, weighed myself and I was several pounds up. I told Larry I was so down in spirit over it. Well, this is how crazy things can fluctuate...about an hour later, I was 3 lbs. less! I have found this happens quite a bit and can be anything from extra salt intake, drinking a lot of water and not going to the bathroom yet (I am not kidding, I can go to the bathroom and be down a few pounds...weird!!!), "that time of the month", exercising and sweating, etc. I try to not put too much stock in my weight from day to day (although I do check it) but more from week to week. Remember, we are what we repeat. So the important thing is that you repeat the right thing MOST OF THE TIME. You are not going to gain weight eating an extra biscuit one time. But if you eat several biscuits every day as a general rule - you will gain, gain, gain. Trust me, that's why I used to be overweight - that was my everyday lifestyle ~ excess on a regular basis. But no more...

Well, time to fold a few more scarves and go to bed... g'night everybody. Sweet dreams...

Prepping for my trip

The kids are off of school Thursday and Friday of this week. Dustin went to a concert last night with Stephen and Casey. We took Savanna and Jordan to dinner and then we went to Walmart to pick up some things I've been needing to gather up for my trip.

There was nothing terribly exciting in the cart...things like Pepto Bismol tabs which I have to take every night before bed and a bunch of travel size items. I also got myself a new little travel pillow since my other one is seriously wearing out and I'm going to be sleeping overnight on the first night. I fly to Newark first, then to London overnight, then on to Nairobi the next morning and will finally arrive in Africa that night at about 9 pm. Yes, it's a long flight! 28 hours to get there and then my flights on the way back take me about 33 hours. Needless to say, I want a good pillow...

Yesterday I brought home all the things the church people have been collecting for me to bring to Africa. The missionary asked that I bring jewelry pins, scarves of all kinds/colors, and perfume. I have been collecting them in my office for a few months. I am bringing one suitcase just of these things and then the other case will be my personal belongings. For the most part I have fantastic things to bring! I brought them home last night to sort and get in order. I did have to get rid of a few things. 99% of the things brought in were just great, but a few donations needed to be scrapped. For instance, I got a few used, 1/2 filled perfume bottles. I don't want to give that to someone - I think it's a bit inappropriate. Second, although I have many used scarves I'm taking the majority of them look brand new and I brought them home to wash last night and fold just right. But four or five of them (out of the many) were old and tattered and starting to fray, so I put them aside.

I'm not being snooty or anything but I think we need to give our best even if it is used. I won't give somebody something that's falling apart. Those were only a very few out of the suitcase full I'm taking. I am so grateful for everyone who has helped and donated things. I know the ladies are going to really appreciate them. Although I am bringing a large suitcase full it will not come close to having something for all 3,000 + women who are expected to be there. I decided rather than try to figure this out myself, I am just going to give the suitcase of items to the missionaries and let them decide how to do this since I'm clueless on that part. I just want to bring something special in addition to presenting these ladies with the Word of God that will say, "we love you..." from Northside.

It's hard to believe that I leave in just 19 more days. I am excited, yet dreading saying goodbye to my family.

Nobody else has my name!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. http://howmanyofme.com/ How many have your name?

This is the coolest thing - just type your name in and it will tell you if anyone in the USA has your name! And, if they have your name it tells you exactly how many people have your name. Amazingly there is no one else in the USA with the name Deanna Shrodes. Ten people have my first name/maiden name - Deanna Doss. As I've told my blog readers before, after I married, I started going by the name Deanna Doss Shrodes, and I dropped my middle name. Interestingly, NO ONE has my first and last name, which is yet another way that I am, truly...one of a kind. :-) How about you? Try it out and find out how many people have your name! Fun!

Ministry Survivor: Africa

Well, prayer is working! My messages for Africa are coming together!

I just have to share this with you, my blog peeps. :-) Ready for this?

I have been asked to speak to their leaders, prior to the conference. And, I finally have my message for this prepared. I watched the "Survivor Africa" season (remember, when Ethan won?) and thought I would speak to the leaders on being a ministry survivor...and not just surviving but thriving in leadership!

The actual show survivor had the theme "outwit, out play, outlast." My theme will be outreach, outpray, out last. I can't take complete credit for this - as I got the idea from another retreat that I preached for leaders here in Florida when they had the same theme. However...I thought this would be PERFECT for Africa's leaders, especially since the show was filmed in Kenya!!! I have changed my prior retreat message to adapt to the Kenya leaders.

For the occasion I made my own logo (see above) and am having bookmarks made for the leaders with Hebrews 6:10 on them, which is: "God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them."

Isn't that great??!! I can hardly wait! This is going to be SO FUN! I love it when a plan comes together.

Nighty Night

I am so incredibly tired. I don't remember the last time I was this tired. I could barely hold my head up at times tonight at church. Embarrasing! I was hoping nobody noticed. I tried to be as energetic as possible! Dolly Knight came up to me at the end of the service and said, "I want you to get some rest...go home, take a hot bath, have Pastor bring you your favorite beverage...and take a break. I said, "do I look that tired?" She said, "yes...I can tell..."

So I'm not going to blog here long -- I'm going to rest! I'm going to get a full night's sleep.

We had a missionary with us tonight from China. It was a really good service. I missed Lisa very much again tonight...her absence was truly felt in a great way. Next Wednesday night should be much better for me as far as the flow of the evening before and after, for me, is concerned.

I love these... I'm still laughing...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

4. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

5 . Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

6. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

7. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

8. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

9. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

10. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Today's initiatives and such

I feel like I accomplished nothing today although I actually did a great amount. I don't know why I feel this way other than the fact that the main thing I want to get done, I haven't. More about that in a minute.

Larry was home again today, not feeling well. This actually makes it harder for me to get things done, first of all. He's always needing something, although I'm not complaining. I love my Teeby.

I got about five or six initiatives done today, and I had to go get Savanna early from school and take her to the dentist. We got there about 30 minutes early which was a good thing...she was starved and knew she wouldn't get to eat for a while afterwards so I took her into Publix (which is next to the dentist) and got her a sandwich and drink and we sat in the deli while she ate it, and then I got her a toothbrush and toothpaste to brush her teeth before going in for her exam. She was real happy about all that.

We went next door to the dentist and I was very pleasantly surprised to find that Lia has been promoted to office manager! Yeah, Lia! (she's a young lady I led to the Lord a while back...I met her when she was receptionist there at the dentist office and we developed a friendship. She lives out in Brandon.) She asked me for a business card to give a friend in Tampa who she's been talking to about the Lord/church. Good stuff. Savanna collaborated with the dental hygienist, Debbie, to play a trick on me. They came out after her x-rays and cleaning and told me she had a bunch of cavities (Savanna has struggled with this in the past...much to my dismay). Of course they knew I'd be not too happy about it, but seconds later they both laughed and said, "NO! JUST KIDDING! NO CAVITIES!!!" I was thrilled to hear that. No visits to the pediatric dentist this time, PTL.

Afterwards we headed to the pharmacy to pick up my anti-malaria medication for Africa. That's another thing done on my checklist. The pharmacist gave me strict instructions that if I throw up within an hour of taking it, I have to take it right away again. I have to start these meds 2 days before leaving, then the whole time I'm there, then 2 days after coming home. I understand most people get sick on them. Not looking forward to that, so I'm just praying against it. Please agree with me! Now once I get my antibiotics ready (that Rosemay wants me to take with me 'just in case') I'll have all meds lined up and ready to go. Yeah!!!

Since I was busy at the dentist and pharmacy til' evening, Jordan cooked tonight. He did steaks on the grill again (my latest fav of his) and baked potatoes. He did them in the oven which is the way I prefer them. Yum! I put sea salt on them, just like they do at Red Lobster. (One of my fav places!) I know salt isn't the best for you but at least it's no calories. I am a salt lover, especially sea salt. I am a little addicted actually. I have a sea salt grinder and pretty much sprinkle it on everything but dessert.

So why do I feel that I didn't achieve as much as I wanted to today despite everything that got done? Because I didn't finish my second Africa message. This is driving me a little insane. I normally would have all the messages done by now for something especially something that is 22 days away. The issue is the theme and text they have given me. It's just not working for me. I'm doing the best I can with it but truthfully it's a difficult passage. It's the passage where Jael puts the stake through Sisera's skull and their theme is, "A Wise Woman Brings Victory." Okay, so what do I do, preach three services and say, "If a man does you wrong, just...kill him"??? It's proven to be a real challenge to put three messages together. I have finally decided to quickly reference the passage, talk about the importance of being women who take opportunities God gives us, and then move on with my three messages along a more general theme. The next two days I have targeted to finish up my preparation on this because it's driving me a little crazy not having my messages done. I can have all the shots, the medications, my ticket, but if I'm not ready to preach - well, it's all really meaningless. This is the first time I've ever felt stumped or held back by a theme, in 20 years. I am asking God... help me...please help me.

Today I enjoyed reading my new Message Bible. A lot of people (mostly theologically uptight ones) have their differing opinions of the Message, but I personally love it. Although I teach mostly from the NIV and NLT I really enjoy reading a little of the Message each day. Such an enjoyable read. Up til today, I did not have a hard copy of the Message. I usually read it online each day. Finally I got tired of it and wanted the option and so I ordered myself one. It's a small leatherbound one and will be perfect for my purse, to read on the plane when I go to Africa. Since I will have 28 hours going and 33 coming back, I might just have time to read the whole thing. :-)

I'm a giver... but then I already knew that...

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Charity You are Charity. The spirit of giving has been promoted by every religion. Charity is kindness. It is compassion for our fellow man. Charity doesn't ask anything in return, and in this way it serves as the opposite of greed. "Be charitable with many."
Friendship
Love
Courage
Faith
Peace
http://www.gotoquiz.com/which_positive_quality_are_you">Which Positive Quality Are You?

"Your best life now"??? Today's rant from yours truly

The other day I opened up an e-mail newsletter from a woman speaker who I have heard at several conferences and shared the platform with once. The devotional she sent out was about attaining 'your best life now'. Nothing wrong with that...so far. But as I began to get into the devotional I got really alarmed, especially realizing that a whole lot of Christian women were reading it who might not be as discerning as some. All I could picture in my mind were the broken pieces their pastors were going to have to pick up...

The devo/article talked about reaching your destiny, going after all that God has for you -- things I have preached many times and most of my colleagues have too. The difference was, this devo went on to talk about courage and she said...

"Do you have the courage to walk away from your marriage? Are you unsatisfied? Perhaps you are comfortable and you have fear of what will happen if you leave...but are you willing to take a risk, step out in faith and leave your comfortable surroundings to go after all that God has for you?"

She gave no disclaimer about adultery or abuse. (Let me be clear that if someone is being abused, I don't think they should stay. And if their spouse is cheating, the Bible also clearly says they have the option to leave.) However this article said nothing about that! She simply spoke of receiving all God has for you, not settling for second best, and stepping out in faith to "go for it". She spoke of being in a dissatisfying marriage and...having the courage to let go. A lot of women would take that as a license to leave, especially if they are baby Christians or not mature enough in the faith, or if they are simply looking for an excuse/validation to get out.

I was alarmed.

How many Christian women might read that and think it's okay to just leave if you aren't happy? How many of us would have just taken off and left at any point in our marriages that weren't all wine and roses (okay, many of us don't drink wine but that's beside the point...) :-)

If I wasn't a believer with a strong commitment to Biblical principles, I would have honestly left Larry many times. I have made no secret of that. Do I love him? Yes, absolutely. But we have definitely had our ups and downs and like any normal married couple there have been seasons that have been difficult. He has never cheated on me nor beaten or abused me. However there are times that if the Bible didn't tell me not to leave, I would have simply because he...

said things that really hurt my feelings...

didn't consider my needs or meet them...

or those of you who have been married a while, just fill in the blank here _____________________.

God knows there are plenty of things we can all fill in the blank with in our marriages. Every day is occasion for offenses. The Bible says it's impossible that offenses won't come! Marriage is an everyday exercise in getting beyond our selfishness.

As those of you gals who have been married more than five minutes know, marriage can be really, really hard even if you love the daylights out of each other.

Yesterday when Dustin and I were at lunch alone, he asked me about a couple we know who are getting divorced. He said, "why Mom? It makes no sense." Even in his 17 year old mind he can see that this couple is making a huge mistake. I said, "you are right, Dust. They are just dealing with the same stuff every married couple does, not really any more or any less..." (I happen to know the intimate details of why they are getting divorced, so I speak from an informed view on this particular case. There is no adultery and no abuse. It is simply an "I'm unhappy and not fulfilled and he/she hurt my feelings and I don't want to forgive" excuse.)

The last thing Christian women need is to be getting a "your best life now" devo from a woman who tells them to have the courage to leave their marriage. The same person has sent me info wanting to come speak at my church.

Whenever I run across situations like this I think, "what is my responsibility?" Should I write the person a letter and tell them how I feel about what they are teaching? Should I speak up, or do I not have that right because we are not in relationship? This speaker and I are not friends. We are not enemies either...I'm just saying that we are not really in relationship. We spoke at the same conference years ago, and on the platform as we were being seated we shook hands and were introduced. That is the extent of our relationship. So I don't feel that I have a forum to call or write her and say, "you're off base." But I do have concern because she's speaking in a lot of churches, and some of my friends might even book her, unknowingly.

So, what to do? what to do? I am certainly not out to destroy anyone's ministry, but I do have concern about false or dangerous teaching.

I am so glad that when Larry was getting on my last nerve, I didn't leave him for "my best life now". Because if I would have left then for "my best life now" (which truly wouldn't have been...) I wouldn't be experiencing MY BEST LIFE NOW IN 2007.

Is "your best life now" joint custody and visits on weekends? Is "your best life now" dealing with stepdads and stepmoms and all the issues that ensue with somebody helping you raise your kids that isn't their "real dad or mom"? (one of the biggest issues my husband and I have to counsel on are blended family issues -- they are so sticky...) Is "your best life now" dealing with child support? Does "your best life now" contain alimony? Does "your best life now" include being on the poverty level, which 70% of all women who leave their marriages live on particularly in the first few years after divorce? Does your best life now include being a single Mom and working two jobs? Does your best life now include traipsing a dozen men who are possible future mates through your kids lives while you're trying to find your best new life now? Does "your best life now" include having your kids ask you a zillion times why you left, through tears streaming down their face? (I know what this is like personally...I am a child of divorce who asked that question for 8 years until I finally got an answer...) Does this sound like YOUR BEST LIFE NOW? I don't think so. In fact it sounds like a pretty crappy life to me.

I'm really glad I didn't leave Larry for "my best life now" back when I felt like I wasn't the most fulfilled woman in the world. The truth is, you have to push beyond the times of feeling nothing, to get to something. The truth is, you have to keep going when you don't feel anything. The truth is, you have to keep acting on the facts (of God's Word) to feel the feelings again. The truth is, sometimes your marriage will not be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 80/20, sometimes 70/30, sometimes 0/100 for crying out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That doesn't mean you hang it up. That means you PRESS IN and believe God for a change, even if it doesn't come right away. (Again, this is except in cases of adultery or abuse.)

Should you "stay for the children"? Unless you are being cheated on or beated, ABSOLUTELY. Think of somebody besides yourself for once. You don't want your kids being fatherless or raised by somebody else just because you are feeling a bit unsatisfied. So you aren't feeling like a queen. Wake up. God never said you would feel like a queen everyday. My husband treats me like a queen most of the time now, after 20 years of marriage, but there are still a few days I don't feel like a queen and I feel like giving up, or hitting somebody. But I don't. Why? Simple, because I happen to believe in what the Bible says. I'm a believing believer. That means I don't just quit, hit, or give up because I'm feeling a little empty inside. It's not "all about me". Yes, I know plenty of women are even buying t-shirts today that quip, "it's all about me". Well, that's evident in many cases. They didn't need a t-shirt to advertise that.

WHAT IN THE HECK IS A WOMAN EVANGELIST/SPEAKER DOING TELLING WOMEN TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO LEAVE FOR THEIR BEST LIFE NOW?! This is all I want to know. And how long should pastors like me put up with it and just "pray about it" or "let God take care of it"?

I'll get off my rant...for now. Just be careful before going after "your best life now". What you may get may be your worst life, ever.

Some more photos of my surroundings

I realize most of you who read my blog have not been to my house, at least yet! Being that I'm the queen of hospitality...if you ever come anywhere near Tampa, I insist that you come and visit me! Until then, here are some photos of my house so when I blog you can picture me here...where I live, both inside and out. I think it helps as you read what a person writes to picture their surroundings...so here you go...

You can imagine where I am when I talk about eating at my dining room table...relaxing in my big tub...sitting out on my patio at sunset.

Productive Day

Today was a productive day with lots going on. Larry didn't make it in to the office today. He was sick today. Yesterday was very rough on him with being back at church. After service he started getting really sick feeling. After he preached, he had to sit down and take his suit jacket off and rest before leaving. He's just not back to normal yet.

It was just Dustin and I going in to work today. When we got there we found that Pastor Aaron was at the hospital having an emergency appendectomy!!! Talk about craziness!! I am so ready for the devil to stop physically attacking us. I hate the devil. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. Thankfully Aaron came through the surgery well and is recooperating. I thought he just had the flu last night when he was here at the house at Newcomers - he had to leave because he got sick and threw up. But it was more serious than the flu...obviously. Poor Aaron. I'm just glad they found out what was wrong and quickly fixed it.

This morning I had my annual GYN appointment. Always a joy. (ha ha) Actually my doctor is wonderful and although I definitely don't like going, he and his staff make it as comfortable as it can possibly be. I have referred a lot of women there because I think they are pretty amazing in the way they handle their patients. You aren't just a "number" - you are a person that they spend real time on. My doctor (Eliot Cazes) is in practice alone, has no associates with him, so it's him you see and that's it. I don't know how he keeps up with it especially delivering all the babies himself with no help. He's very up on technology and is always looking to find ways to make life easier on us women. If it wasn't for him I would have never known about the endomentrial ablatian procedure that changed my life four years ago! What a God-send. Dr. Cazes is always advertising some new procedure he wants you to ask him about that promises to make your life better. I like that ~ he doesn't just want to go with the status quo but he wants to use whatever medical advances available to improve women's lives. Today he gave me the good news that I don't need another mammo for another year. :-) I don't mind it so much like others do who say it's so painful - I just get unnerved waiting for the results, mainly...sitting there waiting for them to tell me to get dressed again. Okay, sermonette coming here...

Many women don't keep up with their regular checkups. It's hard to take time out of our busy schedules to go. It's uncomfortable. It costs money. (I understand - even with insurance I still pay $30 to go). But it's like this - we need to do it!! First we need to do it for ourselves, but second because if we don't take care of ourselves we're not going to there for those who need us. I have pastored so many women who put their appointments off, sometimes for years. Then they find out something is wrong and it's so much worse than it would have been, had it been caught early. This past year and the year before we buried two such women. It broke my heart. One lived in fear and embarrassment of what might be wrong. So they put off going. The second one was too busy taking care of everybody else in her world and put off her checkups. Both are dead today.

It's like this - even if I didn't have insurance I'd be having my annual check up each year. So much depends on it. I've gotten used to making a yearly regular physical check up with Rosemay in August of each year (she encourages her patients to just remember on their birthday month to call and schedule a yearly physical.) Then each year I also schedule my GYN. Each year when I get the call that everything's okay, I breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy another year and thank God for it. Dr. Cazes also has a great sense of humor. Today he walks in and says the same thing he said last year... "you're back ALREADY?! My, time flies when we're talkin' about pap smears!" Then when I was laying there actually getting the test, the nurse says, "Breathe, Deanna!" I said, "oh gosh, I was holding my breath! How did you know that?" She says, "cause everybody does it for some reason and last week we had a patient turn BLUE!" She said for some reason everybody lays down, puts their feet in the stirrups and holds their breath. It's just nerves. None of us go to school to learn this, we just instinctively do it. Even after having three kids, and having a zillion appointments you just never totally get used to it.

After getting back from my appointment and working for a while I took Dustin to lunch. He asked today since Larry wasn't in, that we just do lunch by ourselves instead of inviting everyone. He said, "let's do our own thing like that one time when you let me skip school and we went out!" (Surprising what kids remember as good memories...) I took him for a little mother/son date to Mariposa. He really seemed to like it there. He got the skirt steak tacos. We had a nice talk while there about Africa, and about his dreams and plans for life. He told me at lunch, he's worried about me going on my trip. I never spoke to him about the dangers but he knows. He said, "Mom, if you die on that trip, I'll kill you." I said, "okay Dust, it's a deal If I die on the trip you can kill me..." :-) LOL After going back to work for a few hours, we stopped at the thrift store on the way home. I was looking for a few shirts to wear on my Africa trip and Dustin picked up a back pack that matched Stephen's.

I got 14 of my initiatives done today. That's pretty good for a Monday. I just started attacking them. I have to get another Africa message done this week and I'm trying to clear a lot away so that tomorrow I can focus on it.

Today's blessings and beautiful moments

Today was a good day in the house at Northside. Yes, I say that on most Sunday nights that I blog and it's a good thing. Rarely do we have a "bad day in the house at Northside" (and thank God for it...) so most weeks I start tonight's blog out the same way, thanks to the goodness of God.

I had a good Sunday School class today, with some first timers. I often write "invite" letters for my class as well as invite phone calls. I am a big believer in SS, and in taking time to build one's class (not just waiting to see if people come. If you build it they will come...but ya gotta build it!) This week some people came who received a letter from me and said they were so glad to come...they just had never been asked. That is what I so often try to tell teachers/leaders...there are people just waiting to attend, they have just not been personally asked. So I'm an "asker."

It shouldn't be that people have to be asked to come to SS or church, but the fact is, IT IS WHAT IT IS. Some people won't bother to walk in the door unless you ask them. So I make a policy of asking. I figure this -- if I don't get them, somebody will. Either someone else in the church will get them (which isn't a tragic thing - it's good that they are just going) however I'm a go getter when it comes to anything I do. Second, if I don't get them, and somebody else in the church doesn't get them, Joel Osteen's going to get them. They are just going to sleep or sit in front of their TV at home. So I might as well ask.

Good service today with a time of people praying for those around them at the close of service..."body ministry" as we call it. And we had lots of people in the hospitality room. Some fantastic prospective people...

After church today we had lunch at the Bagel Bagel cafe with Bernie and the girls. Lisa is in Baltimore for 2 weeks on a business trip. I really, really miss her (especially on Wednesday nights...this is a story in itself but one I will not blog in detail, except to say this...Lisa is one of my armor bearers and she is the one who stays with me and takes care of me so to speak, on Wed. nights. I always have her or Cathy with me, generally. Well, she's out of town and her absence is felt. There are things that get out of control when she's not there. I can't wait til she gets back. Before her and Cathy started formally helping me it got really difficult there for a while. There were times I would be "mobbed" for lack of a better phrase and could not get to prayer, or even the platform to start service at times, or get out of the building at a decent time. By this I don't mean rushing out and not greeting anyone. That's so "not me". I am very personable with our people and I want to reach out as much as possible. But there is a limit. There comes a point when I am just drained to the dregs and have nothing more to give. The week I ended up getting out of the building at 11 pm on a Wed night (service ends at 8:30) we knew something had to give. They've been helping me ever since. That's all I'll say on this for now except...I really, really "feel" Lisa's absence!)

We had newcomer's night at our house tonight -- and it went well as it usually does. I have really enjoyed them so much since we have started doing them monthly at our house. I think it makes a huge difference. Many of our newcomers are often shocked to receive a personal invite to the pastor's home. So many tell us they have never experienced that before in any church! I enjoy giving this "personal touch" through extending hospitality in our home. The entire staff and their families come. We have a dessert fellowship and generally I make a dessert or two plus a few salty snacks and the other staffers bring a dessert to contribute as well. Tonight I made a chocolate layer cake plus had a few things like chips and salsa and pretzels. Cathy brought a chocolate cake as well, T & Misty brought Brownies, Aaron and Hannah brought cookies and so did Linds. I always make coffee and tea in addition to the cold drinks and enjoy using some of my many teapots from my collection. Tonight I used my blue willow teapot with matching teacups.

For those of you who have never seen my kitchen, the theme is tea and coffee and it is decorated with many things along those lines including many teapots. I even have one that was a gift from Russ and Tempest which is from WW II. I rarely use it - it's just for decor because I am always so afraid to break it. Aside from the WW II teapot, I use all the others on a regular basis...so much so that most of them I don't even have to wash out every time because I am always rotating them and using them several times a week. A lot of times I use the teapots when it's just Jordan and I having a cup of tea. Dustin's friends especially love to come over for tea. In particular, Casey, Lora, Alexa, and Jasmine often talk about it. Such sweet girls...I adore them. Speaking of Casey, here's another pic of her and Dustin, below.

The photos above here are the entry way of my house, and also my dining room, which is one of my favorite areas of the house. I love serving from this table and when having company we eat at this table the majority of the time (as opposed to in the kitchen where we just do more casual dining.) Savanna calls the table (above) "the table we eat at when Bobby comes..." It's really more that that - we eat there really when anyone comes however I guess because Bobby comes so much, that's what it's called. It should be called that, or "the table we eat at when Stephen comes..." which is pretty much...most of the time. And we're glad for that! We enjoy treating our kids friends as family because that's what they have become to us.

Speaking of that, Dustin just sent me a text message yesterday that said, "Mom, thanks for treating my friends as family. It means so much. I love you."

He really doesn't have to thank me...it's just my nature and his father's to do so however I'm glad he sees that it's a blessing to be in a family that does so.

Bobby calls me a "go all outer". He says, "Momma Shrodes, you always 'go all out' when people come over." I don't look at it as going all out, just giving the very best of what I have. Sometimes that has been nothing more than a pot of tea that I have had on hand, however I pull out my best china and so forth to serve it on. It doesn't take that much more effort and it makes people feel special. Even if it's just Jordan and I...aren't we special? Yes...use whatever you have to make every moment as beautiful as possible...that's one of my core values.

Relevant Video...

Here we go again...I zapped this off somehow but didn't want to delete the comments from the other one, so I'm posting it again here...

Enjoy...

On being relevant

This video makes a great point...enjoy!

Date night and other stuff the past 24 hours

Last night Dustin was at Stephen's...Jordan had a softball game...Savanna spent the night at Molly's...and Larry and I had a date! It was "Fun Friday", so it's "our time." For our date, we went to Mariposa, a relatively new place in Tampa...wonderful "fresh" pacific mexican as they call it. I had citrus grilled pacific wahoo tacos (fish tacos) with charred corn passilla chili salsa and Larry had the special which he wasn't too crazy about - it was some kind of pork with potatoes. I wish he would have gotten what I ordered - he would have been much happier. I offered to give him half of my food but since it had sour cream on it he didn't want it. My tacos had a wonderful cilantro flavor to them. (I love that, it reminds me of Ecuador! I think they were cooking around the clock when I was there...the hotel we stayed in had a restaurant down below my window and our windows were open all night and I could smell this fresh cilantro smell pretty much 24/7, but I really like it so it doesn't bother me...) Anyway, I loved the tacos, and we had some mango iced tea with them.

The place was packed (not surprised - it was a Friday night) but I'm also really glad the business is doing well. I have met the owner because Lindsay and I went before he ever opened up and met him personally and he sponsored us for the Princess Luncheon outreach (another reason I want to support them.) The owner is the former chef from Roys, in Tampa. I really, really like the food there. I think I'm going to take Ada there sometime soon if she hasn't already been there. Being that it's right near her neighborhood, she probably has already been there, but who knows...

Larry and I had a good time just chilling out and talking...about everything and about nothing and just relaxing together as I so enjoy doing on a Friday. It was nice to come home and have the house to ourselves. :-)

This morning I slept til' I could sleep no more. It was heaven. Larry got up earlier and got ready for a wedding he did today. He said it went well. I did a lot of cleaning today. It was all waiting for me from yesterday. I was determined yesterday to have a true day off. A lot of times my Fridays get eaten up completely with "home" work. I have managed in most instances to stop doing church work on Fridays but I don't get any rest many times because I'm cleaning the house from top to bottom or doing special projects at home. I've tried to relegate that to Saturdays now. We do a lot of church work on Saturdays but I'm trying to split it up now - 1/2 home, 1/2 church and a little more rest...

Saturday is normally my day to catch up on whatever I didn't get done by Thursday at the church, and wrapping things up for Sunday. Today I did get things ready for in the morning and cleaned the house and prepped most of the stuff for Newcomer's fellowship tomorrow night. I went shopping for a few items...made a chocolate layer cake...and lined up a few other things. I made dinner tonight - Larry wanted meatloaf so I made that and some garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli and squash (um, can you tell I really like squash? I could eat it every night, either that or fresh asparagus...which we have a lot too.)

After cleaning the kitchen for like the fifth time today I headed to the gym and worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and did weights for about 15 minutes. I planned on doing that this morning but ended up sleeping instead. Saturday is my only day to sleep in so most times I just can't get up early on Sat. unless I absolutely have to. Once I'm up, I work til' I drop but I do like to sleep that day. Fridays is our day off but I still have to get Savanna up and to school. Sometimes I go back to bed after that. Well... make that...lots of times.

Speaking of elliptical...my pants are falling off of me!!! I'm excited, at the same time it's with mixed emotions that I wash and fold up - and give away another pair of my pants...for good. I was wearing a favorite pair this morning as I went around cleaning, going to the store, etc., and they kept falling down and I'd have to yank them back up. By this, I don't mean falling down to a degree of embarrassment or anything (they were underneath a long shirt) but they kept coming down three or four inches and just hanging there because I've lost almost half the weight I decided I wanted to lose six weeks ago...I am really hoping and praying for another good week and if this is any indication, I'm going to have one! I finally got sick of pulling my pants up every five minutes so I just changed out of them into something smaller.

So in summary - aside from sleeping in, today has been an extremely productive day of working on a whole bunch of things. Tomorrow's a brand new day and it comes real early for me...way, way, way before the sun's up I'll be taking the dog out, getting a shower, and getting ready to leave for church at 7:30 am. So...for now, g'night everyone. I can't wait to see what God does tomorrow.

I'm aspiring

Today is Friday, my day off and in keeping with my usual Friday activities, I rested and caught up on some extra blog reading. On work days I just read my top fav's each night, but on my day off, I am not limited by time. I go through and read all of them that are on my 'remotely interested" list while I slowly drink a cup of tea.

Today I came upon another one of those pastor's wife blogs that basically goes on and on about how we don't need to feel as if we need to aspire to more than any other woman or see ourselves as any kind of an "example"...just relax...no need to do all this striving. Just...give up! Let go!

I disagree.

But then again if you've been reading my blog very long, you know that.

Please don't think I mean we should just kill ourselves staying busy for busy's sake. What I refer to is the drive to improve - to polish - to allow God to work with us, and shape us.

Once I was asked by a young pw..."don't you just get sick of being an example?" My answer to her was that first of all, EVERY Christian woman is an example. All of us should realize that the whole world is looking to us, pastor's wife/pastor or not. However, I do feel a responsibility not only as a Christian, but as a leader to ASPIRE. Just because we cannot full attain until heaven, does that mean we do not ASPIRE to greatness in all the areas of our life? I am far from attaining, but as much as possible, in all the ways that matter (that being the operative phrase here) I want to ASPIRE.

So, I can't be a perfect wife. I still want to aspire.

I can't be the perfect mother. I still want to aspire.

I can't be the perfect pastor/pastor's wife. I still want to aspire.

I can't be the perfect hostess. I still want to aspire.

I can't have the perfect body. But I can aspire.

I can't be the perfect Sunday School teacher. I still want to aspire.

I can't be the perfect lover, but I can aspire.

I can't be the perfect friend, but I can aspire.

I can't be the perfect intercessor. But I can aspire.

I can't be the perfect writer. But I can aspire.

I can't be the perfect neighbor. But I can aspire.

I can't be the perfect housekeeper. I still want to aspire.

GET THE PICTURE?

Just because we know we will be imperfect on this earth, does that mean we give up? No, it means we dust ourselves off, and keep going and allow God to keep molding us, making us, and shaping us into the best vessel we can be on this earth.

I can't be just like my grandmother. But I can aspire.

I'm not going to just lay down and use the "I don't need to strive to be any more than anyone else" excuse... the "I'm going to lay down this heavy 'yoke' of being the example" excuse. Yes, it takes work, and sometimes it's tiring, but I'm going to aspire. Because although I will not be perfect here on this earth, I want to be SOMETHING, and the only way to be something, is to aspire, not to give up.

Yesterday and today...DISTURBIA

Well, what have I been up to the past two days? Let's do a little re-cap...

Thursday after work we went to the store and picked up groceries for dinner. I came home, started homemade yeast rolls (they take 2 hours and 15 min when I make them from scratch), and began tidying up. We invited Casey over for dinner which of course, made Dustin's night. Larry made steaks on the grill and I made rolls, mashed potatoes, summer and italian squash, corn and chocolate chip cookies. Yum :-) Afterwards we were going to watch Disturbia together however after doing dishes I went to lay down for a few minutes. Larry put Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey on in our room and I fell asleep while it was on. Jordan popped his head in and said, "Are you guys coming out to watch Disturbia?" and Larry said, "I think your Mom is conked out for the night..." so they watched it on their own and I never got out of bed. That was my night.

Casey popped her head in our bedroom to say goodnight and I felt so terrible that I went to sleep and I apologized to her and she understood. The issue was, I had been disturbed (talk about Disturbia!!!) the previous night twice -- awakened by various family members when I did not want to be -- and didn't get enough sleep. I was upset...dragging the next day. I'll make it clear - it wasn't like they were sick or needing anything. It was just pure stupidity that I was awakened for. And I was out of sorts the next day because of an extreme lack of sleep. This is the story of my life right now...sleep disturbia. I can sleep fine on my own - if I'm at a hotel, if I'm away from my family. But in the same house with them, sleep eludes me.

I told Larry, it really does have to change. It will change. I really want to get ear plugs and then just block out the world, but my thought is, what if somebody IS really sick? What is they really DO need me? What if it's not something so dumb as waking me up at 2 am to say, "Mom, can you write me a check right now for lunch money?" or hearing Halo 3 blaring all of a sudden because they don't have to wake up for school the next day, but I do have to go to work? (I tell them to turn it off but by then it's too late, I've already been woke up and can't get back to sleep.) I've punished the kids before for this but it's not always my kids. What if it is just Larry waking me up simply to say, "why is your computer still plugged in and that annoying blue light on?" Yes, my friends, THESE are the things I am awakened by at 2 and 3 am and cannot get back to sleep after that. It's not, "there's a fire in the kitchen!" Not, "I feel sick, can you pray for me?" No, no, no. It's non-sensical things friends. And the funny thing is, they do not see why I get so upset about it. Their attitude is, "hello...chill out...what are you getting so upset for? Chillax..." Sometimes when Dustin says that to me, ("Chillax, Mom"...) I just want to pull out an Uzi. But I don't have one. So I don't.

Then on the next day after going through this sleep disturbia, as I'm driving to work I fantasize about driving Larry's car into a ravine, (mine's gone remember?) mangling myself up just enough (not too much -- could I just be a bit mangled without pain? Can I be mangled but no scars? Can I just be mangled enough that my family has to wait on me hand and foot for about three months...? ) saying, "I just finally 'chillaxed" after my lack of sleep last night because of YOUR disturbia and here's what happened..." Then they all bawl and cry for a few days and say, "We will never wake you up again for a stupid reason" and we all live happily ever after, especially me because not only am I totally better and not scarred from any of my mangles, but I am getting SLEEP!!!! Am I the only one that ever has these thoughts? They are scary, so I hope so. This is a post in itself, but I'll stop now.

Today's my day off and I'm going to actually WATCH the movie Disturbia now that I'm awake enough to.

I am From

* Pastor Tara did one of these and I loved it! I couldn't wait to do my own.

I am From

I am from Maryland steamed crabs and the Chesapeake Bay

from cooking from scratch and cleaning up as I go along

from Sunday school and summer camp

I am a product of Pentecost, late night services and revivals

from singspirations, Teen Talent, choir and chorale

from perfectly pressed clothes and flowered handkerchiefs

from altar calls, prayer meetings and watch night services

from hot long summers and snowballs with marshmallow on top

I am a living testimony of God’s grace and power to heal

I am from organization, hard work and extreme faithfulness

from minding my manners and always being on time

I am from loyalty, commitment, excellence and the will to never give up

from Hymns of Glorious Praise, Missionettes and CA's.

from journaling, photographs and memory making

Daughter of God, wife to Larry, mother to Dustin, Jordan and Savanna, friend, spiritual mother and mentor to many.

All my friends are doin' it...

So here I go with this meme that my ministry-blog-pals are doing... I believe it's called "Four Things"...

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1) Waitress
2) Editorial Assistant
3) Staff Pastor
4) Co-Pastor

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1) Sister Act I & II
2) The Fugitive
3) Ghosts of Mississippi
4) Bridges of Madison County

Four TV shows I like to watch:

1) Dr. Phil
2) Lost
3) Last Comic Standing
4) Kid Nation

Four places I have vacationed:

1) Naples
2) Alaska
3) Pittsburgh
4) Arizona

Four of my favorite dishes:

1) Mashed potatoes
2) Favorite meal out: Carrabbas house salad, Spedino Dimare, Rigatoni with tomato cream sauce, chocolate cake with ganache and a coffee
3) Steamed crabs
4) Moussaka

Four websites I visit daily:

1) Pneumasphere
2) Biblegateway
3) Pastoring Partners
4) All my friend's blogs (probably 10-15 blogs a day)

Four places I would rather be:

I live in the moment and generally there is no where I'd rather be, however for the sake of this exercise...I will say...

1) Sleeping, especially in my bed - and if Larry's there too it's an extra special bonus.
2) At a coffee shop or in my living room having a cup of tea or coffee with a friend.
3) Laying on the beach with my toes in the sand
4) Writing

The Voyage of Self Discovery

"How does one become a butterfly?" she pensively asked.

You must want to fly so much that you're willing to give up being a caterpillar. - Trina Pallus

Today at Weight Watchers the topic was "The Voyage of Self Discovery." Among many other things we learned that we need to:

1) Decide what you want to achieve.

2) Determine the steps it will take to get there.

3) Believe in yourself.

4) Motivate yourself.

5) Ask for help.

6) Think positive.

Our leader told us that with self discovery comes the development of self knowledge that makes change possible. We find that bit by bit, we can discard the old life - one that did not work - for a new life that can and does bring us much joy and peace.

I would also look at it from a biblical point of view (since I put that spin on everything) that with deeper God-discovery comes the revelation of who God has made you to be, and that knowledge is really what gets you walking on the water. Truly, our old life did not work - does not work - and the new life that He leads us into is what brings us joy and peace.

As I said before, this week my verse is Matthew 11:28, and specifically I'm taking it to verses 28-30 in the Message Bible. God says, "Get away with me and you'll recover your life...I'll show you...walk with me and work with me..." As we do that, we find the new life that seems to have been eluding us.

By the way, I lost 1.4 pounds today...bringing me to only 8 more pounds to reach WW lifetime goal, and 14 to reach my personal goal. It's coming...the only thing standing in between that and me is...a few more weeks.

So...

1) What do I want to achieve? Losing 14 more pounds.

2) What steps will it take to get there? A lot more on the elliptical than I'm doing now, and an earlier bedtime. (Lack of sleep hinders weight loss a lot. Many people have no clue how getting too little sleep packs on the pounds. This is a post topic in itself.)

3) Believe in myself? Yes - through the power of God, I do.

4) Motivating myself? Every day.

5) Asking for help? Yes, I'm learning to.

6) Thinking positive? YES! YES! YES!

The voyage of self discovery is a long one, but worthy of the journey.

Comment that made my night...

To follow up my earlier post, the sweetest thing happened tonight that I just have to blog about. Tonight I taught in the evening service, and afterwards, an elderly man approached me and said, "Pastor Deanna, I just want to thank you for being vulnerable and real. It's so nice to go be part of a church where the pastor is so open in the way you teach us and share with us..."

When he said this, Susan was standing right next to me (and I realize she reads my blog every day so she knew about my earlier post) and I said to her, "he has no idea just how much that means...does he?" We just hugged and smiled...

To have an older, very mature man come up and say this really means the world. To see someone particularly in the older generation who has walked with God for a while and appreciates openness and vulnerability to this degree is really refreshing. In the younger generation it's pretty common but to have someone who is up in age say, "thank you for keeping it real..." wow -- it was such a validation.

Several of my church people who are blog readers have commented on my last post and said how much they apppreciate this about me. It makes me realize, if I had to give an estimate I would say about 95% of my particular church probably does really love and appreciate this about Larry and I, but there are a small few who don't. And the issue is, in most churches the "small percentage" have loud mouths. We as leaders need to keep our eyes on the majority.

I just gotta be me

The following is an excerpt - name changed - of an email I got today from a friend who is a pastor's wife...I have shared it here with her permission and I wanted to blog my thoughts about it. Here we go:

Deanna,

I just thought I would drop a line or two. Saying hello mostly. Just finished catching up on your blogs ( I really do enjoy doing that) and reading some of the ones you like too. I want to start my own. I feel I have too many issues, but I do have some good thoughts sometimes, but no outlet. So maybe I should create one huh?

Our church plant has been rocking along ok. We grew and then lost several families for all kinds of reasons. Some hurt us deeply - and made me want to quit. But we are at seven families. Dh put in a resume at a non-denom church in our town (about 200-300) people and they are really interested in us, I am glad (it will be financially good for us) and our our core group is all excited about it. I am nervous though as you can imagine. What does this hold for me personally? On one hand (dh cannot understand this and feels like I am giving him the ultimatum) but does being married to the preacher automatically make me have to fit a certain role? Can I not design (with God's input of course) what my life should look like? I mean I have three small kids and want to go back to school to teach school. (I think) And I feel so alone already. That will only make it worse won't it?

Dh thinks I hate the ministry when I get to venting. It's not that. I love God, and I like church. But it has hurt me. Deeply at times. I am just apprehensive and no longer naive about church ways. And I am jaded as to whether it can be done successfully! That's why your blog encourages me and makes me laugh. Cause you are normal. You love your family. And you love your church folks but you are not oblivious to the truth of church politics and all the ugly stuff that can happen there.

I told our core group the other night with tears, "If you think you are nervous about merging with this church" (would they fit in or just blend in and get lost in the pre existing cliques) I said, "what do you think I must feel like? I am the one going to be put under the microscope. Me and my kids. And you know me for me. I dont want to have to change my approach just to fit a mold. They all were like..."wow, we didn't think about that but yeah you're right..." But I don't think I will change.

My husband gets irked. I say" screwed up." I say "sucks." I say "freaking." He thinks it's not fitting. And I would work on it if I thought it was a sincere thing with him. But, I know it's becuase of the "image of a pw" that it bothers him. But it's for that reason that I don't worry about it...because I am me. I love God. I love his Word, and that shows through as well as my goofy quirky (sarcastic) sense of humor.

Anyhoo. Just wanted to throw that out to you. The baby is 8 months old. I will attach a pic or two. Sorry for the incorrect grammar spelling etc. I am having to type while keeping her from eating paper and carpet lint. It wears me out.! lol" - Kate

Excerpt from my e-mail back to her and then I will be back with more of my thoughts...

Kate -

Hey! Wow, lots going on there! You're so funny the way you express yourself...I love it.

I believe we CAN create our own mold and yes I believe we can be ourselves. You do have to decide for yourself how much a price you are willing to pay for that, though. I am "real" but it comes at a price tag. We have had people leave the church over it. You have to decide how far you are willing to go.

I understand where your dh is coming from - mine sounds a lot like him. I wrote an article a few months ago and used the word _______. [I said the word in my e-mail but not in this blog for obvious reasons.] Larry asked me to change it simply because he said he would lose some people over it, and it was a stupid reason to lose them. I understood. I did change it - the article was just as effective although I chafed against having to change because of people's stupidities. The same people will go watch an R rated movie and not blink.

Sounds like you and your dh should maybe go on some dates if possible where you just go sit in a comfy spot, get a coffee and talk about all these issues calmly...and if they start to get heated or stressful table the issues and come back to them? That's what we've done at times.

I understand and I'm here to listen and help... Deanna


When I have conversations like this with other minister's wives, my heart goes out to them. Because I've been there, and I'm still there.

Recently my son Jordan asked me the question: "Mom, why do you do certain things at home that you would never do at church?" I said, "Jordan I wish I didn't have to, but as a minister's wife, it's necessary to survive sometimes." I explained to him that while I wish we could just be the same everywhere, there are things that while not wrong, are simply viewed as inappropriate by those we lead or serve. So, when with them, we don't do those things, in order to be more effective.

Our best friend Randy (who is lead pastor of Celebration Christian Center, Mesa, AZ with his wife Dawn) says that being the first lady of the church is like being the president's wife. There are just things you can't do as the president's wife. I would add to that, it is very much like being the president's wife - minus the money. Ha ha! Just like the wife of the prez can't just go anywhere and do anything, neither can we. Just like she can only totally "let her hair down" only in certain circles, so it is with us too, so we have to find a way to deal with that and the sooner, the better.

No matter how "real" we get - no matter how much we decide, "I'm going to be myself" and mean it, we quickly come to the realization that in general, being real does come with a price tag. Yes, we can with God's help, design what our lives should look like. I don't believe God wants anybody to live their lives as a fake. However, to be in pastoral ministry and to be real - we must realize that it will not come without a heavy price to pay. I am more open than the majority of other pw's I know, however I'm still holding back in public or my spouse wouldn't survive. Why do I say "my spouse" and not just me? Because if it were just me, and I didn't have a husband and kid's welfare to think about I would be different.

If I didn't survive in the church being "the real me" and I was single, I'd just take up another call, provided I didn't sense God explicitly telling me not to. What if he told me not to? I'd probably go to counseling. (Again, lol) I think there are plenty of missionfields and places to give your life for Jesus where they don't care how "real" you are and might even find it refreshing. But as Kate mentioned...the church cares and has it's limitations. So I have to care about it.

Sometimes everything in me wants to do something that has my unmistakable mark of uniqueness on it and then I realize it will cause Larry an immense amount of grief so I just don't do it, at least not for now. If something I want to do or say is going to make life hell on my husband, is that really what I should do? No.

Last Saturday we took a group of our Northside ladies to the movies. We had to go through the angst of choosing a movie that would be deemed appropriate. I talked with the women's leadership team about this quite a bit and they all agreed it was a challenge. We looked at movie review websites and chose a movie with great care. It was hard to find something that we thought wouldn't offend anybody. My friend Lisa (a board member's wife and also on the women's leadership team) brought up the fact that although some people will get mad over going to the movies with the church if something happens in the movie that we didn't know was coming (a curse word or sex scene) the same people will go see the same movie or one like it on their own and not think a thing of it! My leaders all talked about how dumb that was, but they agreed it was just the way it is. What the people do personally is one thing but what the church or their pastor or pastor's wife does is another.

A few months ago, I wanted to take the Northside women to see the movie, "Evening" with Meryl Streep. Larry said, "no, it has the potential to cause a lot of problems. I don't need an uprising. Just go with a few friends and don't make it a church activity." So I asked Cathy and Misty to go and Misty's grandma was in town and she just so happened to want to see the movie and was thinking about it before we even asked! Her grandma is one of the coolest chicks on the planet. So the four of us went and had a fantastic time. All of us were crazy about the movie and we went next door to Panera afterwards, got a latte and talked about it for a while. Although we had a great time it's really a shame that we couldn't have invited more ladies however I undertand Larry's point. He just doesn't need the stress.

It's maddening sometimes however it's reality. So we must work with it and decide...HOW MUCH AM I WILLING TO PAY? We have to ask ourselves...what are we willing to go to the wall for? We have to make sure it's worth it.

For instance, I am willing to go to the wall to teach a "God's plan for Sex" series in the church because I realize that it's a seriously relevant issue that God has a lot to say about in His Word. People's lives are being ruined over not receiving teaching on this, so we must bring it to the people boldly. If they get mad, if they are offended - if they walk out - so be it. However, am I willing to pay for it simply because I took to the ladies to a PG-13 movie? No. It's not worth it. Spare me. I will just forego the movie.

One time I was preaching in a conservative, more rural area of Florida and without thinking twice in the middle of my sermon, I shouted, "We're living in the last days! It's time to let the Holy Ghost move through us in unprecedented ways! It's time to get off our butts and do what God has been asking us to do!!!" When I said the word "butts" it was like all the air was sucked out of the room. They were horrified. I instantly realized that everybody in the room was upset. In my particular church, that would be nothing. Not only are they used to that terminology, but many of them would stand up and shout with me! But there, in the rural church I was preaching in, it was taboo. It took at least 30 minutes for the anointing to come back into the room. LOL!!! I learned NEVER to do that again on a speaking engagement unless I scouted out the land first to learn local church customs. I was just being "me" but it really cost me my audience that time, so it clearly wasn't worth it. I'll gladly leave "butts" out of the sermon next time I'm in rural America. :-)

I get as "real" and transparent as I think I can safely be in a public setting. Yes, I crave more. Yes, I'd be somewhat different if I weren't a pw. But reality is, I am. And the fact of the matter is, all you have to do is say one thing over the edge, wear one garment that is questionable, or take the church to see one movie where a certain word is said, and WHAMMO, there is a brou ha ha, or an exodus. So I go to wherever I think the boundary is in front of the crowd. And then with my family and friends in smaller groups, I basically let it all hang out. There, I'm me. Take me or leave me...and if you don't...you're screwed up, freaking crazy and you really suck!!! (ha ha! just a little sarcasm there on my part, Kate...lol) Once you get with your "homies" you can say what is in your heart without measuring every word, wear your favorite bathing suit, and watch a movie without your heart beating in fear as to the next word that might come out. But with the church? You have to either have your guard up somewhat, or start packing your U-haul.

This whole issue is why I'm so intensely passionate about creating close knit relationships outside the church setting. It's essential to have these kind of relationships to be healthy.

To give you one last visual illustration...this whole issue is why I wear this...

instead of this...

at the church beach day...even though I think it's killer! LOL :-) I thought about putting this photo on my ministry website or my Myspace with the song, "Brick House" playing in the background but I wondered, "would Larry get some flack for this?" Ha ha! Just kidding, but seriously I think it's pretty smokin' especially for a 41 year old and so does he. He just doesn't want me wearing it for a church activity, and I totally agree! So it's just for when I'm with family or close friends. And a few thousand other strangers on the beach who don't attend Northside Assembly of God...

Welcome God's workings...

The view in our backyard at dusk... (above)

Read My Utmost for His Highest for devotions today and the Word...nothing earthshattering there jumped out at me today but in Come Away, a few things got my attention:

"Do you hope to be made perfect apart from the corrective process?"

"Keep a flexible spirit so that I may mold you and shape you freely, teach you readily, and not be detained by your resistance."

"I need disciplined Christians. To entertain self-will is to court disqualification."

"There are not many blueprints for one building, there is only one."

Good things that I really need to hear today. Although I did not sense anything huge in the Word that God was speaking to me today, I had a good time in prayer - although not long - it was powerful. Being that I had real quiet time with everyone gone today, it was perfect.

I wrote some things down that Dawn told me recently...about allowing circumstances to shape character. All of us must determine...through whatever I am going through...no matter what - my character will be formed - people will be discipled - the anointing upon my life will grow. I will be stronger and much better having gone through whatever it is that God allows me to go through."

I think the sooner we stop despising the chastening of the Lord and get on with allowing everything to mold and shape us, the better off we'll be. My prayer is to let God do in me sooner rather than later, everything He wants to do. I want to welcome His working, no matter how difficult it is on me. Today I was preparing a message for tomorrow night (Larry doesn't feel up to teaching yet) and I must say in preparing it, I found myself truly motivated in a great way by the message. The sooner we flow with what God wants to do - the better off we'll be in moving forward more quickly.

Meme ~ Some fun facts about my man and me

My friend Deborah from over at Deborah's Encouragement tagged me to complete this fun meme. So here we go...

1. Who is your man?? Larry Shrodes ~ hometown Pittsburgh, PA - we met in bible college at VFCC ~ in the cafeteria. He is lead pastor of Northside Assembly of God, Tampa, FL, my husband and the father of our three children, Dustin, Jordan and Savanna, and one child that awaits us in heaven.

2. How long have you been together?? Twenty years - married June 27, 1987 (Total 22 years if you include all the time we have known each other.) So this is our 20th year of marriage and full time ministry.

3. How long did you date?? A year and then engaged for a year.

4. How old is your man?? 39 and holding...

5. Who eats more?? It depends on what we're eating.

6. Who said I love you first?? I did.

7. Who is taller?? He is - he's 6'2, and I'm 5'5.

8.Who sings better?? Me - no contest.

9. Who is smarter?? It depends on the issue. With some things he is, and with some things I am.

10. Whose temper is worse?? Mine. Before he was saved his probably was but saved or not, I can raise the roof sometimes, unfortunately. There are times I would make even a serial killer quake in their boots. Usually to get over this feeling, I work out rather than hurt someone.

11. Who does the laundry? We both do.

12. Who takes out the trash?? Most times, him.

3. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?? Looking at the bed, he does, but sleeping in it, I do.

14. Who pays the bills?? We both earn money but he actually pays them and 100% deals with everything financially which I couldn't be happier about.

15. Who is better on the computer?? Setting it up? Knowing tech stuff? Him all the way, but e-mailing, blogging, message boards, websites...me.

16. Who mows the lawn?? Neither one of us. We have a lawn guy. But I do the weeding.

17. Who cooks dinner?? Most times me, but often Larry will help and sometimes Jordan does too.

18. Who drives when you are together?? He does. I hate to drive and want to read most times.

19. Who is the most stubborn?? Me, definitely me. Our friend Randy says, "if you want to guarantee something will be done just tell Deanna she can't accomplish it." :-)

20. Who kissed who first?? He kissed me.

21. Who asked out who?? He asked me.

22. Who proposed?? He did - on the beach in Avalon, NJ at sunset.

23. Who has more friends?? If you count people on line...me.

24. Who has more siblings?? Me.

Unforced rhythms of grace

Our offices were closed today but I would have been home taking care of Larry anyway. He's coming along very well...but will still be home tomorrow. His therapist gets here at 8:30 am to work with him in the morning. As my post last night stated, he slept in here last night but hasn't made up his mind about where he will sleep tonight. It wasn't very comfortable for him to sleep in here and he actually got better rest in the recliner so I may be alone again tonight but for now he's laying here next to me watching one of his favorite shows while I blog before crashing.

Today our offices were closed and I did just a little bit of church stuff at home but lots of home stuff. Sorting, organizing, cleaning type stuff...plus working out. Jordan teamed up with me for dinner. We made some BBQ chicken and Ore Ida baked fast food fries (they are wonderful, by the way and baked - extremely low cal. I think they taste just like Burger King fries.)

I was working on writing a song with Dustin tonight. I got the whole first verse lyric done and then he starts smirking and I said, "what?" and he said, "this is the chord progression for a song Stephen and I wrote..." and he starts singing it. Dad gum it! I was peeved. I didn't think I specifically had to tell him, "don't give me the same progression as another one of your songs..." I think he was doing it for some kind of joke, but I didn't take it funny. Folded up my lyrics and walked out to get a cup of tea. And that was that.

This morning as I had devotions I was reading in Come Away and it had some profound stuff about dealing with stress. Listen to some of these admonitions, that are "words from God"...

"How can I give you healing for your body when there is anxiety in your mind? So long as there is disease in your thoughts there will be disease in your body. "

"More athsma is caused by repressed fury than by pollen or cat fur."

"Do not condemn others for jeopardizing their health by harmful habits and wasting their energies on vain pursuits while you undermine your health by unworthy emotions."

Wow, that is GREAT STUFF.

Today I was talking to Dawn and I told her that I want to meditate more - as in Christian meditation...I feel this is largely uncharted territory for Christians. We "meditate" on God's Word by thinking of a scripture a bit or whatever, but what is wrong with us literally laying down, relaxing our bodies completely and dwelling on God - thinking about Him, thinking about a sentence or two from his Word, and calming ourselves in His presence, with no CD player, no DVD, no sound - just silence and our thoughts fixed upon Him and His Word? Why not memorize Matthew 11:28, go find a quiet place and dwell on it? I am convinced it would calm our hearts tremendously. Today Dawn told me I needed to look at Matthew 11:28-30 in the Message.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Mmm...good stuff. Walk with me and work with me... unforced rhythms of grace...love the phrasing here. I think I'm ready to get silent and think on this a while.

Cathy was saying on Sunday that there's something really wrong when people cannot be with themselves...when they are uncomfortable with solitude or always have to have noise. That is so true.

Speaking of time alone, my Africa trip is just a month away. Isn't that unbelievable? Today I got one of my messages done. That feels like a huge child just birthed...now just three more to push out. :-)

It's going to be a 28 hour travel time on the way there and 33 hours on the way home. That will be time alone in route and while it would bother some people it doesn't bother me. I will enjoy having the time to process my thoughts. I don't mind being with myself because I've learned to like myself!

Spending time with me is one of my favorite things to do. I'm going to end the blog today with ...

Five things I love about me...

1) I really love to laugh and when telling people something funny I will often laugh before I get out the punch line and have to calm down before I can get the words out.

2) My legs

3) My ability to connect with people.

4) I'm a giver.

5) I don't hesitate to be affectionate.

that's all for tonight. Time to go snuggle with Superman before he possibly leaves the bed... G'night...

Tea of the week

The tea I'm enjoying most this week is British Breakfast Tea by Republic of Tea. It's just a regular black tea, but absolutely wonderful. Truthfully black tea is my absolute favorite.

By the way, these are easier to get because you can get the tea bags in Panera. I believe I paid $10 for my little can of them.

Try it, you'll love it.

This tea recommendation brought to you by Deanna Shrodes tea ministry. (Would you believe Republic of Tea call themselves the "Ministry of Tea"? I think they mean it in some "new agey" way. See, if they hired me as one of their spokespeople, I could do things from a Pentecostal angle and reach a niche they currently might be missing.) Just think of all the advertising possibilities:

Drink British breakfast...get up earlier, have a cup of this and you'll stay awake for your devotions...

Have a bottle of darjeeling and pray in the Holy Ghost for hours...

Tea...the official drink of selective Pentecostal women everywhere.

Larry came back to bed...

Yes, he's back where he belongs. I thought Larry would be in the recliner chair a few more days at least. They recommended before that he sleep there so as to not roll over on his arm accidently. Also, it's hard for him to get up and down from a chair, the sofa, and especially a bed. So I thought, "I'll be by myself a while longer..." But no...he's back tonight although he can only sleep on his back. He just couldn't take being away from me anymore, I guess. :-) Three nights of separation is enough. Teeby has come home.

Larry's nurse and therapist were here today. They said he's doing amazing! His incision and stitches are awesome. He is doing a lot of therapy on his arm - even going the extra mile beyond what they asked for. He's determined to have a perfect recovery. He's still on meds every four hours but tonight for the first time he'll just have a bottled water by the bed and I'll wake up and open it up for him, let him sit up and take the pills and go back to sleep. I think he'll be on meds at least another 2 days.

Today we cancelled our VT meeting we had scheduled for church due to Larry's recovery. When I came home from church we just had leftovers and then later in the evening I put Jordan in charge of dinner. He does steaks really well on the grill. I mean he is uncommonly good with them, to the degree that I sit there and moan while I'm eating every bite. That boy can make an absolutely perfect steak. So he made dinner and it was wonderful and then we just spent the day relaxing which was so nice. Larry is still needing our help to do stuff but not quite as much and is getting more mobile now so I actually got some rest.

Five things that make me the really happy right now:

1) My house is still clean.

2) I am sensing in my spirit that something internally great is going to happen on the Africa trip. Yes, I'm going to bless the people, to serve them. But I'm feeling as if a major shift is going to happen inside me. Can't wait.

3) I really love teaching Sunday School.

4) Something good happened for Susan this week that we've been praying about. I won't blog it here, it's her personal biz, but I'm happy for her. I love praying things into existence for others!

5) I'm seeing Ada Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!

Bonus: Larry is sleeping with me tonight!

Let's see how long it takes

for Dustin and Casey to confront me about posting this picture on my blog!

Why be filled with the Holy Ghost?

Today I preached a message on the subject of backsliding in our new fall series. First I covered the fact from a biblical basis that one can indeed, backslide. (This is debatable with some people.) One of my points was that one key ingredient to standing firm is to be filled with the Holy Ghost. It is very hard to stand on our own - trying to do this thing - if not impossible. We need the empowerment of the Spirit.

I asked the church today, "why be filled with the Holy Ghost?" and I answered the question and told them, it's not just so you can speak in tongues. You must be filled with the Holy Ghost so that you will not be a stupid church member.

That's right, you heard me right.

The Holy Ghost came so that you and I do not have to be stupid church members.

John 14 talks about this:

Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. "All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. John 14:23-26

The Holy Ghost was sent to teach us all things - and remind us of everything Jesus said. The spirit helps us in our weakness. The Holy Spirit helps us to stand against sin so that we won't do stupid stuff anymore that gives us life long negative consequences.

If you are doing stupid things, perhaps you need to be filled with the Holy Ghost, or re-activate your prayer life and utilize your prayer language more...or again.

Just think about it.

Different kind of Saturday

I feel like the past six months I've had a renewed sense of what it's like to have a newborn baby. First Dustin was sick and needed around the clock care, and and now Larry had his operation and is going through recovery. Having to set the clock for every four hours and get up and care for someone brings back memories of feeding the kids around the clock and getting little sleep or interrupted sleep. Of course this time it just involves meds and stuff, but still - it is sort of reminiscent of those days. I'm tired but I know next week it will taper off and we will be back to some normality, whatever that is in our house!

Larry decided to not attempt to go to church tomorrow. It's just too much - he is not ready. He is also not up to going to co-hort on Monday. So he had Cathy cancel our hotel, and he contacted Dr. Lee and told him. I had a feeling this would happen and truthfully I am so glad he made this decision and did not push himself. I had been praying that he would use wisdom. When he told his nurse and therapist he was going back Sunday/Monday they weren't happy about it and I was concerned too. He just got his port out today. He can't even shave for crying out loud, let alone even get out of a chair by himself. It is NOT the time for him to be going to church. He had already asked me to preach anyway (weeks ago) but he really wanted to be there...just because he's like me - neither of us like to be away from the people or the house. But it's like this...to push it may mean a longer recovery. I would rather have him take it easy this week and come back strong than come back too soon and be up and down in his recovery.

The nurse and therapist will be visiting us at home tomorrow and Monday...not sure how much longer after that and then he starts therapy as an outpatient, versus in home care. He is coming along VERY well. Extremely well. His incisions look great - things are healing perfectly. This is going to be a perfect recovery...he just has to do the right thing to keep it that way. Savanna will stay home with him in the morning and take care of him as I have to preach - Dustin has to play guitar and Jordan drums...so Savanna is officially elected for Daddy-care.

This morning we ladies of NS went to see "Sydney White" at the movies. We did a matinee followed by lunch at Panera. We really all enjoyed the movie. It was really cute. Everyone remarked how we want to get it for our daughters when it comes out on DVD or maybe take them if time in the coming weeks. It was nice to get out since I really haven't been out too much the last few days...

I came home and made dinner for everybody including a few of Larry's favorites...including okra made the true southern way, (with corn meal and oil) but my own healthy version - which I did do in the fry pan however very healthy with just a little olive oil. He loved it! Then I dropped Dustin off at Land O Lakes high school. Casey was doing a play tonight at her school... and then they went afterwards to the mall and to Circuit City to get his i-pod fixed or exchanged. [See pic of Dustin and Casey (his "friend") here at right.]

When coming home I saw that Pastors Bert & Lori Hutson from Baldwin A/G sent Larry an absolutely exquisite basket of treats as a "get well". This thing is very unique...pretty awesome! What a lovely get well idea, and so thoughtful!

It's only been three days with my husband being out of commission but I really miss him. I don't want him to know exactly how much ~ I wouldn't want him to feel bad in the least. But I don't like it that he has to sleep in the recliner. (I know he must hate it). I don't like not being able to snuggle with him (a hug would hurt at this point) - the most I've done the past 3 days is give him a little kiss on the lips or a lot of times I hold his head and hug it for a moment or give him a kiss on top of the head. He's on a lot of medication and not talking like he normally does. We aren't able to be out and about on our day off...or even just lay together to watch a movie. I'll be glad to have him back...really back. It won't be long. I'm counting the days and more than that, I know he is too even though he's not saying anything about it. When you've been married to somebody this long, you just know.

It was a different kind of Saturday, but different is alright.

Five things I'm very thankful for today:

1) I'm thankful the nurse said Larry is progressing wonderfully.

2) I'm thankful that I got a box of Republic of Tea tea bags today at Panera. I'm going to have one in the morning in my travel cup on the way to the church.

3) I'm thankful that the hot bath I'm going to take in a few minutes is going to feel excellent.

4) I'm thankful my house is clean.

5) I'm thankful that right in front of friends tonight, Dustin said, "I love you, Mom" and gave me a kiss and hug. How much more could a mother ever want than that, except for her kids to be saved?

The past two days

Have been spent taking care of Larry around the clock, cooking, and cleaning my house.

Larry needs meds every four hours, his ice machine pack put on for 30 minutes every 2 hours, and help getting up, sitting back down, straightening his blankets, pillows, getting him something to drink. He can't use his right hand at all so eating is slow and difficult. Sometimes he has eaten on his own but sometimes I feed him just to help things go more smoothly. Today the nurse came and changed his dressing, checked his port, and a bunch of other stuff. Then the physical therapist came tonight and worked with him a little bit. I think this is going to be a three to six month process, but he's doing really well. They seem amazed that he plans to be at church on Sunday, and that we plan to work Monday/Tuesday. I told him not to push it and that if we need to stay home, so be it. It's perfectly fine with me. I am for anything that helps him get better quicker.

So he pretty much eats a little, takes meds and sleeps most of the day/night. And when he does I've been catching up on some cleaning, plus cooking lunch/dinner and all that stuff. Most people wouldn't believe it but there is a huge part of me that is a homebody (yes I love to travel...especially to minister) but the other 50% of the time I want to be home and I crave it. I do find a lot of joy in keeping things ordered at home, cooking, and just enjoying the refuge that home is. Although I enjoy my entire home especially places like the patio, my favorite place to be is...in my bed! I could live there and have to force myself to get out of it sometimes (not just early in the morning, but really just anytime.) We have a king size bed - with THE most comfortable pillow top mattress and then I got all down pillows and comforter and I change the sheets a lot (because I like them "fresh and crispy" sort of feeling), and I love to just get underneath the covers and rest. There's nothing better than when it rains outside and I can hear it and just lay there quietly in my bed. Most times now when I work from home, I do so in my bed on laptop computer. I get hours upon hours of work done without ever leaving my bed!

Tonight I had the most maddening thing happen. I didn't do any work for church today as it's technically my "day off" from church and I just work on home things. (So I'll make that clear here as I explain for anybody who says, "why were you doing church project especially on a Friday and when you were busy taking care of pastor?") Well in between cooking, cleaning and taking care of him I had a few moments like now to sit down and blog or write. And I was working on a short "home" project (yep, I have those too) on the computer and after finishing this marvelous work of creativity, "zap" - it was gone with a crack of lightening! We're in rainy season here in Florida til' November. Tonight it's been raining cats and dogs. When it zapped my work out I was so mad. So, so, so mad. Larry says, "can't you re-do it?" "Ugh! You would never understand!"

I had been in the perfect writer's rhythm...finished a masterpiece...and zap...gone! So discouraging. Larry says, "just type it again." But it won't be exactly the same. I don't know that I could process everything the same again. I was so mad. I went in and scrubbed the bathroom as hard as I could...just to get my anger out. I didn't leave to go to the gym, because obviously I need to be here for anything Larry needs me for.

Tomorrow morning we have a Northside ladies outing. I already had it on the schedule so I kept it. Jordan's going to stay with Larry and take care of him while I go. He's good at it. He was a huge help to me yesterday. The nurse and the therapist will also be coming tomorrow.

Tomorrow's a new day and with each day Larry's going to get better. I miss having him sleep next to me. He can't get in the bed yet. He has to be in a recliner for a while. It's important that he not even accidently roll over on his arm and plus that, he can't really get up or down by himself. In time though...

So tonight this blog is just the latest happenings in my household, and a hodge podge of my thoughts so for fun I thought I'd tell you ten little known facts about me before I sign off for the night...

LITTLE KNOWN FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT DEANNA

1) Even though I have a lot of clothes, I keep washing my favorite ones all the time to wear them the most. This explains why you may see me in the same items several times in a week. No, I'm not dirty. I just keep washing them cuz they're my favs.

2) My favorite pizza is topped with mushrooms, black olives and bacon. But since I'm usually watching my calories I rarely eat it and instead eat just plain cheese pizza.

3) Bad habit confession: when I'm really tired I sometimes don't floss at night, I just brush my teeth.

4) My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I miss being at my in-laws. But into every life, change must come.

5) My son Dustin and I are most alike out of everyone in the family.

6) Lately I like to put a wedge of lime in my drinks.

7) I really enjoy reading the Bible on-line now. I find switching back and forth between translations to be awesome!

8) I like working out to Michael Jackson songs. I just pretend for those moments that I'm working out that he is what I thought he was when I listened to him in high school before he became Wacko Jacko.

9) If a book bores me in the first chapter I usually don't go beyond it.

10) I've always said I'm not prejudice at all, but I am. I wasn't always. Only in the past few years. I don't like it, and I wish I could just zap the feelings away...but I have to be honest that I fear Arabs. At the core, prejudice is really fear. We don't like what we don't understand - and we usually fear it. Such is the case with me. I have to be honest - even in Walmart, I see an Arab and I instantly brace myself in case I need to defend myself, take off a high heel and throw it at them should they try to kill me or anybody in the store. Ever since 9/11 I am really "cautious"...suspicious...and I don't know how to not feel that way except just keep praying about it. When I get on a plane and I see somebody who looks like one of the 9/11 terrorists, I get my nail polish in my purse ready just in case they do anything, with the goal of throwing the bottle at their head as hard as I can. I see somebody in the mall with a turban on their head and I think, "one false move from you and this Starbucks is going square in your face!" It's my first thought and I know it's wrong.

Pastor Lisa and I had a talk about it and she tried to help me a little bit with my feelings. She works with many Arabs and she isn't paranoid about them. But honestly...I am. I don't want to always feel that way. Part of it is, I have none of them in my life...amazingly among the nations represented at NS, we don't have any. I have never really ever had an opportunity come my way in this regard. I wish we did have somebody because quite honestly I want to face my prejudice and fear and deal with it and that would put me in a position where I could work on it up close and personal and actually befriend someone. Pastor Lisa says when that happens, I will be able to get over this hurdle because there will be a personal face/name in my life and I will come to see them as real people, and not potential terrorists around every corner.

I hope so. I've always hated prejudice, and I still do. It's the last thing I want to be and in times past I found myself prejudice only against those who had some prejudice! My challenge was (and still is) to keep myself from hating racists, and find a way to love them without agreeing with them. Now, for the first time, I realize, with this particular race, I do have issues and I am racist too because I am afraid. So God, please help me to not be afraid and to reach out, because I don't want to stay like this.

What would you do?

As I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for Larry to come out of his operation yesterday, my doctor and friend, Dr. Rosemay Latortue stopped by. She wanted to see if I knew anything yet about Larry's surgery, and just spend some time talking. So we sat for a long time and finally the conversation rolled around to Africa (which it does frequently, even when I'm not making a trip.) Rosemay feels a real call to help there and minister through both the Word of God and medicine. She goes at least once a year, and stays for up to a month at a time. She just came back from Zambia just a few months ago. When I told her I was going to Africa to preach she was so excited! She shouted, "Oh! You are going to the motherland! You will NEVER be the same!" She has always told me about her adventures in Africa but now I will really understand. She insisted on being my #1 prayer partner and has been praying for this trip for a while now, for God's provision, power and protection. I appreciate her so much. She's also letting me borrow her phone that I'll be able to call home on anytime. (What a blessing!) She's helped me get ready in so many ways.

So today she was talking to me about getting prepared in various ways - I was asking her about my carry on bag (because going through London they don't allow what they do in the U.S. as far as that...rules are different) and I was stressing over what to do about my laptop and all...being that it's basically attached to my hip. And then she says..."you know, each time I go, I have a talk with my children before I leave and prepare them that I may not come back. I let them know I may perish while I am there, and that if I do, they are to realize that it was for a worthy cause and that many have perished for the gospel's sake...and if it happens to me it's an honor..." Then she goes on to tell me that she just thinks it's a good idea to sit down with each of the kids, and tell them all this.

Yikes!

I don't want to do that.

I want to say, "I love you". I want to say, "I'll miss you so much..." just like I do even if I'm just leaving for the weekend to go to Miami. But tell them I might die? That I might not come back? I don't know, it seems kind of "too much" to me, since although people DO die on a missions trip, it's not as often as they live. I mean the odds are that I am not going to die although it does happen. I just don't want to scare them.

I'm not saying Rosemay is wrong by any means, in fact she's a very Godly woman and this is the way God told her to handle it in her household. I just don't know if I want to do it in mine. Know what I mean? Not that she by any means said she thought I had to, it was just a suggestion... and I do respect her suggestions a lot.

What do you think? Should I have this talk with them? Should I not and just trust that everything will be just fine, as I am doing right now?

I mean, hello, I'm not naive to the point of realizing I could die. Actually all of us are dying every day! We are one step closer to coming to an end with our earthly bodies, and closer to eternity every day we wake up. So really everybody is dying. I could die in a car accident in Tampa. I could die on a trip to Miami or Ft. Lauderdale just as well. Terrorists exist there too although I know a lot of people are talking about terrorism in Kenya...still, I could have died in NYC. I could die in my sleep. Every day any of us could die. Should I treat this as different than any other day?

Everything in me just doesn't want to tell them this. Because I really DO believe that this is going to be an incredible trip with many spiritual results and I believe that on November 16, I'm going to fly back into TPA and hug my family and say, "let's go to dinner and get me a fresh brewed iced tea WITH ice!"

What do you think?

Wisdom

Proverbs 4:5-9 "Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. If you prize wisdom, she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will honor you. She will place a lovely wreath on your head; she will present you with a beautiful crown.” (NLT)

Right now Larry and I have just started our "Proverbs: Wisdom Keys for Living" series on Wednesday nights. I'm encouraging the church, as I have many times before, about reading the chapter of Proverbs that coincides with the day of the week. This is a great habit to get into. You always know what Proverb you are supposed to be reading each day - you need no bookmark.

Here in this passage as with many others, we notice that wisdom is always referred to as "she". Last night someone raised a hand as I was teaching and asked, "why is wisdom always referred to as she?" As I often do, I turned the question right back to the people and said, "okay somebody, why do you think?" Even Dr. Watson said, "I have no idea!"

Then Larry said, "Truthfully, my guess is that Solomon decided to refer to wisdom a "she" so he wouldn't have to be nagged by all his 600 wives!" That brought hysterical laughter from those in attendance. Then Pastor T redeemed the day by raising his hand and saying, "Wisdom is called she because wisdom is a GOOD THING." I said, "Aw T...and Misty wasn't even in the sanctuary for you to get the bonus points for that one!!!" (Again, insert hysterical laughter here.)

There are some things I don't know about Proverbs, as many times as I've read them. But this I do know. Solomon wrote them as a priceless treasure to be found. The treasure contains all the advice we would ever need for here and now in this life, to be effective. Advice about marriage, parenting, relationships, money, you name it, it's all there.

To not pursue wisdom is foolish. To not want to listen to those who have more experience and impart their wisdom to you is foolish. The Bible says if you prize wisdom, she will make you great! The Bible is our foundation for wisdom - our rule book for living. But then God gives people, who are ordained to speak into our lives.

I want to be great. That's why I don't want to shirk wisdom. Just yesterday I was able to get a mentor's wisdom and I took it in as pure gold. I don't care if I'm 80 years old - I'll find a mentor who is 81! I believe in it that much.

We're home!

Surgery went well. We just got home. It took a lot longer in recovery than expected. Larry was so woosy from the anesthesia he just couldn't manage to wake up enough to leave for quite a while. Dr. Frankle came into recovery and told us all went very well and he expects a full recovery. There was more damage that was in his arm that the MRI never showed. So no wonder it was hurting worse than the doctor would have expected.

I got Larry home and when we walked in the door he got really nauseated and sick (from the drugs). Jordan stayed home today (he wasn't supposed to but he forgot to set his alarm. Besides all that I know it was bothering him that he would not be here when we got home...I am sure some of that may not be "coincidental".) I'm actually really glad he was here. He helped me hold Larry up, get him undressed, dressed again, fix his blankets, cold washcloth, shoulder sling, give him medication (doctor said not to let it run out - start asap when getting home) and let him go to sleep. So that's where he is right now.

Jordan's helping me get everything clean (quietly!) because first of all not only does it just need to be done, but we have nurses who will be coming tomorrow and Saturday. They are going to change his dressings, check his port, all that good stuff.

I didn't clean much last night because I was tired after church and we all wanted to watch our two shows together. That's alright, we're getting everything done. I just wanted to take a second to blog and tell everyone we are home, and surgery went well. Thank you for your prayers for a speedy, full recovery for my sweetheart.

p.s. would you believe after my teasing him about the pantyhose, the doctor came in and said he was going to have to wear them home?! Yes, he has to wear them for 24 hours. But at least not for 6 weeks...when I told the boys the joke I played they thought it was great. I get to play so few jokes on Larry - he's the master of jokes and I don't even try usually. So this was fun.

Larry is in surgery

Well, Larry is getting his operation right now as I type this in the waiting room. It's going to be a few hours, and I have all my books and my computer. (I can't just sit.) We came to the hospital at 5:30 this morning.

I went in with him until they were ready to take him into the operating room. I got queasy just being around the needles and IV and stuff (I have always had that problem.) I fainted all the time in high school health class...if they talked more than a few minutes about blood or something, I would ask to go to the restroom thinking, "I'll just leave until they finish this topic..." but sometimes I didn't even make it to the door...I'd just drop right there and faint. The teacher said I sometimes gave them hands on practice in class because they'd do all the stuff to me that you're supposed to do with someone when they faint.

Anyway, I felt that way this morning but there was no way I was leaving him. I hate, I repeat hate, hate, hate when I'm in the hospital and I'm waiting like that and sort of anxious and someone isn't with me. That has happened to me in the past sometimes and it really bothers me. When your spouse or kids are getting prepped for an operation or are in some crucial moment such as a contraction or horrible pain that is NO TIME to get a coke or even go to the bathroom no matter how you feel!!! So I said to myself, "no, I'm not doing that no matter what." I would never leave Larry for a second and that is also why I stayed with Dustin 24/7 and never, ever left him alone.

But it's funny...Larry knows me. He said, "you alright, babe?" (He probably saw my face turning a little white, or should I say more white than it already is...) and I said, "yep" and then he said, "you're getting sick aren't you? Are you going to faint?" and I said, "don't worry about it, as soon as they take you in I'm going to get a coke and I'll be fine. I'm not leaving you."

So I was able to stay til' they told me I had to leave. I had some fun with him. When we first got there, he had to get undressed (no, I don't mean that kind of fun...) and dressed in the hospital gown and all the "stuff". They gave him these pantyhose type things that were thigh high that he has to wear for the operation...something about blood flow or something like that. So they asked me to put them on him and then cover him up. Well, he was out of the room when they gave me all these instructions. So I thought, "hmmmm...get ready, this is going to be so funny..." and when he came back I said, "I have to get you dressed..." and told him to strip down and change into the gown and then I pulled out the pantyhose and said, "you've got to put these on." He was a little horrified, and was like, "WHY?" I said, "it's just what you have to do for this operation and then you have to wear them daily for about 6 weeks...that's what the nurse said."

WHAT???!!! You should have seen his face. He was absolutely floored that he was going to have to keep wearing those things. It was priceless. Then he says, "No! No, that's not true, you're just kidding..., right?"

He figured out it wasn't true, but I thought it was so funny. When I was putting them on him (I forgot what a pain it is to put pantyhose on) and I'm tugging at the things trying to get them up, I said, "now you know why I was so glad to move to Florida and give these things up FOREVER!"

I think all men should have to try pantyhose on at least once...and maybe an underwire bra too...well, ok, let's not get too carried away. But, what else would it take for them to understand a little bit of our world?

Forget it, they wouldn't understand anyway.

So he's in surgery for probably the next two hours and then they'll let me come back to recovery. He's having his labrum tear fixed as well as a few other things now that they found wrong including fixing his rotator cuff. Soon, he'll be as good as new. I can't wait.

Right where He wants me...

I got a lot accomplished today. I have been trying to get as much done as possible because I won't be going in to the office tomorrow and will be taking Larry to the hospital to get his operation. Then I'll bring him home and take care of him. The doctors found even more wrong with his arm - there are like five things wrong that have to be fixed. I know he'll be so glad to have this over, and get back to normal life - and sports one day. Most of my initiatives are done - just one or two left in addition to packing for co-hort in Ft. Lauderdale. This is our last one and I'm so sad about that. Larry still wants to go and he'll have me drive. I'm almost done doing our five loads of clothes that I've been working on.

I did great at WW today ~ dropped another pound and a 1/2. Yippee! For those reading this who need to lose weight and get discouraged by a pound here and a pound there versus a lot at once, realize that slow is the best and safest way to lose and - a pound here and there adds up! I have someone in my WW class who lost a pound a month which might not sound like much but she has been there for two years and has lost 24 pounds. That's not bad! With some people that's all they need to lose. For others who need to lose more, realize a pound a month is better than staying where you're at! If the same woman keeps doing that, just think of all the weight she'll continue to lose as she stays steady.

Today we talked about ditching the dieting mindset and getting the live-it mindset. In other words, a lifestyle...and "I am doing this for life" frame of mind. I'm there! I'm there! I'm there! Today the WW receptionist (who is so sweet) says to me, (when she weighed me in), "Boy Deanna, you're comin' back down, girl!" Yes, I am...small and in charge...mark it down ladies and gentlemen!!!

Today I came home from work and made baked parmesan chicken, mashed potatoes and asparagus. (yum) Usually I don't take time to cook on Wednesday nights but the past two I have - I have just felt like it and worked my other "getting ready" tasks around it. Right now I cannot share the details (all of us are asked to keep confidentiality) but our WW class was chosen as a "test market." We get to test out a new program!!! We are not able to share any of the details...they are "top secret" in fact if our teacher gets asked about it outside of class she has to say, "I don't know what you're talking about." Isn't that funny? But seriously, can't share the details but all I will say is, I like the changes! So far it seems everyone does.

Wednesday night church was tonight and we began our series on "Proverbs: Wisdom Keys for Living". Tonight was my turn to teach and I did an introduction. (It takes me one full week when I do an introduction... I've learned with my style of teaching never to put the intro and lesson one together.) Anyway, we had a good time. Tonight was a lot of fun, in God's Word. Great stimulating discussion. I love my church, did I mention that lately? We have so many supportive people who are just so wonderful to be around.

Coming home from church, it's time to wind down...and have the other 1/3 of my Republic of Tea that I saved from last night. I'll make some chocolate chip cookies for the kids and we'll have our latest Wednesday night family ritual - Kid Nation and The New Bionic Woman.

Can you believe only about four more weeks til' I leave for Africa? Today Pastor T said, "Um, PD did you know the fighting in Kenya right now is worse than in Iraq?" I don't know about that and even if it is I am not worried about it. I am so through with worrying over anything God asks me to do. You just do it because there's no greater place to be - than right where He wants you.

I'm glad I'm right where He wants me.

It's a Republic of Tea night

So tonight I decided to go and work out until my hair was so wet standing on the elliptical, it looked like I had been standing in the shower. Sometimes when I have stress or anger to work off and I go to the gym, I think people kind of stare, like, "why is she going so fast for so long? " Sometimes I feel like the elliptical will take off and go around the room, I am pedaling it so fast. What I do to manage my stress now (as opposed to the past when I would get mad at someone or something and eat a bag of potato chips) is work out like a maniac. Usually I'll build up for about 10 minutes and then I get a picture of whatever I'm dealing with in my mind and then shut my eyes and pedal like I'm going to take off at any second. I keep going until I'm spent, and soaked in sweat. All this to my top favorite workout songs...

Tonight I went from the elliptical to the weight machines to work my arms. They were hurting still from shots, however the nurse said to work them as much as possible so I thought, "this can only help..." so while I brought my heart rate back down I listened to some of my favorite inspirational tunes and worked my arms (which need much more work than my legs). Then I came home, and decided to grab one of my bottles of Republic of Tea (zero calories btw) out of the fridge and take it in to the shower with me. Yes...total indulgence on that one. I only save those bottles for VERY special occasions. Tonight's occasion was... had a lot of issues to sort through today...I worked out hard tonight and by golly, I'm going to end this day on a good note! So I'm out of the shower now...in my jammies, finishing off my Republic of Tea ~ Raspberry Quince flavor ~ thank you Susan ~ and blogging.

Trust me ladies and gentlemen, this is much preferable to eating a bag of potato chips - gaining weight and being even more stressed.

I am working hard to not only reduce my stress level by working out more but I'm also working hard to lose fourteen more pounds in the next seven weeks. (So far I've dropped eight pounds in the last five weeks since I first announced to you that I was getting small and in charge again!) :-) Only fourteen more to go. By the way, that will be six pounds beyond my weight watcher lifetime goal. Why do I want to do that? First of all, it's totally within my health range for my age and height, and second...I don't want to be sitting right at or just below lifetime goal because I'll be too nervous at each weigh in if there is not at least a five pound margin.

So, weigh in is tomorrow. I'm not nervous about it - I know I had a good week and the thing is, even on weeks where the scale doesn't move down, if I've done the right thing, I have to relax knowing that it'll catch up with me. Good lesson there...just as doing the wrong thing will always catch up with us, so will doing the right thing.

I need to purposely look at what's right with my picture right now, so here goes with what's true, honest, just, pure, lovely and of good report:

1) I'm thankful I made right choices this week in eating and exercise.

2) I'm thankful that my travel and shots are taken care of for Africa.

3) I'm thankful for Tivo in my room now.

4) I'm thankful for a bunch of new music Pastor Jenn Lee sent me.

5) I'm thankful my kids are saved.

6) I'm thankful I saw the sunset today.

7) I'm thankful the weather is cooling off.

8) I'm thankful Jesus is my best friend.

9) I'm thankful I can talk to Him anytime.

10) I'm thankful that in Him there is rest.

11) I'm thankful for Dove soap. (I would love to be a "Dove girl/woman" not only because I think it's cool but because I actually USE the product.)

12) I'm thankful for songs that inspire me and comfort me. Right now two old ones that I listen to over and over again that have really inspired me once again this week ~ Whitney Houston's "I love the Lord" and Kirk Franklin's "My Life is in Your Hands."

13) I'm thankful that each new day has wonderful possibilities.

14) I'm thankful for the power of the spirit. This week I was impressed a lot to just pray in the Holy Ghost.

15) I'm thankful for friends that inspire me. This week, Pastor Lisa's post on "Leading, or Pulling?" really did it for me.

16) I'm thankful I pastor a church that loves and cares.

17) I'm thankful God has always provided a better way, than what our flesh desires.

18) I'm thankful for Susan Lilly. Susan, you are a God-send in more ways than you'd ever know. You never fail to notice that which no one else often does, you encourage me each and every day in some way, pray for me, and show up early to church every single time to do whatever needs to be done. You put the "F" in faithful! You are loyal to me and to the house, and I love you, girl!

19) I'm thankful for God's provision in every area of my life.

20) I'm thankful for what He did for me on the cross. If he never did anything else, that's enough.

I'm not going to work it out, so just go eat Fruity Pebbles

This IS a rant. This is a rant of the Deanna Shrodes broadcast system. If this were a real rant… well, uh, it is a real rant, so here goes…

There are sometimes I just get in a mood where I say, “forget it, I’m not going to work it out. I’m not going to stress myself out and go crazy to make something work just because someone else or their organization have stupid ways of doing things and don’t give a care about how it affects anyone else.!!!!”

Translation: I'm so sick of the fact that many people in the world today are oblivious to PARENTS and their needs with their children.

Truly, many are clueless. This is evidenced by all the people who try to make an appointment with you during the time you are getting your children off to school, or at any given time that is obviously a time a parent can't do something or it would be very difficult to do so.

Some people aren't parents. Others are so far removed from the child rearing days or things were so different when they did it, they are just c-l-u-e-l-e-s-s about what life is like for parents today and how we must juggle schedules and the needs of our children. For years, our house was like an airport in the mornings, with departures at all different times when we had one in elementary, one in middle and one in high school. Life can get so crazy when you are raising a couple of kids. Does the rest of the non-child rearing world care about this? No, they really don't. Until it happens to them. For the ones who have been difficult on the parents of the world, I pray that a million Fruity Pebbles descend upon their heads in a huge wake up call!!!

Larry is having his shoulder operation on Thursday. We've known that for a few weeks. That's good --I’m so glad he’s getting it fixed. What we didn’t know is WHAT TIME. We have been asking for weeks. They said they were completely unable to tell us before today (less than 48 hours beforehand). I don’t understand this. It’s not like the doctor is delivering babies or something, for crying out loud. What kind of doctor, except for OBGYN’S cannot tell you when to come in for an operation? Do they just plan all their schedules on the fly? I have never had this happen before. Any time I have ever had surgery I know well in advance when it's going to be and what time. So with all this being up in the air, I had been hoping it would work out alright with Savanna’s school schedule.

It doesn’t.

This isn’t Larry’s fault of course. Poor Larry. He’s not happy about it either. He's stressed out just jumping through all the hoops he has to jump through with pre-op to get this done. I feel very sad for all he's had to go through. Today he went for his pre-op and they finally were able to give him this treasured piece of information that for some God-forsaken reason they did not know until noon today. He will need to be the hospital at 6 am and his surgery is at 8. I don’t know when he will be finished or when we will come home. Being that all this is right admist the time I would be getting Savanna up for school and take her to the bus stop, that won’t work.

So you know what? I’m not going to. That’s right, I am going to be a completely irresponsible mother and let her sleep. I am going to let her stay home from school with her brother, sleep in, get up late and eat whatever she wants. It’s time to party kids! Get up at 11 am if you wish. Eat endless bowls of Fruity Pebbles, and even add a few chocolate chip cookies. Yippee!!!!

I am not going to make arrangements for her to go to school. She can do all this while she watches Full House. This Thursday she can see the whole thing instead of leaving during the commercial to go to the bus stop. Oh how happy she will be. Then she and her brother can eat a Freshetta Pizza for lunch and more chocolate chip cookies while they wait for me to bring their father home. You heard it here first folks. That should make them very happy and I will not get any wistful calls saying, "Momma, when are you coming home?" because they will be so enchanted with their favorite foods, TV and endless sleep.

Yes, I’m completely ignoring the fact that she has school on Thursday and not giving one whit about the fact that I’m going to keep her home and let her have a rip roaring day of eating whatever she wants and watching Hannah Montana until she is blue in the face!!!! And if her teacher asks where she is I’m going to say, “You’ll have to call Dr. Frankle’s office and University Community Hospital to find out why she’s not there!!!”

Their last minute notification is not my emergency. So I am simply not going to do anything about it. Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!! This total irresponsibility is not half bad!!!! I am actually starting to feel a little sorry for Britney Spears. Maybe she got a bad rap.

Why not have her brother get her ready? I don’t need the stress and neither does she. Moms do things a certain way. He’s not going to wake her up on time like I do, and make what she wants to eat like I will, and if it’s raining I’ll be upset that she’s walking in the rain and worry about her the whole time I’m at the hospital. No, no, no. I’m just not going to do it.

Larry says, “these are doctors…you have to work around their schedules…if you want an operation, you do it on their time.” I understand that. Of course. No problem. What I don’t understand is, what kind of doctor except for one doing something unexpected like delivering babies can’t schedule a surgery time more in advance so as to allow people to know the details and plan and make arrangements for their children? Do these people not know that people have KIDS?!!! I guess maybe they are just used to doing old people’s shoulder operations who don’t have kids at home. Excuse me that my husband is still in his 30’s having a shoulder operation. Even OBGYN’s tell you when your C-section is! I think it’s CRAZY. That is just a lame excuse. Lame! Lame! Lame! (Can you tell I’m a little irritated here?)

I get so sick of people’s lack of consideration for parents, kids, and school schedules. This is why I do not attend our minister’s meetings anymore. They are held t 8 am on Tuesdays. What parent can come at 8 am on a weekday morning, working inside or outside the home? I just said, “no, I’m not doing it. I’m not working this out. I have to get my daughter to school.” We’re all getting our kids to school for crying out loud. Is the world oblivious to the fact that a majority of the people on the planet have kids and get them up and ready for school before they go to work? I really think they are. (I know Michele, you’re with me on this one…)

It’s obvious some people want the world designed to not include parents anymore. Well it’s like this, if we don’t have kids and parents then everyone would DIE OFF and we’d GO EXTINCT. If you are going to have kids that means you need to expect that parents come along with the package. Yes, it does take PARENTS to take care of children!!! So structure the world so it's possible.

It's like people who call me at 8 am. First of all, why is anyone on the planet calling anyone before 9 am? That's just an outright sin itself. (I never, ever call anybody before 9). But second, if you are a parent with kids still in the home chances are you are getting somebody ready for school and out the door anywhere from 6:00-8:30 am. The last thing you need is a phone call or an appointment during that time. That's "rush hour" in the home. When people call me before 9, I don't answer. Sometimes those in my household do, and then I just firmly say, "I'm sorry I'm getting my daughter off to school. I'll have to call you back" and hang up.

You know, if a parents does have an appointment during that time, you need to know about it WELL IN ADVANCE so you can make adequate preparations. What about this doesn't the rest of the world understand? When Larry and I go away on our ministerial business trips I have things lined up AT LEAST a month in advance, usually more. And if I don't have advance notice, I don't go. (Thank God for the Harts who take care of Savanna for us when we do go away and do such a wonderful job. I don't know what I'd do without them.)

But once again folks, do I give a flying flip about working this out? No, I don’t. Maybe I’m just going to adopt this new philosophy. "Your lack of planning is not my emergency."

By the way, don't worry, her education will not come crashing down. First of all she's smart girl. Second, it's only one day of school and she rarely misses.

So let the world live on Fruity Pebbles all day for all I care. Go on a Fruity Pebble 40 day fast for all I care.

Women don’t have to fix everything. I’m going on strike from handling last minute stuff that people throw at me. At least, for now.

Whew, I feel so much better to get all that out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I'm going to fold the clothes.

Am I alone? Whether I am or not, HERE I AM...

Does anyone else out there feel like you don't have permission to be under the weather? I really am not saying this to complain, only to share my thoughts and perhaps find out if I'm alone. Not that I would wish this on my worst enemy, but sometimes it's just comforting to know you are not alone. And this is just sort of a, "this is where I'm at today in my life" post.

Last night when I came home my arms were hurting and I felt totally fatigued. I didn't expect that and was kind of bummed because I wanted to work out and try to lose more weight before my next WW weigh in.

I had taken out a large oven stuffer roaster for dinner yesterday and so when I got home even though it was almost 6 pm, I prepared it and put it in the oven. Since I didn't feel good I decided to pull out leftovers for sides (even though Larry really doesn't like leftovers. I knew he wouldn't care being that I didn't feel good.) So I put that in the oven and went in and laid on Dustin's bed and talked to him while it was cooking. Then after eating dinner they said, "Momma will you make cookies?" (from scratch not the break & takes). I said, "I would love to but my arms are hurting too bad. I will make them tomorrow night." So I went in and laid down and did some computer work until bed time. I really needed to clean or do many other tasks but I just didn't feel good. So as to not make the night a complete waste, I decided to wrap up a computer project, plus I needed to book my Africa plane ticket (which I did...I leave on November 8th at 2:20 pm.) Later on after the kids went to sleep Larry came in before bed and wanted to spend some time with me. I said, "okay, just let me get a drink," and I went out to the kitchen to get an iced tea and ...saw a disaster zone. Not only were the dinner dishes piled sky high, but Jordan went ahead and made the cookies (with my permission - he came in and got the recipe me from earlier), but everything from dinner and the cookies was a colossal mess. My heart sunk.

I got my drink, came back in the bedroom and softly (not screaming) said to Larry, "I am sad because sometimes I feel like as a human being I have no permission to be sick or under the weather." Then I quietly went in, drew a hot bath, took my iced tea in with me, got in and my arms suddenly felt relief.

I know he felt bad about the fact that I was sad and plus that he did want to spend some time with me and he knew all I was thinking about was that colossal mess I had facing me the next morning. He said, "you should just let it sit there and let the kids do it after school..." but honestly I can't do that - I'm orderly (or OCD as some call it) and can't function at all in a mess even for a day. And Tuesday is my day to work from home. I can't function in a mess. So while I was in the bathtub he went out and cleaned it up. And then we spent some time together before we went to sleep.

So does anyone besides me ever feel like if you do not keep everything going, the world will either fall apart or wait for you to get better to fix it? I feel the same way even about the dog. I am "Momma Shrodes" even to our poor little dog. Every morning I get up early to take care of her sometimes while it's still dark outside and she is the last thing I take care of at night (except for Larry...) :-) Last night I was in my room not feeling well, so I did not oversee feeding her, taking her out, etc. And now this morning she was sick. So my first "good morning" was waking up to clean up a colossal mess. After taking her out umpteen times (because she kept getting sick), cleaning her kennel all over again, bathing her all over again, yada yada yada I looked in the fridge and realized we had that huge chicken roaster last night and I bet they fed her a big plate of chicken or more than she could handle or something. This is why she doesn't feel good today. And that would explain her other food (her actual "dog food") that is still sitting uneaten in her dish. (She would never leave it there unless she had eaten something else. My dog loves to eat. She's like me in that regard - she has a struggle leaving anything left over on a plate.) :-)

I go back and forth wondering if every woman deals with this stuff in their life to this magnitude. I should probably realize, it's just what we all deal with...just suck it up and do it and don't give a second thought to it but sometimes I get tired of leaping tall buildings. There are days I want to quit but I just...don't. Because I don't believe in quitting. As Tommy Barnett says, it's okay to WANT to quit. If you want to quit that means you are a success because you actually have something in life to quit! But the important thing is that you and I don't quit.

On a sort of related note....here is something I am praying about regarding leaping tall buildings in a single bound and I would ask any of you friends who care to pray with me. For 20 years every time that I have had a big ministry project whether it be a women's outreach or speaking engagement, something happens after the date for my event is long set and all arrangements made - where Larry will either have an incredible opportunity he can't pass up come his way or a tragedy such as a serious illness or death will happen that throws a wrench into everything and makes it difficult. Yes, these things are unforseen but I can't help but think it is strategic spiritual warfare. It was worse when the kids were little...I do have to say it's getting easier because they are older. Praise God!!!

When they were just little and I was planning a women's event, I would need Larry to be with the kids on the day of the set up and the event. We usually didn't have money for a sitter so that wasn't an option. For months I would be counting on this. Then without fail, at the last minute something like one of the following two scenarios would happen. Either a guy in the church would call and say, "Pastor I know this is last minute timing but I just got two incredible seats for the Steelers game and want to take you as my guest!" The game would just happen to be on the day of my event. Or, or unforseen health situation or death in the church would happen. Sometimes all of a sudden we had to scramble to put together a funeral. I have had the entire building set up for an outreach to occur in several days ~ decked out with china, stemware, flowers for several hundred~ the entire place turned into something absolutely exquisite, and then all of a sudden, somebody would die and the family would say, "we want the funeral to be at the church."

I know, I know, you can't schedule a death. (Unless you're Tony Soprano, ha ha!) I understand, we can't control everything in this life - and definitely not death. But in any case, when such happens, it's difficult to keep my bearings. I wonder, "WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO DO NOW?" Realize that while I do have compassion on the sick, the dying and the bereaved - understand that even in the midst of a death - those remaining have to LIVE. And "real life" is that other things are still happening. In the midst of grieving over a lost loved one, I also at times have had twenty the thirty women who have spent hours setting up all their tables and have invited their friend to come to the church. What to do? What to do? And WHY TODAY?

It's like Dr. Dobson says - when kids drop a piece of butter bread on the floor, just know it's always going to fall butter side down. Why? Why? Why? When such unforseen things occurs, I think... "am I alone in dealing with this kind of thing or does it just happen to all women to this degree?" I believe the more you are involved in, the more it happens to you, obviously. Maybe it's just that I have so many irons in the fire...I dunno. Honestly I started praying against all this unforseen stuff because I believed it was not just happenstance or the rain falling on the just and unjust, but actual spiritual warfare. So in times where the ministry schedule was particularly heavy or an important outreach planned, I didn't just pray against sicknesses or deaths, I prayed against the availability of free sports tickets. (Seriously, I wish I was joking, but I'm not.)

The last thing I want is some negative self fulfilling prophecy but I also am not one of those "name it/claim it" people. I am a person of faith ~ but also a realist. So I will say this my friends...watch and pray along with me. I hope I am wrong but I would almost bet my bottom dollar that as the Africa trip gets closer somebody's going to call with Steeler or Penguin tickets or something comparable. Or, an unforseen illness or tragedy will be there to deal with. It wouldn't shock me at all if it weren't for a time when I am either needing to be dropped off or picked up at the airport. Whenever this happens, I say to myself, "why can't anything just go smoothly?" Again, my thought is - spiritual warfare.

Back when Larry was in consideration for "The Biggest Loser" on this season's show I thought, 'this is it! This is the tall building that's being put in my path to leap for this Africa trip!" (He would have been away for 12 weeks, including all the time I'd be in Africa. But he didn't make the show - he doesn't have enough weight to lose.)

Larry loves the show The Amazing Race. He hasn't applied for it, but it would not shock me at all if by some miracle, "The Amazing Race" called and said, "Larry! You have made it into the first round of consideration for our next season! We'll need you to meet us on November 8 for an interview at 2:30 pm..." Wouldn't shock me at all, my friends. And the funny thing is, many people do not understand this and were I to be upset about it they would say, "What?! You are upset that your husband was called by the producer of the Amazing Race? You should be jumping up and down and shouting halleluiah!" (Well, until you have lived somebody else's life, you just don't know...) I should be immune to this considering I've been leaping these buildings for two decades now but no matter how much I try to get used to it, I never quite do. Don't get me wrong, I want my husband to have wonderful opportunities in his life, and I want him to take advantage of them. I just don't want them to be surprises that turn our world upside down just as a long planned ministry event or trip is taking place.

Some of you e-mailed and said you'll partner with me in prayer. Add this to your list: NO SURPRISES on the home front. Pray against unforseen tragedies, funerals, etc. Pray that Larry will have amazing opportunities, but that they will just not occur November 8-16. Pray also that the world keeps going while I'm gone without my prompting. Pray that I do not come home to a cyclone.

I hear many people give the advice to others, "don't worry, the world won't fall apart without you." But does anyone besides me ever experience their world falling apart when they are temporarily out of the mix? Not to inflate my importance but I have told Larry many times in the past, "please double the life insurance policy. If I die, you are going to have to hire a few people to keep all this going!!" I actually thought about leaving him detailed instructions about when each bathroom gets cleaned...when the fridge needs to be cleaned out each week...how to handle the weeding in the yard...when everyone's doctor/dentist appt's get scheduled...the Saturday night clothes routine...Geena's routine...yada yada yada. That doesn't even count stuff that I always make sure is done at the church. And I said, "if you get remarried that's great but if she doesn't know how to do all this or isn't willing to you still have to have money to hire somebody out unless you want the house to be condemned by the health department." I know you might be laughing, but I'm serious.

I know I am not alone. That is the one thing I take comfort in. Just knowing other sisters understand.

No matter how difficult things ever get, how many tall buildings I have to leap, how many piles of puke or poop I need to clean up, who gets sick, or whatever I do know one thing...I'm never giving up. I will do whatever God asks me to do no matter how irritating, or what the price. If my world stops while I rest, it will be there when I get back and I will just do my best to fix it with God's help.

This morning I m listening to one of my favorite songs, "Here I Am" by Michael W. Smith. When I'm beginning to feel this way as I do today I take it out and listen to it once more.

There's a place where I can go

Where the angels hear me pray

I want to change, yes I need Your touch

I'm waiting here for You

And I fall, at Your feet

I'll give it all, until the day we meet

Here I am ready to give up my life for the One

Here I am ready to pour out my heart for the Son

Here I am

Here I come to Your threshing floor where the angels fear to tread

I'm waiting here for the King of love

And to hold the hands that bled

And I fall, at Your feet

I'll give it all, until the day we meet...

Here I am, ready to give up my life for the One...

Here I am, ready pour out my heart for the Son

Here I am ...

My arms are killing me!

Today I went and got all my shots for Africa, as well as my prescription to prevent malaria. I have to take it several days before leaving, during the time I'm gone, and for several days after I get back.

I could have done the shots a lot sooner, but...I hate shots. So I've put it off. And, unbelievably my trip is only a little over four weeks away. Actually, it is one month and 8 days away. I can't believe it myself! Since I need to have these immunizations in my body (at least it's recommended that way) for at least four weeks, I needed to bite the bullet and do it today. I wasn't looking forward to it, especially having multiple ones.

The actual shots themselves weren't bad. I was surprised. And the nurse (who looks a little like the nurse in this photo...that's why I picked it...) was amazing. She was a real pro in making me as comfy as possible.

The bad part was the after affects. The nurse said, "move your arms as much as possible and rub them as you are sitting in the car going home or watching TV tonight, etc. Well, no matter how much I did that, they are both so sore especially my right one where I got the typhoid shot. I am glad I'm working from home tomorrow because mid-day I might go soak in the tub in between projects. Right now it hurts for me to lift my arms or move them. And I'm surprised that I feel tired and not real good right now otherwise. I was really looking forward to going to the gym tonight but honestly do not have it in me with the way my arms are hurting and the overall fatigue. Tomorrow's a new day though.

I really, really hate shots. I told the nurse today, "I'd only do this for God." Larry said, "wouldn't you do it for me if I wanted to take you on a second honeymoon somewhere?" I said, "No! I'd just tell you to pick somewhere that we didn't need shots to go to!" (I know his dream has always been to go to London, so I don't see that as a problem. London requires no shots...) The nurse said, "Really? You wouldn't do this even for a nice vacation?" No, no, no.

There are some things I'd only do for the Lord. Just as I've said before...I wouldn't want to be without Larry for any amount of time either, except for spiritual reasons, like a missions trip or a preaching engagement of some sort.

So, my shots are done. Now I just have a few other things to line up, and I'm...all ready. I'll be glad when I have my itinerary complete so I can just worry about preaching and praying. :-)

It was kind of sobering, along with all the papers about my shots and medication instructions to get another paper from the health department that said the following:

Security: Warning against travel: Due to ongoing security concerns and the threat of terrorism, a U.S. Department of State consular warning currently advises against all travel to Kenya. Armed carjackings and violent crime are common in Nairobi. Food or drink offered by strangers, particularly on inner city buses, may be drugged. Advise extraordinary vigilance and strict adherance to personal security strategies at all times.

I've always known that from the beginning. Yet I am not worried. I know God is in this trip. So, in four weeks...I'll be there.

Please keep me in your prayers, for God's protection, provision, and power. Thank you, my friends.

By the way, I am looking for people who will commit to pray for me every single day the week before the trip, and the week of the trip. If you will commit even five minutes a day, guaranteed no matter what, to pray for me during those two weeks, please let me know. You can e-mail me at PastorDeanna@aol.com if you like rather than posting publicly. The week before I'd like you to pray as I make my final preparations with the messages, and all other preparations. The week of, please pray for God's protection in travel, protection while there, God's provision of all I need and most of all His power in ministering to these precious people. I can't wait to tell you all that God does! Also please pray for my family while I'm gone. Thank you.