A blessed day

It was a good day in the house today at Northside. Among many other things, today they began announcing Pastor Appreciation month for Larry and I! As they have done the past few years, they had us go out of the service at a certain point and shared a "plan" with the congregation. Adam went outside with us and we had a good time out there talking as usual. Bernie said some heartfelt things as always. We are blessed, so blessed. I never lose the gratefulness I have in that regard. I wake up everyday and thank God for my life and all the special people in it. I felt it was a good service this a.m. as far as how everything else went and we went to lunch with Pastor Aaron & Hannah...always a delight to be with them.

The boys went to a few concerts today and Morgan came home with us for the afternoon. The girls were good as gold. I came home and took an hour and a half nap and then got up to work on the house for Bridges (home fellowship group) but they had cleaned the bathroom for me, and done some other things. How wonderful! I just had to put some finishing touches on, finish the green beans and potatoes I made, light all the candles, and just a few other little things.

We hosted the Legacy group at our house tonight and it was a fantastic time as it always is. We love all the people of our church but there are specific things about various groups that we just really enjoy. The Legacy group (age 50+) is such a pleasure to be around...I love the conversation, the food (they all bring casseroles, pies, you name it, it's there! Of course this makes it hard to stay on program, but Larry and I did good, and I worked out hard on the elliptical afterwards tonight.)

We had a great time of fellowship around the dinner tables at our house and then we all met in our living room to just share a few things about ourselves. It was a great time of conversation, laughing, etc. No one in the Legacy group has kids at the church, (except us) so nobody had to go pick kids up and instead of taking our meeting til 8:00 we went til at least about 8:45. When we were done talking, Larry says, "okay, it's time for all you good people to go home so my wife and I can go to bed!" Everyone bursted out laughing and Alex Rivera said, "that new hairdo of yours must really be working!" It was so funny.

So much to do this week it's unbelievable...my initiative list is huge, more importantly, Larry is having his shoulder operation this week on Thursday. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I don't want him to have to to through it but at the same time, the doctor all but guarantees he is going to have full use of his arm back and will be back to normal. There are so many ways he is affected by this right now...no one has a clue. So in that respect I can't wait til it's over with...and he has gone through the rehab.

Well, it's time to snuggle up with the man and go to sleep...

Tomorrow, my week is going to take off like a rocket...

Opportunity for Giving through my Virtuous Woman Offering

I recently realized I was completely missing out on a new opportunity ministry yet untapped. Apparently one woman preacher is taking a "Threshing Floor" offering for her ministry and yet another an "Atonement Offering" for hers. I realized, I - Pastor Deanna Shrodes - am missing out. And so are you.

Why are we both missing out? Because all of YOU are my dear friends, and I am keeping you from this great blessing in your connection with ME!!! And that is why, my friends, I am giving all of YOU who read my blog an opportunity to give in MY Virtuous Woman offering. This, my friends, is a Proverbs 31 offering. I have quite a few men who read my blog and let me say, God is not leaving you out. No, no, no. For you see, when the Holy Ghost is in charge, even a man can have a Proverbs 31 blessing. So just get ready because I'm getting ready to share something with you that is going to change your life. Touch your neighbor right now and say, "Neighbor...it's time to change your life!"

You have several choices in this opportunity for life changing giving. You can send me $31.00 and it will qualify you for the first level of Virtuous blessings. $310.00 takes you to the next level of blessing as a woman of God, and for $3,100 your cup will truly run over...there's no telling what will happen. Now there are a number of you out there who may be readers who have never even commented me, but you know who you are and you can probably afford to give $31,000 without so much as blinking a false eyelash. I admonish you...if you want virtuous blessings that are more than virtual...well, this is the place to get them, right here on this blog. Do not waste another minute! The Bible tells you to make the most of every opportunity. What exactly IS this opportunity? Let me break it down for you according to scripture. The Bible has a lot to say about this that I'm sure most of you never realized. If you turn in your Bible to Proverbs 31, you will see ever so clearly just what this miracle offering will bring to you:

1) You are going to be worth far more than rubies! (verse 10) You thought you had it going on before, girlfriend, but I'm telling you, GET READY, GET READY, GET READY because a RUBY ANOINTING is coming to your house. This means you might even open your cupboard at home and instead of finding a box of Trix that your kids left empty on the shelf, God's going to have His own tricks up his sleeve (oh, I feel the anointing here...) and a RUBY is going to there instead. It's going to be a Holy Ghost switcheroo right before your eyes. This is right up there with the parting of the Red Sea. (Rubies are red...the Red Sea is red...there's a connection there somewhere in the spirit...)

2) Your husband is suddenly going to have full confidence in you (verse 11) and the Word goes on to say, you will lack nothing of value. A house? A car? A trip to Macy's? You heard it here sister, verse 11 says you will lack NOTHING OF VALUE. This means even Prada, Choo, and Limited Too. (Did I mention, I take debit cards?) And all the while, your husband won't even question these purchases because remember, he has full confidence in you. He's never going to question you about another thing again. Now, that's the Holy Ghost if I ever heard it.

3) You'll be able to "consider a field a buy it..." (verse 16) and out of your earnings, plant a vineyard. This Virtuous Woman offering has the potential to turn the stagnated real estate market in the United States upside down. In fact, I almost called this the "Upside Down" offering, because of it's potential. But get this...by giving, you will find that not only will you be the talk of the real estate town, but you will have so much left over afterwards, you will be able to plant a vineyard. Never mind that we Pentecostals don't drink on record...the point is, YOU COULD IF YOU WANTED TO! Slap your neighbor and say, "CHEERS!!!"

4) Your arms will be strong for your tasks... (verse 17) Did you just hear me? Did you? How can you even sit there in your seat calmly if you just heard what I said. I said your arms will be strong for your tasks. Do you even get in that finite mind of yours, that if you give in this Virtuous woman offering, you are suddenly going to notice your arms getting buff? You can't out-give God. Instead of working out at the gym, you took time to pull out your checkbook and write to me for this Virtuous Woman offering. And God saw that. And so what does He decide to do? He reaches down out of heaven and says, "I saw that Jennifer gave in that Virtuous Miracle offering instead of working out today." And what is He going to do? He's going to firm up your arms for the glory of God, that's what He's going to do. No more flab! No more jigglies! Say it! NO MORE! (Did I mention, make your check out to Deanna Shrodes ministries?)

5) When it snows (verse 21) you will have no fear for your household. Never mind that you live in Tampa, Palm Springs or San Diego. Snow ain't got nothin on you, girl! Even if you live in Kenosha, you will not fear snow because through the virtuous Woman offering, the curse of snow is broken! Glory to God!

6) Your husband will be respected at the city gate (verse 23) where he will take his seat among the elders of the land. That's right, my dear sisters, through this Virtuous Woman offering, your husband's next promotion will be birthed! I believe in this so much that the theme for my ministry in this coming year is going to be, "HE'LL BE BY THE GATE, IN 2008!!!" That's right! Give a shout now! Do you want your husband to have respect? Then pull out your check book. Do you want him to get a promotion at work, so you can go to JC Penney's more often? Get out your debit card. It is time for your husband to be the head and not the tail. You are sick of that man being a tail. And let me tell you ladies, this offering has a tail breaking anointing on it. Right now, just shout BREAK IT!

7) You will be clothed with strength and dignity (verse 25) and you will laugh at the days to come. Honey, you are going to be laughing all the way to the bank! Clothed with strength? With those buff arms of yours, you aren't even going to want to have your arms clothed anymore, but being that God is giving you an extra dose of dignity, you will clothe them. This is a NEW THING...new jewelry, new arms, new weather, new husband (if you don't have one, this Virtuous Woman anointing will get you one...just $31 makes all things possible.) Some might even say it's so new it's not even in the Bible, but am I not proving it to you right now?

and last but not least, your final Virtuous woman blessing...

8) Your children will arise and call you blessed (verse 28) and your husband will praise you also. Having trouble getting your kids to wake up in the morning? Let the Virtuous Woman offering go forth to break the curse of rebellious sleepers in the name of Jesus. If you give $31 you'll begin to see a change in the next week, but $310 will get those kids to wake up quicker and another $3,100 will virtually guarantee that not only will they get up before you but they'll bring you breakfast in bed. Not only will they ARISE, but they will BLESS YOU. Did you hear that? Have you been reading this whole blog but you haven't even opened your purse yet??!! High five the person next to you and shout, "OPEN!" It's time. It's time to open your purse ladies, and dare to believe God for the Virtuous Woman Proverbs 31 blessing that He is ready to rain down upon your household.

Many women are not going to pay any mind to this let alone money! They are just going to go read another blog about how to study their Bibles more effectively! Or, they are going to get off of their computer to go eat dinner with their family. But you my friend, you are different. You are going to be the one getting the true blessing.

Don't wait another second. Write to me now. Call me now. Let me agree with you for the explosion of Virtuous Woman blessing in your life. (800) 555-RUBY is your number for breakthrough.

Unbelievable video clip

You have to see it for yourself to believe it. This goes with the article I posted below by J. Lee Grady, editor of Charisma. Read the article first, then watch this. Hold on to your seats...

Charisma Article about Bynum-Weeks situation

Wife Beaters and Abusive Preachers:

Let’s Arrest the Violence

by J. Lee Grady

What happened last month between Bishop Thomas Weeks III and Juanita Bynum raises serious concerns about both domestic and spiritual abuse. Quote: “We are not going to release God’s healing to a broken world with threats, hateful speech and a loveless gospel.”

I’ve been holding my tongue for a few weeks since I learned that Bishop Thomas Weeks III was arrested after being accused of kicking, choking and hitting his wife, prominent preacher Juanita Bynum, in a hotel parking lot in Atlanta on Aug. 22. We did not need another embarrassing display of religious hypocrisy played out in the national media. The incident gave the whole church a black eye and bruised our reputation.

When I first heard that Weeks excused his actions (the devil made him do it, he claims) and that his congregation cheered his return to the pulpit (after he fled from police and then posted $40,000 bail), I was riled. What was this guy thinking? It’s outrageous. A Pentecostal bishop beat his wife so badly she had to go to the hospital. Weeks, of course, says there is another side to the story. I guess we’ll hear his version in the courtroom, where he will face the possibility of jail time. Meanwhile, Bynum has announced she will divorce her husband, whom she married in 2003.

The romance between Weeks and “Prophetess Bynum” was compared to a fairy tale: A poor girl from the projects who was once on welfare becomes one of the most popular—and wealthiest—women preachers in America. When Bynum walked down the aisle with Weeks, she wore a 7.7-carat diamond ring in a ceremony that cost more than $1 million. The couple then started Global Destiny Church in suburban Atlanta and later hosted marriage conferences. Weeks even wrote a book called Teach Me How to Love You, in which he offered advice on sex and resolving conflicts.

It was not supposed to end like this. At a press conference Bynum convened a few days after the assault, she announced confidently that she is moving on. She said she would rebound and use her experience to galvanize awareness of abuse. “Today, domestic violence has a face and a name, and it is Juanita Bynum,” she said. That probably means she’ll write a book about her ordeal, and perhaps launch a speaking tour. No doubt this will appeal to the throngs of women who share her pain.

There’s no question that we need more advocates for battered women. Domestic violence is an ugly issue that has been ignored by the church, mostly because so many pastors don’t know how to counsel abused women or how to confront the men who hurt them. But I have another concern. Before Bynum starts her campaign, I hope she will examine her own spitfire preaching style. I’m all for rousing sermons, but what Bynum often offers her audiences is downright mean. Eleven days before the Atlanta incident, Bynum told women at a large conference that they needed to learn to become harsh. Shocking clips of her comments were then posted on YouTube. Bynum told of how she corrected an unnamed assistant for being too nice when carrying out her orders. “I’m trying to teach you to be a bulldog!” she declared with gritted teeth and a hateful expression. When women did not shout loud enough after her comments, Bynum threatened them too. “If somebody don’t start praising God right here, I’m gonna have to hit somebody with this microphone,” she said. She also implied that women who treat others with polite restraint are “too suburb” and need to learn the street-wise tactics of the ghetto. Is this the new face of domestic violence? An angry woman preacher who threatens to hit people? A “bulldog” who barks orders and treats subordinates rudely? Please. I agree that people need to learn to be assertive, but Bynum seems to think the fruit of the Holy Spirit is no longer necessary. We need to declare a timeout and demand some sanity before the American church is hijacked by carnality.

Bynum’s angry rhetoric is out of bounds. Her behavior behind the pulpit is not a good example for women or men. Somebody needs to lovingly but firmly challenge it before this turns into something even uglier. I’m not defending Weeks, who should spend time behind bars and be removed from church leadership if it is proven that he assaulted his wife. But before Bynum launches her anti-violence crusade, she needs to cool her heels and adjust her attitude. You can’t fight fire with fire, and you can’t heal a battered woman by training her to become vindictive. We should have zero tolerance of any form of domestic violence. But while we learn to address this huge social problem, let’s also crack down on verbal abuse in the pulpit. We are not going to release God’s healing to a broken world with threats, hateful speech and a loveless gospel.

J. Lee Grady is the editor of Charisma. He invites you to pray during the next 29 days for the evangelization of the Muslim world during the Islamic season of Ramadan. To access a daily prayer calendar, go to www.30daysprayer.com/muslim/2007.

If you're Pentecostal... be careful.

Excellent article from TIME that shows why we Pentecostals need to take going the extra mile in being above reproach very seriously.

My friend with benefits

The other day I was cleaning house and watching an Oprah program from earlier this week that I Tivo'd. I have to confess, I'm shocked at some of the behavior from grown women...supposedly educated, intelligent, wise grown women.

I don't agree with a lot of what Oprah says. She is certainly a role model as far as weight loss. She looks just great and is to be admired for her accomplishment. She is an incredible giver to many worthy causes and honestly she's just a very likeable person. However, she's also off base spiritually about many things and very humanistic. On the other hand, she's also the most powerful woman in television with a viewership that no one else can claim and if somebody has a pulse on where women are at today - it's her. So I often listen to get a clue as to how other women are thinking. I pastor women and I need to know these things and quite frankly much of the time it scares me to death.

It doesn't surprise me that teens or twenty somethings who simply don't know better would be sucked into the whole "friends with benefits scene"...but 'mature' adult women? I was watching as these "sexperts" shared how great it is for women of all ages to have a friend with benefits (a friend of the opposite sex that they have no serious commitment to -- namely marriage - but somebody to just have sex with when they need it until they find the person they want to be committed to - if they ever even decide they want commitment at all.)

As they shared these pearls of supposed wisdom, Oprah smiled and the audience clapped like this was a fantastic revelation of freedom for women everywhere. Here is our latest dose of Oprahology folks, and it's scary. Feeling a little frisky? Don't have a marriage partner right now? No fear, just ask a male friend if they can do you a favor. Single and fancy free gals, you can now get a man to change the oil in your car, carry your heavy boxes up the stairs, and give you a little somethin' somethin', no strings attached.

Aside from being simply wrong, why can't women can't see how this is:

1) Still extremely risky - (despite the fact that they bill it as "safe" because you are with a "friend") -- unless you have umpteen tests and medical documentation on somebody - it's not safe no matter what a person tells you...even a friend that you think you know really well.

I have to be honest that if something were to ever happen to my husband, Lord forbid, and I was to ever marry again, I wouldn't do so without getting a doctor's note or a lab report from my future marriage partner, and giving them one from me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a pastor who has counseled a zillion people and also traveled and preached and listened to a bunch of junk at the altars of our churches, but trust me, there are a lot of diseases floating around out there...even in the church. Too many people are "trusting" just because someone is a Christian, but you shouldn't assume anything.

Last night I was researching this issue on the internet. One man gave a testimony about taking one of his friendships into the "benefits" category and asking his friend, 'do you have any STD's?" to which the woman responded, "I do have herpes, but it's not active right now so you don't have to worry...trust me." He trusted her word and believed that since it was not apparently "active" he was in the safe zone, but...he was not. And he now has herpes. He was pleading with people on the internet not to enter into this type of a relationship even with a close friend you have known a long time.

Honestly, "friend" or not, and Christian or not, I would take no one's word for it on this except a doctor's and even then might ask for a second opinion. "A little overboard on this, Deanna?" Well, when your life is in someone's hands, can you really take something overboard? Sex is not just a recreational hobby. Besides being the most significant spiritual event between two human beings, it's also a life and death matter...literally. Besides that, friends with benefits is...

2) Degrading - that we would share our body with someone we aren't committed to. Really, "friends with benefits" reduces us to nothing more than being like two dogs in a field. It reduces the whole act down to a biological urge rather than a spiritual event.

Are adults these days so hyper sexed and out of control that they have to use their "friends" to get their biological cravings out of their systems? Is there no better way to handle this "problem" than to find a friend who will give you benefits?

Yes -- there is a much better way. In fact, I believe there are several other solutions. I will not list them all here due to the fact that the backlash can be tremendous from people who get their panties all in a bunch that someone is being so honest and so relevant about something they can't even prove or disprove with the Bible. So if you face this dilemma and would like some wisdom that I believe is in line with God's Word, just ask me privately and I'll be glad to tell you.

and moving on to number three...can't mature women see that having "friends with benefits" sets ---

3) A horrible example.

The whole "friends with benefits" thing is sending a dangerous message to our youth. As I said before, seeing this behavior in young people is not surprising to me simply for the fact of immaturity and not knowing better. However, seeing adults exemplify this behavior sends a message even to Christian teens. As I was researching this behavior, I came across this question from a young Christian teen on a message board:

"I am a good christian girl, I strive to be close to God, I want a great relationship with him, and I love to learn what he has in store for me. But there is this guy friend that I have and he isn't a christian, or at least not a good one and we love to hang out and be flirty and have fun. Well last night he asked me if we wanted to be friends with benefits and I was wondering if that is okay thing to do when I am a christian?"

I sincerely hope this girl took wise counsel before she acted on this and tried it out. One of the first respondents to her wrote, "don't worry, there's no such thing as a bad Christian" and they spoke about not judging, etc. Scary stuff. It seems these days when anybody wants to justify doing anything they just slap a "judge not lest ye be judged" on to it.

Thankfully more people wrote back to this girl and did give her sound counsel. The point is, even Christian youth wonder if this practice is okay. They actually have a question mark about it, and that's indicative of just how far off the thinking is on this in our world today.

Recently a co-pastor friend of mine was ministering at the altar of her church at the close of the service. The youth of the church were gathered around and one young lady who had grown up in the church approached her and said, "Pastor K, I need you to pray for me." When the pastor asked, "what is your need?" the girl responded, "To know God's will. I want him to direct me about my future and what boy or girl I am supposed to be with."

The co-pastor had to take this young church girl aside and explain to her why it would not be God's will for her to be with a girl. I realize why a girl who had no church background or upbringing in a Christian home would have this question, but from our church youth? This line of thinking is surprising to me.

The same message board I read last night was filled with young people who are using the "benefits" of oral sex until they get married so as to not get pregnant or contract diseases (another thing they are mistaken about - you can, of course, get diseases from oral sex. And yes, it's still sex - no matter what our former president says. If it's not sex then why does everone refer to it as oral SEX? Why not oral play? oral petting? oral kissing? Sort of redundant don't you think? oral touching? Yes, there's a reason we call it oral sex. Because it's quite possibly the most intimate and close up you will ever be to another individual. I have some married friends who describe oral sex in their marriage as much more intimate than intercourse. Those who bristle against calling it sex simply want to justify their supposed technical virginity or innocence.)

I have to confess to you, the longer I pastor, and the longer I travel and speak, the more I just shake my head and say, "who made this shift when the rest of us weren't looking?" Is it just me or does it seem like every time we turn around another 180 has occurred in what is bizarre becoming the norm?

In my travels, I have met married couples in the church who switched partners, divorced, remarried and are in the same church. Amazing. I even know of two brothers in a Church of God who switched partners, remarried and both couples are on the church worship team. I promise you, I did not make this up. For their privacy I will not tell you the name of the church but I assure you this is the truth!

I have met many (too many to count) women in the church who, when single, had sexual relations with several men in the church who now happen to be married to other women in the church -- and they just go on in relationship/friendship like nothing ever happened and even discuss their former sexual relationships with no problem. This is seen almost as a given or completely normal among some friends these days. To me, this is "bizarro world."

I have met more women than you would ever believe who could rate their sexual experiences before they were married, with their friend's spouses, before they "settled down and got married." As they talk amongst themselves as women they find themselves saying, "well, when I was sleeping with Tony...we sometimes had problems with this or that..." or "he always liked it when I did _______________" like it's no big deal to be saying that. My point is...this even goes on with Christians. Some have memories from the "friends with benefits" days and don't hesitate to share them as if they were talking about something as unevenful as eating a bag of potato chips and how they rated compared to others.

Well, but that's all the past Deanna...is it such a big deal?" Honestly, it is. Whether it is under the blood of Christ, whether you were saved, unsaved or whether you were a martian at the time - sex is a big deal. It connects you to another person in more ways than one. Sex is one of the most profound and holy acts a person can engage in. The Bible is the greatest sex book ever written, and it details the incredible mystery of what happens when a man and woman unite.

Has sex really become that blase a thing, even among CHRISTIANS that we compare men, or use them and discard them like we would a case of lipstick? Actually some women keep a lipstick longer than they do a man...

If a person believes that God has not called them to a life of singleness, then I believe they should be praying about marriage. Instead of seeking a "friend with benefits", they need to ask God to help them in the best way possible by giving you a friend WITH THE BENEFIT of marriage! This is the greatest way to get benefits -- GOD'S WAY.

I personally have a friend with benefits. His name is Larry Shrodes. Through the benefit of marriage I began getting fantastic benefits from him in June of 1987 and the benefits just keep getting better all the time.

Sex does not get better simply because you are 30, 40, 50, 60 years old and have been practicing and doing it a lot. Sex does not get better simply because it's "wild". Nothing wrong with wild sex, whatever you deem that to be, but what makes for fantastic benefits? Depth of relationship and commitment. Surrendering oneself to someone with total abandon because of trust and commitment. Sex gets better because of INTIMACY - true connection and the joining together of two lives not just physically but spiritually, and emotionally - body, soul and spirit. Sex gets simply phenomenal because you have been married to the same person for so long and the more you get to know them, the better it is. Through commitment and mutual desire to fulfill the other person not just physicallly but emotionally and spiritually, you develop something far beyond what anyone could develop in a casual non-commital relationship.

I highly recommend this to you, this whole "benefits of marriage" thing.. No matter what you hear on Oprah, it's really the way to go.

I just love pastors...everyday, normal...(as normal can be...) pastors.

Why do we really need anybody famous to look to in ministry? What is the purpose of famous people? This is my question.

My husband often says, "the word is still out as to whether Christian TV is a blessing to the body of Christ." Realize, sometimes Larry is on Christian TV, but he still feels that way. He says the pastor used to be "the voice" to the people - the one who had the word from God for the people. Today people are getting "the word" from hundreds, actually thousands of different voices. Is this really an advancement?

Not only does a pastor have a word for the people, but the pastor (even though many times not in close "personal relationship" with every person in the church) has a relationship with his/her church and speaks into the lives of those in that church with a specific anointing. The mantle that is upon them is different from someone famous who has no relationship with the people.

I just want to go on record if I haven't already said it enough that my very favorite people are everyday...normal...down to earth...local pastors. I don't think there is any finer group of people on the planet than those faithfully serving God's people right where they are at.

I personally wish pastors everywhere would decide to stop the insanity of going to whatever lengths necessary to bring in famous people to their church or to their latest event. A co-pastor friend of mine has a heart as big as all outdoors for people. Wanting to bless the body of Christ, she has gone into serious debt for several years, absolutely killing herself financially to bring in a big name for her conference every year. She's gone more in the hole each year and has seen very little fruit as a result of this big name, and instead only frazzle for her efforts. The fruit that has come from the conference has not been fruit from the "big name" but from other things that my friend has done, at the conference. In other words the success of the event cannot in any way be attributed to the "big name". So she's finally re-thinking her strategy.

This year she decided "NO MORE! I'M GOING TO STOP THE INSANITY." She's bring in local worship leaders and preachers who, while perhaps not famous, know how to get ahold of God, know how to preach the Word, and know how to connect with God's people. I have no doubt the power of God is going to fall in a mighty way, more lives are going to be changed than ever before, and my friend is going to come out this year in the black, not in the red. It doesn't take a big name to bring change...it just takes a touch from God.

A friend of mine and Larry's who pastors a 4,000+ member church gave us the wise advice last year that they never bring in big names and haven't for years. Guest speakers to their church include pastors and missionaries they personally know. I even asked, "If Billy Graham called up and said, "I want to come to your church and speak..." what would you say? The friend said, "if he came with no expectations, no minimum honorarium, perhaps but not unless." They also said that when they brought in big names in the past, they would get lots of local Christians coming over for the event but never lasting fruit. So they just don't do it. That gave us something to think about. So we made some changes in that regard that made things much better. Last year we had a several day campmeeting. We brought pastors we knew who did a fantastic job, preached the Word, flowed in the gifts of the spirit, and accomplished as much if not more as when we practically drove ourselves crazy getting well known people.

I've learned - as long as somebody is known by God - that's all that matters.

I have also learned that no one understands you like another pastor. Most will work with you closely as far as helping with exactly what you need and are looking for as far as what you want your congregation to receive.

For all of you ministers reading this, please realize there is perhaps no greater resource than other pastors. You don't need to have somebody famous in order to have a revival...only somebody faithful...faithful to seek God, pray, love God's people and live a life above reproach. Larry and I have discovered that not only can you see a mighty move of God by bringing in another pastor, but you also have a level of trust being that it is someone you know up close and not just someone whose reputation you know from TV or books, or a friend of a friend who had them in their church.

So, you're intent on bringing a big name? If you do bring somebody famous to your church or for your event, find somebody who wonders how in the world they got there. Find someone who says, "thank you so much for calling me and honoring me by inviting me to your church." Find someone who doesn't care about many requirements if any. Find someone who actually mixes with the people at your church or event, talks to them, and absolutely pours themself out during the time they are with you. Find someone who doesn't just slap a hand on people's heads at the altar and walk out with an entourage afterwards, but somebody who prays til' the last person is gone. Find somebody famous who is huggable. Find someone who asks you how they can serve you. Find somebody who is willing to talk to you or email you personally about what you are expecting/looking for in your meeting. Find somebody who is going to personally partner in prayer with you for your service/event. If you can find somebody like this who is famous...by all means go for it. You've found a gold mine. If you can't find them (which is a great probability...) then just...

STOP THE INSANITY. Call a local pastor.

Allow me to direct your attention...

to a post I wrote in January of this past year...before any of the latest scandals in Christiandom occurred.

I believe it's very pertinent to what's going on now.

It's Thursday, but Friday's comin'!

Last night we came home from church and watched Kid Nation – a show our whole family has fallen in love with. (By the way, we all like Michael, but I really think Greg should have gotten the gold star last night. After all, none of the kids would have had chicken this past week without him. That’s just the reality of it.)

I don't see what any of the controversy is about this show. I think it's awesome! I mean, for crying out loud, your kid has a chance to win a $20,000 gold star and get this wonderful experience of learning to work together as a team. I would LOVE for any of my three kids to be on it. Maybe somebody could explain to me the damage this show is doing to these children. Some parents are really upset about it. So far I don't see any abuses, in the first two episodes, just a lot of life lessons they are learning together.

Then we watched The Bionic Woman, a new show Larry TIVO’d for me, convinced I’d love it. He’s right. I used to love the old Bionic Woman. The only thing missing from the new one is, when she jumps, you don’t year the “ddddddddjjjjjjjjjj” as she is leaping. I miss that. But it’s all good. I think this is going to be a good mental diversion for me to watch this when I can. Larry has taught me the value of watching TV once in a while. I used to see it as the biggest waste of time and never did it. Up til' Tivo came on the scene, I couldn't tell you what the names were of very many shows nor the characters. I knew Nightline, Court TV - when I was keeping up with certain cases like OJ's case by taping it daily, etc. but other than the occasional thing like that - TV wasn't on my radar at all. I had too much to do and considered TV an absolute waste. Now I am finding through the advice of my husband that a show or two a week is good for you. It's a nice mental diversion from the rigors of everyday stuff we deal with. For that hour or two my mind is not on anything else but the characters in the show and I'm usually snuggled with a family member on the couch. Last night I was eating Edy's low fat ice cream while sitting on one end and Jordan was on the other end and he says, "Mom, why are you down there?" I said, "I'm next to the end table here to put my cup..." and he says, "scootch down..." so finally moments later he and Dustin and I were jammed together on there watching Kid Nation and enjoying it. Yes, I'm enjoying at least one or two hours a week of Tivo'd TV.

I made THE most delicious healthy chicken parmesan recipe last night(created it myself – 7 pts, thank you very much!) and usually I don’t have a lot of time to cook on Wed night but this week I made time. Larry loved it! He thanked me for it over and over - I can tell this one's a keeper. (The chicken, and the man...)

This morning is usually our late morning into the office because of church Wed. night. I thought I had the extra 30 minutes I normally have, although I didn’t because I forgot Larry had all his pre-surgery tests today. I had slept 30 minutes extra and then as I was shampooing my head in the shower I remembered that and thought, “uh…oh no…we only have one car. What am I going to do?” (too late to wear the wig…I’m standing there with a shampooey wet head.) So I got out of the shower, got dressed, and went to work with a towel on my head and finished getting ready there. (The beauty of a full bathroom in my office at the church. When people take a tour of our offices, they often ask me, “do you ever shower in your office or really use this?” OH YES. In fact, my whole family does. Since we practically live at the church I use it often, actually. Larry has his own too in his office. It’s a nice perk.

This is Thursday. Do you know what that means? Tomorrow is FUN FRIDAY! Yee ha! Yippee Aye Aye!

We stopped at the meat market on the way home and got some chicken breast stuffed with crab meat for Larry and I and some chicken breast with cheese for the kids. When we got home I started cutting some zucchini in half and brushing it with olive oil and garlic to bake it and Dustin says, "Mom, Bobby's on the way over..." so I proceeded to go out and set the table with six places instead of five and told Larry to throw an extra chicken breast with cheese in the oven. After supper we made homemade chocolate chip cookies. (Not the break & take kind we often bake, but I mean...get out all the ingredients out of the cabinet, the flour, eggs, sugar, etc. and do it. Yum! Everyone helped a little bit...)

Jordan was on the news tonight...not saying anything, you just saw him hugging a friend who was crying. You can watch it by clicking this link. They had an assembly at the high school today about drunk driving and reckless driving and what it causes. They had the parents there of the boy who was recently killed, and they shared the pain their are in over the loss of his life. They were asking the students to please THINK before they drive and be careful. They had a few other speakers there. Jordan had a friend who was really sobbing and he was comforting her and the news people were filming it. He said, "Mom, they were right there the whole time I was helping Stephanie. I know they are probably going to have me on the news tonight" and sure enough, he was. I really hope this assembly helped the kids to indeed THINK before they drive.

Thursday night has to be one of my very favorite nights. If there is nothing else on the calendar church wise, it means it's a good night at home because I know I get to kick back, relax and enjoy my family the next day. I do have to get up and get Vannie off to school but I go right back to bed on Fridays and snuggle up with Larry unless he wakes right up when I get up. If he's quick to get in the shower it means he wants to get Savanna to the bus stop, have me get ready to go out and he wants to leave and do something like go on a breakfast date, or head out to do something else we have been wanting to do. I always love Fridays when they are "ours."

Time with those we love is such a blessing.

My current life in 85 Questions

I got this from Pastor Leanne and thought, "you know it HAS been a while since I've done one of these fun "I don't need to have my brain in overdrive to do it" surveys. So here goes...

What was the highlight of your week? Seeing people touched by God during the ministry time at Pastor Lisa's church. Nothing like God moving..nothing, nothing, nothing.

Who's car were you in last? My husband's.

When and where was your last kiss? with Larry on our date last night. It was my first day/night back from Texas and he wanted to take me out. We went on a date to Red Lobster (we were both good on our WW points...he is losing too...) and then we went to spend some of my birthday money that I did not spend yet. And the kiss...oh yeah...it was in the car, on our date. :-)

How long is your hair? The one I was born with or the one I have the receipt for? ha ha! Okay, my real hair (not the one in this photo) is about an inch above my shoulders. Guess what, I wore my new hair on my date last night! I think he really likes it, at least for something different.

Last movie you saw? I can't remember. My days have sort of blurred together. I know Larry and I went to the movies again after seeing the latest Die Hard but I can't remember what we saw. We stopped by Muvico last night and thought about seeing something but nothing looked appealing, so we didn't stay.

Last thing you ate? Broiled seafood platter at Red Lobster. (I don't eat until late Wed. morning til' after I weigh in at WW.)

What was last thing you drank? Tea.

Are you happy right now? Yes. I'm home and Larry and I are getting along.

What did you say last? "Okay babe, talk to you later. I love you."

Where is your phone? Right next to me and I hate the thing.

What was the last museum you went to? The Scriptorium in Orlando.

Who did you last hang out with? My husband, when I got home from TX!

What do you hate/dislike currently? I'm having an issue with sleep, deprivation that is. I am trying to get it resolved. I think Larry is going to help me fix it. Maybe I'll blog about it sometime, maybe not. We'll see.

What are you listening to? Nothing. It's totally quiet. I love it. I can even hear the wind blow outside a little bit, it's so quiet in here.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? A book contract.

If I had a million dollars... first I would tithe. Second, I would pay off my house and make some significant investments to keep the money coming in and not just have a million to deal with. After making the investments, I would give an offering to a few people/churches/ministries in need. Third, I would give my kids some things I know they would like to have as well as our staff and friends. And fourth, I would order a few cases of Republic of Tea and get a new outfit from Bealls. I am still not sure I would get a car. I don't know if I'm ready yet.

What are your favorite stores? Bealls Outlet, Bealls, JC Penney's, Ross, Steve & Barry's, Claire's, Victoria Secret, Kirklands, Barnes & Noble, PayLess, Dots, Stein Mart, Walmart, Target ... so many stores so little time.

What makes you the happiest? Right now I love having down time to renew myself for what's coming.

What were you doing at midnight last night? Loving the fact that I was home in my own bed.

What's for dinner tonight? Chicken.

Who was the last person to send you a text message? Pastor Lisa. She's a text message freak.

Where was the last place you went shopping? Target. I used a gift card I got for my birthday. I got some high heeled brown flip flops (been wanting them for some time now, just waiting) and a bunch of pink and black bras and panties. :-) Yippee!

How do you feel about your hair right now? I feel great about both the real and the one I have a receipt for. :-)

Do you have any expensive jewelery? My wedding ring; my anniversary ring; my 21st birthday ring (all three from Larry) and then some pearl earrings he got me from Littman's.

AIM or MSN? Neither

Where does most of your family live? Baltimore, Alabama, Virginia

What was the first thing you thought when you woke up this morning? Is it really time to get out of this bed? I can't wait to go to sleep again.

Do you drink beer? No, I hate it. Yeech!

Who do you miss? A lot of people. Too many to name.

Myspace or Facebook? Myspace although I have them both.

What is your favorite subject in school? English.

Do you have any talents? Yes

Do you have any children? 3 and one in heaven.

Did you take a nap today? I will take a power nap right before church.

Ever met someone famous? I guess sort of, a few Christian artists... but never met the one I want to meet most...Amy Grant.

Do you want to be famous? Not sure. The more I see of what happens to famous people...I don't know. I recently prayed..."God, if it means I would fall then please don't make me famous."

Can you handle being in the military? Are you kidding? Um, I like to live in heels, and if something would happen to pull one of my nails off they probably wouldn't let me take a break to repair it. Do they have pink uniforms? Can you carry different purses to your post of duty each day? Could I wear my bangle bracelets and colored watches? Um, probably not. So...No! No! No! I would only give these up for a missions trip.

Ever been to Las Vegas? No, but I would like to go.

When is the last time you updated your blog? I update it every day. I'm a monster blogger.

Have you been to New York City? Yes, and it's one of mine and Larry's favorite places.

Ever been to Disneyland/world? Yes, and it's okay, but I'm not wild about it.

Last thing you cooked: WW egg sandwich. Yummy!

Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? Answered it a few times when I shouldn't have and it stressed me out. I hate my cell if you haven't figured it out. When it rings, people just want things from me. Rarely do they just call to say, "I love you." It's always, "hey, what about..." or "can you get..." or "I need to ask you..." My cell phone is definitely tolerated not celebrated. I thought I might like it more if it was pink, but no. I still hate it. Every time I answer my cell I feel like I am being nibbled at by little mice who just want a piece of me.

Last time you were sick? a few months ago. Then the school year ended and Savanna got a new teacher. :-) Long story...

Do you like anyone right now? I like most people I meet. If I don't like someone it's a very rare thing and usually a good reason for it. As far as "like" as in romantically? That applies to only one person - Larry Shrodes.

And on to the next scandal...Jesus help us

Okay, so I’ve commented on the Bynum/Weeks situation and now I’m heading to the other latest scandal to rock Christiandom. Above you can see the photo of Randy and Paula White announcing to their congregation back in August during a mid-week service that they were getting divorced. Apparently they had already filed, and it was final days later. Paula's photo has disappeared off of the Without Walls website and it's as if she never existed. She purchased a house in San Antonio and for some reason is spending a lot of time there...

“Why should anyone comment on this Deanna, yourself included? Is it really any of your business or ours?”

Well, it’s like this. If a person gets to the point of having a national or international ministry they need to realize, to whom much is given, much is required. Expecting no one to comment on something happening within a high profile ministry is like expecting no one to comment on anything the President of the United States does. Clearly, with greater impact and influence comes greater responsibility and accountability. National or international speakers pay a price of being visible people in the public eye with both Christians and non-Christians alike. If you don't want that - don't go into public ministry. Stay behind the scenes and work somebody's sound board or run a soup kitchen.

I realize, although we are not mega church pastors or nationally known evangelists, being that Larry and I are in a position where we are in the public eye on a smaller scale, so we need to expect that we must also live a life above reproach. We must also realize we will be questioned if something immoral is suspected. The higher up you go, the more you are scrutinized. With every new level comes a stronger level of requirements. One of the problems is, some people think they are above questioning. If you are asked why you are out in public with someone other than your wife, it really is not appropriate to tell them to "touch not God's anointed." Actually the problem is, somebody is 'touching' God's anointed who shouldn't be... but...

We all know that as people grow through the years, they change. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact change is good and necessary. However, along with the positive changes of growth in our lives and ministries, we must stay humble and make sure we also stay accountable. I admire people like Pastor Tommy Barnett who seem to have done that. However, there are unfortunately high profile ministries all around us who have divorced pastors who cheated on their spouse, and just kept right on going. There’s one in Orlando who pretty much went on without a beat. And everybody just keeps buying their worship music in droves and don't even seem to care that there are all these improprieties going on. Jesus help us. Do we have no standards anymore and have we come to a point where a hot worship song is more important to us than holiness?

Some may say, "be careful what you say...it could happen to you!" I realize that. There but for the grace of God, go I. And that's one reason that I myself want to stay accountable, above reproach and make holiness and humility serious issues/priorities in my life that I keep coming back to again and again. Because it could happen to any of us if we are not ever so vigilant to not let it.

The White’s claim to have come from very humble beginnings and had great compassion for people and much of their ministry was built on that. But it’s evident over the years, something changed. Again... something you can’t quite put your finger on. For a while now pastor-friends of mine who do not have an ax to grind, people who are not jealous -- in fact some who pastor larger churches -- have said to Larry and I, "something is wrong there but I just can't quite put my finger on it..." I believe compromises were made, small at first, then developing into larger ones.

Rumors had been swirling for many months. As most of my blog readers know, Larry and I pastor a church in Tampa, the same city as the White’s church. We had several new people come in and start attending four or five months ago who said, “We’re from WWIC…things are about to blow up over there…the pastors are getting ready to get divorced, there's a big scandal going on and we want out before it hits.” Larry and I just shook our heads and wondered, “huh??” It’s not like we were happy these people were coming over…I mean, nobody wants to get church members that way. (At least, we don’t. What a tragedy.) So, you had to wonder, were these folks telling the truth? Jesus help us.

The Tampa Tribune did an article months ago where they asked them about affairs and questioned them about whether they were having them. Instead of saying yes or no, they just said, “we are aware of the rumors.” Now, is THAT the answer YOU would give if you were NOT doing something inappropriate? Larry and I have asked many of our minister friends the question, “what would you say if the newspaper asked you that, and you were not guilty?” and all of them said, “if I were being accused of an affair I were not having I would immediately step up and say, NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.” Why on earth would they just say, “we’re aware of the rumors”? That's almost a Clintonesque answer. Then they were asked, “Are you getting a divorce?” Instead of saying yes or no, they answered, “only God knows the future.” Huh? Am I missing something here? This is not even a good job of spin-doctoring. Maybe they need to call the Clintons to get some advice on how to do it better. If somebody asked Larry and I, “are you getting a divorce?” we would say an unequivocal, ABSOLUTELY NOT. What in the world are they thinking? I guess they knew four months ago that their world was falling apart but weren't ready to confess it. Jesus help us.

So, sure enough, about four months later after some visitors to the church told us this was going to happen...it is announced on the front page of the Tribune that Randy and Paula got up in the pulpit at the midweek service and announced that they are getting a divorce. But…no fear! Randy will still be pastoring the church! Paula will be back to visit often! WWIC is going on without skipping a beat!!! No problem folks. WHAT??!!

First, let me say this would never, never happen in a church with true accountability. Second…all of this is coming from the people who wrote, “See me, Hear me, Know me”?? A guide to building a great marriage? Again, puh-leese do not decide when you come out of your first divorce, “broken busted and disgusted” (their words not mine) after actually leaving your former spouses for one another (a documented fact) get up and tell the rest of us how to have a great marriage.

I’m sorry folks, but I want to hear about marriage from somebody who has been able to keep it together. Maybe these two are qualified to teach on divorce recovery, or dealing with blended family issues…but staying married? Dear Jesus help us all. The truth is, they were not in the shape they needed to be in to start that church. You don’t start in ministry on staff at a church, leave your original spouses for each other, then go to another city and start up a church and just slap the "we're not perfect" onto it. If the foundation of something is not big enough to hold the growth of something, it will crack. That is exactly what has happened. It’s like the blind leading the blind. Okay, so they are “the perfect church for people who aren’t.” That’s a catchy slogan and I’m not opposed to it or anything but I will say this – although you do not need to be perfect to pastor a church you do need to be above reproach. Read the qualifications of an elder/pastor. No, it doesn’t say perfect. However there are definitely qualifications. The problem is that people will follow people who do not have qualifications if they have a certain charisma, looks, and a magnetism that draws people. Unfortunately it is not always the Holy Ghost who draws people. Jesus help us.

What is happening to the body of Christ when we have people who have left their spouses for one another and divorced, and people married for a year getting up and admonishing us, “Teach Me How to Love You” seminars and “See Me, Hear Me Know Me”? Just where is Daddy Jakes in all this? In my humble opinion he and First Lady Serita need to step up to the plate and say, “no more...it's time to SIT DOWN. For that matter, let Bishop Jakes and First Lady Serita teach the marriage seminars. They have actually held it together, I'm sure despite many ups and downs in life, marriage and ministry.

In addition to this, there is something about some pastors that when they get to a certain level, they become untouchable. Why do you hear about certain staff members who can’t even be on the same floor of the building in the church as their senior pastors? They “don’t have access”. The pastor's office is referred to as the "Holy of Holies." And where in the heck does anyone get off charging people $10,000 a speaking engagement? I cannot even believe these people are putting this price tag on the gospel. I can have somebody else come and present the gospel in my church and still be able to pay the light bill afterwards and besides all that I won’t have to listen to them breathe hard into the microphone. Jesus help us.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against people being blessed. I’m all for it. If you work hard, you should be blessed. And the bigger your church is the more money you should make. That's just a no brainer. I don’t really care how big these people’s houses are or what cars they drive. Quite frankly a pastor of a church that large should be making a great salary and have many blessings including a nice house and car. Don’t muzzle the ox while it’s treading out the grain. (I Timothy 5:17-19) Those who preach and teach according to the scripture should have double honor. Ministers need to stay humble but we do not have to be poor, that is for sure. But my point is, when you go out to preach, especially if you are making a good income as a pastor, what in the world do you need $10,000 a pop for preaching a sermon somewhere outside the church? There’s something about it that just doesn’t seem right. Jesus help us.

I gave up on getting these so called “name” speakers when I got some of their lists of requirements to have them come. Among the requests were guaranteed honorariums of $8,000 to $10,000 (plus travel expenses/hotel). That was pretty standard among these speakers. Along with that they want a first class plane ticket (normally 2 – one for them and their assistant), then they want a hotel with room service, to only eat at certain places they request with certain foods, have specific brands of bottled water on the pulpit for them at just the right temperature, have a certain size of car to pick them up in at the airport, have them take the offering themselves, yada yada yada. At some point I just said, “nah, it’s not worth it.” I can have friends of mine who come and speak and don’t drive me to lose my religion over their demands. Jesus help us.

Other questions…exactly who is this divorced pastor, Bishop Rick Hawkins and why is Paula White at his church all the time and why are they traveling together in ministry? Why has she bought a house there in San Antonio, near him? Why is Randy White supposedly hanging out with his personal trainer, an ex-porn star? Alone? Mind you this has been going on for months. Why are these people spending time with these individuals without their spouse there? Do we not see anything wrong with this picture? Do people think they should not question this and just “leave it to Jesus?” Um, really…when we go into public ministry we are opening ourselves up for people to say, “why are you at this restaurant with someone who is not your wife?” I would have no problem at all if people asked Larry or I that question. But honestly I can’t think of any instance where they would have a chance. We’ve never been out to dinner alone with anyone of the opposite sex in the 20 years we've been married. We don't plan to start now. Jesus help us.

All this to say…maybe we should question ourselves if we are starting to become “untouchable”…too good to pick up a vacuum once in a while…too high and mighty to be on the same floor as other people...calling our office the 'Holy of Holies', demanding what brand of bottled water we want…asking $10,000 a pop to open our mouths…I mean, I think all these things are clues that maybe something is not quite right...

Please, if I start doing something like this, somebody hit me upside the head!

Everyone is saying, “pray for the White’s”. I agree. We need to. But even more than that, I think we should pray for the WWIC members, and the other pastors in the surrounding area. Why? Because although the church boasts 17,000 some members, I’m sure many of them may fall in this aftermath. According to the message boards on TBO (where this saga is chronicled about daily), many have already left in droves and the Tampa property may be up for sale soon. Some who are leaving WWIC are going to quit going to church altogether. They are going to backslide. This is the worst tragedy of all.

Second, those who decide to leave WWIC but stay in church are going to come into our other local Tampa churches and they are hurting and mistrusting. I know, I’ve already met some of them who have come to our church. We are not going "yippee!" that we have gained some new people due to this. We love anyone who walks in our doors, don't get me wrong. But in fact, when you get people from a scandal like this, you have your work cut out for you as a pastor. They are not generally coming in as happy people. They have a jaded view of the church and do you blame them? The sad thing is that many Tampa pastors are going to deal with a lot of mistrust, skepticism, etc. from people who are wondering if there’s a scandal around every corner with the pastor of their new church. The new pastor is now going to bear the brunt of what has happened with the White's.

The majority of pastors are not out there living the lifestyles of these people nor involved in what they are involved in – they are just God fearing, hard working, people-loving pastors. However, all of them will be doubly scrutinized and have to work twice as hard to build trust with the people who have been hurt. It's a sad thing that whenever their new pastor gets a new car or builds a house, their motives will probably be questioned when really there is nothing evil about it. Yes friends, we have our work cut out for us.

All I gotta say is, Jesus help us. Who would ever guess that we would see Ted Haggard, the Bynum-Weeks and the White's fall all in the same year? Truth is tranger than fiction.

Jesus help us.

I have been transformed...

by the black church!

Yes, it's true.

I have come into the realm of purchased hair. I have learned this weekend from Pastor Lisa and my sistas that HAIR IS AN ACCESSORY. Who knew? I had no idea it was right up there with shoes and purses.

Pastor Lisa Alexander has officially indoctrinated me to this truth about hair.

Okay, so I knew some of the ladies at my church did this, but I didn't realize until recently... Oprah does it. Gayle does it. All those fancy hairdo's that look like they took 10 hours are...purchased. Even Paris Hilton does it. Beyonce does it. Nicole Richie does it. More women that we know in our daily lives do it - they just don't tell us. It's not just a black thing, not just a white thing, it's a GIRL thing, evidently. Here I have been friends with Pastor Lisa all this time and I did not realize her hair was simply an accessory.

I was fascinated by hers and Lindsey's beautiful hair. She says, "I've got to take you by the shop before we go to the airport. So off we, she went. She said, "you need to try one on." I said "me?"

"Yes, absolutely..." says Lisa.

So we wanted to try one on, but you have to buy a wig cap for $1.00. (Sanitary reasons, you know...) Neither of us had a dollar in cash and the lady wouldn't take a debit or credit card for $1. A kind woman overhearing us said, "I'll give you a dollar." Come to find out she was there buying a wig because she has lupus and her hair has thinned out. Well, we stopped right there and prayed for her. Very sweet woman and she seemed to appreciate our prayer. And then we set about trying on wigs. I tried on several and then we settled on this one. Pastor Lisa encouraged me to stay with my color (she always stays in her color, she just switches back and forth between curly, straight, short, long.) When we tried this one, we fell in love with it. So then we started screaming (literally right there in the shop) about me keeping it on and going to the airport and having Larry pick me up while I'm wearing it. We wanted to shock him. So we did! We were like two junior high girls, laughing and screaming over this all the way to the car. It was so fun.

Larry picked me up at the airport and he was very surprised! He didn't know what to think at first...just trying to figure out..."okay, what's going on here?" but he liked it. Savanna wants one for herself. (I knew it!)

I said, "Okay Lisa, so what do I say when somebody comes up and says, "is that your hair?" She said to say "YES!" (Because I have a receipt for it, I paid for it, and so yes it does belong to me. ha ha!) She's so funny. The woman cracks me up in how she expresses herself about these things.

So then I said, "should I wear this on Sunday morning?"

She said, "no, try it on a Wednesday night first." I said okay... and do you think Larry should come to the pulpit this Wednesday and say... "Folks, as you know my wife was in Houston last weekend and she was transformed by the black church..." Yes, I was awakened to the power of hair accessories.

We laughed our heads off when I said that... we could just imagine the reaction. Lisa says, "trust me, the sisters in your church will LOVE IT."

Well, I don't know how much I will actually do this - maybe not all the time like Pastor Lisa, but at least occasionally. One thing I love...you can just shower, do your make up real quick and pull it on and your hair is PERFECTO! "Getting ready time" is cut down to nothing and you look like a million bucks.

In other news, before I got on the plane to fly back Pastor Lisa and I went to a restaurant called Salt Grass. It's one of Larry's favorite restaurants. When he was in Texas he went there and he LOVES IT. Talks about it all the time. He especially loves their "rattler" appetizer. (Jalepeno peppers, stuffed with a jumbo shrimp and jack cheese, dipped in ranch dressing). We went there at my request and I picked up an order of the rattlers and had them box them to take with me on the plane, to surprise him. Larry was so excited about the Rattlers. We put them on the baking stone when I got home and heated them up. He enjoyed them so much. Lisa and I ate an AMAZING lunch at Salt Grass that had me moaning. It was so good, I haven't had a meal that good in a long time. Let's just say Salt Grass is now one of my favorite places. And we had a waiter who was so attentive. We were queens for the afternoon.

We also went by their new home (which is being constructed). Beautiful? Not even the word for it. Oh my. I am so happy for her. This home is going to be so incredible. I love it. It's one of the most beautiful homes I have ever seen. We went to the model home so I could see what it's going to look like finished.

It was sad to say goodbye. We had such a wonderful time and I just love Lisa and her family to pieces. Good things are in store for them and for Zion. You can get Pastor Lisa's thoughts on our weekend and the hair transformation by going here to her blog.

Did Juanita miss the warning?

The situation of Prophetess Juanita Bynum and Bishop Thomas Weeks has been a topic of discussion among ministers lately, and I'm sure a lot of other people. An article about this was just featured in the New York Times, and it was probably the most interesting piece I've read on the issue. (Did anyone else have any idea that Juanita was working for Obama on his campaign? I was shocked to hear this one...)

This week I had lunch with Pastor Lisa and our conversation rolled around to the Bynum/Weeks situation. Pastor Lisa and I are basically eating out of the same box of cheerios on a daily basis (we are like minded) so I'm not surprised we completely agreed about the issue. And if my pastoring partners message board is any indication, most of the women in ministry I know feel this way. And that is..."we discern something is awry but we just can't put our finger on it..."

We have been told, "the whole story has not come out yet..." Weeks has yet to make his side of it public but supposedly it's pending.

For what it's worth, I want to share my thoughts however first I want to bring up a very important point that Pastor Lisa brought up and that is...first of all, who gets divorced, then gets married again and a year later writes a book, Teach Me How to Love You, and starts traveling the country doing marriage seminars?

Who would even be qualified after a year of marriage to do that? Does anybody besides me have to restrain themselves from busting out laughing when you hear some single person or newly married person try to advise the rest of us about how to keep it hot, or even how to simply keep it together? Oh puh-leese.

Even if you are Juanita Bynum, (and even if you were not previously divorced), a year of marriage qualifies you to do nothing but sit on the front pew and listen to somebody else talk. Teach me how to love you? Honey, in mere year's time YOU HAVE NOT EVEN BEGUN to know how to love somebody, nor how to advise them about anything as regards marriage!!! (I went one time to a pastor's wives retreat where they had a married woman who had never had children get up and give seminars on how to deal with difficult children, and raise them to love the Lord. Most of the pw's there had to fight back the laughter while she was talking, realizing, until she's been there, she has no clue. Even a teacher has no clue as wonderful as teachers are. Until you have missed three nights of sleep holding a kid's head while they are puking into a trash can with the flu, you don't need to get up and tell everybody else how to do it. Until you have had a toddler lay on the floor and scream and not care one whit how many times or how hard you spank them...then shut up and listen to somebody else teach.)

Okay, so that's one major point - ministering out of season. It is truly not your season after one year to start traveling the country teaching somebody how to do it. But second...

My thoughts are this. I have read most of Juanita's books. I am not against Juanita, let me make that clear. If I were against her I wouldn't have read all her books. Nor am I glad in the least that she was mistreated and abused. Heavens no. However, I do think there is more to the story.

In her books, she candidly details her journey of life and ministry. She shares about the hard times, her first marriage, being abused, getting divorced, living in poverty. She shares about her home church and her pastors and how God impressed on her the importance of her spiritual inheritance and listening to her spiritual mother and father, even though she is an evangelist with a national platform. She details in her book Don't Get Off the Train about how she did get off the path God had for her even while in the ministry, and how she went against the wisdom and advice of her pastor and his wife and found herself in a mess. She shares about how they told her it was not her time and to sit down. Her writings detail about how they would give her warning signs about things and instruct her and she, filled with pride, thinking she knew it all, would walk away from it and do her own thing. And where did it get her? I wish we could just say, "no where" but that is not true. It got her somewhere. It got her to all the wrong places.

I do have to say one thing I have a lot of respect for is that when she found herself in those places, after not heeding Godly wisdom and counsel, she did come back to the house, back to her pastors, and asked their forgiveness and submitted herself to their leadership once again. (Most people don't do that - they have too much pride. They just move on, say, "okay I've learned from that", I'll make a point to try not to do it again" and then rather than go back and confess and humble themselves to their pastor/pastor's wife, they just find a new one so as to not embarrass themselves and deal with their pride.) I do have to give it to Juanita for honesty. When she has made a mistake in the past, she put it right out there on the table, confessed it and submitted herself to Godly counsel.

It does seem though, that this may be changing. Apparently, she's divorcing Weeks, and moving on with ministry as usual. This seems to be epidemic, by the way. (Look at all the ministers we see doing this. Another topic for another day...) The other day she was on TBN and said she's in counseling to try to figure out why she does these things...why she found herself in this situation twice...why she is drawn to such men. Why? Why? Why? Um, go back to the house, Juanita. You might be a big name evangelist, however you yourself have a book about spiritual inheritance and the importance of a spiritual mother and father. I guarantee, your spiritual mother and father had something to say about the decisions you were about to make. God never allows us to get into anything without some warning signs and red flags being there along the way. You know I believe he does that because when it all comes down he wants us to realize, "GOD WARNED ME ABOUT THIS...I JUST WASN'T LISTENING." God never fails to give us a heads up when we are headed in the wrong direction. He doesn't just let His children go off a proverbial cliff.

Why did Juanita gets involved with Weeks? Let's be real. Look at his photo. He's a very sharp looking man. I'm sure a lot of sisters were tripping over their high heels to get to him. There were probably plenty of women over the years swooning in the altar over him, not to mention HIS ex-wife! (That's a whole other story...I won't go there.) So, he's a bishop. You thought that made it safer than your last marriage, but being in the ministry and watching many, many pastors/evangelists/bishops who are not all they are cracked up to be, you should know you can't just go by the fact that he is a bishop, nor that he prays, nor that he can preach well. (Plenty of men look great, can pray and can preach well but that doesn't mean they are right for you...)

It's hard to be single...especially when there is a hot looking bishop that presents himself. But as Pastor Lisa says, "no man is better than a piece of a man..." How true that is.

So, how did Juanita get herself into this mess? No counseling needed. It's a simple matter of the familiar habit of not listening to warning signs and counsel. For some reason, Bynum and Weeks did not have an original ceremony with anyone else there. Months before they had the multi million dollar "wedding" on TBN Bynum and Weeks actually said "I do" legally in July 2002 but kept their marriage quiet until they announced it during a TV interview on TBN's Praise the Lord program. When they said their vows the first time privately, Bynum wore a white sweatshirt, Weeks wore jeans, and he presented her with a $36 ring. Now, why the secret? Does this make any sense at all for two mature adults? What was there to hide? Could it be that somebody had warned her about Weeks and she needed to quickly marry him in a quiet ceremony, and then have the large lavish one when it was "too late" for anybody to complain or give "any reason why these two should not be married...speaking now or forever hold your peace?" For you see, amidst that 7.76 carat diamond wedding ring, and a multi million dollar wedding/reception on TBN, I'm sure somewhere in there...at least once...the God we serve tried to give Bynum a warning loud and clear through all that to STOP, and think about what she was about to do. He probably did not do it through a burning bush or writing on the wall, but instead through the mouths of people around her, namely her spiritual parents, if her writings in the past are any indication. Evidently she has pastors who don't hesitate to advise her even when it's something she doesn't want to hear. Praise God for pastors like that!

What should Bynum do now? According to Pastor Lisa...she should sit down. But before she sits down, I recommend that she go BACK TO THE HOUSE, back to the SPIRITUAL INHERITANCE she talks and writes about, the sit down and listen to her pastors. Once they have determined, through counsel and the leading of the Holy Ghost that she is ready, she can step out again. I don't believe this is that is going to happen, based upon her current actions, but according to her previous writings, she totally believes in this principle.

The New York times asked her, "you call yourself a prophetess...so didn't you see this coming?" Maybe she didn't. But I guarantee somebody did, and I would bet my bottom dollar her pastor, her pastor's wife, or some other Godly man or woman who had the courage to say something - did.

Flying home tonight

Houston is an hour behind us in Tampa, so my body is still on the Tampa clock. It felt easy to get up this morning (after 9 and 1/2 hours sleep!) and eat breakfast and work out in the fitness room here at the hotel. I did come here to minister and give my all doing it, but I must say, a little rest was absolutely wonderful. I had time each day to work out in the fitness room, read the Word, pray, and SLEEP. Translation: heaven. Whoever said that when your kids grow older you just sleep unhindered any time you want? No, it doesn't work that way. All I have to do is lay my head down on the pillow and start to get in the deep stage of sleep and there's a knock on my door... "Momma, I need lunch money." So yes, I love SLEEP unhindered whenenever I can get it.

I am meeting Pastor Lisa to spend some fun time together and just sharing our heart as girls (and pastors) and then fly home this evening. I'll probably touch down in Tampa Bay just as the sun is setting.

I'm enjoying my last moments in Houston but can't wait to meet Larry at the airport and nuzzle my face on his chest (I'm much, much shorter than him...) and have him give me a big squeeze and then see my girl and say, "SAVANNIE BANNANNIE!!!" and give her hugs and kisses. The boys might surprise me and come but probably not...they will more than likely be chilling at home and I'll walk in and Jordan will want to show me some You Tube video that he's just found of some kid squirting Fabreze in his face and screaming like an idiot, or some drummer that is "the most phenomenal ever" and Dustin will just give me a squeeze and kiss on the cheek and say, "Hey Momma, how'd you do?" Then he'll remark something about, "thank God you're home so we can eat something besides cereal..."

Yes, this is our routine as I re-enter the family atmosphere on site. And I love it!

This morning in Zion

What a wonderful time we had today in Zion! God graced us with His presence in such a wonderful way.

I am so blessed by my hosts, Pastors Elgin and Lisa Alexander, and their children Lindsey and Evan. Here are some photos from this morning...

I am loving my time here in Houston. Right now I'm winding down from this morning/afternoon in my hotel room, having a cup of Earl Grey, and resting. God is good!

I do love and miss those of you in Tampa, however I am very much looking forward to my one last day left with Pastor Lisa tomorrow before I have to fly home tomorrow night. We're going to savor every last moment...

I am your preparation

Last night before I went to speak, I was preparing and I sensed God just ask me..."put your notes away. Come talk to me." I'm one of those people who prepares an exhaustive amount of notes and if there's such a thing as being "over-prepared" I guess sometimes I am. I had planned on reading the Word and Secrets of the Secret Place later, just savoring some time before sleep to be with Him. But He said, "no, you really can't be any more prepared in the natural than you are right now. So just spend some time in my Word, and talk to me."

I read John the 5th Chapter, which went along with chapter 40 of Secrets, the chapter entitled, "The Secret of Beholding Jesus." It was all about beholding and knowing Jesus, not just His Word, but Him, the person. It centered on the fact that our reading in the Word is meant to be a living encounter with the person of Jesus Christ, and the fact that we can read the Bible and truly never get to know the Lord. I have long realized that to be the truth but I know I need to be reminded of it. I have met a lot of people, that just like the Pharisees, know enough scripture to choke a mule, yet they do not have the power of God in their lives or flowing through them. That's the last thing I want for my life. I want an intimate relationship with Him. I really don't want to ever be guilty of knowing a lot of the Word yet not knowing Him. I don't want to be "prepared" yet still not be in sync with Him. And there is such a thing.

After reading John 5 and spending some time in prayer, and in particular praying in the Spirit, I opened up my Come Away My Beloved and this, unbelievably was the word of the day:

Seize Each Oppourtunity

Behold, as the lilies of the field, and as the grass, so your life is but a season.

Yes, though you flourish in health, yet your time in short. You have no promise of tomorrow.

Therefore, live each day as though it were your last. Seize every opportunity, knowing it may be the last.

For it is certainly true that no situation presents itself twice the same. The opportunities of today are not those of tomorrow.

Do not live as though they might be repeated. Do not fail to enter every open door, or be held back by a feeling of unreadiness. I Myself am your preparation.

I will give you the needed grace and wisdom for each moment as it comes, and you will rejoice in the victory. For I will overcome timidity and I Myself will displace inadequacy.

This is My work. I will do it Myself through you if you will allow yourself to be a channel for the flow of the Spirit.

For I myself am life. I Myself am your wisdom and your strength, even as I am your joy and your peace. I am your victory. My word is power, because My word is spirit and truth.

Do not bear needless burdens. They will only press upon your spirit and interfere with My movings. Much remains to be accomplished. Linger not over what appears to be an unfinished case. Pass on. My Spirit will continue to strive though you give no further thought. In this way, y our mind shall be kept free and your path open, and it shall always be a new way.

Keep moving always and from life to life I accomplish my purpose.

And know that as I work, all things work together so that there is gathering strength and there shall be a glorious consummation. Praise God!" (Frances J. Roberts)

Everytime I read the Word and pray and God speaks to me, I open up Come Away and it seems to always have a word that beautifully dovetails with whatever I just prayed. Amazing.

So yes, ultimately HE IS our preparation. I have seen that proven true time and time again in my life. Last night I knew my material but more than that, I knew Jesus and His power was working in me, and it was THAT POWER that enabled me to put my arms around another woman, feel the pain in her heart and life and ask Jesus..."HEAL IT...HEAL IT NOW." She didn't feel like coming last night, was tired from work but one of her sisters said, "no, you need to be there" and she came and received what God had for her. I am thankful that I didn't just have a word. I had Him. Like the woman who pressed through and touched the hem of His garment, so that precious woman pressed through and brought her hurt to Jesus.

Yes, HE IS our preparation.

A few months ago I met a woman in the community who used to be a pastor's wife and is now "taking a break from ministry" and she claims she doesn't go to church in Tampa right now because "no pastor in this town exegetes the Word of God correctly." She's very critical...very, very negative. The truth is, I have met many people who can exegete the Word of God, but they really don't know how to GET AHOLD OF GOD. What that woman is searching for, she will never find right now because the eyes of her understanding are clouded and she needs deliverance from her critical spirit. I have met many people who can practically write commentaries of their own - they can break down the Word - and yes, they can tell you exactly what it means - in fact they can probably tell you what temperature it was outside when that part of the Word was written. However, my point is, we need to be able to KNOW the Word of God, but more important, we DO need to know how to GET AHOLD OF GOD - which means, to come into that secret place with Him, walk with Him, get His mind on things...allow Him to be our preparation. Basically such a person is...UNSTOPPABLE. The world says, "knowledge is power." That may be true when it comes to business, management, school, even raising your kids. But in God, knowledge is not necessarily power. Knowledge is just knowledge. You have to add spending time with Jesus and learning to walk with Him, and flow in Him. It is only then that that knowledge becomes life changing for you and those around you.

What a great night!

Tonight was a fantastic night with Pastor Lisa Alexander, and the women's ministries of Zion Tabernacle. Pastor Elgin (Lisa's husband) and her two children (Lindsey and Evan - cute as buttons!) were there too. I am very impressed with her kids - they are just super. You can sense the touch of God upon their lives. I am impressed with everything from Pastor Elgin's keyboard playing to Evan's drumming, to Lindsey's sparkling personality, to the anointing of God on Pastor Lisa's life. She truly is a "worshipper to the core." Impressed seems like such a shallow word to describe it. I don't know what word I'm looking for. If I weren't so tired from ministry tonight I'd sit here til' I think of a word but I really want to rest. However, I didn't want to miss a chance to blog just a minute and put up a photo. Here are pastor Lisa and I, this evening. What a great time we had ministering together, worshipping, praying for women. Women testified at the end - lives were changed. God showed up in such a tremendous way. Or as Pastor Lisa says, "GOD WAS GOD, IN HIS HOUSE!"

Can't wait til tomorrow. What a great day we'll have together!

I've arrived

I'm here!

I got to Houston right on schedule this morning. Pastor Lisa actually met me in the airport. I was surprised! You know most people just pick people up outside at curbside these days. So I expected to go get my baggage and meet her outside. But there she was as soon as I exited the area that goes through security, she was coming at me, and instead of a cyber scream, we had a real one! We were so excited.

We got my bags and went to Applebees for lunch. I introduced her to the Pecan Encrusted Chicken Salad (my favorite!) and she loved it. We talked for a few hours about life, ministry, and stuff that you just want to sit across another ministry woman who walks in your shoes and talk about. Good stuff. Then we went for a tour of the church which was very nice, and then on to my hotel. I love it here. I have my own little suite complete with a little living room, kitchenette, and you know, I think the beds are sort of like they are at Hampton Inn. I feel a good night's sleep coming on. Also, there's a jacuzzi downstairs. Yee ha! (Zion Tabernacle is taking real good care of me. What wonderful people...)

But first - tonight's meeting! I need to go pray some more, get in the zone, and then one of the ladies from the church will be here to pick me up....

More later on this wonderful weekend in Texas.

p.s. by the way, Houston is HUGE. I can't express to you how long it took to get from one end of this city to the other. No comparion to Tampa.

I'll fly away

oh glory, I'll fly away...

to Houston, that is. I am at Tampa International Airport right now...and they have free wireless internet here. Can you say HALLELUIAH? Wow, I'm loving it. Answering e-mail, reading the news, blogging...how much better can life get?

So it's everything I can do right now not to go over to the restaurant next to me and get a Republic of Tea... but since I'm boarding in about 10 minutes and they don't allow liquids to be carried on...I couldn't bring myself to throw it away.

Got up while it was still dark today. Took a bubble bath in my big tub...

Took Geena out and watched the sunrise...

Made a WW recipe egg and cheese sandwich (4 pts.)

Got ready

Left for TIA!

Only a little more time, Pastor Lisa and we'll be having a coffee together in Houston.

Well, this is it...

I'm finally all packed. And I'm getting up at 6 am to get ready to leave for Houston.

Today was my day off but I had a lot to do both fun and home/work related. Larry got up and went to his appointment with the specialist for his arm and he dropped me off at my nail salon. Today was Larry's consultation with his x-rays. He has to have an operation on his shoulder on October 4th. He has an Impingement and a Labrum tear. Therefore he will be having shoulder arthroscopy and rehabilitation after that. He's actually relieved that perhaps this is coming to an end. The damage has been there for a while and it's been getting worse and worse until the pain has been really unbearable lately. It prevents him from doing a lot of things he wants to do. The surgery is supposed to pretty much "almost" guarantee a full recovery and him being able to do the things he once did. I say "almost" because doctors never give 100% guarantee. He has a great surgeon, Dr. Frankel recommended by our wonderful MD's (Drs. Watson & Latortue) and then he is planning on having his rehabilitation done by Greg Todd, a member of in our church who owns and operates a physical therapy place. (We are hoping Greg has an opening for him...that would be Larry's first choice of who to go to...maybe since it's his pastor he can squeeze him in even if he's extra busy. That would be just perfect if it works out.)

So Larry finished up with his consult with the surgeon, I finished up with my nails (Tony & Lisa gave me an extra special design today - they always do something especially cool when I tell them I'm going to be going on a trip...) and we had our "fun Friday" lunch date together. I worked out for quite a while on the elliptical today (it was awesome with the new music Dustin put on my MP3 for me!) and then I showered and got all cleaned up again and we went to get a bridal shower gift for Cathy Sed who is having her shower on Sunday. I can't be there because I'll be in Houston, but of course I'll be sending something. I got her something super exciting (you can probably guess what it is...I always usually get brides lingerie...) but I won't ruin the surprise here and say exactly "what kind" but suffice it to say, it's rather exciting. I wish I could see her face when she opens it.

After we came home I had to pack, finish washing clothes, make supper, clean up the supper dishes, iron and lay out all of Larry's clothes for Sunday (I dress him whether I'm here or not) clean our bathroom (so I don't want to jump off a cliff with the stress of coming home to it), water my plants, tidy up the rest of the house again, and now...

I'm ready to spend a few more moments with Larry...our last til' I get home on Monday night.

G'night...see you in the morning, Pastor Lisa!

I have to confess

Today's my day off and I took time to sit down and write a whole long drawn out rant about O.J. Simpson. If I were to print it out it would probably be at least ten pages. I just sat down and got out all my feelings toward "the Juice."

In case you are wondering, (and I know you're probably not but I'll tell you anyway) I have read almost every book written about the Simpson case. I watched every day of the trial (taped it and watched it after work each day). I can tell you just about any fact about the case and discuss it very knowledgeably. And, it's something I still have a lot of passion for even 13 years later. Apparently, a lot of America does too. I am not the only one, by far. We have not forgotten.

I have often thought about what I would be if I were not a pastor. I always wanted to be a high school teacher but another job I seriously thought about was criminal prosecutor. I would love to be a "Nancy Grace" and work hard to get justice for victims and their families. (I am a huge Marcia Clark/Christopher Darden fan!!!) But alas, I'm called to ministry, so chasing down criminals is not an option, although sometimes in the ministry, I guess we do chase down criminals.

Well, where is my rant, you might wonder...

I can't print it. I have to confess to you it's a well crafted piece of writing and Larry even laughed at some of it. But after he heard it and I read through it a couple times I thought, "um, you know...people will probably not understand my heart at all on this...some of the stuff I say is just so 'over the top' strong" I write with the passion I do because I hate to see people hurt and when I see them hurt, I write about it with all the vigor I can muster, as if I can right some wrong by doing it. But I can't. So I'm not printing it. I must admit, though I am not printing it publicly it just felt so good to say it all.

So why am I telling you about something I won't print? Well, I said I was going to do a special O.J. blog. And although I'm really not getting into the ins and outs of why I feel the way I do, I will just say...my heart hurts for victims and their families. Seeing Fred and Kim Goldman on TV once again this week weeping was heartbreaking for me. I have very, very strong feelings about it, very strong feelings about the killer, and what should happen. I can honestly tell you - I have been praying for the victim's families whenever I think of them, for 13 years.

God...please do something.

"Look Momma, you will not run out..."

I love it when I come home to a clean house. Perhaps there is nothing more glorious. When I walk into a clean house, I feel the power of the Holy Ghost. Yesterday Jordan cleaned the house...I mean really cleaned it and when we walked in the house from work, my whole being just went, "ahhhhhhhhhh..."

Then he led me over to the fridge and said, "Look Momma! I made you something!" Upon looking inside I found he had made me five pitchers of iced tea. He said, "here's more than enough Momma...you will not run out!" Indeed. There's at least enough here to last me til' I leave Saturday for Houston.

He really is the sweetest boy on earth when he wants to be. Moments like that make up for all the times I have wanted to wring his neck. :-)

After work, Larry made dinner. (I know what you're thinking...I hit the jackpot! Yes, it was a great night.) He made turkey tacos. (yum!) While Larry made dinner, Dustin wanted me to watch Kid Nation with him. He tivo'd it yesterday. We watched it and I really enjoyed it. I think this is a show I'll watch the entire season with the kids.

After dinner the boys and Larry and I watched Last Comic Standing finale which we had also tivo'd. It was hysterical!!! This one comic said, "I had a lot more props, but O.J. stole them from my hotel room..." ha ha! (By the way, I'm going to blog about O.J. soon...so just stay tuned.) Larry and I walked around the neighborhood later at night and spend some quality time talking. I always enjoy our walks. We try to walk at least a few nights a week. We really do have the perfect development for it.

We are both doing good back OP (on program). In the past two weeks I've lost almost 5 lbs. It's amazing how when you stick strictly OP and go to meetings, what will happen. I have a 12 week goal (2 weeks already done) and in the next 10 weeks, there should be a significant difference. There WILL be a significant difference. I am DETERMINED and nothing will break me. One thing it amounts to for me is putting the same stubbornness toward health and weight loss as I have for other challenges. As our friend Randy says, all it takes to make something happen is to tell Deanna she won't be able to make it happen and that pretty much seals the deal that it's happening!"

I am renewed in my focus of utilizing certain ones of the Weight Watcher Ten Tools for Living. I would say when I lost weight for the very first time my most used tool was what they call "anchoring." Now I'm using reframing a lot, empowering beliefs and winning outcomes. (Those of you in WW know what I'm talking about. If you don't and you are the least bit overweight, I suggest you go to WW and you'll learn all about it. :-) I'm a great believer in the WW program. If you ever want to know anything about it, just ask me! By the way, "the meetings are the magic!" as they say.

I am still getting used to my new WW leader. I really like her, it's just a matter of getting used to her style. I am cognizant of the fact that I can't blame her or take it out on her that I don't have my old leader. It has nothing to do with her whatsoever, and she's a really good leader besides all that.

It's cooling off here in Tampa and we're not living in the (what I considered) unbearable heat we were enduring this summer. For some reason it was hotter this year than others. Now it's getting breezy and I'm loving it! Time to get out on the patio again at night and read my Bible. Oh how I have missed the comfort of being out there. This morning when I came out it was cool out there. (For months it's been hot even early in the morning.) This morning it was breezy and there were three ducks on the pond when I let Geena out. Ah yes, I'm loving it.

The more this week goes on, the more I am glad to be traveling this weekend. I know, I had a good evening at home last night. I'm very grateful for that. But it was a challenging week otherwise. And when I go away and minister somewhere it's almost magical. Not that I'm the magic, not by far! I just really enjoy ministering in a fresh environment, meeting new people, and the fact that I am there to reach out and love, and pour out of myself, yet I am not called to pastor those folks. I am just there to reach out in love while I'm there and uplift their pastors and point them to their pastors...and then leave again, hopefully having the people very blessed by our time together and what God did in our midst. That's the beauty of it.

I realize it's hard for a full time evangelist these days - unless you are basically a "star" they can't make a living at it! Few who aren't famous can stay on the road and keep eating and paying a car payment. But for a pastor like me, it's the greatest thing going! Because my livelihood is here in Tampa - at our church. And traveling is just something occasionally extra that I do not need to earn an income from. I do not go to bring God's Word for an honorarium. People ask me, "do you charge a fee" and the answer is no. I've gone to little bitty country churches who can't give me a dime. And God sends me to pour out and love them. If someone can bless me in some way, fine. If they can't, that's fine too. I really do just have a love for the Word and for people. That's why I go anywhere - period. And in being able to reach out, love, uplift and then turn them towards their pastors -- now what better thing can there be but that??! I do not have to counsel those folks. I do not have to have them yell at me two weeks later because the air was up to high in the sanctuary. I do not have to put up with any guff. All I gotta do is love and bring God's Word...pray for people and hug a bunch of necks. Their pastor will have to deal with the air in the sanctuary and all the guff. That's one reason I love encouraging pastors. I know the road they walk and just want uplift them. No wonder evangelists who can actually make a living doing this just love it!!! Wow, I'm getting more excited by the moment....it's almost time to go!

One of my favorite things

A few days ago in my iced tea post, I spoke about my favorite tea which is Republic of Tea. I wanted to share with you about it and maybe if you've never tried it, the next time you come across it, you will remember that I encouraged you to try it!

I first tried it in Landry's Restaurant in Tampa. I believe if you order an iced tea that is what they automatically bring you - they do not have iced tea that they brew in-house. You will find Republic of Tea served in bottles in some nicer restaurants, airport restaurants, and the tea bags for hot tea or for fresh brewing at home are available in Panera Bread.

My favorite thing Republic of Tea offers is their bottled teas. This is a miracle since any other bottled tea, I absolutely can't stand. I want it fresh brewed on site, or not at all. I'm a true tea connoisseur. I can tell if it's not fresh brewed or if they have lied to me. Sometimes I'll ask a server, "do you fresh brew your tea here?" They will say, "oh yes Mam, it's fresh brewed." Then I take a sip and immediately detect, it is Lipton or Nestle that comes in the fountain drinks, probably right next to where they got the Coke or Sprite. Please understand, fresh brewed tea is NEVER, NEVER squirted. If someone is squirting your tea, it's the wrong kind. Fresh tea is brewed and then poured. There is just no other way. Just because the front of the bottle says, "fresh brewed" means nothing. If it's in a bottle, IT IS NOT FRESH BREWED. That is sort of an oxy-moron. I have sent back a lot of fake iced teas when I have been lied to. But I'm always nice about it. What I feel like doing is screaming, "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!!! THIS IS NOT FRESH BREWED TEA, SO WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE SQUIRTING IT OUT OF THE SODA FOUNTAIN?" But after all I am a Christian and I do try to be a good example, so instead I just call the server over and say, "Um, dear, this isn't exactly what I was looking for...could you just bring me a water with lemon? Thank so much..."

There are some restaurants I will go back to just because they have fantastic iced tea. Some places where I really enjoy their house iced tea: Reb Lobster, Olive Garden, Perkins, Moe's Southwestern Grill, Shane's Rib Shack, just to name a few. As I don't want to bash anybody, I won't name the places I hate. But suffice it to say if they have bad or fake iced tea I remember it and never go back.

So back to the Republic of Tea...I became exposed to it through Landry's. And I love it. Right now other than Landry's I don't know of any place but the Tampa Airport that you can get it, so Susan Lilly who works there (bless her heart - I love her!!!) blesses me with a bottle sometimes. My favorite is their most popular of the glass bottled variety - Republic Darjeeling Black Glass Bottled. It's $4.50 a bottle or $51.00 a case (for 12). Yes, I know it's on the expensive side. This is why the bottle sits in my fridge and it is for a special occasion only. Either when I'm real happy or real sad...

I hope sometime all of you can taste it ~ I know you'll fall in love just like I did, especially if you are a real tea lover.

Working hard?

On Wednesday nights, Larry and I take turns teaching in the adult service in the sanctuary. Last night was my night to teach and our subject this month is productivity and how it is part of our spirituality and maturity in Christ. I thought I'd share my message here on my blog. I don't post every message I preach, nor do I want this to be a sermon blog (refer to yesterday's post) but occasionally I like to post what I preached. So here goes...

ARE YOU WORKING HARD? OR ARE YOU HARDLY WORKING?

The anointing of God extends not just to the altar, but for business, for work, for anything that encompasses our lives. We are literally, ANOINTED FOR BUSINESS...FOR WORK.

Many people hate work. They even refer to slogans regarding the fact that…”at the end of your life, you won’t regret not working more.” I don't believe that is necessarily true, it just makes for some nice plaques! Even Michaelangelo said something at the end of his life about having so much work left to do and wanting more years to do it.

There is a passage of scripture in I Chronicles 29 where David talks about the preparations his son would need to build God’s house. It records David’s challenge to the people to contribute their work and their resources. In the fifth verse, David asks a question to everyone…and God is asking us this today: “AND WHO THEN IS WILLING TO CONSECRATE HIS SERVICE THIS DAY UNTO THE LORD?”

Did you know that work was created before the fall? It was a mandate from the very beginning.

Genesis 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

God created for six days, then rested on the seventh day, then began to work again. Some people think God worked, then rested for all eternity. Some people think we should do the same. The truth is, this is not God’s plan and rest assured, GOD IS WORKING!

Laziness is something often joked about but quite truthfully, it’s a sin.

Heb.6:12 That you be not lazy and slow, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

The definition of laziness:

1.Lazy--disinclined to activity, not willing to apply exertion, move slow, not strict, lax, having a love of easy things.Never able to achieve an aim, goal, purpose.2. Slothful -- spiritual apathy and inactivity, slow moving, indisposition to lack effort, slow to respond, slow growth.

Did you know it is actually possible to spend more time and effort avoiding work than to do it?

In one of our life coaching sessions, Larry and I asked Dr. Lee about the issue of productivity. We were wondering if some people on a staff should get away with not producing more because they are a type B personality versus an A, or so forth. Down through the years in leading a staff, we’ve heard things like, “Well Pastor, I’m just not as driven as you…” as an excuse for lack of productivity. Some don’t consider it a spiritual issue, but simply an issue of working styles being different. So in other words, the thinking some people have is that one's personality or working style would determine their level of productivity and not their spirituality. Dr. Lee assured us that this can never be an excuse and that productivity is indeed an issue of spirituality and maturity. You cannot separate spirituality and productivity in a Christian’s life because true Christians will produce fruit.

What does the scripture say about this?

John 15:1-8 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”

So - God says He will cut off every branch that does not bear fruit. Wise employers will do the same. John Maxwell says it's not the people you fire who make you miserable, it's the ones you don't! I've definitely seen that proven true.

Did you know that your mind, body and emotions were designed for hard work and will break down without it?

Did you know it is proven that the greatest percentage of people die within two years of retirement…they feel “my work is done…” ??

Proverbs 10:26 Lazy people irritate their employers, like vinegar to the teeth or smoke in the eyes.

If you are not diligent and your boss is often short and irritated with you, look no further as to why. If you try to witness to your boss or invite them to church and they seem to want nothing to do with it maybe you should examine your work habits and ethics first. Make sure they are lining up before you share Jesus because what you do greatly overshadows what you say to your boss. If you aren't working hard for them, don't expect them to be interested in the God you want to tell them about.

If you are lazy on the job, this scripture above describes you. If you talk on your cell phone and surf the internet and waste the time your boss is paying you for, realize, this scripture describes you. It's amazing to me that some people need a wake up call as to why they get on their boss's nerves. I recently got a letter from a young woman in another city who got my name and information off of a flyer where I was speaking. She wrote me a letter and called me for advice. She claimed to be "persecuted for her faith" at work yet upon talking with her I realized she is not really persecuted for her faith. The truth is, she is doing a lot of church work from her desk instead of doing her work. Her job is at a law firm and has nothing to do with church. No wonder they are not happy about her faith! This is not persecution, they are simply trying to be good managers.

Colossians 3:22-25 “Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.”

Did you hear that? That's a great zinger from the Word - BEING A FOLLOWER OF JESUS DOESN'T COVER UP BAD WORK. So...

How to find favor with your boss at work? BE THE BEST WORKER HE/SHE HAS EVER HAD! Be careful not to waste time, be disloyal or take from the company what is not yours.

One time my husband and I had a secretary who would be on the phone - with personal calls, not church - on a constant basis. We had to speak to her about personal calls. (In my opinion, a boss should never have to speak to a Christian worker about this - it is just a given that you work when you're at work unless there's an emergency of some sort, like your kid being sick at school.) Previous to us speaking to her about the personal calls, she sat at her desk and talked on the church phone. My husband asked her to stop making personal calls and tieing up the church line. We thought that would be enough said. But then she started sitting there on her cell phone all the time. We told her the issue was not just the church phone, but ANY excessive personal calls. After we talked to her about it, I discovered she would just be absent from her desk a lot. I would not see her with the cell phone at the desk, I just would not see her as much in the office. Upon investigation one day, I discovered she was taking and making calls in one of the ladies bathroom stalls in the church. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that she was constantly leaving her desk to make calls and trying to circumvent our instruction. She actually felt entitled to make as many calls as she wanted. In fact to take it one step further, she thought it was perfectly fine to plan her daughter's entire wedding from her desk at work and have us pay her for it. (Amazing!)

The same employee would then wonder why we didn’t go out of our way at times to show more appreciation to her, or why we gave much more appreciation to other staffers. Quite truthfully she was lucky I didn’t just fire her right there on the spot in the bathroom.

We have to take care because we will reap what we sow. If you ever have any aspirations to be a manager, take heed. Sow good things by being a good support worker. It is interesting when people are in support roles it makes them really mad if the boss talks to them about personal calls, but one day if they become the boss it is suddenly one of the things that drives them crazy. (They reap what they sow!) It's a whole different world when you become a manager versus a support person. I realize there are times we must all take personal calls or e-mails or handle a personal matter at work. I am not speaking of being extreme or unbalanced. But I do know this, it shouldn't happen every day all the time. In our heart of hearts, we all know if we ask the Holy Spirit to speak to us about it, if we are doing what we should not be doing. Think about this...do you have "loopholes" with this issue, or ways of getting around or away with things?

Why do some companies have such strict rules or even contracts that their employees sign about "personal e-mails"? I have gotten emails from friends from their home account that say, "do not send me any mail at work - I can be immediately fired for it, especially if it just contains forwards, jokes, etc." My question is, why should employers have to have these strict rules and such? It's a shame that adults cannot just be mature and do what they are supposed to do but we are living in a world where people are no longer diligent and as productive as they should be and sometimes employers almost have to get "ridiculous" about it just to get some work done. Quite truthfully I think it's a shame that these kind of rules need to be in place because it would be nice that employees could sit and do personal emails over breaks or lunch or whatever, but because of many people abusing freedoms, they are sometimes taken away from all.

Many people think a church is different or should be different but quite truly it is not and how much more diligent should we be with God’s work? For those of us who work in a church setting, we must be just as excellent with the work of God if not more.

How should we work in the house of God? In I Chronicles 29:2 David said, “I have prepared with all my might for the house of God.”


It is easy to have favor with our boss…it is not rocket science…in giving 100%...faithfulness, due diligence, being responsible, etc. we are developing favor.


What is faithfulness, by the way? Some people think it is just being faithful to show up, faithful to be there. However, that's just part of it. I once heard Willie George (pastor of Church on the Move, Tulsa, OK) describe it as “being a faithful copy of your pastor’s heart.” In this case he was speaking to church staffers, but it applies to you whether you work at a church or a corporation or wherever. Faithfulness is BEING FAITHFUL TO DO THINGS EXACTLY LIKE THE BOSS WANTS YOU TO DO THEM. Faithfulness means that no matter what you think, you carry your tasks out like your boss thinks...in other words, you try to have their mind on things and you do it their way.

Years ago my husband and I had a staffer who was extremely trustworthy, who was working with several who were not. If we would leave and go on vacation and say, “we want so and so to direct the service” or “so and so will pray” or “so and so will handle the bank deposit” – the ones who were not always "faithful copies of our heart" may change things based on what they felt like they should do at the time. We'd come back from being away and find out that a different staffer led the service, or somebody else directed the prayer time because they "felt led". They might even blame it on God. ("The spirit was moving this way, so we didn't do it the way you asked...") They just thought things should be done a different way, however they needed to remember it wasn't at all about what they thought or felt but about being a copy of their lead pastors' hearts. However, among them was one faithful staffer who would have absolutely done everything just like we asked him to, or he would have died trying. If he ever wondered and truly didn't know what we thought or would want, he'd pick up the phone and ask just to be sure.

We always put the faithful staffer in charge most of the time and gave them the most responsibilities, opportunities to preach (we knew we'd never have to worry that he'd say something that wasn't our heart or teach/preach something to our people that was contrary to our viewpoint/position as the senior pastors), and we leaned on him for pretty much everything. Other staffers would sometimes question, “why?” or comment, “we’re surprised the responsibilities aren’t spread out more” or "He preached last time..." and sometimes act hurt about it. But the truth is, our faithful staffer was a copy of our heart, and always carried things out exactly as we asked and with excellence. To this day we are still giving him great references and would gladly hire him again in a heartbeat, or help him in any way we can, but such is not the same with everyone.

Not only must we be faithful, but the scripture says to do our work but it says to do it cheerfully.

Colossians 2:23,24 “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward.”

God wants us to give ourselves WILLINGLY to serve. Not, “I have to” but “I get to.”

D.L. Moody said, “I never met a lazy Christian.” He said he believed this was true because in his opinion, you can’t be a true Christian and be lazy.

Think about it…who does God call to greatness? The lazy person or the serving person?

God doesn’t call lazy people!!! He calls people who are already doing something.

Let’s look at Bible examples as pointed out by D.L. Moody:

· Saul was seeking his father’s donkeys and David his father’s sheep when called to the Kingdom.
· The shepherds were feeding their flocks when they heard the glorious revelation.
· God called the four apostles from their fishing and Matthew from collecting taxes.
· He called Moses from tending Jethro’s sheep.
· He called Gideon from the threshing floor.
· He called Elijah from the plows.
God has never extended his call to a lazy person. He probably won't start any time soon.

Here's the bottom line:

Proverbs 12:24 “Work hard and become a leader; be lazy and become a slave.”

The bible says that "diligent hands will rule." What about you? Are you working hard or hardly working?

My "outside the church" friend

If you are a pastor and you don't have a friend in your local community who doesn't go to your church, I recommend that you find one. I know I had said a lot about minister friends and their value to me in preserving my health in the ministry. But there's another person who is a great God-send in my life and I'm so thankful for her. So I'm going to tell you about her today. Because I like to introduce you blog readers to the many special people in my life. This is one of the absolute tippy top people in my world!

My friend's name is Ada (pronounced Add-uh) Alfonso, (pictured above with her husband and two youngest children), she lives here in Tampa, and she's my friend and my hairdresser, in that order.

Ada has improved my hair 100% but most of all she's improved my mental health. And she has enriched my life so much spiritually. Let's see, where do I start in telling you about her?

She's one of the most incredible people I know. There are many multiple layers to who she is, her life story, where she came from that makes her who she is today. She has been through many difficult things in her life and triumphed. She has an amazing life testimony but since I don't have her permission to tell it here and I'm writing this blog without asking her, I won't tell it. This is simply because I'm not sure how she'd feel about it. (The loyalty and confidentiality in our relationship go both ways.)

Ada is an incredible woman, wife, mother, hairdresser and friend. She is a wife to Chris, and Mom to three beautiful children ~ Zach, Albert & Sophia. She is a member of Grace Family Church in Tampa and has been since the very beginning when the church was just small. She has worked in their ministries and grown with them all along. (I think they number about 4000 or something like that now, not quite sure, I might be off either up or down by 1,000, but anyway suffice it to say, they are a mega church.) Ada works in the kids ministries, the youth ministries, the cafe, on the ladies retreat committee, and all kinds of other stuff. She will probably always do this even if they grow to 20,000. She's very ministry minded.

Ada is a gifted hairdresser who is just absolutely expert with color, and very creative. I trust her implicitly and would have no problem just sitting in the chair and saying, "do whatever you want" and know I'd come out looking great. If it wasn't for Larry and his preferences, we'd do something radical every month, but we get as creative as we can possibly get within the boundaries. :-)

Ada is a beautiful woman as far as appearance goes, who has what I would call a trendy or an edgy look most times. (She likes it when I use that word "edgy".) She's petite with beautiful skin and perfect straight teeth and she smiles a lot.

She's a great cook. (She's Spanish and I don't think I've ever had pork, rice and beans better than hers anywhere.) She's one of the most giving people I know, and she's basically what most people picture as your stereotypical "perfect Mom." But she'll be the first to admit she's not perfect.

So what's so fabulous about our relationship? Well, it's like this. Ada understands a lot of my world because she is so involved in church ministry and has been with a church in leadership from it's fledgling stage, to a mega church. She is close to her pastor and his wife and sometimes a confidant to them on various things. I've never heard her say one bad or questionable thing about them. In fact, she would defend her pastor and pastor's wife to the wall to any naysayers - and she does! She gets really peeved if anyone criticizes them. This is one thing that really attracted me to her as a friend. Many times we share about the things of God and there are times she points me to one of her pastor's messages or even gives me a copy when it's something she thinks is particularly awesome that others need to hear. She is always praising her pastor and church and this endears her to me.

As much as she loves her church she is also very excited for me about what is happening in my church! Every now and again somebody will come to her church that just doesn't fit with the mission, vision and core values set forth by her pastor and they may decide Grace is not the church for them. Maybe by what they describe, she thinks they may be a good fit for our church, so she tells them about us. We are very supportive of one another's place of worship.

She understands the demands of a growing church and she knows what it's like to be serving in a church at every stage of it's life. She pretty much knows the levels and what they demand. And she knows the expectations placed on pastors. Although she is not a pastor, I can talk to her easily about pastoring stuff, and she "gets it" without any explaining. There are times she admonishes me about this or that and says, "no Deanna, you've already done more than enough in that situation...I think it's time you just go on to something else..." She's always got my best interest at heart.

Through the past few years of my being her client, our relationship has developed into a wonderful friendship where I have come to realize her faithfulness, confidentiality, and complete loyalty as a friend. There are very few friends in this world where I am absolute certain that they have my back absolutely 100% of the time and she's one of them. I really am completely safe with her, and that is a wonderful thing.

I never hesitate to tell her something because first of all, she holds me in strictest confidence but second, there is not a conflict of interest because she doesn't attend my church. Nor do I want her to. If she came to Northside it would ruin everything!!! Please understand, she's probably one of the greatest assets a pastor could ever have...basically she's a "model church member." But one of the pluses for me is that because she is not a member at NS, I can just freely lay everything out to her and talk to her about it, without feeling like I'm crossing the line in some way. At the same time, when I talk to her she understands the issues I talk to her about because she is very involved in all things church.

If I was particularly worried or upset about something one day she'll always call me the next and say, "okay, I just needed to check in with you and see how things are today...are you okay?" If she knows I'm not feeling well she gets really concerned. Many times she will give me her insight on what it's going to take to solve my problem or grow to the next level, having gone through it with her church or in relationships before.

When I get my hair done, she generally blocks the time off and doesn't have any other clients come in during those hours so that they are exclusively ours to catch up. I know that costs her quite a bit -- most hairdressers are working on several people at once - putting somebody's color on, then doing a cut or style, then coming back to rinse the color, etc. But to her it's not about money. She says that she likes that it's "our time." She tries not to book anyone else when I come in, unless it's an emergency or something with a client. Reason being, we like to spend the whole 2 and 1/2 to 3 hours that I'm there talking exclusively.

She's always happy for me when good things happen for me (I mean, she get off the charts happy...totally elated!) She roots for me, compliments me, prays for me, and really cares about my success. She prays for me about things going on in my life. She feels sad for me when I'm going through something. She doesn't just listen -- it's not her style. Although she's a great listener, the word of wisdom and exhorting is one of her greatest gifts. I don't think anybody in Tampa has seen me cry as much as she has. (I hardly ever cry, but when I do...look out! There are days I've just sat in her chair and sobbed.) She always makes me feel better. I probably laugh with her so much because I'm really not afraid of her thinking something I'm laughing at is inappropriate! :-) I usually blurt out whatever I'm thinking off the top of my head with her because I don't feel there is any reason not to. I know it's not going to come back on me. Sometimes if I have something particularly funny to tell her, I don't call - I have to wait to see her in person because I love to see her face when she laughs about something we both think is really funny. So I e-mail her and say, "I HAVE SOMETHING SO FUNNY TO TELL YOU!!! But it will have to wait..."

She's one of the kindest person I know. Sometimes she does difficult people's hair and I don't know why she puts up with them. I'm always telling her it would be just fine for her to ditch them but the truth is, she would never hurt their feelings by not scheduling them if she had an opening. I don't know how she keeps her cool many times but then again, I'm sure she wonders how I keep mine in pastoring sometimes.

There's only one downside to my relationship with her and it's really the same downside that we all have with a great friend - we simply wish there were more hours in the day to spend time together. My life is busy. Her life is busy. But the time we DO spend together is precious, and even when we are not spending time together in person we always know the place we hold in one another's hearts.

I love you Ada! Thanks for being a phenomenal friend.

Tea is the least of my problems

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

- George Eliot

Thank God for women minister friends and times we can gather for conversation over tea or coffee together, to pour out our words to one another...without measuring. (I'll be there in four more days, Pastor Lisa!!!)

I'm sure after yesterday's post, some of you are thinking, "Gee whiz, I wish not having any iced tea was the worst problem in my life."

Let me assure you...it is my least problem. But as I said yesterday, it's one I can safely blog about, albeit a very small issue.

If I had my way, I'd blog about every single intimate detail of my life (I'm sure that scares some of you to death...!) What can I say, I just love living life "open". You should see the e-mail or comments otherwise that I get sometimes when I just make a statement about Larry and I enjoying time in the jacuzzi the night before, or having an amazing night (or morning!) in the bedroom or whatever. It gets interesting sometimes to see various attitudes. (Have you noticed, when somebody reacts like that, it always comes from women who don't have it happening in their lives. Not sure how much you other "transparents" have noticed that, but I have. Just talk about an amazing night with your husband and the person who will cringe or get upset about it is the one who either doesn't have a husband or isn't getting anything from the one they have...at least anything half way decent. People in happy marriages or ones who have satisfying sex lives never mind, in fact they are usually happy for you. I guess it's sort of like having a new car...some people aren't happy for you if you have something they don't, while your real friends are. Whether it's having a new Mustang Convertible that your friend doesn't have, or amazing sex which they also don't have because they are either: single, widowed, divorced and not remarried, or just have a lame married sex life...they expect you not to talk about it because they don't have it. It's an issue of jealousy, not an issue of a lack of discretion. Give me a break...people hear a lot more than this in passing in the mall or on a billboard, and besides that I'm talking about a Godly marriage relationship...big difference. But I digress so let's get back to tea being the least of my problems.)

I do blog about all the details of my life good and bad on two private password protected journals. I have to for my own sanity. It actually helped me lose 40 pounds to do that. When I write it all out, I don't feel like I have to eat a bag of potato chips to feel better. Yes, I pray. Yes, I go to God. But the fact is, I'm a communicator and I love to write, to talk, to connect, not just with God but with others. Bottom line is... if I wasn't in the ministry I wouldn't measure my words and defer them as much to private journals as I do now. Some may think, "we didn't think you were measuring your words." Contraire my friend. Give me a ministry friend and a cup of coffee and I turn into a different person.

I read blogs everyday of people who share details about their deep feelings, questions, struggles, needs, and fears. They share the highs of their day. They share the lows. They share thoughts about disagreements they are having with their husband and feelings about it. They share about angry feelings they have and exactly why those feelings exist. They don't just say, "I dealt with some irritating things today" - they will tell you exactly what those irritating things are. I have to confess to you that sometimes I read those blogs and wistfully imagine for a moment that I could be like them. I go back to those people's blogs again and again, drawn to their transparency. Ever notice how we all have a craving for what is real? For what we can relate to? (At least what we can relate to without getting jealous, ha ha!)

Take note that the blogs I read aren't a slam session about things but rather people working out these issues in their lives, and mostly from a Biblical standpoint as many or most blogs I read are by Christians. A blog is, in my opinion, a way to work things out in your life, with everybody else watching. You can watch somebody really grow and come to terms with things by reading their blog, if they are an open person and don't just post their sermons. I don't want to digress on this too much, but I actually don't read blogs by friends who just post their sermons. I want to hear more than their sermon. If I want a sermon I can go to http://www.sermoncentral.com/. What I want in a blog is to get a glimpse into what made them ever arrive at writing that sermon in the first place!

Right now I am reading a blog daily of a woman who has an unsaved atheist husband. She is praying for his salvation and she writes about her struggles, her ups and downs on this rollercoaster of dealing with not only an unsaved but a radically anti-God man. She writes candidly about her struggles, her fears, and journals her prayers. (Her husband doesn't even know how to turn a computer on and off so he doesn't know the blog is there. ha ha! And truly, she writes not in spite of him, but because she loves him so and this is her place to express it.) But she has thousands of people praying for this man to come to Jesus, and she has a place to unload about the load she bears when he comes home and says, "if you go to church tonight, I'm leaving you and the kids!" I have to admit, I log on each day hoping to see that there has been a breakthrough. I have no doubt one day it will come. Because this woman is serious as a heart attack about praying her husband through, and staying with him.

I am by nature an incredibly transparent person. It is only my profession that behooves me to curtail any of my transparency or leave out some of the details and let you connect the dots even though sometimes...I may only write the equivalent of one dot on an issue that requires confidentiality or at least more discretion.

This past weekend at Unstoppable, there was a woman who approached me late Friday night. She had come with her co-pastor/pastor's wife as her assistant, her armor bearer. She said, "at first I wondered, 'why in the world am I here? I'm not the pastor's wife. I'm not the pastor. So why did Pastor _____ bring me to this conference?'" She went on to say, "Now I know. I needed to get a window into her world. After hearing all these testimonies after the altar time tonight, I now realize that all these women here are in a secret club, one that most of them never asked to be in. It must be secret because if it were not, they would lose their positions, or at least have many negative ramifications. A place like this is the only place where they can safely let it out without it bringing destruction to their ministry.'" As she was saying this her eyes had an incredulous look, like, "I can't believe I never knew this before and that our pastors live this way!" Then she went on to tell me that after this conference, she has a whole new outlook on how to greater support her co-pastor. She said, "I've been supportive, however I can do a lot more and go a lot further than I have been, and I can encourage others in the church to do the same." As soon as those words came out of her mouth I thought, "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"

I really believe this is one sacrifice we as pastors and spouses make so that people can enjoy church. If we didn't keep it all in, except for to our minister friends and maybe on very rare occasions a trusted board member in certain instances, nobody would be able to enjoy the house of God. This is a blog subject all unto itself, but just a quick point here...I believe one of the gifts we give our churches is the fact that we bear the load of "information" and the heaviness that comes with that, and carry it ourselves so the people can be ministered to. If the people knew what we knew, they could not worship as they do in the same church. A pastor carries a different call and the grace to bear up under the requirements of that call. Through the grace and power of God I can know what I know, and still walk in to my church and worship week after week. But the sheep could not. And God knows that. Bearing this info and the weight thereof is one gift we as pastors give them. For instance, when Larry and I have issue with a staff member, perhaps even one that threatens their continued working with us, we do not share that with any other staff or board member during their tenure. We just bear up under it and deal with it until it's over. Why? Because although we are very negatively affected by it during that time and bear an incredible private load, our sharing it at that point would make it impossible for others to effectively work with that person during the time they are with us. It would greatly hinder the ministry of the church even more than it already is by that person's deficiencies. Therefore, it is a load we as senior pastors must silently bear. Common sense and ethics demand it.

What most people don't understand is that even in the best of church situations (and I have a good one at this time in my life) the load is tremendous. This is not to whine, cry or complain. It is just the reality of it and something we must find a way to deal with effectively, without whining, crying or complaining. While we might not be able to disclose the details of the load, I believe our people need to at least realize it is a great weight and pray for us daily. It has been said, "the weight of the ministry defies explanation to those outside of it." And no one bears it like the senior pastors. It is incredibly easy to judge the pastor/co-pastor even if you are a staff person who is relatively "on the inside." Even if they share with you some of the burdens and issues, you really still cannot comprehend their problems because they are never really sharing all of it with you. They can't for various reasons, some of which are confidentiality, and others ethics.

Even those closest to the pastor do not realize just how hard a season in the life of the church was or is, or what burden they are under with their marriage or their family, or their whatever. I remember when I was a staff person and I wondered why in the world my pastor or pastor's wife was so depressed. The truth is, I didn't realize that beyond all the issues I did know about there were countless more I didn't. And that's just in the church...that doesn't even include personal junk you are dealing with that you take a deep breath and count to ten before you even tell your closest pastor-friend about (wondering if they'll still have any respect for you after you tell them. Thankfully mine always have or they have laughingly said, "Um, Deanna, I didn't respect you in the first place, so just go ahead and spill your guts!" ha ha! Actually they do respect me, this is just a little running joke between us whenever we are going to bare our souls about something very personal.)

Which brings me to an important point. I've found a minister friend or two that I can bare my soul to even about the most personal of things. We go way beyond, "the kids just drank 2 quarts of iced tea." One of the reasons I always wanted to have Unstoppable was to connect women to others who they can bear their souls to, so they don't end up cracking, leaving, or falling. We may not be able to fully blog about it, but we can privately share about it, and yes with all the details there, no holds barred. I thank God for my friends I can talk to without them going, "Deanna, why in the heck are you still talking about this?" I appreciate all of you who listen to me until whatever I'm dealing with is expended. Sometimes there are difficult situations we deal with for two years, five years, even more and finally they come to and end. Then people wonder why in the world we are still talking about them later on but the reality is, we didn't go through it in two weeks time and we're not going to get over it in two weeks time either. I have seen that men get over things a lot quicker than women do. That's why it's so important that we ladies in ministry be there for one another and talk it out long after the men are tired of it. Because sometimes it's just not out of our systems yet and we need to release it, to a friend and to God. In my case, I have found my friends help me, hold my hand, and walk with me in the journey of releasing it to God once and for all. But sometimes...well most times...it's a progressive work. Which is a whole other blog. (Wow, I have a lot of future blog topics out of this one, don't I?) Thank God for friends with which we do not have to measure words or worry that it's going to come back to bite us.

I wish my biggest problem were that one of my kids drank all my iced tea. Life would really be just a step away from utopia if that were true. But the iced tea I can blog about. So I do.

My drinking problem

Back to reality.

I knew the high from Unstoppable would wind down at some point. I'm still wildly excited about the results, however I'm back to the real world.

I can't wait to go to Houston, TX this weekend to be with Pastor Lisa and minister at her church! :-) It couldn't have come at a better time. I was concerned when we booked this that I'd be drained from Unstoppable and perhaps not at my best. But quite truthfully I think I can preach at my best right now, I am just needing a break from home. There are times I can't wait to get home and times I can't wait to be on the road (or in the sky) and this is one such time. I can't get packed fast enough. Get ready, get ready, get ready Pastor Lisa...we're in store for a great time in God. I am so ready to be there with you.

Had a few irritating things that happened today - not enough to steal my joy from Unstoppable but just enough to make me very emotionally tired and think, "yep, we are back to the real world, ladies and gentlemen, the real world of life, ministry and pastoring." Reality is not living the "conference high". Reality is what drove us to the conference in the first place!

I called Randy just to talk about it and get his perspective and as usual it made me feel 100% better. We were talking today about the fact that most ministers implode or fall or whatever because they just don't connect enough. That's the drum I keep beating and will keep on doing it. It's no wonder so many pastors are angry or sick...they just don't pick up the phone and call another. The generation before us just prayed about it, and while that's our first line of defense, a lot of them still had heart attacks and died before their time because God did make us for community, it's just a fact. We need somebody with skin on at times.

Today I was faced once again with my drinking problem. I was already in a ratty mood when I got home from the grocery store at 6 pm from work. Then I walked in and discovered that one of my kids had drank the entire pitcher of fresh brewed unsweetened iced tea I made before I left for work this morning. (I always make sure I have a fresh pitcher so it's ready and cold when I get home. Each morning I wake up early enough to get Savanna ready for school, feed the dog and take her out, straighten up the kitchen and make iced tea...in addition to getting myself ready in the am.) This routine and making the tea is really crucial to me, as small as it sounds. I'm really the only one in my family who likes tea this way, but sometimes one of the kids just get a hankering for it and decide to drink the whole thing.

To some it's bizarre I'm sure, but if I don't have what I really want to drink, (fresh brewed tea being the first choice) I just don't like to eat. In fact, if all the drinks I like in the world were removed I'd probably lose a whole lot of weight.

Sometimes Larry and I will go out to a place to eat and for whatever reason they only have bottled cokes or bottled tea (unless it's Republic of Tea which happens to be my all time favorite) and no ice or glasses and usually if that's the case I just skip eating altogether and watch him eat. As much as I like to eat, if I don't have something I like to drink, I'd rather not eat. It's just not appealing to me. So for that reason. I'm thinking I'll probably lose some weight in Africa this November. I won't be able to have ice and I'm not sure that they even have tea. I'm not worried about it because I'm expecting it to be that way. If I'm on a missions trip, ministering at another church or event or I am at a person's home, I would never complain about what's there or not there to drink. It's just a given that I quietly do without and don't even mention it to my host as that would be incredibly rude, in my opinion. I just take whatever they have and then eat enough to politely get by. But if I'm in my own home, this whole issue of what to drink has the potential to upset me, because I go to great lengths to make sure my tea is there for me when I get home. Or, on special occasions, I spend the 2 weight watcher points to have a real Coke, like when I go to the movies. This is my drinking habit. Yes, as a good weight watcher I do drink bottled waters in between meals. It's a necessary thing. But I don't like them with food. (Unless I put a bunch of lemon and Splenda in them which really defeats the purpose, don't you think?)

So I come home today and the pitcher I brewed this morning was...completely gone. One of my offspring had added a few cups of real sugar to it, and completely drank the whole 2 quarts. Unbelievable! So, when I walked in, what I wanted to do was...go straight to my room, change into my PJ's, take 2 Tylenol PM's, lock the door, put in earplugs and go to sleep.

But I couldn't.

Why not? Because I have three kids who are all hungry and want supper, and then Larry was taking the boys to men's ministry football. Savanna would be left behind and I'd have to help her with her homework. When you have kids and responsibilities you can't just shut your door and go to sleep at 6 pm and ignore the world. But I sure would have liked to tonight. Incidentally, I made more tea in time for dinner however it's just not cold...you're pouring warm tea over ice cubes and it's just not the same. This by itself would not have been anything to get so upset about but when I had a bummy day already, anything was just magnified. Larry told me he thought I should have laid into the kid in question about this and maybe even punished them since I have told them SO MANY TIMES not to do this. But honestly, I did not have the emotional energy and besides that I don't trust myself when I get this irritated. I will say or do something I regret so it's best for me to be quiet. I just silently made supper and told everybody to just let me be alone with my thoughts. While I made dinner I watched a Dr. Phil show from Tivo about a husband who was a habitual liar and cheater. It made my iced tea issue look pale in comparison so it actually helped me a considerable amount.

Tea. A small thing? Probably. But it was just the crowning moment on my day, at least the one that I can safely blog about.

I will not have a drinking problem tomorrow, that is unless my kids plan to drink down the 6 quarts of tea I'm making for tomorrow.

Good news. I'm writing this late at night and as I type...the clock has just struck midnight and it's a new day.

Reflections from the Unstoppable Conference...Part II and...UPDATED!!!

If this is the first you are reading about the results of the Unstoppable Conference, please be sure to read my post from yesterday first.

Well, I'm still "holding the baby". Allow me to explain...


Thursday night was the opening night of Unstoppable. It was a night I'll never forget, seeing my dream come true before my eyes. What a God thing - larger than anything I could have ever imagined, or worked for! The room was breathtaking. The first night was a banquet and we had a candlelight dinner - steak or chicken with a boursin cheese sauce. We had favors for the women - bookmarks that Aida made - they had our conference theme verse and they were so pretty. The tables (for the banquet) were set with mirror tiles and candles. Music set the atmosphere, and the multi-media was just perfect. Pastor T, Pastor Lindsay, Tom Garland, Dustin, Sterling (Dustin's friend) and myself were at the Hilton on Wed night until about 1 am finishing everything up with just the media alone. It was worth it! The media was just one facet that really made the weekend, that's for sure. I absolutely don't know what I would ever do without Pastor T's help. To say he is a God-send? Major understatement.


So the first night I worked the room, went from table to table just greeting people, hugging necks, enjoying so many friends I haven't seen in a long time and some I've never met except on the web. The worship team absolutely started us off in an incredible way. Jenn Lee is just an extraordinary leader. The team brought us into the presence of God and we were hardly able to even stop to sit down or hear the Word but obviously we needed to, so we did...and Pastor Sheri was the first one to preach. Awesome word about trading the cape of comfort for the towel of servanthood. Just awesome. A strong word.


I was really overwhelmed by how the first night went and went back to my hotel room...talked to Pastor Lindsay for a long while and then it was time to go to sleep. I tried but couldn't. I alternated between praying and studying. I stayed awake all night, praying, crying (over the goodness of God and then also over the weight of the message I was feeling that I was preparing to preach the next night...) I just couldn't stop getting emotional (not a depressed crying emotional but a Holy Ghost emotional.) I said, "Lindsay, this is like birthing a baby and I'm so ready for this...I'm at the transition stage and this message is getting ready to be delivered and I'm so ready to get it out..." and she said, "yep, and when you do and you see the results tonight you're just going to want to hold it...and rock it..." I said, 'YOU'RE SO RIGHT!!!"


Well, the night was just tremendous. God moved in such a supernatural way. Do you know how INCREDIBLE it is to see pastor's wives who you "knew the story" on...those who had come with issues such as being on the verge of a nervous breakdown (or having just had one, in one case), and dealing with fear, depression, church conflicts, marriage issues, and more...and seeing them down on the floor under the power of God, or dancing around the altar being set free from the ties that were binding them? Unbelievable. Everyone was emotional over what was happening but I was even more so because I knew the stories of the people in the majority of cases. And believe me it was not just "emotion"...(many of these ladies have been too exhausted, stressed and even in some cases skeptical due to hurts they have faced to just get emotional for emotion's sake) It was a true touch from God.

The power of God affected so many ladies in a miraculous way and as God was moving around the altars in such a way, I walked over to Pastor Lindsay after I had a break from praying for a few people and I said, "I'm holding this baby Linds...I'm holding this baby!" Actually this morning in church I was still on a cloud and I said, "I'm holding it still..." Cathy and Lisa remarked that I was still glowing this morning!!!

So Friday night was just indescribable...although I "held the baby" til about 1am, I did go to sleep and slept til 8 am the next morning and then we had our panel discussion at 9:30. It was really good. Great stuff.

Our closing service was with Jennifer Lee and Lindsay speaking, followed by communion. AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME.

Can't wait until next year. It's going to be even more off the chain for His glory. We have learned a lot from the planning of this year's. We can tweak some things and make it smoother in the administrative details than this past year. I can't wait to see what God will do!!! Truly the best is yet to come. I felt led to ask Pastor Tara Sloan and Pastor Sandy Phinazee to take the offering on Thurs/Fri nights. They both gave an anointed appeal to support the ministry of Pastoring Partners and Unstoppable. We got an incredible offering. We will not only pay off our expenses for this year but we have start up money for next year. Sandy felt led to ask everyone to make pledges in addition to giving offerings. It was amazing. I can't thank my friends enough for STANDING WITH ME in this. They really, really believe in it, and in me. (Thank you, everybody!)

Next year we are going to see even more women healed, restored, renewed, and set free to go back to their ministries as UNSTOPPABLE women!!!! I believe it's going to double next year. That will be about all the people we can fit at the Hilton North and then we'll have to figure out what to do for 2009. I'm already thinking ahead to the next few years, not just year.


Mark Batterson says, "Stop making your arriving safely at death your life's goal." I'm so glad I stopped making it mine. In 2006, I called Pastor Lindsay in my office and told her I was "taking a leap" and doing this conference. No one can even imagine the price tag of doing it right. We're talking thousands, and thousands...and so many unexpected things you don't even think of when you start out wanting to do something in a hotel venue with five meeting rooms, a semi-formal banquet, a boatload of multi-media like we have, a professional worship team from Southeastern University, four top notch well known conference speakers in addition to Lindsay and myself, and a host of other things. That doesn't even include all the little things like favors, etc. Until you've done something like this, you just don't know. Well, I said, "Linds, we're taking a leap. If we have to re-finance my house to do it, we're doing it. If I have to sell hot dogs to pay it off until Jesus comes back, we're doing it!" Thankfully we don't have to do that. God provided. He always does - where there is vision (God's vision) there is Pro-vision!


At the beginning of this year, I was on Pastor Donna (Sallee's) television program, "Fresh Hope" on CTN. She asked me what my key scripture verse for my life is. I said, "well, there are several but for this year mine is Proverbs 3:5 & 6." She asked why and I told her that God had called me to several things in this 2007 year that would require God's supernatural intervention or I was destined to be a huge failure, basically. I have taken several leaps of faith including Unstoppable and the Africa preaching trip. I said yes to it knowing that I would have to raise $3,000 in a very short time. Well guess what...as of this past week, all my Africa finances have been provided as well as lots of gifts already to take over to the women. In addition to that, the missionary just told me that so many more women are signed up for the Africa conference (there were 2,000-3,000 last year!!) that they have enlarged the tent to accomodate more but they still do not all fit. The conference is so large they don't have an indoor venue big enough for it.


God is doing such amazing things. I really feel (as do many others that told me this) that Unstoppable has the ability to be THE premiere conference for women in ministry in the USA. I believe that. Several mentioned, "there's nothing like it."

No, there is nothing like it, that I know of. Thank you, Jesus. It's uniqueness is all due to your creative Holy Spirit. Thank you for your favor, and honoring us with your presence at Unstoppable. We can't wait to see what You are going to do next year as we seek You.

UNSTOPPABLE was off the chain!

Well everybody, as you can see I haven't been here on the blog for a few days and it's because I didn't want to miss a moment of the Unstoppable Conference! It was so incredible it's really indescribable, but I'll try in just a few words. I'm too tired to write much as I've poured myself out so much the last three days and I do have to teach and preach tomorrow (twice) and I want to spend some more time with Larry. He came to the conference everyday, but we really haven't connected...

The conference totally exceeded my expectations and my dreams. It was so good to see several people from the message boards including Pastor Tara, Tracy, Pastor Donna, and several others which shall be unnamed (due to being anonymous on the boards.)

The worship was off the charts!

The Word? SO POWERFUL.

The altar time? Amazing! Simply amazing.

Before the conference I was wondering, "will there be a next year?" (This is so much work, and to say I've had to fervently intercede for a miracle everyday in this process? An understatement.) But it was so worth it. Pastor's wives, women pastors, missionaries were set free, delivered, healed. Chains of depression, exhaustion, fear, unforgiveness, were broken. Freedom came in such a great way. God met with us in such a powerful way. Even before the end of the first night people were talking about, "when you do this next year..." and if I heard it once I heard it 1,000 times over the weekend. People seem to be intensely craving a "next year."

God met our needs. The finances were covered. (There's a huge budget for something done this well, by the way. I told Lindsay we were doing this thing right from the first year and making a statement.) I think God made a big statement through this. I say God of course because it was much bigger than anything we could do ourselves. This was a God-sized dream and it came true.

The first night it did feel like Christmas day for a small child. You know how you open your eyes on Christmas morning and sort of run from gift to gift not being able to contain the excitement? I was just running from neck to neck hugging friends I haven't seen in a long time, friends I've never even met in person (pastor's wives I know from the internet) and brand new friends who just heard about the conference and signed up. It was so awesome.

My Northside ladies (and a few men too!) did an OUTSTANDING job. The women were so impressed by their servant hearts and the excellence with which they did things. Lisa and Cathy were just AMAZING and the way they handled the ministry team was just superb.

This conference was a joint venture of my personal ministry through Pastoring Partners, and our church (Northside Assembly of God). Although I am A/G and always have been, I do minister in many other settings and churches. Pastoring Partners is also a place that is inter-denominational. For this reason (with it not being a district conference) I didn't expect any officials there, just many of my friends who are A/G. Imagine my surprise when the superintendent and his wife walked in on Friday night (the night when I was preaching!) They both said they absolutely loved it and were so blessed! This was the first time, incidentally, that I have preached for a district superintendent! (There's a first for everything.) After service he said, "you can preach to this district superintendent anytime!" (Should I frame that and put it in my office? Nah, that would probably be a little over the top, I guess.

I could write books and books about this (and maybe someday in the future I will) but it's like this...the big bath tub, and my husband, are waiting.

I'll be back to share more in the coming days as well as post pictures.

Thank you Jesus for all you did at Unstoppable!!!

It feels like it's the night before Christmas

I feel like a kid again, on the night before Christmas. Here we are on the night before Unstoppable. Is it really here? Wonderful visions are dancing in my head, that's for sure!

The past few days have been so busy getting ready for it. Tonight after service, Pastor T, Pastor Lindsay and I are taking all the stuff for the media over to the Hilton in a truck we rented for the weekend. (Yes, it's taking a rental truck just to bring our media stuff over - this doesn't include the sound stuff which will be brought by Jenn and her team from Southeastern!) Tonight at 10 pm we begin by setting up the trusses, the screens, the projectors, computer, power point, stage light stands, etc. We want to have all that fully automated so that tomorrow when the worship team rolls in with the equipment all the media will be in place.

I realize some people think, "why do you need all that stuff?" Just get a keyboard, and stick a pastor's wife up on the piano and let her lead in a few bars of "I Exalt Thee" before the speaker comes up. Yes, I know that's what happens at a lot of retreats...I've been to them. And my thing is, as Mark Batterson says in his lion chasing manifesto, I want to "criticize by creating." This weekend is a creation based on everything I've always wanted to see in retreat/conference for pastor's wives/women in ministry..and rarely if ever have see. The only thing that has ever come close is the national A/G WIM conference, which is my favorite thing to go to. I basically hold on for dear life until the next one comes around again! But now at least I will have mine in between to "hold me over." :-)

I don't know how much I'll be able to write in the next few days til Sat. night. I'm on a tight schedule but I am going to try to post some photos each day if I have a moment.

I came home a few hours early today to get packed. The conference is in Tampa but obviously I'm staying on site. Right now my clothes are in the dryer and I'm waiting for them so I can pack the rest of the suitcase. I'll get home way too late tonight to do it. Our "set up" starts at 10 pm in the ballroom tonight, so that gives you a clue as to how late we'll get home. Then in the morning I have to get over there again to continue. Registration table opens at 3 pm, and bang...it'll be off like a rocket!

In case you're wondering, I'm not doing all this...a wonderful team of people from my church have been mobilized to handle registration, greeting, ushering, product tables, assisting speakers, etc. I'm going to keep working my tail off on last minute details and then when 3 pm comes tomorrow, the details are all going to somebody else and I'm going to do what I love most -- just connect, connect, connect with women in ministry and encourage the daylights out of them.

This is like a giant present I've been waiting to open for 9 years! That's how long I've had this dream. I've been doing pastoring partners website since 1998 and have had the dream of getting people physically together (beyond the web) for all this time. Now, it's here. Did I mention it feels like it's the night before Christmas?

p.s. I went to my weight watcher meeting this morning before work...lost 4 lbs. this week. Our leader told us today: "You'll always have time for what you choose to do first." Hmmm...that's good stuff! This is an uphill battle everyday as it has been for three years, however...I shall overcome. Did I mention, 11 weeks until I will be at my ultimate goal? No doubt about it, just watch and see. I'm a woman on a mission.

When you resign...don't ask for a casserole

Such is the title of a book that Pastor Lindsay wants to write. (And I think she should!) She came up with the brilliant title...I can't take any credit for it at all.

Alright, ready for my latest rant? It's about people who leave a church and then still want all the benefits of that church.

One time we had a staff member that resigned of their own accord under less than good terms. They should have been fired after many insubordinate and inappropriate incidents, but my husband is an incredibly grace filled man. So, after resigning, they left but then seemed to still want all the benefits of the church, right down to people delivering casseroles to their house. The behavior was a bit puzzling, at least for the remaining staff members who were sane. The staff was thinking, "um, you are lucky pastor didn't wring your neck let alone send somebody over to your place with a casserole..."

So yesterday the staff was at lunch and we were talking about church people who seem to want the same thing. It's the strangest thing. Many of you who read my blog daily are pastors or pastor's wives and I know from talking to many of you that you have faced the same thing.

From time to time somebody will leave our church and go to a mega church, or at least one that is somewhat larger that they deem to have more "bells and whistles", if you know what I mean. Sometimes they leave on good terms, sometimes not so good. But the point is, they leave.

My husband often says he feels like he is the "most loved Pastor in Tampa." What he means by that is, he has had a lot of people leave over the years who have said, "I love you and Pastor Deanna so much...you have been so loving and kind to our family and truly been pastors to us, but...we are looking for something..."more." And with that, they go off to look for whatever latest greatest spiritual bang they can find that has more to offer than a mid-sized, loving, balanced church like ours.

To just break it down for you in a nutshell, our church is very spirit filled, but we aren't flaky. We aren't looking for the latest "woo woo." We are a church that is represented by about 22 nations, with very warm loving people. The gifts of the spirit move in our church and the Word is strongly brought forth. But you aren't going to find any gold dust floating around here or any of our pastor's wives with piled up pink hair and big false eyelashes or our pastors sitting on gold "throne chairs" or our pastors running up and down the aisles just for effect. Larry and I aren't going to approach the pulpit with a bunch of men in black suits wearing ear pieces and surrounding us as if Elvis were entering the building. Don't get me wrong, I believe we are the most exciting place in town! But I don't believe you need to have all the aforementioned to have that. We are spirit filled but my husband and I are absolutely committed to having a rock solid balanced church, built on the foundation of God's Word. We are also committed to being a loving, caring church family where the members are mobilized to care for one another. Our Care Ministry takes the lead in this, as our pastoral staff has trained them to do. Okay, so with that settled, let's go on...

Now most people reading this will understand that sometimes when people go to a mega church, they slip in and out unnoticed. I am not knocking mega churches, in fact I hope to pastor one someday! What I am simply saying is, if you don't make a serious point to connect in one, you probably won't. You can be another face in the crowd unless you make a point not to be. So many people go to a larger church and they make a point to cultivate new relationships and some don't - they just attend and coast for a while enjoying the fact that they are attending a larger church where they really don't have to "do anything." What a joy! They are initially elated that no one is asking them to be a greeter, an usher, a Sunday School teacher. Why, this is just bliss! They can attend...and just...ENJOY! But hold on, not so fast...

At some point they experience something difficult in their lives, and what do they do? They may not have made any connections yet in their new church. They are not in ministry, because many times they have just chosen to "soak in" all the blessings of their new environment and not really engage. Getting too involved or letting someone know your name means they might ask you to take a turn in the nursery. I mean, the pastor doesn't really know who they even are in many cases, except for maybe vaguely recalling their face from a newcomer's luncheon. So, being disconnected in their new church, they decide to call up their old church that they left, expecting the people there to run and minister to the need. And our staff's first question when they call is, "have you talked to your pastor?" The responses are rather interesting.

True case story.

A few years ago a woman left our church and said that while she loved Larry and I and the rest of the staff dearly and thought we were "so sweet" (her words exactly), she said she was looking for "something more" (don't you always love that?) and she started going to a bit larger of a church that I would describe as pretty fanatically charasmatic. She had to drive about 45 minutes to get there. It's the type of place where when they take the offering they might run around the room a few times with the praise music going and choir swaying. The type of place where the preacher probably jumps off the stage a few times when he preaches. Mostly every service a bunch of people are going down on the floor under the power of God. No problem, hey, whatever floats their boat. I'm not against any of that. But my point is, I guess this is the "something more" she was looking for.

She became a member there and was attending for about a year, and then one day she broke her hip. Keep in mind our church is probably five minutes from her house. So we get a call at our church office from one of her immediate family members asking first of all if we would visit her in the hospital and second if we could mobilize our care ministry with some meals, etc. I said, "she is no longer a member here. She attends such and such church and pastor so and so is her pastor..." To which they replied, "Yes, but they don't do things like that."

Excuse me?

Was I hearing correctly?

So the family member goes on to tell me that this said church doesn't always do things like that for their members and that besides that, it's 45 minutes away, and the pastor or the staff would never come all the way over here to Tampa to do anything for this woman.

And meanwhile our staff was thinking..."and this has WHAT to do with us?"

The fact is, this woman has a new church and a new pastor. Whether they are, or are not what she needs is another story but the fact is - she now belongs to them. She has chosen them.

Being a member of a church is sort of like a marriage. My husband often encourages people when they first come to Northside to wait a little bit...date us...then get engaged...don't marry us too hastily...be sure this is the place for you, for it is a real commitment, this thing called church membership.

This woman calling for us to come is like saying, "my husband is not meeting my needs..." "he won't do this or that..." "he's not available..." so I'm going to ask this other man to come over here and do it for me. It's almost what I would call "spiritual church adultery." You would basically be two-timing on your new church with your old one because suddenly the new one is not meeting your needs.

When you marry your church, you marry them. And when you divorce them, it's no light matter. Leaving a church is a very serious decision and you better think before you do it.

In my opinion, when that woman left Northside, and decided to drive to a church for "more" 45 minutes away she needed to realize she was forfeiting being pastored by our church, receiving pastoral care or any of the benefits that come with being a member of our church. Having supposedly "more" can cost you sometimes. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. For you see, when you go through a hard time in your life and stuff hits the fan, your "mega church" may not respond in the way you long for them to. While running around the church to take the the offering, or seeing 50 people hit the floor on a Sunday morning may give you some momentary excitement, it's really not going to help you much when somebody in your family dies or you break your hip.

Just this week our staff was faced with another situation of someone who left to go to a mega church and now needs our help. This is what prompted our staff conversation yesterday and Pastor Linds quipped about not resigning and asking for a casserole. This week's person in question has made no real friendships in their new church although they have been there quite a while. Now, they are in need of help. They want our prayer chain to be mobilized immediately on their behalf. They want our intercessors standing in the gap for them. They want our care ministry to stop by the hospital. They are wondering why a bunch of ladies in our church have not called them to encourage. Aren't we supposed to be "the church that cares"? What about our Northside Pledge?

Are our staff the only sane ones who see this picture clearly?

When they chose to go to their mega church, they were saying goodbye to our intercessors, goodbye to our care ministry, goodbye to our prayer chain, goodbye to our ladies and goodbye to our pastors.

Yes, church membership has it's responsibilities but it also has it's privileges. One of the privileges of being a MEMBER of Northside is that you can count on our prayer chain to be mobilized on your behalf. You can count on our intercessors standing in the gap and pleading your case before God. You can count on our Care Ministers to visit you in the hospital or bring you a meal after you've had major surgery. You can count on our pastors to comfort your family in a time of bereavement. You can count on us to provide top notch wedding ceremonies and funerals. You can count on Larry and I to return your phone calls or to take them if you are a member. You can count on being able to make an appointment to talk to us. Membership does indeed have it's privileges.

Last year we got a call from a former church member who left our church to go somewhere that is currently about twice as large as our church. They boasted to many about all the great benefits of their new church. They even encouraged others to come. Oh wait...they actually took three or four people with them over there! Fast forward a year later and their mother dies. It really stunk for them that while their new church allowed them to have the funeral there, they don't "do funeral dinners." That's just too much for this large church to handle and it's their policy not to do them. Hmmmmm...what to do, what to do. So the phones started ringing at Northside, asking us to do the dinner because this new great church would not. Our office said no, that was the responsibility of their new church. But they didn't stop there. They just started calling our individual members asking them to rise up to the cause. The bottom line was, they had to call somebody they actually knew. Once the funeral was over, nobody heard from them anymore. And we probably won't until the next tragedy that their new church won't help with.

I've actually had people call the church who have left and they asked, "can we meet and talk with you and Pastor Larry? We're having some family issues and just need a pastor to talk to."

"Well, have you talked to your pastor?"

"Yes, but he/she doesn't meet with people."

I wish this was an isolated case but truthfully it happens all the time. A whole lot of people in our particular city left their more balanced Word based churches years ago for a pastor with a whole lot of charisma as well as fake teeth, fake boobs, (a fake face when you get down to it), a private jet, and a whole lotta "woo woo" but where has it gotten them? Embarrassed and on the front page of the paper, that's where. Some of those people are trickling into other churches now, realizing that the "woo woo" wasn't what it was all cracked up to be.

So, I know how most of my pastor friends feel about this, but now I'm going to talk to people who read this who are church members. I know a lot of you all the way from California to Canada to Russia read my blog (I see the stats daily) and many of you e-mail me. And I want to encourage you with this. Think twice before you leave a place where you have connections, friendships, and pastors who know you for a place that is a bit (or a lot) larger and seems to have "more" of whatever. Because you might pay a higher price for that "more" than you ever imagined. Sometimes "more" is simply not worth all that you have to say goodbye to.

"But shouldn't we just do all this as Christians?" is one school of thought. Shouldn't you just run here there and everywhere with a casserole in the name of Jesus? Here is my response to that. Yes, Christians should help one another, however God places us in a church body for a reason. Pastors and churches have enough on their plate taking care of their own flock let alone taking care of some other shepherd's flock. I do not believe we are called to take care of another shepherd's flock, in fact that would not even be appropriate in most cases. When people call me and ask me to visit another pastor's church member, except in rare instances I let them know that if this person is local and already has a pastor, I am not going to interfere with that. If someone has a pastor already, you do not try to pastor them too. That would almost be considered "sheep-stealing" in many cases. (I have heard before of pastors who actually try to do that and will run over to minister to somebody else's church member in a time of need trying to 'steal' them away to another flock. That is just plain wrong.) As pastors and church members we are called primarily to reach the lost. Then there are those who belong to our flock that we must arrange care for. And that's a big job whether you have a church of 100, 300 or 1,000. You can only do so much and God doesn't expect you to take care of another man or woman's flock.

Bottom line is this. For those who leave and expect to go to "more" and still have the benefits of their old church? You know what that's called? Wanting your cake and eat it too.

So when you leave folks, don't ask for a casserole. Count the cost of going somewhere else where you think you are getting a bigger spiritual bang for your buck.

People who make it all worthwhile

Today, a very special member of our church, Michele Danielson (who happens to be one of our leaders and has been with us our entire time here at Northside) wrote a very touching tribute about Larry and I on her blog. You can read it here.

Michele is an extraordinary woman who desired to adopt a child and change their world (and hers) forever. She adopted Marcus, a precious child who she basically rescued out of a world of despair and darkness when he was three years old. His biological mother was a drug addict/prostitute and his first three years were basically completely terrifying for him.

God brought Michele into his life and she became an incredibly loving and dedicated mother. She is single - never married - no other children but Marcus. She always longed to get married but "Mr. Right" had not come along yet and she also longed to be a Mom so much, and as time was going on, she was not getting younger. So...since there are many children out there who desperately need Moms, she decided to become one! And we couldn't have been happier for her.

Michele gave Marcus herself, an extended family and a church family who love him dearly. Due to his very difficult background and abuses he suffered in the first three years of his life, he has post traumatic stress syndrome. On top of that he has ADHD. I know many people think their kid has ADHD and really they are just very active. Too many kids today are just needlessly medicated. But Marcus is not one of them. He is a child who truly does have ADHD. This with the post traumatic stress can add up to some very difficult days for Michele and many meetings with doctors, teachers and principals. Although he's got a tender heart of gold, there are times he just gets out of control, although those times are getting further and further apart. In just the time he has been with Michele, he has come so far it is unbelievable, and most important, he has accepted Jesus as his Savior.

I'll never forget the Sunday at Clearwater Beach when we were there for one of our church beach days, baptizing people and he came running up to me at the edge of the water, leaped up into my arms and said:

"Guess what Pastor Deanna?"

"What Marcus?"

[huge grin here] "I got God in my heart!"

"What?!!! You do? How did this happen?"

"It happened this morning in church when I asked Jesus into my heart!"

[whopping kiss and hug here - rubbing the top of his head like I love to do when little boys have freshly cut short hair... ]

"Marcus, I am so proud of you! This is the greatest thing ever!"

So awesome. Incredibly awesome. Now THIS is why I'm a pastor. Seriously, it makes up for all those times somebody in the church does something really screwy that you could just wring their neck for. :-) Having the joy of watching people like Marcus grow make some of the more difficult days all worthwhile.

(I'm sure Michele is thinking, "difficult days? You wanna talk about difficult days, PD...???" )

By the way, you might want to check out Michele's daily blog about her journey of adoptive single parenting - it's called, "An Adoptive Family's Life".

Marcus seeks Larry and I out every single Sunday and Wednesday wherever the two of us are at in the building to give us a hug. I have to be careful because sometimes I don't know he's coming and he takes a flying leap right into my arms or slams right into my legs. In his excitement he can pretty much knock me off my feet if I'm not watchful. He means no harm, he's just so excited and he loves his pastors. It's always a joy for me to give him a big squeezy hug as I call it, and run my hand over the top of his head back and forth on his cute little buzzed head. It reminds me of when Jordan had a buzz cut when he was Marcus's age and I used to call him "peachy" because his head felt like a peach. Incidentally, I still call him that sometimes...

I had the privilege of doing Marcus' dedication on the weekend the adoption papers were officially signed by the judge. What a great day!

Here is one of my very favorite photos ...of Marcus giving me a hug after church. Neither of us knew this was being taken. I was at the doors greeting after church and he approached me as he usually does. This particular photo is on my fridge so I see it every day because I enjoy it so much.

Every time I look at Marcus I see destiny written all over him. God has something HUGE for this child. And for his mother. I can see in about 15 years, scores of people are going to come to Michele for counsel and say, "how did you do it?" People who are in the situation she was in are going to need her wisdom and guidance to navigate their storms. And she'll be able to help them. Right now she has lots of days where she doubts herself but quite truthfully she's an extraordinary Mom and one day she'll look back and be able to see in herself what we see in her now that has somehow been hidden from her view.

When I have a rotten day at the office once in a while or I'm a little depressed over anything, the Danielson's are two people I can think about who bring a smile to my face and help me remember this thing called ministry is totally worthwhile.

Happy Beginnings & Happy Endings

Today featured a good beginning. I started with getting up to feed the dog and take her outside, then woke Savanna up and made her eggs and toast and then I thought..."today is going to be an incredibly busy day...it's going to go full speed ahead until late tonight attacking a huge initiative list for this week." So, I decided, "I'm starting this day off with some fun." And with that, I went back and got in bed with Larry before getting in the shower. :-) There are days it's just a great blessing to be a little late to work! In addition to a perfect cup of coffee or tea, this makes for an extraordinary way to start the day.

So as I predicted, once I got to work things were racing 90 to nothing. Not many of my initiatives got very far until 1:30 because I was getting constant emails or phone calls about additions, cancellations and banquet orders for the Unstoppable Conference. My meeting at the Hilton was today to square things away in giving them our banquet check, sign the room orders, and talk things through one last time. By the time we were done that it was 4 pm. Then we headed back to the office to tie up some more things before heading home. However, as soon as she got home from school Savanna called me and told me she was in a lot of pain and wanted to go to the doctors...

She woke up with a slight sore throat this morning, and I gave her some Tylenol cough and cold after breakfast. But, this afternoon it had gotten worse so I called the pediatrician and they have night time hours now (a real convenience for working-outside-the-home parents) from 6-9 pm. The appointment they had open was 8:50 so I was able to take her. All three of the kids have really been battling bad colds and sore throats. I kept Dustin home on Sunday because his was so bad and he has not been totally cleared with MRSA yet. I am having a hard time getting through to him about what he needs to do to get well. He keeps such late hours. I don't know where he gets that from. :-) Thankfully Savanna doesn't have strep or anything - it's just a virus. So we stopped to get some Motrin and cough drop lollipops.

Right now I am trying to get a lot of administrative details squared away, knock out a bunch of messages, and keep my house in order. Somewhere in there I'm finding time to pray and work out. Larry and I have been very strictly on program this week...as far as me, I'm so fixed and determined nothing is swaying me. No chocolate cake, no potato chips...nothing. There are just times I get "in the zone" and make progress and this is one of them. I set a goal for November and I am so determined to reach it.

Tonight's ending is going to be taking a bubble bath in my big tub and getting into my bed (the most comfortable in the world...) This day had a happy beginning but also a happy ending. I like that.

It's a mixed bag

I love when the spirit of God moves and changes lives. I also brace myself whenever we have a particularly great day in church because I know there will be a great attack of some sort. Usually when a bunch of people get saved or somebody has a breakthrough, no sooner do Larry and I step off the platform and some crazy thing happens.

Today was that kind of day. We had a terrific service...the presence and power of God was so great, but as soon as the service ended we just experienced an assault from the enemy. This time it was not on us personally or the church but some families in the church. I won't share the details here other than to say my prayers are particularly with a few that God will strengthen they and give them extra special wisdom right now. And I rebuke the devil, on their behalf.

This afternoon we ate lunch with Pastor T and Misty and then headed home to clean our house. We hadn't done it yesterday due to the wedding. We had so much to do. I never got out of my church clothes, just came home, took off my shoes and started working right up til the time that people got here for leadership/vision meeting. And it was a good one! They usually are.

While in the meeting, "Timmy's" father called and asked if he could stop by. I was talking to the group at the time but I told Larry when his Dad stopped by he could just take off where I left off. I went out to the front of the house and talked to Timmy and his Dad. He thanked me, hugged me and just shared a little more of the situation. I gave him a church newsletter and our business card and invited them to church. They seem very open to it and said Timmy could start coming to youth group on Wed nights. He seemed very excited. I can't wait!!! He said he would talk to Jordan on the bus about it tomorrow. GOD IS GOOD!

This my friends, is what real Christianity is all about. I hate to burst some people's bubble, but it's really not about whose kid was acting up in Sunday School, who sings the solos, whether or not you like the prices in the cafe, the color of the carpet in the sanctuary, or who hangs out with who. It's about reaching out with love and compassion and reaching a lost and dying world around us.

I hope you dance

Today/tonight I attended at a wedding at our church that Larry performed for two very special people, Liane Sanford and Tim Madden. What a joyous day it was. The bride was just absolutely radiant...so exquisitely beautiful. When the limo was coming up to the church I ran quickly out of my office out to the parking lot with my camera to snap her picture as she got out and I said, "oh my gosh, Liane! You better hope Tim doesn't faint at that altar, because when he sees you he is going to be blown away by your beauty!!!" Seriously. She looked awesome. She's waited so long for this. Her matron of honor and best friend said in the toast today that they've been BF's for 40 years and all this time she's been telling her how much she wanted to be married, and wanted a special man of God. Well, now she has one.

The reception was on a dinner cruise from Channelside. It was just great. I was so impressed. As they were dancing their first dance as husband and wife to Michael W. Smith's "Love of my Life", we snapped this photo of them. My favorite is the one where you can see the look of delight on Liane's face. (See last photo below...) I definitely wanted to get several dance photos for her and frame a special one and give her when she gets back from her honeymoon. In addition to the fact that I love Liane and want to do it just because of that, I have to admit, there is another thought in my mind as to why I want to give her a photo of their first dance.


During the reception, we are standing on the top deck, the band was playing, it was an absolutely gorgeous night. Everyone was standing there mingling and we noticed most of the men were gathered together, talking and leaning against a railing engrossed in conversation, completely oblivious that their wives are there. A friend comes over a bit frustrated and says to me, "I don't get it. Here we are, in a situation that is a perfect 'dance opportunity', and what does he do? He stands there and talks to Ralph Smith! (not his real name). Why? Why? Why? Why can't he give me some attention right now?"


I didn't have an answer. And I understood her angst perfectly. I don't know why men do this, but I will tell you this, it hurts.

I know a lot of ladies who feel this way, I mean SCORES of them. You might say, "why didn't she tell him she wanted to dance?" Well it's like this, all of us have told our husbands that many times and been given "the look". It's the unmistakable uncomfortable look that says, "ummmm....I really don't want to...I just want to stand here and look out at the water and talk to my friends..." or whatever. You can tell, they're just not that into it. Which really zaps all the joy out of it for you. It's not about being mad, not about being angry, not about being a "difficult woman". It's about feeling like you just want some attention from the person you love the most in this world.


I remember when we got married and my husband was dancing with me at the reception and to be honest he could have cared less who else was in the room. He danced with me the whole time and whispered in my ear or looked into my eyes and couldn't wipe the smile off of his face. The men in the room were non-existent to him. For a moment in time it was if the Steelers, the Penguins, and the Pirates didn't exist. He was enthralled. Every single groom I ever see looks and acts the same way. What is it? What is it that makes them act like this on their wedding day and then trade their wife momentarily for "Ralph Smith" at every future wedding now and forevermore?


The interesting thing is, the men can cluster in the corner at weddings and talk about the Bucs, the Devil Rays, or golf or whatever and ignore their wives but as soon as they get home in the bedroom, they are all very interested in their own private dance if you know what I mean. How do I know this? First I'm a woman. Second, I have a lot of friends and we talk. Third, women are very open about sharing their feelings on things like this. And believe me, a lot of us have this experience. What's so ironic about it is that if men just showed initiative and danced a lot more outside of the bedroom they would be ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED at what would happen inside, believe me. But it's something they just "don't get" in those testosterone laden heads of theirs, just as they also don't "get" putting the toilet seat down, stopping to ask for directions right away, or why doing the dishes is the prelude to absoutely mind-blowing sex. No, no, no, they don't understand the correlation at all. To them, doing the dishes has as much to do with sex as a football does with a manicure.

So today I watched this beautiful couple as they danced together. And I wanted more than any other part of the day to capture it on film and give it to the bride. Because quite frankly, unless the groom is completely different from 95% of men on the planet, she might be watching him stand by the railing and talk with the guys at the next wedding while she wonders what in the world happened in between her wedding and the next one. I hope not, I really do. I hope it's different for her. But if it's not, at least she'll have a nice photo to remember the dance forever, and how it felt, and how happy she was in that moment that seems that time is suspended and all that exists on the planet is the two of you.

To every woman out there who ever experiences this, may I just say...you're not alone. I don't have the answers for you. There are times Larry initiates this and dances with me and makes my decade. It's really quite indescribable how it makes me feel. At other times he stands by the railing or on the side and I feel really empty inside, just like a lot of other women do. The most special times in my marriage have been the nights he has not stood by the railing. They are so inexplicably life changing that I can tell you about every single time and remember every detail.

I wish this was something women could just do for each other if they needed to. But we can't.

There are so many things that "girlfriends" make up for that we don't get in a marriage relationship. I believe women friends are an invaluable gift God gives us. (This is why I always advise young ladies - don't abandon your girlfriends for your boyfriend/fiance/husband. He may be your first priority now, but continue investing in those female friendships and making them a priority in your life. You'll need those women to stand with you throughout the many times to come in your life in a way that only women can.) Anybody married longer than five minutes knows, no one person can meet all your relational needs, not even a spouse. That's why God gave us girlfriends, and Himself.

My husband listens to me vent for about half an hour and then he's tired. At that point, I call a girlfriend or meet them for coffee...we both dish over stuff going on in our lives for a few hours and then we feel like that need to communicate everything has been fulfilled. But there are some things your girlfriend can't do for you. She can't be your handsome prince, nor do you want her to be. She can't dance with you and gaze into your eyes and tell you you're beautiful and whisper into your ear. Well she can, but that would be totally gross not to mention a sin. So that's something you can only get from one place...your man. And when you don't get it, you feel a little lonely. At least my friends and I do, and I don't think we're all that odd...in fact I think we're a group of the most awesome chicks on the planet who really have our heads on straight and are some pretty wise women of God. At least we have each other to lean on and commiserate when we're feeling a little empty. No, it's not about being a man basher. I've never been a man basher and I don't hang out with women who are. The truth is, I am crazy about my husband and all my friends are crazy about theirs. The issue is, sometimes we want a little more attention from them, in the ways that mean the most to us.


No matter what happens, at each and every wedding I attend, when I watch the bride and groom dance, it's a sacred moment for me. I realize just how much it is for them too. I watch them and pray a silent prayer for the bride...

"I hope you dance...not just today, but forever...not just at home in your bedroom, but everywhere. I hope you dance."

Drama at the Shrodes house ~ updated

Well you could pretty much say we have drama every day. But today was particularly dramatic.

Today is typically our day off. Larry has a wedding rehearsal tonight and then a wedding tomorrow and he knew he wouldn't have a full day off, so he took off Tuesday and then worked this afternoon and evening. I was home with the boys in the afternoon, and Savanna hadn't gotten home from school yet. Around 3 pm, we heard a frantic banging on the door. I was in the midst of ironing our clothes for the wedding. Jordan went to answer the door. It was one of his teenage friends, who I will not name for their own privacy.


The boy was trembling and crying frantically at the door and asked if he could use our phone. His step father had picked him up (literally) and thrown him out of the house and locked the door. It was over the fact that his mother said he could have a snack and then the step father said, "no you can't." The boy got very upset with his stepfather and then the "kicking out" incident occurred. So he ran to our house and was upset and called his father. (His father immediately called the cops on the step father.) This boy is not a thug...he's truly a very sweet compliant boy under normal circumstances. So there I sat on my couch, holding a sobbing teenage boy in my arms who was repeatedly saying, "thank you...thank you...I'm sorry...I'm sorry" as I told him it was going to be alright. When he finally stopped crying I said, "do you want a snack?" Somebody give this poor boy a snack!!! :-) He smiled through his tears but said no, he was too upset now for a snack. Soon after, I had three Pasco County sheriffs at my door. It was a good thing Dustin put the gun away.

THE GUN??!! Yes, the gun. I told you there was drama.

I told the boys, "if Timmy's (not his real name) step Dad comes to the door, lock Timmy in your room and I'll talk to his step Dad and get him to leave til' his Mom gets home from work." To which Dustin says, "no problem, Mom, I'll take care of it..." and runs to get his Dad's gun. (Yes, we do believe in the constitutional right to bear arms in this house...we see nothing wrong with having guns - unloaded - ammunition kept in a separate place - with children in the house. My kids don't know where the ammo is, incidentally. And in case you are wondering what I would use a gun for - that would be in case of an intruder or somebody trying to hurt my precious family.) But anyway...Dustin was ready to pull a gun on the step-Dad and tell him to leave. Talk about drama! But I said, "Dustin, don't be silly, put the gun away. We won't be needing it." Just as he put it away, there were the deputies at the door. Great timing.

So, they talked to Timmy for a while, talked to me, talked to his Dad on the phone. They (sherriffs) asked if he could stay at our house and I said sure. The boys were all psyched for him to stay. Dustin said, "Mom, Jordan has an extra bed in his room anyway! Timmy can just move in!" I said, "uh, no, I don't think we're talking about moving in here, just waiting til' his Mom gets home..." Actually I'd have no problem with Timmy or any other stray kids moving in here, but my husband feels differently. I've got a heart as big as all outdoors when it comes to this and there are a few times I've taken people in to live with us to help them. Each time Larry just wants to wring my neck and so I know...I'm not to do it again. But my heart wants to. Anytime a situation like this comes up, I get "that look" on my face like, "we need to help them" and I get "that look" back from him that says, "I don't want anybody else living with us. I need to walk around in my boxers and have that be perfectly okay, 24/7." Alright, I get it. But sometimes it's hard.

So a little while later, Timmy's Mom came home and he went on home with her. I guess there's probably some real drama in that house tonight. As he was leaving and going down our sidewalk I said, "bye hon, we're praying for you" and he was still crying walking home.

You know, I realize this kind of stuff is petty... "I'm getting a snack..." "No you're not..." but the truth of it is, it's hard to deal with the whole step dad and step mom issue. The whole time Timmy was on the phone with his Dad, I am saying in a conservative estimate that he said five times, "I love you Dad..." It's clear, he's hurting, he misses his father. I realize it's hard to BE a step-parent but I think sometimes people don't realize how hard it is to be a step-kid. This is why if God forbid something happened to Larry, I don't think I could ever remarry, especially if I still had kids living at home. The reason is, the kids are so often resentful of the step-parent and the thing is, they existed before they did. So I feel like in that case my kids would have to be my first priority and if somebody didn't get along with them, well, that somebody would just not be in my life. But we're talking about me and not these people, so let's get back to it...

Timmy is a hurting boy who has been at odds with his stepfather since he married his Mom in 2000, and it's not getting any better. I wish we could just take him into our home and keep him for a while and give him a respite from it and let him heal up, but as Larry reminds me, we are not an orphanage or a boarding house although I wouldn't half mind it. (Did I already say that once?)

The other night Bobby stopped by and I was cooking up a big dinner when the Visconti's were here and as usual we just set another place at the table. And he talked of how much he loves being at our house...and the issues with his Mom (she's a porn star in California who left him when he was five) and sitting there at the table I realized I'm probably the only close to normal (I don't consider myself totally normal!) woman he knows who is sort of like a mother figure to him. The Visconti's noticed how he refers to us in all conversations as Momma and Papa.

My husband won't let me take all these kids into our house beyond setting an extra plate at the table for them or having them spend a night or two, but I wish I could.

Just as an update...when I got home from the wedding rehearsal dinner tonight there was a message from Timmy's father asking me to call he and his wife. I've never met them before. They live in the next town over. I called and they got on speaker phone with me. They went on and on about how grateful they were that we were here for Timmy and what our help meant to them. His Dad said, "When Timmy called me, he was so distraught, I didn't even realize it was him!" (I knew that...like I said, the boy was VERY upset and sobbing.) Anyway, he said he felt helpless and very upset that his son was having such a problem and he could not be here. He said, "you were the mother Timmy needed today. Thank you." He and his wife went on and on about this for about 15 minutes and just poured out their thankfulness. I told them Timmy could come here anytime and always has a safe place to run to. They seemed so relieved and comforted by that. They want to stop by Sunday afternoon when they drop him off, to meet us personally. They seem like incredibly nice people and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if I invited them to church if they came. By the way, they have been trying to get full custody of Timmy, but his Mom gave the lawyers a list of 20 stipulations they have to meet first and they have been hashing it all out. Evidently she's been making life as miserable as possible for everybody.

When Timmy was pouring out his heart to his Dad today and kept saying I love you, I love you, I love you Dad... and I could hear what his father was saying to him, I wondered, "why don't you just keep him at your house?" but I knew there had to be some reason he didn't have him that just didn't make sense this afternoon. Now I know. His Mom is fighting it. His step-Mom seems to just adore him and want him to live with she and his Dad as well. Quite frankly he is a very sweet easy going child and it just doesn't make sense that he would have this rebellion his Step-Dad says he does. Larry always says he thinks in these cases, the natural mother/father should do the disciplining and directions for the mental health of all concerned. But it doesn't always work that way. Timmy's Dad says the step-Dad pretty much has a bully personality. Sounds like a job for...the Dr. Phil house!

Stages of grief

The other day I came across the five stages of grief as I was reading a book.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Surrender/Acceptance

I found myself asking, "what stage am I in with the issue of my car?" I find myself teeter tottering between anger, bargaining, and depression. I'm past the denial stage. It didn't last long because I had a picture of the car to look at and signing over the papers in the lot of the body shop and then not having a car to drive for over three months pretty much cured any denial I might have had.

But now I find myself going back and forth with the other stages. I sometimes daydream that somebody bought the car from the junk yard, spent whatever it took to fix it up, and surprised me with it. I sit there and fantasize about it and then come back to the real world a few minutes later. Then, I let my mind go to a new car lot and the possibilities for the future. I picture myself signing the papers to get a new car. I picture myself with a new Mustang. I picture myself with a Sebring. I picture the Stang in silver with a black top, and the Sebring Convertible totally black. I hear the CD player as I turn it up. I imagine myself driving down Lexington Oaks Blvd. I picture myself with the "best case scenario" of a car...and then a lump comes into my throat, I start to cry and I hurry up and get off of the thought and go back to whatever I was doing. Sometimes instead of a lump in my throat and crying, I grit my teeth instead, bang my fist on whatever is near (table, desk, dashboard) and say, "WHY?"

"Are you caught up in materialism?" you might ask. No. This isn't about materialism, it's about sentimentalism. (Is that a word?) If I was caught up in materialism, I would have gone out the next day or week and bought a car. I can afford one. That is not the issue. The reason I still don't have a car in over three months time since the accident is because I can't bring myself to buy one emotionally. It still hurts.

I guess when you get down to it, it's not really about a car, but mine and Larry's journey to get to the point where we could afford another car. As I explained to Pastor T yesterday when I was talking to him about it, it's more about the fact of what Larry and I experienced together in ministry, waiting to get to the point where my car was a possibility. I remember my husband crying (something he rarely if ever does) and saying he wished he could provide better for me. (It was never his fault, and I never made him feel like he didn't provide. It's just that a man knows when his family is struggling. And we both had a commitment to work together no matter how hard it got. Doing that meant that we made a lot of sacrifices over 15 years time. Sometimes we regret it, and at other times we say, "we're so glad we did it." Just all depends on what day it is!)

Anyway, I remember a few times when Larry hung his head and realized...I got rides to my own choir practice. If somebody invited me to speak, I had to find a ride. Our kids qualified for free school lunches. (But we never took them because Larry was embarrassed by it and thought if we did the free school lunch it would make our church look bad to those in the community. Personally I thought, 'let them look bad. It's their fault..." but my husband is much more spiritual on these things than I.) I only got my hair cut twice a year (didn't have money to get it blow dried or styled let alone colored professionally. That's why it looked so ratty when I arrived in Tampa.). Twice a year, sometimes four if we were really blessed - I would get my hair cut and leave with it wet, even in the winter time. I never bought clothes like my friends did. Anything I had with a rare exception, was from somebody else. (I got some great blessings and God always took care of me.) I didn't go with my friends on shopping trips. I really didn't like the mall because I couldn't get anything there. All of us needed serious dental work when we got to Tampa, from a lack of proper care. I could take one packet of chicken and make it stretch a week. (To this day Larry won't eat stewed chicken because it reminds him of when I would make a big pot of that and we had to eat it all week.) My mother in law - bless her heart - helped get our kids school supplies and shoes. And...we never had our own house. I know I've blogged about all this before, but just for any new readers and my own catharsis...this is where we've come from. And really, it's the story of 99.9% of all minister's lives. It's nothing "new" to anybody reading who is in the ministry, I realize that. If you are a pastor reading this you are probably thinking, "she's telling my life story, and all my pastor-friends life stories too...." But while I have a lot of ministers who read my blog there are just as many readers who aren't ministers and might not understand -- this is the journey that a majority of those in ministry go through - especially one where both husband and wife are working for the church exclusively. The first decade of ministry and sometimes even longer than that - is really a challenge in this regard.

While I never brought any of this up at the time, it was plain as day that we lived this way and Larry could see it. I know it bothered him, yet working together was more important to us. You might wonder why I never brought it up, or how that would be possible for a wife who lived this way. Actually I was able to find contentment in those years most of the time. There were a few times I had to "pray through" on it but the reality is - I loved God and the ministry more. Ministry was more my passion than having a new dress or a house. And it was through keeping my focus there that contentment was found. It still is, only I really realize just how blessed I am to be able to have and do those things now! (Don't ever think that each time I walk into Bealls or JC Penney's I'm not saying "THANK YOU JESUS THAT I CAN DO THIS NOW!!!" If there's anybody grateful for God's blessings it's me. I get totally whipped up when I even buy a $5 bracelet at Bealls Outlet. I mean, it seriously "makes my day"! I'm the type of person if I get even a little gift, I hop up and down over it. And when I give to somebody else I feel the same way. I never lose the wonder that I have a house...and lots of shoes. :-) GOD IS SO AMAZING. He's given me so much and I not only enjoy it but I want to bless others with it.

The day he got me the car as a gift was such a sentimental day...it was my birthday, my 38th. And it was a day when we realized, our lives had truly transitioned into another level where not only did our family not have to get one drink at McDonalds and share it between five people anymore, but I had my own car. I don't think I could stop smiling for at least a week. I loved that car but more than that, I loved what it represented. It really represented "a new day." In fact, I remember putting the top down on the Stang, turning on Avalon's "New Day" and riding down Dale Mabry Highway in Tampa realizing that indeed it WAS a new day. Among the many other things in my life, it represented Galatians 6:8 for me, "Do not be weary in well doing, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you faint not." Truly, anybody who knew a shred of where I came from never begrudged me for having that car.

Well, it's like this. I'm really sick of juggling our schedules with just the van. But not sick enough that I can see myself getting another car. I think I'm depressed some of the time over it but then there are days I just get so darn angry I say to myself, "look at you, you are only on stage two. You are not even to the depression stage yet because you are just so freaking mad about this still."

Larry really would love to have a Charger. He loves them. Part of me doesn't care if he just gets one and I won't have a car...he'll just have two for himself and I'll occasionally drive one of "his cars" when I have to. The other part of me wonders if I will get over this and want a car of my own in a year or so. Surely at some point I will get to the surrender/acceptance stage. But then he won't want to be upside down on a loan or get rid of the Charger in order to get me something... because it just won't be financial wisdom once he gets another car. And my husband is all about financial wisdom. We may have more money now, but his determination to be fiscally responsible is still there which is a good thing. He balances me out.

Larry mentioned to his Sunday School class one day that he loves Chargers. One weekend he rented one and he had a blast with it. So one day a man from his Sunday School class comes up and says to me, "you know, you need to encourage him to get a Charger and you just take the van. It would be good for his self esteem." First of all, I don't think his self esteem is suffering. And second, if it was, he wouldn't need a Charger, he would need counseling.

I don't expect anybody to understand this...I just needed to write it.

Back in the saddle

Time for routine again. Today was a really busy day in trying to get back to the rhythm of life, ministry, home, and all things Shrodes. Any time I take a few days off in a row, it's crazy getting things back in order again but I'm always glad when I do.

We are coming down to the wire with the Unstoppable Conference and getting all the finishing touches on it. This is crunch time. It's going to be wonderful. We are still having people sign up, which is great! I know I have mentioned this before but it bears repeating...we have people coming from as far as Africa! And did I mention that I have the best friends in the world who really believe in this? Pastor Tara is counting down the days, as well as a bunch of other people. I'm so excited but as always feel like I'm running out of time even if I've been working on something for eons.

We left work today and went to the store to get everything for Savanna's school project. She waited til the last minute to tell me which is par for the course. Thankfully Jordan has done this project before and he's going to help her. They started on it and I made dinner which was baked salmon, whole wheat pasta with olive oil and garlic and squash. Yum! (Yes, I'm still 200% on program, thank you very much. My mind is so set...I am so motivated to get where I need to be.)

Some of my motivation comes from madness. When I get mad at the devil (or anybody else, really --kind of embarrassing to admit...but) I have accomplished some of the greatest things when I'm mad. You know, winners are just ex-losers who got mad and refused to quit. So that's me. I'll never quit, never give in and never give up...on anything. Over the years people have tried to tell me, "you won't be able to accomplish this or that, especially without me...blah blah blah," and basically as soon as they say that, they have sealed their fate because I will make sure I don't lose. I'll either win or die trying. The only person I can't accomplish something without is the Lord Himself. I really believe God and a person equals a majority. Through HIS power and might there is nothing you can't do. In Him, we are truly WONDER WOMEN! So, here I am. I'm striving for several things in the remainder of this year that will be winning accomplishments and by December 31, 2007 THEY WILL BE DONE.

One thing that has really inspired me this year is Mark Batterson's manifesto from his book, In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day. When I read it as we were gearing up for 2007, the manifesto directed me in many of my decisions that I made. Those decisions really became a Proverbs 3:5 & 6 thing, because only through the hand of God will all the God-inspired objectives that I have for 2007 come true. (Especially with some of the obstacles that were in my way.) I have realized the need more than ever to TRUST in the Lord with ALL my heart...to lean not on my own understanding...to acknowledge HIM in all my ways...allowing HIM to direct my path. I know in doing this I will see the God-given dreams of my heart come to pass as time goes on.

Here is the manifesto from Batterson's book:

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion.

Wow...powerful, huh? I'm living it!!!

Time now for me to walk for a few miles...take a shower and sit in the jacuzzi with Larry. What a perfect cap off to my night. By the way, here are five things I discovered this week that make me happy...

1) A small or medium peach is zero points on weight watchers! Can you believe that? Needless to say I'm eating a lot of peaches.

2) Progresso just came out with some soups that are ZERO points! Can you believe this? How convenient!

3) Tampa Bay sunsets have the ability to make me happy every night. I never tire of them. Here's one from this past week...photo taken in my back yard by Jordan.

4) You can eat a whole lot more pasta if you just switch to whole wheat.

5) There's some really cool zero point sprinkle cheese that you can put on popcorn. Thank you, Pastor Dawn, for introducing this to me. Yum! Yum!

Foreplay

Four Steps to Making Your Dream Come True

This morning I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and this was our topic for the day. I thought I'd share what our leader shared and for all my WW friends out there, may it inspire you.

1) State your dream in the positive. (For instance don't say, "I'm going to lose weight so I won't be tired all the time" but instead say, "I'm going to lose weight and have a lot more energy!")

2) Make your dream specific. (Don't just say you want to lose weight - give your dream a deadline and goals along the way.)

3) Be sure it's within your control. (Example: don't say, ""My husband and kids will not bring junk food home" but instead say, "I'll stock my house with all the great foods I need to succeed!" You can't control what others do but you can control what you do.)

4) Check to make sure it's a good fit with your life. (All dreams aren't good for our lifestyle. For instance, if you are not a morning person don't make it your dream to get up at 5 am and work out.)

Remember, losing the weight is NOT YOUR DREAM!!! The dream is what losing weight will get you.

DREAM:

Discover yourself

Reach for the stars

Expect great things

Aim higher with a winning outcome and

Make it come true!

By the way, my specific dream as regards weight is to be a little under goal in the next twelve weeks. Along with Pastor Tara...sit back and just watch me shrink! I told my husband last night, I want to be "small and in charge." He said, "WHAT?" I said yeah, you know, versus large and in charge! :-) Still a leader, yet along with PT, "the incredible shrinking woman."

It's been a tough 2007 and in the beginning of this year my husband declared this year "the year of the next level." The enemy has tried to do nothing but torpedo me through taking a bunch of stuff from me, and attacking my family and all I hold dear, but it's like this, I'm coming back to get my stuff. Only he has to pay me back more than he took. Just to give him another black eye in his already ugly face I'm going to not only hit lifetime goal, but I'm telling you - I'm going six pounds beyond it just to spite him. Get ready, get ready, get ready!

I hate goodbyes

Our time with our dear friends, the Visconti's, came to a close today. We had to take them back to the airport this afternoon. It was sad saying goodbye, but we know we'll have another visit again in the coming months, plus talk on the phone a ton. Still, it's hard to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes! I only like hellos. Why any of us need to say goodbye, I don't understand. I hava always hated saying goodbye and sometimes even refuse to do it or avoid it. Sometimes I have to do it - otherwise it's just inapppropriate. I take these things hard, still.

Randy said he ate so much this time when he came it felt like he was on a cruise! We had ice cream so much, I don't even want to admit how much. As soon as they left today I went and stocked up on WW stuff to get totally on track and back in "the zone" as I call it. But it was all worth it! We had such a good time just sharing our hearts and being with those who understand the unique role we share as ministers, and particularly as like-minded ones. So much to talk about and so little time.

I have been off line a lot of the time the past few days, just wanting to spend as much time with them as possible and also needing a break. It's been a really busy season, getting things ready for several big ministry projects, being on the road some, and what not. It had been a while since I had a true day off. I needed not one but several. It was so good not only to be together but to take some time off. Now it is back to full capacity plus a bit more...

It's time to press in and believe for a new level. Here I come!

Scenes from the last few days...

Just a few photos from the last few days together... enjoying some time off ~ at Clearwater Beach...fishing in our back yard...relaxing with our dear friends, the Visconti's.

Do we really have to get back to "the real world?"

I'll be back to normal blogging tomorrow. Just wanted to drop in to show you ~ I'm still here, and having a great time.

Zzzzzz.........

Sleep glorious sleep. I tried to stay up the past two nights but it just didn't work. I was zonked. Larry and our friends were watching a movie Thursday night, and in the jacuzzi last night, but I went to bed early and actually got 8 hours sleep which I haven't done in FOREVER. These few days have been days off for me and honestly I haven't had them in a few weeks so I am really catching up on rest.

I am not blogging much because we're spending time with our friends but I'll be back in full force with lots of blogging on Tuesday night after they are back to Arizona.

We have just been eating and talking a lot...and I'm also working out and trying to watch my weight as best as possible. Back on the elliptical machine and my bike with regularity...trying to drop fifteen pounds ~ which I shall do. Yes, I will. Pastor Tara, are you with me? ("PT are you with me? Woo Woo! Do you want a revolution?")