Holy Ghost Tweaked Messages

So, I had my message done for Inspire Conference and put it to rest and went on to other things. But as usual, as I'm winding down for the evening, God drops a few more things in my head and I yank it back out and start writing all over my "final" copy. I'll re-type with all the changes tomorrow and make another "final copy" so then I can write all over THAT one in my hotel room Thursday night. :-)

Really the copy is never final. God adds things up til the last second, and then during. They have asked me to bring a message they heard me bring before at another conference...and I am. Only when I am asked to do this and I preach something the second, third, fourth (or even more) times, the Lord always tweaks it.

You'd think it would be easy...somebody hears a message, it totally resonates with them and they bring you in to their church/conference to bring that same specific message, so - what's so hard about this? Just pull the notes back out. Well, with me, especially on the things I'm so passionate about - God is always telling me more things. Always bringing a fresh perspective. Always igniting my fire again. So it's the same message, with usually much more to it, and also other parts refined. Plus a fresh anointing of the Spirit upon it, so therefore no telling what can happen to it.

I really know that God is going to show up this weekend. I have no doubt.

Bringing God's Word to people is the biggest responsibility but also the most exciting thing in the world. I still wake up in the mornings and say, "I can't believe this is what I get to do!"

They say if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life!

Fifteen things I'm crazy about...

1) Levi's

2) The color pink

3) Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge

4) The life coaching class I teach.

5) Boots

6) Flip flops with sequins

7) Edy's slow churned low fat ice cream

8) Preaching

9) Worthington clothes from JC Penney's

10) Anything vanilla scented

11) When one of my kids lays across the bed and talks to me

12) Pretty underwear

13) Coffee and tea shops

14) Riding my bike at sunset

15) Feeling well! (Can't wait for this again!)

Do they have a life now?

Just about every week, I get a message on Myspace or Facebook from somebody I went to school with 20 or more years ago. Usually it's somebody I have not heard from AT ALL until now. These are people I have to really jog my memory to figure out who they are. Usually I vaguely remember that they sat in the corner of my english class, or that they were a friend of a friend. Most times we were simply aware of each other's name and face back then if nothing else. Sometimes, not even that! I am often contacted by complete strangers.

These people search for all alumni of their school on Myspace or Facebook. I realize that is one of the major functions of these sites...to find people. But I find when they contact me now, many times they want to form a relationship or get together, or at least write long letters back and forth. I have to admit, it sort of puzzles me. Maybe this is just me, but when this happens, I just get a feeling with many of them -- perhaps not all, but probably most - they have not "moved on with life." In other words, they have a great desire to reminisce...to connect with people they used to know...to form relationships with those that have some connection with their past, albeit a slight connection. I wonder sometimes if people are missing something in their lives now which drives them to connect with people from the past.

Part of my deal is that life for me is so full...so complete. I have moved forward with my life, and have a family and wonderful friends who fill it. I don't have a need to regurgitate the past or form a relationship I could have had in high school - but didn't - and now for some reason want to search for.

It's different when somebody you were actually friends with finds you on one of these sites and contacts you. I've had that happen probably four or five times and always welcomed it. It's nice to hear how they are doing and catch up with each other. It's just the people I barely knew, or might not have known at all - who write with such excitement and intensity that "we've found each other!!!" that I don't understand.

Something about that just seems weird to me. Maybe I am the strange one, I don't know. But when I have somebody like that ask me to "get together for coffee" when they visit Florida next time, I just think, "Why?" What reason would somebody have for spending part of their Florida vacation with someone they barely know who simply went to the same school?

Somebody please tell me if I'm way off base here. I just want to understand this phenomenon. If I need to be making coffee dates and I'm the out of touch one, clue me in!

My endearing Larry

Larry has been a great comfort to me this past week while I have been feeling so poorly. Last night he talked to me for a long time about how I'm feeling, and just put his hand on me and prayed for me. That alone brought me so much peace. If I can just lay down next to him, I feel better. I couldn't wait for him to come home today. I worked from bed all day, on my laptop. Actually finished all my initiatives that are computer related. Anything else that has to be wrapped up here in Tampa before I leave for Orlando, I have to go in to the office and do tomorrow. Everything from packing everything for my product table to making my announcement video for Sunday's service, to just wrapping up all loose ends for Sunday. Part of the difficulty when I go away is that I have to cram everything into a few days work and that is not easy. I'll still come back to a few loose ends Saturday night but that cannot be helped.

Cathy (our assistant) handled everything at the office today, even handling any calls that came in for me, returning them for me if need be. I just was not up to it. I was no good to anyone today in trying to help them. I was in too much discomfort to think straight and quite honestly I don't think it's fair to people that I be endeavoring to deal with serious stuff in their lives while I'm just thinking about how much pain I'm in and need to get off the phone. I appreciate Cathy so much - what a God-send she is, and she knows how to handle things. She's a great mix of being efficient and spiritual.

Anyhoo, I did shower and dress today and even put makeup on but aside from that...worked from bed with my laptop. Larry came home today after work and brought me a pack of Wint-O-Green lifesaver mints. He knows how much I love them. He does special things for me like that all the time. He also brought me some lowfat cheesecake icecream. It's things like that that he does all the time that just endear him more to me. Last night I just cried on his shoulder for a while about the way I feel - literally. I just can't wait to feel normal again. Well, as normal as I can be!

I need to pack.

I need to clean the house before Pastor Matt comes to stay with the boys.

I don't have the energy to do it. Pastor Matt probably won't care if I don't...but I care. Thus the angst I have about it. I hope my family will help me with this. I just don't have it in me to clean right now beyond putting the dishes in the dishwasher, that's about it.

Jordan got his driver's liscense permit today. The world will never be the same. I am not happy about it, but I really can't control it. He's plenty old enough by FL standards, and he's in driver's ed and he's required to have it. In 3 weeks, he turns 16. Now both my boys are able to drive and it's just the scariest thing in the world. Nobody really understands that until it happens to them...I just had my head in the sand and thought this day would never come.

So, what else is on my agenda tonight? Remaining initiatives tonight are to watch American Idol with Larry and the kids (we have it Tivo'd) and then spend some time in prayer before bed. And lay there with Larry some more if I can convince him to come to bed earlier rather than later. I think I can.

The devil is such a liar

Well, I know this is not the most exciting blogging in the world. Far different from my norm. but I feel so different from the norm. Thanks to all you dear ones who have emailed to say you've kept me in your prayers the past week. It's been six days that I have felt this way.

Yesterday Dr. Rosemay (my doc) gave me a prescription at church to take care of this crazy breakout. It's almost gone. But my other symptoms remain and I am in a lot of discomfort. I'm going in to see her Wednesday if she can squeeze me in on the schedule which she always manages to do somehow... I'm rarely sick but when I am, she gives her pastor priority. I appreciate her for that and so much more.

I just can't keep feeling this way. I have been afraid to deal with this fully before Thursday -- I have to leave first thing that morning to speak at a conference in Orlando...the "Inspire" conference for women. I don't want anything to stand in the way of that. So why worry? Well, let's put it this way, because Rosemay is an excellent doctor. I know, I know that sounds totally weird. But here's the deal. I have only been seriously ill here once while living in Tampa, and what did she do? Basically sentenced me to a hospital bed ...for four days. I mean, she gave me no choice...she ordered me there. And there I stayed until she got to the bottom of my problem. Rosemay is a family doctor, also an internist. She'll find out what's wrong with you, whatever she has to do. After just 24 hours, I was sick of laying in the hospital, especially without my briefcase and my computer. :-) I said, "do I really have to stay here? Please, just release me...I have so much to do. She kept me there a few days. Then, I had to preach on Sat. She didn't want me to. I needed an operation asap. She finally agreed that if I would not eat a thing on Sat., only clear liquids, and take the medication she gave me, she'd allow it and wait til' Monday to operate. I obeyed. Got the operation Monday and all was well. But Rosemay...she's one tough cookie. If she didn't like what she saw, she'd keep me home from Orlando in a New York minute!!!.

Rosemay doesn't play around. If she has an inkling that anything is wrong, she acts on it big time. As well she should, that's why she's the doc.

So here's the deal, I think I'm going to go see her Wed. and if I need some tests, set some up for Monday if possible.

I need to be sick like I need to bang my head against a wall. I have so much going on all the time. And to me nothing is more important than my family and the Kingdom. I try to ignore being sick. I rarely am, but when I am I try to just believe God to touch me and keep going. I truly believe in God's healing power. If that same spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in us...what happens? He will quicken our bodies, that's what the Word says, and I believe it. So I just quote that and move on. Sometimes that becomes difficult to just keep going if my prayer is not answered right away. And at times I need to use wisdom and in addition to quoting and praying, I need to make an appt. with Rosemay.

And something I'm learning through this week is that I need to RELAX more, not just my body but my mind...GIVE GOD THE CHURCH COMPLETELY (it's His anyway) and stop worrying so much about it, go to bed at a decent hour 99% of the time, stop answering work e-mails on my day off, take a day off once a week no matter what, make people respect my boundaries more, LET GO of things I can't control. There really IS a purpose to why I have felt bad the past week - for this if nothing else. More than anything I need to DEPEND ON GOD MORE . I've gotten so much better in the past eight years or so. Back about eight years ago I made a major change, but my work hours big time...(I still work a lot, but no where near what I used to - I was so far out of balance eight years ago, it was ridiculous. I needed an overhaul, and I got one. I started working a sane amount of hours, taking a day off, etc. Still even with that- I sometimes slip back and allow myself to skip a day off one week or a few weeks in a row because of pressing issues I justify it. Or, I allow people to cross my boundaries too much and don't take up for myself enough. I'm learning more about that. This past week is bringing me to a new understanding of what I need to do to make things better - a new level. Not work harder - but SMARTER. Be what I need to be even more by taking yet even better care of me to be the best for my husband, my family, my church, and everybody else.

Thank you, those of you friends reading, for continuing to pray for me. Specifically please pray for healing for me, and...for an incredible move of God at the Inspire Conference!!! I want to actually enjoy what God is doing, and not be sick anymore. The devil is such a liar, isn't he? I hate him.

Still hanging in there

My blogs have been scarce the past few days...just too sick to post.

I've gone on with all my church duties, right down to services, meetings, newcomer's, etc. etc. but no energy beyond that. Had Rosemay look at my break out that occurred and she has never seen it with enough of her patients to be able to really know what it is. It was puzzling to her. She did give me a prescription and so far it seems to be helping a little though I've only used it once. I can't really explain the way I've felt physically the past week other than to say it's an all out - and rare - attack. Pastor Lindsay and I had a long talk tonight about the fact that things in the church took such a major surge forward in 2006 and going into 2007, the enemy has tried to attack so terribly. We just have to stand strong together and move forward.

The enemy has really tried to put the attack on my family and my physical body in the past month like I haven't experienced in...forever. That just means that I need to pray like never before. So I'm prepared to do that.

I feel like I did a terrible job ministering both Wed. and Sunday. Just wasn't myself. Despite my best attempts, I felt it fell flat. Amazingly several people came up to me both services and talked about how much whatever I said or did ministered to them. That was huge to me because I just felt like everything that just happened was perhaps of no consequence and that I had pushed through, fallen flat, all for nothing. But evidently at least a few people were blessed.

As always, we have to work like it depends on us, and pray like it depends on God. Because...it truly does.

Still not up to blogging anything major. Maybe in a day or two with God's help I'll be back to my old self. For now, just doing my work at both home and church is enough for me to manage.

Late night

Just getting home...at 2:45 am Sat...we decided to go out Friday night with Keith and Joy...met them half way at Carrabbas (my favorite!) and then ended up going to their house for a long time of fellowship afterwards. IT WAS SO OVER DUE!! We have missed them. We've just both been so busy and our schedules not conducive to getting together.

I was feeling much better today than the past 3 days. Still toinght for some reason I broke out with what looked like an allergic reaction to something. But I just decided with all of this to press on, and not let anything get to me. I just don't have time nor patience to sit around and be sick.

Lots on my mind...it's all pretty good, but I'm too tired to blog it tonight at what is now 2:46 am. So...more Saturday when I'm more coherant.

10 things I appreciate when I'm sick

1) My rice bag heating pad - you put it in the microwave and heat for a few minutes and it smells good and also stays hot for a long time.

2) Coca cola

3) The comfort of my bed.

4) Tylenol PM

5) When Larry comes and sits on the side of the bed and talks to me and just holds my hand for a while or rubs on my back/shoulders.

6) When my son Jordan prays for me. He has such faith and his prayers are often answered. He has always been the one I call in to pray for me when I get sick.

7) If I don't have a headache and can handle it, I like to watch TV a little and catch up on things I've been too busy to see.

8) Popsicles - preferably grape

9) Chicken noodle or rice soup.

10) Listening to worship music or a healing scripture tape.

Still not up to par

I stayed home from the office today and decided to work from bed. Yes, seriously. I've done that one other time. I do it when things really have to be done but I just can't manage to go through my normal day for some reason. (which is extremely rare) Anyway, I was in bed today with the laptop most of the day, cranking out work and e-mailing it to Cathy. Actually I get quite a bit of work done that way because it's quiet, no interruptions. I finished two messages plus more.

Yesterday I went to get my hair done. It's one of my favorite things I do each month because my hairdresser, Ada, has become a dear friend. And this time with her is precious. We enjoy each other's company so much. Plus, I just love what she does with my hair each time. Well, yesterday while she was working on me, I had to actually tell her to stop, I felt so sick. She said I turned white as a ghost and it really worried her there for a sec. Once the feeling subsided she started again but I was just feeling awful. Yet I knew I was the only keyboard player at church last night...and I was scheduled to speak. I didn't want to screw everything up, so I just prayed about it and trudged on.

I took the medication Doc recommended and for a part of the day I felt fine, but now I'm feeling poorly again. The last thing I need is to feel this way. Not that anyone needs to feel this way - hello! But what I mean is...I just don't have time for it.

Rosemay told me to come in tomorrow if I need to. I hate to do that because it will just be a consultation to set up tests and nothing definitive til much later and...I will have taken up my day off (when I'd much rather be resting) sitting in the doctor's office.

Anyone reading this blog for more than a few days knows how much I enjoy my day off. It's mine and Larry's "fun Friday". It's our time to either play or rest. Tomorrow for me will be rest since it's what I need most right now. So I simply ask...anyone out there who cares...please say yet another prayer for me tonight and tomorrow.

The Bible says that the enemy loves to "wear out the saints". satan loves to make people tired and feeling like this. And I don't want to give in to him for one second. What a liar he is.

Thank you, friends...for your prayers.

This will blow your mind it's so cool

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Sick...

I don't feel good today/tonight. Nothing to say but that. It sort of overshadowed my whole day. Dr. Watson talked to me tonight at church and had me pick up some medicine on the way home, but I still feel the same so far. Any of you reading this tonight, please just say a prayer for me. Thank you.

Antagonists in the church...

Today began with my alarm ringing very early in the complete darkness of our hotel room. As usual the room was cold and the bed absolutely cozy and divine. The last thing I wanted to do was get out of it but I stumbled in to the wonderful warm shower and started making my tea, just like I do each day. Then I went downstairs to the lobby and ate breakfast with Gary and Rhonda.

We had a full day of church life co-horts, with Sis. Lee teaching this time (just love her) and Terry Yancey. Larry and I managed to quickly snag Sis. Lee to take her to lunch and talk to her.

Today the teachings were on conflict resolution styles in leadership, and antagonists in the church. Awesome stuff. Stuff I wish I knew YEARS ago. It would have changed my life. But thank God I’m learning it now! It was really fascinating to learn all this and quite truthfully in discovering it, it brings understanding to things I have gone through in the past. Now I realize just how hard some of the things really were to navigate and what a miracle it is that I’m still in one piece!

Some great quotes that I can share from today's co-hort (not confidential)

First...from our fellow pastors in our group...

"My wife made me read Breaking Intimidation by John Bevere." - George (anybody see the oxymoron of this quote? Get it? MADE me?) and...

"You can't be a goldfish when you're swimming with sharks." - Max

As for other quotes Sis. Lee used in her teaching that really stood out:

"Antagonists are individuals who, on the basis of no substantive evidence, go out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the person or performance of others. These attacks are selfish in nature, tearing down rather than building up, and are frequently directed against those in leadership.” – Kenneth Haugk

“Conflict is two or more objects aggressively trying to occupy the same space at the same time.” G. Douglass Lewis, Resolving Church Conflicts

“Conflict arises when the actions of one party threatens the values, goals, or behaviors of another party.”

One thing Sis. Lee said that was sobering is that although God can do anything, and the supernatural can happen, and restoration is possible…she and Doc have never known even one person personally who was a church antagonist and such happened. It is with this that I realize…sometimes what you do or don’t do will never change that person. It’s your survival and thriving through it as a pastor that is what matters.

Great stuff.

We ended the CLR teaching time and then went to dinner with George and Irene. Great time of sharing and we didn’t want to leave, but had to. Were getting home at 11:30 tonight as is, and making it later just wasn’t appealing though talking to them was.

It’s so awesome to be with our co-hort coaching group, and I don’t even want to THINK about it ending. It’s going to end. The two years is going to come to a close. And I’m going to miss it so much. Even though we can sign up again, it will not be the same exact people. Maybe some of the people, but not all. And other new people would be in the group. I’m not exclusive, nor snobby. It’s just that a new group would mean establishing a whole new level of trust. We came in with no trust, most of us not knowing each other at all. At this point there is complete trust, and no problem with baring our souls about whatever is happening in our life and ministry. It’s two days of “no holds barred” conversation about where all of us are at, and everybody knows the contents of the meetings are airtight. With a new group that would have to be redeveloped all over again. Can it be done? Sure. I’m just not sure I want to risk it again. Although I would dreadfully miss not being in a co-hort or coaching...

The lack of interruption

In Ft. Lauderdale today/tomorrow for church life co-horts. We had dinner with Greg and Tammy tonight at the Macaroni Grill. Not one of my all time favorite places, BUT - the company is great of course, so who cares? I got a lot of work done today on the way here in the car. Hoping to get another 3 straight hours done tomorrow on the drive home. Larry and I will debrief from cohorts for about an hour first. One of the things I most look forward to is uninterrupted working time. I don't get very much of that unless I'm working from home on Tuesday (even then sometimes I get interrupted a lot). One reason I love to work so late at night sometimes is because in general nobody's calling me at 2 am. So therefore I get some of my biggest projects done at that time. It's one of the only times people aren't saying, "Um, Pastor Deanna...got a sec?" Or, "Mom, I need lunch money."

It's getting late and speaking of a lack of interruptions, I think I'll go spend some time with Larry since we're in this nice quiet room all by ourselves. The alarm rings early on co-hort mornings, however...there's always a few more minutes for him.

Bible Quiz

Take this bible quiz on line and see how you do. I did it just for fun. Here was my score...

You know the Bible 100%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
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Adam's Rib

Too funny! Happy Sunday everybody! Had a good day in the house at Northside today...will report more later if I'm not too tired...still have a vision meeting ahead of me and then packing more for co-horts. I'm always washing clothes, packing or unpacking these days. But no complaining here. It's A/G (all good).

Busy but it's all good

Such a busy day today. Larry and I did the marriage conference...

Got the building back in order...

Came home and cleaned up some more stuff at home in prep for tomorrow night's meeting...

Went to Currie's for dinner...

Came home in time for Dustin's friends to come over and I served them Paris tea and cookies (they seemed to love it)...

Ironed clothes for tomorrow...

Went over tomorrow morning's message again with Larry...

Cleaned some more...

Now it's time to pack for co-hort...

Snuggle up with the sexiest man in Tampa and the world for that matter...

Wake up to another wonderful day tomorrow. God is good.

Man School

Dr. Phil has his "Man Camp". But I believe every good wife takes her husband to "Man School" if she has any sense about her. Dr. Phil has these three wives on his show right now who have dead beat husbands and he is putting them through his own "Man Camp" over the next few weeks. And he has told these women...part of the problem is, they have ALLOWED this for way too long. He says, "you teach people how to treat you." They have valued themselves little, and their husbands have taken that as a cue as to how to treat them.

How true this principle is. I'm not married to a dead beat by any stretch. I married a loving person to begin with...never the less, he still had to go to man school...mine. I taught him how to treat me, if he didn't already know. I left nothing to chance. And I'm still teaching him how to treat me. This is a life long school. Here, students learn, advance and even become honor students, some of them. But they probably won't graduate til' heaven.

Does Larry sometimes have to teach me how to treat him? Of course he does. I have a lot of intuition and discernment but still...I'm not a mind reader. I'm not saying I've always got it all together. So I need him to share with me what he needs. And I want him to share what he wants too. But this blog I'm writing is about him not me, so let's get back to it...

For the past 20 years I've been letting Larry know what's acceptable in our relationship and what's not as far as I'm concerned. Never for one moment would I allow him to mistreat me and especially not hit me. (He never has.) I won't do the housework all by myself either. I have always worked as hard as him pastoring in the church and sometimes other jobs besides that. The house is not solely my responsibility although I do the lion's share of it because I'm the one who cares most about it. But I won't just take the whole thing upon myself. I expect more and let him know it. The last thing I also would never be is one of the 48% of women who have no sexual satisfaction. I have never faked it, never will. God's honest truth. I believe every woman who does that has an incredibly low self worth. We have to realize, believe, and act on the fact that we are deserving of the same goodness our husbands experience in life and in marriage. So, again - to have that goodness, you must teach your husband in detail how to treat you.How can we expect something of someone if we have not taught them how to treat us?

Men do not just know this by osmosis. They don't just want up one day and figure it out. Men have a really bad track record of just figuring things out. Woman was given to be a helpmate and show him these things. Part of my being a helpmate is to clue him in about how to treat a woman. I need lots of affection from him, time to talk, for him to partner with me in dealing with the house and the kids, good sex, just to name a few things.

How we treat ourselves is the first example for others of how to treat us. We ARE the model. If you respect yourself, it projects to others - you are someone to be respected. If you look upon yourself with no value, chances are, somebody will stomp on you, or at least neglect you - if you don't let them know it's inappropriate and you expect more. For every wife who says, "there's got to be something more than this..." she's probably right. And it's not found in another man, in getting a divorce, in having a fling with a guy from work or (Lord forbid) church... it's found in taking your guy to "man school" and training him to be the kind of husband you need. Great husbands are not born, they are made.

Yes, I realize the importance of meeting a man's needs and learning how to love and treat him. But years ago, that seemed to be the only emphasis in some marriages - the woman finding out how to meet the man's needs. Little seemed to be reciprocated. In fact it was customary for mothers and grandmothers to sit down with their daughters in the famous "night before the wedding" talk and let them know about meeting their husbands needs. Little was said about their needs or desires. Even in the church things were so pitiful many years ago that not only was not caring about your wife's needs customary, but abuse was even acceptable in many instances.

While I want to meet my husband's needs, I won't settle for having mine ignored. It's something that works for us - determining to learn what each other needs, and even wants. The thing is, as people we are always growing and learning so therefore our needs sometimes change too. I think as long as both partners are willing to stay in "Man/Woman" school for life and study the subject of one another, they will find fulfillment. I know I have.

Fun-tastic Friday

I love Fridays. I love my job/ministry, but Fridays are what fuels me to do that even better. Because it's my day with the one I love (besides Jesus). One reason I've grown so protective of it and hate when something interferes with it is because I need it so desperately to energize.

Usually each day I get SR up for school, feed her and do anything needed to get her ready, then Larry drives her to the bus stop. Today I did it all and let him sleep. Every once in a while he does that for me and it's a God-send. I thought he'd sleep til at least noon. I was pleasantly surprised.

I was up eating oatmeal ("the right thing to do" as the commercial says...) and putzing around doing a few things and he calls to me from the bedroom and says..."Sassy...(his name for me)....please come back..." Thus begins romp-tastic Friday. Always a good time had by all. (Don't get any ideas, it's just me and him. We're all that's needed.)

So after this I decide to go tanning since I'm white as a ghost and haven't been in forever. And then we met T and Misty for lunch down in Ybor City. Misty has an hour for lunch so sometimes we can meet her there close to her work. You know, I've said it before but...our staff is family and we do love spending even our days off together. I would like to spend a lot more time with Misty than I do. I adore her to pieces. We are both so busy with home and our jobs and she has such an early morning. But whenever we spend time together I do enjoy her company so much...

After lunch Larry and I went bargain hunting at second hand stores. I would always do that even if I was a millionaire. I love looking for treasures. And I always find them. Jones New York Suits, Liz Claiborne, hardly used stuff. Today I got a beautiful Liz Claiborne formal dress...I think it cost me $3 because everything was 50% off in addition.

So I came home and got on my bike although it is FREEZING in Florida right now. It's just a matter of doing it whether my want to wants to or not. I biked down to the Lexington Oaks gym, and did 30 minutes on the elliptical, then biked back home. I have to get these legs of mine in condition again. Don't get me wrong they aren't falling apart. But everybody tells me they are my best feature. And the other day I'm noticing that since I haven't been on the elliptical, there is a HUGE difference. And I don't like it. So it's back to the drawing board with working out hard.

Speaking of getting in shape, I'm incredibly bummed out over Weight Watchers. My leader, Ginger, is gone. Just like that...gone from WW. Permanently. I'm very upset. She has influenced my life an INCREDIBLE amount and she was a huge reason for my success when I first lost all my weight. I feel almost like somebody has died, although I know she hasn't...but in effect it's not the same. The stubborn part of me wants to not accept the new leader but I realize it's not her fault. So I won't be that stupid as to do that. But every time Ginger's been out and I've gone to another class or had a sub, I didn't like it except when Sue taught. She's the only one that even comes close to Ginger. Maybe I'll just ask when Sue's teaching and switch my class day. You know, a teacher makes a huge difference...in any area of your life. I'm going to give the new lady a try but if it's not working for me...I'll make a change.

After working out I started cleaning. I had several hours to do tonight to get things in decent shape for the weekend. We are getting ready for another co-horts, so I'm doing laundry and packing too. Still doing that and will be doing things here and there til' we leave.

We're in for such a busy weekend with marriage conference, morning service...Larry has a missionary friend from PA, Blake Richert, coming for a 10 min. window in the service and then we'll take him to lunch....then vision meeting...then finish getting everything ready for Lauderdale. I'm tired thinking about it, so that's why I try not to when I have a lot going.

I just put the pedal to the medal and GET IT DONE.

Fun Friday helped me to energize some for what's ahead.

Joy's Questionnaire

One of my favorite friends, Joy Conley, pastor's wife of Harvest Assembly of God in Lakeland, sent me a questionnaire on line yesterday to fill out and I thought I'd post my answers here, just so all of you Deanna Shrodes groupies (?) out there would know even more about me than you ever wanted to know.

1. What time is it? 8:17 pm

2. Name: Deanna Lynn Doss Shrodes

3. What are you most afraid of? Not succeeding

4. What do you drive? Silver Mustang Convertible

5. Have you ever seen a ghost? I have seen the holy ghost move, that’s about it, but that’s enough.

6. Where were you born? Norfolk, Virginia

7. Ever been to Alaska? Yes

8. Ever been toilet papering rolling in decorating trees? no

9. Croutons or Bacon bits? Croutons

10. Favorite day of the week? Friday

11. Favorite restaurant? Carrabbas

12. Favorite Flower? Roses

13. Favorite sport to watch? Skating

14. Favorite Drink? Tea or Coffee

15. Favorite Ice cream: Cake Batter

16. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney

17. Favorite fast food restaurant: McDonalds

18. What color is your bedroom carpet? Cream

19. How many times have you failed your driver's test? None

20. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Debbie

21. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read

22. What's your Bedtime? Around midnight unless working, which could mean anytime.

23. Who emails the quickest? My husband

24. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? I won't send it unless I think they'll respond. I'm not into rejection.

25. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses: No one particular person
26. Favorite TV shows: Forensic Files, Today’s Detectives, Dr. Phil, Lost, American Idol

27. Ford or chevy? Ford, of course

28. What are you listening to right now? Nothing, I’m working in the quiet, but using this as a momentary diversion to clear my head.

29. Your favorite colors? Pink and red

30. How many tattoos do you have? None and I never will.

31. Do you have any pets? A miniature dachshund – Geena Noel Shrodes

32. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? Just a small few. Plus now, everybody who reads my blog.

Satisfying Sex

No matter how much I prepare for a marriage conference or other speaking event where I'm asked to talk about marriage, I feel I am never "finally" prepared. It's not that I don't prepare and study but I always just feel like there's so much more to learn, include and study. This is a subject I read up on constantly. I start with the Bible because it's our roadmap for life - our absolute standard for living and the answer to everything. I also read anything else that can help me and perhaps expound or explain what the Bible has to say. And...I enjoy statistics. I want to know what's going on out there.

Such is the case as we continue to prepare for this weekend's conference at Northside. Larry and I have done this at many other places but now for the first time we'll do our Northside conference. (Although we do a month of marriage/family messages together each February on Sunday mornings, we have always brought someone else in to speak for the conference. This year we just felt led to do it ourselves.)

We have more people registered than ever before. It's a record sign up, and we're excited about it. Not just that we have a great amount of people signed up, but the fact that this is something we are passionate about sharing. And I believe if people take the information to heart, they will be changed. The Word of God applied to one's life WILL change things

Today as I was researching more for this conference, I came across a statistic that says that 49% of all married Americans are dissatisfied with their sex lives and that 48% of all women fake orgasms. (Uh, that would be the reason for the 49% dissatisfaction I guess? If nothing's happening for 48% of women I would dare say that's the reason for some serious unhappiness.)

What really breaks my heart is that it is so needless. There are so many hurting people in the church (and in the world for that matter) who settle for status quo. In many churches, the information is never spoken about nor readily available. This is something Larry and I have always been willing to go to the wall for. It's a hill we're willing to die on. Why? Because marriage matters. And a little information and encouragement goes a long way, not to mention the most important thing which is...showing people the word of God.

Lack of information in our churches on this is one reason many of our youth get into trouble. They are not taught in a completely open and honest, forthright way about God's plan for sex. If only parents would take the time to talk to this about their children. It was our privilege to talk to our three about it. We knew they were getting the right information. I'm grateful too for a youth pastor who will speak boldly about it, as he is right now in his current series.

I have preached the Word of God about sex for a long time now and perhaps nothing aggravates some people more. Usually I have found that those people are under conviction of the Holy Spirit. Many have unfulfilled sex lives, or did back when they were married. Some never knew what it was to be free, and God forbid they know that other people are living free and not under the same unnecessary rules and regulations that they gave themselves. They lived under a lot of false teaching or no teaching and don't want others to find freedom because they never had it. Misery loves company. Or sometimes, people are just brainwashed. Or they are uncomfortable with certain things and blame it on God.

One lady years ago caused a ruckus when I preached about this and she left. She couldn't imagine that what I was teaching was right since it went against everything her mother ever told her. She went the Christian bookstore and even tried to find books to disprove what I was saying. (There weren't any - what I was teaching was in accordance with the Bible - and sometimes...the Word does make people uncomfortable, let's face it!) She rebelled with all her might against this teaching and then realized...this was exactly why she was on her third marriage. What was the main issue in her marriage? Sex, and the fact that she was so uptight while her previous husbands (yes, I said husbands - she had several unhappy marriages) desired to be so free. A few months later she came back and apologized to me and told me that the reason she fought it so badly is because she knew she failed in these areas of her marriage due to her lack of willingness to change. All three of her husbands had complained about her lack of creativity, and freedom in the bedroom. And...they were all Christians. That's just one instance that I've experienced this, but there are quite a few more.

Yes, this is something I'm willing to go to the wall for, and get criticized for because it's something people really need to hear Biblical teaching about. They don't need to hear what Mom or Grandma have passed down to them through the generations that may have no biblical basis. They don't need to just go by what they "feel in their spirit" (the Bible is the authority - not what we feel). They need to know what the Word of God says. And the Word of God will set them free! Free to be satisfied...free to be fulfilled...free to truly be one.

For every one person who is uncomfortable about the topic or complain, there are 100 others who say, "thanks for saying that - it changed my life." And that's all that matters.

Lifer, Talent or Mandarin?

I took a test tonight called, "Lifer, Talent or Mandarin?" It's pretty cool. Here's how I scored -

YOU'RE A TALENT!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

To take the test yourself, go here.

It's Valentine's Day!

This morning I woke up to a card from my husband on my dresser with a message saying the following ~ “I love you more each day. I can’t imagine a more perfect woman to share my life. [he could have stopped right there, but he didn’t!] As our love deepens with time the sparks glow brighter, the kisses get sweeter, and the days and nights just get more fun. I’m so happy that you’re my valentine, not only because of the great things we’ve shared from the start but because our love only keeps getting more wonderful. Happy Valentines day, I love you forever and ever and then some…Larry.” [ahhhhhh! After reading this I had second thoughts about coming into the office!] But we did…dedicated working people that we are. When I got to my office I saw that he had surprised me with a bunch of balloons. What a darling he is.

Move with the movers

"Jesus spent the maximum amount of time with those who would bear the maximum amount of responsibility. Even though he fed the 5,000, he spent most of his time with the 12. Even with the 12, he had the inner circle with Peter, James, and, John. Paul, in the book of Galatians, calls Peter, James, and John "pillars of the church” because they were the ones who would bear the maximum responsibility. " Rick Warren

Today I was doing some leadership reading and came upon an article by Rick Warren on church growth. He was talking about moving beyond growth barriers in the church and talked about "loving everybody, but moving with the movers" as he calls it.

I have come to realize that part of pastoring, growing, dealing with criticism, moving forward, etc. is simply in keeping the right focus. Someone once said that the reason most people fail is broken focus. I agree. There are always going to be challenges, plateaus and criticisms. Part of moving beyond them is taking things with a grain of salt...generally loving everybody, while steadily moving with the movers. (the inner circle - staff and key ministry leaders.)

The longer I pastor the more I realize you can't apologize for moving with the movers, you just have to do it and let the chips fall where they may.

Right now we are in a big season of change at Northside. We are changing to grow to the next level and break through our next attendance barrier. That means a change for many people myself included.

For the people it's a change in how we relate to all of them (we are no longer in personal relationship with everybody - many who come to see me out to ask a question or something, I have never met and they have attended for quite a while). In the past I would half kill myself to maintain close ties with everyone. Now I realize not only is it not possible but for me to keep doing that actually stymies the growth of the church.

There are many more changes but this is probably the biggest. In my personal world the biggest change for me right now is sometimes ministering to people - in my own church - that I do not know. I have found it's a whole new ballgame. It used to be when someone came to receive ministry from me at the altar or whatever, I knew who they were and had somewhat of a relationship with them. If they called me on the phone, I knew them. Now that may not be the case. After they leave the altar, or I hang up from a call, I may not really cross paths in the church with them very much after that and they are connected with others in the church. And...that's okay.

The same goes for critics. Right not I do not believe we have any critics in leadership, whether staff or our key ministry leaders. Any criticizers we have are outside our leadership or on the fringe. And the thing is, when an arrows is aimed at us by a criticizer (and it falls by our side, according to psalm 91) I just have to let it whiz by and land, and meanwhile keep moving with the movers. Part of the change in my leadership style needs to be to just let somebody else pick up the arrows and dispose of them while I just keep moving with the movers...

Changes aren't always easy but you've got to press through them to get to the next level. And I'm willing to do that. Move with the movers...that's my new mantra.

Every once in a while I like to...

1) Do karaoke. Always with someone - better yet, a pack of people.

2) Re-evaluate my life, schedule, goals, dreams.

3) Stay in bed all day.

4) Call a friend I haven't talked to for a really long time.

5) Leave my hair curly.

6) Wear a really odd color of nail polish.

7) Be silent. (Believe it or not.)

8) Sit on a covered balcony in the rain.

9) Go on a date in the middle of the night.

9) Laugh so hard I fall off my chair (or bed, whatever may be the case.)

10) Travel by myself.

11) Read fiction - but not very often, just every rare once in a while...

12) Go skating.

13) Take a nap with one of my kids.

14) Go to a church where no one knows me.

Five things/events I'll never forget

Okay Pastor Lisa (one of my pastor friends from Houston who I know is reading this blog...) I'm going to copy you. Today Lisa (co-pastor of Zion Tabernacle Christian Church in Houston, TX) did "five things/event she'll never forget" on her blog and it inspired me. I guess it inspired me so much because we have a lot of the same answers. Although I'll pick some different ones so we're not identical. But...following in her general footsteps, here I go...

1) Abandoning myself to God once and for all. What a moment. The best decision of my life.

2) My first kiss from Larry. Valley Forge Christian College, outside of dorm 6.

3) The first time Larry and I gloriously consummated our love (translation: had sex) ...June 27, 1987 in case anyone's wondering...and also along the same line...conceiving each of our kids. (Yes, I remember the exact day/time of each one...it was a very sacred moment for me)

4) When Larry got me the Mustang.

5) Pastor Appreciation this past year.

Fantastic weekend

The marriage conference Fri/Sat went well and one of the nice -- and unexpected -- parts was that Larry and I actually got some alone time together. We had a whole lot to do as far as going over things and setting things up but we still had time. Whenever we are at another church or event ministering - either he and I, or me by myself - the priority is not socializing or things for us, but the main thing on the agenda is doing a great job for whatever pastor or church has invited us, and putting our 100% focus on that. So normally I have little time for anything social. But this was an exception as we had a few hours of "us" time.

We had some time at the hotel by ourselves Friday (and not just late night, which was especially nice.) We also had a 2 and 1/2 hour break before the evening vow renewal service, and since Greg had another wedding to perform across town, Larry and I went out by ourselves. We went to the mall and ate a nice quiet dinner together and just talked a long time. And he helped me to process a few things I've been dealing with the past few weeks. How beautiful. :-) There's just nothing like being with the one I love.

We came home from the marriage conference Saturday night and geared up for Sunday. The morning service went well - four people got saved! It doesn't get any better than that - except when a lot more people get saved. :-)

Sunday night our "Extravagant Love" night with the ladies went great -- we were filled to capacity. We had more people come than we expected. We already had a great sign up, but even more when showed up besides that. Michelle and Erin did a wonderful job of sharing and I don't think there were many dry eyes in the house if any!

I just love these great weekends...dear Lord...keep 'em coming!

Cape Coral

We are in Cape Coral today/tomorrow, doing a marriage conference at Cape Coral Assembly of God, for our good friends, Pastor Greg and Tammy Cooper. We left this morning after getting SR off to school and met Greg and the kids in time for lunch. Of course Greg knows all the great food places, so I have already eaten WAY too much and we have a whole other day here. First he took us to a place called Iguana Mia for lunch and it really was fantastic. He had a wedding rehearsal after that so Larry and I headed back to our hotel, and took a very fun nap. :) Here's a photo from the hotel we're staying at.

So, after one of the best naps I've ever had, we met he and Tammy at the church to set some things up and then headed to yet another place to eat dinner, although we didn't make it there til about 8:30 - 9 pm. What a phenomenal place. It was called Moorings and so unique. Some of the best seafood I've ever had. And a dessert called an Irish Cannoli that was to die for. Well it was WAY too many weight watcher points and I'll need to seriously work this off. This was a good "Fun Friday"...

We have a full day of ministry all day tomorrow and I believe great things are in store.

Well, I'm off now...Larry and I need to practice more of what we'll be teaching tomorrow!

Ten things I need

1) Time alone. Space. Breathing Room. :-)

2) At least one date a week with Larry.

3) Lots of hugs from those I love.

4) Time to write.

5) Reading time.

6) The Word of God.

7) Exercise.

8) A friend's listening and non-judgmental ear - somebody to understand.

9) Grace.

10) Creative outlets. And I probably should add - freedom in creating without judgment - at least at first. Usually when I first create something, people go, "what in the heck is that?" Or, "How in the world will that actually be effective?"

Seven things I hate

Proverbs 6: 17-19 "There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers."

Well these are the seven things God hates. So I got to thinking about the seven things I hate. (I only get to pick seven according to my rules tonight, that's why there aren't more. Rules are rules.)

1) Lack of solitude. That is absolutely on the top of my list.

2) Bland writing. My definition of bland are a lot of Christian publications that stay very generic so as to not offend anybody but in doing so, they are really not relevant to anybody. I want to hear from somebody who really has something to say. Even if I disagree with what someone says, I enjoy experiencing a person's passion in their writing. That's why most of the time I do not read these vanilla publications. I have taken to reading blogs a lot because they are not edited by people who publish bland publications. :-)

3) When something is not right with one of my kids - they are sick or going through something.

4) Prejudice

5) I know all the scriptural reasons behind it (spare me the theological dissertations...I realize the "rain falls on the just and the unjust" and all that) but I still hate it when one of my precious Christian friends or family members struggle or die with a sickness and disease but some of the meanest people in the world live longer.

6) I hate it that Martha Stewart went to prison but O.J. Simpson did not. I can't stand that guy. Martha Stewart is basically teaching the world to make first class cupcakes and how to fold our sheets, and meanwhile O.J. is out there writing, "If I did it...here's how." That guy makes me sicker than sick. By the way, I was never so glad to see Martha back on TV. While she was gone I almost forgot how to fold the sheets.

7) I hate it when people have a sense of entitlement.

10 things I love

1) I love it when I finish a big project and get it off my back. It usually feels like I have birthed a child. Well, I just finished such a project about 10 minutes ago and I feel...incredibly relieved and happy with my work.

2) I love it when the house is clean all at one time, every single room. Happens rarely but when it does it's cause for an incredible celebration, or at least a latte!

3) Speaking of that, I love latte.

4) I love it when I am discipling someone and they make huge strides...perhaps there is no greater fulfillment.

5) I love taking a bath in my big tub.

6) I love photos

7) I love palm trees.

8) I love it when all the laundry is done.

9) I love Tivo

10) I love the Gaither Homecoming Tour.

Weary

All I have to say is...this is going to be an incredible marriage conference this weekend! Larry and I are headed to Cape Coral, and I know God must have something just incredible in store. I can tell because the attack has just gotten hotter as the days have gone on. I am so emotionally weary. Just dealing with a lot of things on the home front. And, dealing with a pile of work that I am not sure how to finish before leaving for the conference.

Well, I'm just blatantly honest with anyone who has chosen to read... my intent isn't to be negative here, but just REAL, in that I did not have a good day. I tried hard to. I really did try with all my might. The one bright spot was Pastor Linds and I had a great meeting with a hotel events planner about our upcoming conference. We then had a good lunch together at Jason's, but the day went downhill from there. It was a conglomeration of dealing with the same stuff I've been dealing with for two weeks. I am just so mentally weary. The song, "Precious Lord" has been rolling through my head a lot. Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand...I am tired, I am weak, I am worn..."

Had church tonight and fully intended and was looking forward to rehearsing with Mark and Sharon for Sunday's service as we had planned, but it didn't happen. (and it was not their fault, in fact I felt bad about having to put it off, and they were all ready and waiting.) By the time I was finally free to practice, it was too late. All of the time was gone. The missionary was ready and waiting for us to take them out to eat. I only had so much of a window of time to practice, with taking them to dinner. (Which was also something I wanted to do - I feel it's not only the right thing to do to have this time with our missionaries, but I enjoy it.) So due to this other space of time being swept out from under me, we are not ready to sing. So now this puts Sunday am under a tight schedule. I find myself down about this much of the time. (Not the music aspect - that's usually not the problem.) The issue is my time and a lack of control over it. Sometimes I come home so depressed. I don't know what the answer is.

As time goes on I understand more and more why some pastors act like they do.

I am far less judgmental now (if at all) about pastors who find ways that sometimes seem extreme of dealing with this problem. Although they may use some ways that I am uncomfortable with, to deal with the issue, I do envy anyone who has found the means to solve it. And had the guts to do it and didn't care about the fallout from such a decision.

It was the best of times...

...it was the worst of times. What a mixed week. But tonight we had a bright spot...PRETZELS! Tonight, pretzels were a gift of God.

Church is great and usually when it is, home is stressful. Then when home is great, church gets stressful. It seems life in it's entirety is not ever just totally peachy keen. It can't just be one wonderful ball of wax... and I for one don't like that balance of good/bad. I keep praying for that ever elusive wonderful ball of wax!

I decided I was going to re-claim enjoying my children after the stresses of the last two weeks, and do something fun even if it killed us. I say that because you know how you have all these great plans of how you are going to have some "family fun" and then the kids do nothing but fight or disobey and you think, "I'm an idiot to plan this." But not tonight. I was going to INSIST on fun. It was one of those days where I said, "Look kids! We're going to do something fun, and you're going to LOVE IT or I'm going to choke you!!!" Well, thankfully tonight it worked. And there was no choking involved. Praise Jesus.

Back story...

Last night I was so incredibly tired that I didn't have energy for anything special in me after getting home from work. I had wrestled with the computer the night before. You know how Jacob wrestled with God? I wrestled with a Hewlett Packard. I was trying to upload something for work and it wouldn't do it. I was mad. I said, "I WON'T LET GO UNTIL YOU BLESS ME! NOW UPLOAD, YOU UNGODLY MACHINE!" (Pastor T, if you are reading this, please don't chastise me about not having a MAC, thank you.) Anyway, I was mad and wouldn't give up. So I sat there until I forced it to upload at 3:30 am. "Aha! I gotcha!" I trimphantly declared to the PC. Then I went to bed and got a whopping 2 and 1/2 hours sleep before Jordan came in and woke us up and had an blow up argument with his father before school. What a blessing. That's just how every parent on the planet wants to start their day. So after getting home from work yesterday, I did...more work. I never finished at the office so found myself doing some more, albeit laying down with my laptop, upon coming home. Then did some jacuzzi time with Savanna and went to bed. But I promised something better tonight.

After cleaning up supper I went for a ride on my bike. It was so nice to be out there at sunset again. It's my favorite time. While I was gone Jordan completed his 8-page paper that I made him write as one of his latest disciplines for one of his recent infractions. It was on five attributes of Jesus. He did a good job. In his closing paragraph he wrote, "I think that the punishment placed upon me by those in authority over me has really taught me a lot about the Bible. And like you have told me a million times before, it's a lot easier to do things with a happy heart than an ungrateful heart or something like that." Hopefully he did learn something. I figure if I force the Word into him enough, it will seep out at some point. Since he had completed his punishment, he could come out and do something with us. When I got home from the bike ride, Jordan, Savanna and I made homemade soft pretzels. I found the Auntie Anne's recipe off of the internet. I promised Savanna last night that we would make them. Last night they tried their own recipe that they found from somewhere else. They wanted me to help but like I said, I was exhausted so I said no. They were on their own. Well, the pretzels last night were horrible. One bite and they went in the trash. So we redeemed things tonight and I helped them with the recipe I found. It was fun to make them, they did not argue, and...the pretzels turned out FANTASTIC. Even Dustin who is a soft pretzel expert liked them. Then it was on to watching Idol.

Every time Larry and I preach a lot on marriage and the family we go through this stress. Every time. Last year when I preached at a few places that invited me to come and speak specifically on that topic, it was unbearably tense in our house each time. I can preach on the Holy Ghost, tithing or the fruit of the spirit and nothing significantly bad happens in our home. But just let me preach on marriage or parenting and shazam!!!!! All H-E double toothpicks breaks loose. Well, we've had two weeks from you know where and I almost said, "cancel this dumb desperate households series, and these three marriage conferences we're doing! It's not worth it!" Instead I decided to call a few intercessors and let them know I needed them to stand with us. They are. And we'll just keep going forward. I know it's an attack of the enemy but it's just so hard to go through it even though you know what it is and where it's coming from. Last year I came within an inch of calling several places I was asked to come preach (on this topic) and say to them, "you know...would it be too much trouble for me to preach on something else?" But I just hung in there. I'm glad I did. It was worth it. Not that our family doesn't have stress any other time. Certainly we do. But on these occasions it just seems to triple.

Never before have I realized so much the importance of specific prayer. Just when I think I do, something happens that lets me know I've only scratched the surface. It's the best and worst of times, but prayer is the key to getting us through, as well as forcing fun sometimes!

7 things I love about Larry

Song of Solomon 1:16 You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words!

1) The fact that he helped me clean tonight - A LOT. I'm talking "scrub the floors" clean. Ah...that just makes me fall in love all over again. Smelling that Pine Sol right now is almost as good as his Curve cologne! Nothing makes a woman happier than seeing a man take interest in Comet, Pine Sol, Scrubbing Bubbles, Clorox Wipes, woo hoo!!!

2) The fact that despite his great frustration when the kids do wrong, he always puts comforting and helping me first in the matter. He has spared me from countless nervous breakdowns. I have had plenty of meltdowns, but he has helped me not become a mental patient more times than I can count. These past few weeks, he's been my saving grace.

3) He loves watching American Idol as much as I do. (Sometimes more!)

4) The things that make me disappointed make him genuinely disappointed. He is a great empathizer.

5) He appreciates and loves my sassiness. (Has always called me "Sassy" since the beginning of our relationship.)

6) When he really knows I will like something eventually but just don't want to change, he insists for my own good. The last illustration of this would be our bed. I didn't want to have to get used to a new one. I fought it for...a few years. Then he wouldn't take no for an answer and insisted. One day he just said, "get in the car, we're going to get a new bed." I knew he had made up his mind. Amazingly, from day one of having that bed I have been so happy with it. Some days I don't get out of it on my day off and twice when not feeling well, instead of skipping work, I worked from it all day long for 8-10 hours on my laptop.

7) He genuinely respects my mind and trusts my instinct on things. This makes me love him more than words can say.

Six Weird Things about Me

I'm sure some of my friends who read my blog might say, "ONLY SIX?" Okay, okay.

Why this topic today? You guessed it...I read it on another pastor's wife's blog. I enjoyed hers so much I decided to do one myself. So here goes. It will be hard to narrow this down to only six, but the Lord does miracles everyday.

1) I have to have things "straightly aligned" on a table that I am eating on particularly in a restaurant. The salt & pepper and sugars have to be neatly in a row or in order, or I have to rearrange them. I know, I know...I hear you now saying, "Pastor Deanna has OCD." You are probably right but I'm not going to do anything about it. I will go on straightening sugar packets, and re-aligning pictures in my friends houses or public places that are hanging too far to one side. It's just not right that they be that way. Somebody has to take action. If not me, who? If not now, when?

2) I detest drinking out of cans or bottles - or not having my beverage with ice. If I have to do that, I would rather not eat, or drink. I will go without for quite a while until I can get the glass and the ice. Usually I don't complain, I just stay quiet and have nothing at all until something is available.

3) I hate the phone as a general rule. If I am calling you for some reason, I don't mind it. If you are calling me, even if you are a person I absolutely adore to pieces, I usually still don't want to take the phone. I like in person meetings and e-mail. Why? I can do it at a time I choose. Phone calls are interruptions and although I live a life filled with interruptions, I still hate them. I can hear some of you saying, "and you are a...pastor?" Yep. And I know, Pastors get constant calls. The phone has always been something I just tolerate. (Would you believe it just rang as I typed this? NO KIDDING!) It was for Savanna - praise the Lord!!! Yes, I do love people. I love them very much. It's the phone I hate, not the people. I let my kids answer the phone most times and I really don't care if they stay on it for hours. That just means somebody is not getting through to me! (ha ha!) By the way, my cell has been broken for a few weeks. I need a new one but I've not been in a hurry to replace it. If anybody really needs me, and can't get through at the house they have called Larry's cell. When I come into the office or back from lunch I say, "Any calls for me yet, Cathy?" When she says, "nope," I say a big "PRAISE THE LORD" or sometimes even, "GOOD JOB! YOU KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!" (ha ha!)

4) I am the biggest party animal and the biggest recluse as well. It's bizarre. When I'm ready to party - look out. I'm a wild woman. I enjoy people and fun get togethers so much. But if I'm ready for solo time, look out too. I start to wing out if I don't get it. Frazzled is an understatement. Sometimes I get in this totally over-stimulated mood where if I don't check out and just rest where I don't have to talk to anybody I just get more than a little weirded out. And if I don't get that time, I also find it difficult to create anything of substance, and those who know me know -- creativity is one of my strong points. Although my friends do question some of the things I create -- at first, at least.

5) I had absolutely no cavities (NONE!!!) until I was 36 years old. Then all of a sudden it's like the spirit of cavities came upon me. I get a few filled a year now and I just don't get it!!! Is Florida the "cavity state"? I brush my teeth just the same but I am not getting the same results I did for the first 365 years.

6) When I read a Christian book, I sometimes skip over all the scripture references. I know that's terrible. It's just that I have read them so many times and a good number of them I can quote. So when I see the reference I just skip over it. Terrible, but true. You heard it first here folks, TRUE CONFESSIONS.

What are six weird things about you?

Breathing Room is here!

Well, Breathing Room is officially now available. Not just figuratively or literally but spiritually! They just became ready for distribution this past weekend, and we have already sold quite a few. As I've said before, the goal of this project is not to show my capabilities vocally or to become more well known or anything. Truly I don't care about being known for singing. (Yes, other things I do struggle with the desire to be known for...that's not one of them anymore.) With that said at the same time, I still like to sing & play. Anyway, I digress.

The first copy of Breathing Room went to a mother who just lost her toddler when he drowned in a swimming pool two weeks ago. He wandered out to the back yard in a moments time...and that was it. Her cousin is a member of our church and she asked me if I had any copies of the CD ready yet. At that time, I had just two sitting on my desk. She took one and immediately drove it over to her cousin's. I understand that the music and the prayer have been really comforting to her. My prayers have already been answered.

Really, that's what this CD is all about to me... that's what I envisioned it for. It was a vision in my heart two years ago to do it...some might think it crazy. Sing a bunch of gut wrenchingly honest songs about wanting to give up and crying out to God, then pray a 20-something minute prayer at the end of the CD for people who are grasping for hope. It doesn't sound too exciting to many people, but to those like that Mom who lost her little boy, it may have been all she had to hold on to the other night.

What is my goal for this CD? That people will remember that it is available when they have a friend or family member who is depressed, grieving or struggling in any way. That they will give it as a gift, perhaps enclose it with a "thinking of you" or sympathy card, and give the person more than just flowers or something that will just fade away and not make any real difference in a week or two. I want it to be something people can go to time and again, at 3 am if they need to, actually 24/7 - ANYTIME - they are having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

When people are at the end of their rope, I want Breathing Room to help them tie a knot on the end, and hang on.

Light at the end of the tunnel

2 years, 1 month and 13 days...until.

Larry and I get glimpses sometimes of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Some days it's him that give me strength for one more day, sometimes it's me that gives it to him. But one thing is for sure, together we'll be alright.

Thank you Jesus for your indescribable sustaining power. How we need you.

Such is the life...

Really great day in the house yesterday - just all around positive...

Does this picture show you how much fun the message was yesterday? I can't believe while I was in the middle of this crazy illustration, David Torres snapped this photo...he had the camera on the sports setting where he could just snap away and get lots of expressions. I love that guy, he's so helpful. :-) And, he won in the chili contest last night for best tasting and hottest. What's going to come next year? Winning in all three categories? He just might.

It was a day where a million things could have gone wrong, but didn't. HALLELUIAH! First, it was our first day back with the stage re-set after Kidzturn. Normally after the stage has been cleared, it's a really rough morning. The sound is just not right and it needs to be tweaked an incredible amount, to say the least. Due to the help of our staff...it was not rough at all, in fact it was perfect. (Thanks Pastor T, Pastor Matt, & David) The morning was smooth sailing. We all had a lot to accomplish and it all got done...and more.

After the morning service our women's team set up for the superbowl party. The women gave this as a gift to the men this year - we did the entire thing as a thanks to them for all they do for our ministry throughout the year. I believe it was very successful - our team of ladies is just right on the ball with things, and it went right according to plan. The guys seemed to enjoy just attending, which was the plan.

Some of my children... (I say some for the benefit of the one who did not so as to not lump them in with the rest...) stressed me out with a few things today. I had to leap a few tall buildings in a single bound, going back and forth between church and personal. I'm used to it. It's just par for the course with anyone who has to take their kids to work with them. I have long said, people who are not pastors just don't understand that. They never quite think of it that way. Other people are just "going to church." We are going to work - and handling our personal life at the same time.

I remember years ago at our previous church I mentioned to one of the women that one major challenge for us pastors (and when you get right down to it, also for pastor's children) is that we are the only professionals who take our family to work with us. Of course Sunday/Wednesday are far from our only two days of work! HOWEVER...they are some of our main times when we've got to have our game on. When I told that woman about it, and explained it, she stopped and said, "OH MY WORD...I CAN'T IMAGINE..." She envisioned herself at her desk at work with her two kids there at the office with her all day, she envisioned them sitting in every meeting with her, being beside her while she talked to clients, interrupting her while she was "clinching a deal" (she was in sales) and it was like a light went on in her mind. She was like, 'oh my! I wouldn't ever be able to get anything done! I would fail horribly at my job." Exactly. It takes miracles many days to have your family at work with you - and be successful, but thankfully GOD SPECIALIZES IN MIRACLES.

This is the dilemma we have sometimes, even with older kids. Two of mine are teens, but many times when I'm doing something as simple as greeting visitors or ministering to someone at the altar, my kids need me for something (usually lunch money!) or there is some kind of tiff and it get frustrating and I have to apologize to people for the interruption. There are those who get miffed sometimes and don't seem to understand it. They want the pastor/pastor's wife's undivided attention. And to some extent they deserve it. But on the other hand your kids deserve it too. Such is life...of the pastor's wife! :-)

But I wouldn't trade it. It's so worth the juggling act to serve. I'm a partner - this is WHO I AM, and it's WHAT I DO.

Side note: A few months ago Dustin and Jordan came running down as I was taking care of something after service with some people and they said, "Mom!! We need money for lunch. (They were going with friends.) I said, "I don't have any cash. Go in the sanctuary and ask your Daddy." They frustratedly said, "WE CAN'T! He's in the sanctuary casting out a demon." It was true. Again, SUCH IS THE LIFE OF A PASTOR'S WIFE. (At least a pentecostal one.)

Reflections

This questionnaire was on another pastor's wife's blog and I found it interesting, so decided to copy it here and answer it, just for the fun of it. Reflecting is fun, at least I find it to be. Happy Sunday everbody! Let's seize this day for all it's worth! This IS the day the Lord has made and I for one am believing for BIG things to happen. Okey dokey here we go with reflections...

1. What’s the most fun work you’ve ever done, and why?

For the majority of my ministry, my work has always been fun. Even when in an abusive church situation, aside from the difficulties with a few people, the work of the ministry that I love so much was always fun. This is because I truly believe if you REALLY love what you do and are passionate about it, you'll never work a day in your life!

2. Name one thing you did in the past that you no longer do but wish you did?

Oh wow. Well the truth is, most things I want to do, I do. I go after them. I guess if I had to name something it would be taking off in the middle of the night or anytime we wanted to on a date. (usually an all night diner). I miss the total spontaneity although we do planned dates all the time, there's something to be said for being spontaneous. When my inlaws are here or we are there, we usually do something like that knowing it's totally cool with them. Or anytime we find ourselves "kid-less." Just think, in 9 years, that will be my life again all the time!

3. Name one thing you’ve always wanted to do but keep putting it off?

Not too many things...like I said, when I want something I typically voraciously go after it. But I guess if there was anything, it would be spending more time on continuing my education, which I am doing, but very slowly. I have chosen to put my family & the church first and I know I won't regret it.

4. What two things would you most like to learn or be better at, and why?

First, I want to learn to speak spanish. I don't know how fluent I could ever be because I have been advised you really need to take a spanish course pretty much daily for at least a year. A once a week class I could handle. Not sure about more than that at this point in my life. Second, I would like to be better at the piano.

5. If you could take a class/workshop/apprentice from anyone in the world living or dead, who would it, be and what would you hope to learn from it?

I have a long list. My head is spinning just thinking about it. Right now I'm actually doing life coaching and getting a tremendous amount from it. But if I had to pick one person, it would be John Maxwell.

6. What three words might your best friends or family use to describe you?

Driven. Passionate. Detailed.

7. Now list two more words you wish they described you as…

Godly, Affectionate.

8) What are your top three passions? (can be current or past, work, hobbies, or causes)

1) Partnership Ministry.

2) Reaching the lost.

3) Women's Ministries

9. Write–and answer–one more question that YOU would ask someone if you were writing this questionnaire.

I would ask them ~ what makes you get up in the morning?

For me, it's more than my alarm! I love to sleep. I have to have a significant reason, besides getting my daughter to school, that I need to get up for in the morning. For me, my heartbeat everyday is ministry. I wake up ready to not just seize the day but to attack it, to take it for all it's worth, to look for divine appointments around every corner, and to see God move.

Doing Life

This weekend is just a time to get the house in order. There's nothing earth shattering going on, just doing life. So much to do, cleaning and cooking. Yesterday was our day off so I had time to make a big dinner and even take the customary home-made bread to the neighbors. I took them homemade biscuits. It's my tradition, every time I make bread or biscuits, my next door neighbors get some. Stephen was here for dinner as well. He and Dust are rearranging Dustin's room. He gave Savanna his dresser.

Speaking of Savanna...I took her to the doctors Fri. afternoon and she's on the road to recovery. She's been sick since Monday - I was hoping it was just a virus that we could treat with tylenol and cough syrup, but it has gotten progressively worse. Even though not feeling well she wanted to go to school as they had a special reading thing going on. She loves to read. I told her I would take her appt. after school so she would not have to miss. So after school I took her and we got her all fixed up. Hopefully she's going to sleep real well now. The Dr. gave her some amoxillan. Two nights ago she was so sick and slept with me the whole night. Last night she slept from 5 pm until 1 am - zonked out when I gave her some Triaminic after school. Then she got up from 1-3 and wanted me to hold her. (She's still "the baby" - I gladly oblige...) She's been sleeping a long time again tonight and I'm hoping with her new meds and the sleep she will feel back to normal tomorrow.

Larry and I did have a lunch date on our day off. Other than that, I've been spending time cleaning and doing clothes, which I will continue til' Sunday as well as do some cooking for the Superbowl party. I end up cleaning many times on my day off but that's okay, it's a change of pace from the other 6 days a week.

We need to get our heads on straight

Today there's a story on line about Michael Devlin (the beast to your left) and the "Missouri Miracle" boys who were kidnapped by him and then, by a miracle, found by police. My heart goes out to them, and any family touched by this kind of terrible thing. It's amazing to me, absolutely amazing how many predators are living in our neighborhoods today in America. My question is, WHY?

I've heard it said that in America we really haven't made up our minds as to how we feel about sexual abuse. I agree with that. Everybody talks about how terrible it is, how these people should be in prison, tortured, receive the death penalty, or whatever. They continue to talk that way until somebody they know has been found guilty of sexual abuse. Then they typically change their tune. When it's your family member or friend, all of a sudden the punishment seems perhaps a little too severe. But honestly, not for me.

I remember when a previous pastor of my home church was found guilty of sexual abuse. His crimes were absolutely heinous. I thought he should not see the light of day again. But I remember how many in the church and even some people in my own family did not feel that way. I was shocked. They even lamented that the poor man "could not see his own children" and had to be separated from them. HELLO! He did these crimes against several of his children. He should have never seen them again. They needed to be protected from that beast. To me, even prison was not good enough for him. I guess God felt the same way. Several years later, even though not that old, he died. God gave him his own early death penalty.

John Couey, the animal that raped and killed little Jessica is on trial this week. This man should never live in one of our neighborhoods again. We should not have to fear him getting out in 10 or 20 years (or less, which many do) and moving next door. Having him not within 1200 feet of a school or whatever is NOT ENOUGH. It should be - abuse a child once - you're out. That's it, no second chance. In prison - forever. Many people don't believe in the death penalty. That's fine. We don't need the death penalty. Let's build some huge prisons and just keep them there forever, away from our precious children. (And let these huge prisons be devoid of TV's, weight rooms, or anything remotely enjoyable.) Since Jessica is certainly not enjoying a TV or exercise room, neither should Couey for the rest of his life.

I can honestly say, from the bottom of my heart - I do know exactly how I feel about sexual abuse. Whether family member or friend, it doesn't matter. If they harm a child...what did Jesus say? He said (quote) DO NOT HINDER THE CHILDREN. Jesus is really clear on what happens to anybody who harms children. It's serious business. He went on to say that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to the children. He said if anyone leads the children astray, it would be better a millstone hung around their neck and that they be thrown into the sea. It doesn't sound like Jesus is just making sure they are not within 1,200 feet of a school or sending them to a "program".

Some misguided individuals think they are being like Jesus to exonerate people like this. Can they ask forgiveness? Yes. Is it even possible to go to heaven after having done such a crime? Yes. God forgives - even people like this. However, let them ask forgiveness from a prison cell. Let them go to heaven or hell straight from a prison cell. Forgiveness does not mean an absence of consequences. What about this does America not understand? We MUST protect the children. We cannot take the chance that one of these people might be able to be rehabilitated. Might is not good enough when it comes to our children. Even if someone could definitely be rehabilitated, that doesn't mean they should not have to be removed from society for their crime.

We need to get our heads on straight about what to do with sexual abusers.

A gap in the head

Larry and I are gearing up for a month long Sunday morning series, "Desperate Households". We will be tag team preaching it together. Add to this three marriage conferences coming up. What is this a recipe for? A direct attack on our family from the enemy. This usually happens when we teach on marriage or family but wowee, this time it's really a whopper.

Larry and I are fine, but it has been nothing but high stress with the kids all week. Just one "slam" after another from the enemy. I have really felt incredibly stressed. I talked to two friends today about it. One remarked to me that sometimes we hesitate to ask anyone to pray for us about things with our kids because they assume if your kid is not on drugs or something it's really not serious enough to need prayer for. Some people think all the serious stand in the gap intercession should be done on behalf of those prodigals who are in the pigpen. They think us Moms with kids like ours are just dealing with small potatoes stuff. And that's just not true.

No, my kids aren't out there on drugs, getting drunk or having sex. Truth be told, they love the Lord. But still, the issues with them really stress me out. I have asked three people to really join with me and stand in the gap right now for us. I started reading, "The Power of a Praying Parent" again today and am praying the prayers over my kids.

I don't have the ability to do this on my own. Not for a second. I've always known this, but right this moment...I REALLY know it.

I am thankful God cares about them even more than I do and His guiding hand is upon them. Cathy Lussier told me this week that part of the issue is, boys brains are not fully developed until they are 25 years old. Since Cathy has raised four great kids, I tend to believe her. She says there is supposedly some "gap" in the front of their head that is not brought together until they are 25 or thereabouts. They do not have all their reasoning skills up until this point, and they may do things that just don't make any sense at all. Supposedly researchers have found this out. I don't know how true it is, but I really don't doubt it a bit. Now...what about girls? If there is no gap in their heads, then what in the heck is wrong with them?

Is this all really due to a gap in the head, or is it just God's revenge for everything we did wrong as kids?