Getting ready for the big night!

I took today off most of today in preparation for "the big day" tomorrow. (The funeral and the Christmas Tea) I had crammed yesterday to take off some time today and I was so glad I did. I read Tom Rees's ezine today and it was on margins in life and how we need them. It made me glad I had made this choice to take some time off today. There were so many things on my mind for the tea, but I needed a moment to breathe. The truth is, no matter how ready I am I never feel ready enough. I always feel like I need to be re-detailing the details. Honing the message up til the last minute.

Larry let me sleep in and got SR up and ready for school. I did some things around the house, and caught up on doing some things for myself. Larry found a few moments to take a look at my car and evidently it was a simple wire that needed to be cleaned. It's running again and I feel like I have my life back. When Dustin got home we needed to take him down to work at the church for a few hours and Larry and I went to Westshore. I got him his shirt for his birthday that he has been wanting -- a Penguins Sidney Crosby shirt. He put it on right in the store and wore it home. We spent a little time together shopping and headed back to the church where I put some finishing touches on just for a few moments that I needed to take care of for tomorrow night.

In the morning we have the funeral and then I have to finish up things for tomorrow night, get ready and get back to the church with the boys. They are both serving and Dustin and I are doing a duet. I get so excited for these outreaches, but also in anticipation of them being over. The adreneline that it takes to get through them is immense. I keep telling myself, this time tomorrow night it will be over, things will be cleaned up and hopefully I'll be sitting in my jacuzzi thanking God for all that was accomplished and that somebody's life was really changed. That's the goal.

Men in Black

Larry got a new black suit today that is absolutely mind-blowingly sexy. Just had to start off this blog by letting the world know this. He never ceases to make me laugh. Ever since a funeral a few weeks ago, he can't find his black suit jacket that he always wears most. The pants and shirt are in the closet but the jacket is not. He checked my car, his car, the closet at work. No jacket. I think we should try harder to find it but he said, "Nah, I'll just got get a new suit." He has another funeral Friday so he has to have a solid black suit. It reminds me of when Savanna was a toddler and she would misplace her shoes and if he was the one taking care of her at the time he would just go down to Walmart and buy her a cheap pair of shoes rather than try and find the other ones. Men! Ya gotta love 'em. Well let me tell you, I especially DO love him in this new black suit. How in God's name I'm going to control myself in public with THIS? Keep me in prayer everyone. (Not that I always control myself in public now...)

I got my hair done today. Told Ada "surprise me." I trust her implicitly. What a delight she is. So she really gave me a color change - it's darker, with some new highlights and low lights, although rather red than blonde. Once again, I am ever the "new woman..." :-) Just when I get used to it she'll change it again next month. And that's great with me! I had a great time with her at my appt. as usual. What an uplift she is.

Today was a busy day, cramming a ton of work in to one day so I can hopefully take off some time tomorrow being that I will not have Friday off at all. I stuffed a ton of work into this day and it was worth it! My bicycle is calling me for tomorrow..."come back Deanna...I miss you!" I think I might just tour the entire Lexington Oaks tomorrow, who knows? I think I might meet Larry for lunch and who knows what else!? I think I might get a little sleep and catch up on some rest and then spend some more time with Larry later on after he's home. You can't ever spend too much time with a handsome man in black. :-)

Got most of the church set up for the Victorian Tea Fri. night. I am so looking forward to it! And looking forward to it being over as well. I love experiencing the event, and I love the feeling of completion and being able to relax. Only a few more things to do in addition to prayer...just some finishing touches to put on. I'll do that Friday. Ashley helped in the office so much today and took a tremendous load off. When I saw her walk in the door, it was like an angel appeared.

Good night at church tonight -- real positive. Intimate time of worship and then I taught on the Jezebel Spirit. Wow, HOT TOPIC. I didn't think people would eat this up as much as they did, but they seemed to really enjoy it. Good stuff. What God does with a simple teaching and how he blesses it is amazing to me every single time. Sometimes I'm preparing this stuff and I say, "okay, it this too 'teachy' rather than 'preachy'?" "Is this going to make anybody want to snore because honest to God that's my worst fear. Nothing is worse than a boring message! (What a sin to bore people with the gospel. It's almost an oxymoron if you know what I mean.)

Okay, I'm beat. I didn't get home from church until 11. This is my update for the day. I'm done filling all of you in who wait on the edge of your seat to see what I did with my time today. Oh yeah, in case you want to know, I ate pizza for lunch today. :-) (But on program! I am not off the wagon, just for you inquiring minds.) It's time to read my Bible...and snuggle with the man for a few moments. (and just imagine what he looked like earlier in that black suit!)

Deck the Halls...

Finally our house is completely decorated for Christmas! And I love it!

Maybe we will even win Northampton Yard of the Month again, who knows!!! Well, I say "finally" decorated~ and actually we are early - before December 1. But...it feels like "finally" because I was racing against time to get it done in time for Larry's birthday.

Actually he ended up helping! I didn't want it to be that way - that he was helping me around the house on his b'day however the fact that the Mustang has been out of commission has really set me back big time on getting anything done. Larry needs to fix it however he simply hasn't had the time. He thinks it's just the battery or something simple, it's just finding the time. I forgot what it was like to not have my own car. I was not able to fix the huge dinner I wanted to for his b'day because we were shuffling the van back and forth to all our work/appointments. So we had pizza. But he was happy.

We had most of the inside done except a very few things, but today we got the lights done on the outside and the rest of the finishing touches put on things.

I was recalling tonight that it was Thanksgiving time last year that we had the front yard re-done with the new paving and landscaping, and also our sound system put in. Yes, we have a sound system in the front yard...I know that sounds crazy to some of you reading this who have never been to my house, but it's really cool. We put a CD on inside the house and there are speakers that are in the shape of rocks that are hidden throughout the flower beds outside. Sort of like going to Disney. (ha ha!) So we play music in the evenings usually...Sinatra, Chris Botti, Kenny G., etc. Right now it's Christmas so you might hear anything from Bing Crosby to The Nutcracker. Everyone comments about how they get a different attitude just walking down the sidewalk into our house. And those in our neighborhood who walk outside really like it. Well, I'm the musical half of our marriage, however...it was Larry's idea to do this to the front yard and I'm so glad he suggested it!

One of my goals in moving into this neighborhood was to win "yard of the month." My kids said with all the old people who live here who have nothing to do but garden all day, we'd never win. They told me to just give up. That's all I need to hear to make sure I get something done - just challenge me. Well, I told the kids, if I can't do it, I'll find someone who CAN. When Sierra Landscaping was done with our front yard, just a WEEK later, we won "yard of the month." I jumped up and down on the lawn screaming and promptly had Larry take my picture next to the "yard of the month" sign. These retired people have NOTHING on us, lemme tell you. :-)

Anyway, last year the new front yard went in, and on the first night it was completed we couldn't stop sneaking out to take a peek. We were in our jammies at about midnight and snuck out there again and went across the street to our neighbors driveway just to stare at it. Our landscaper lives in the same development we do. While we were out there at midnight his wife sent him out for a gallon of milk or something and he rode by and saw us staring at it at midnight and stopped and said, "I can tell you guys really like this new yard..." He thought we were so funny.

So there Larry and I were in our jammies, standing over at the neighbors, with Sinatra playing on the CD (quietly, so as not to wake any neighbors up...we keep it low enough that it sets an ambiance outside but can't be heard by anyone inside.) And we came out to the street and stood there in our jammies and slow danced to Sinatra underneath the street light. What a memory... Last night I tried to re-create it when we were standing out there but it just wasn't the same. Some things are once in a lifetime. Although we often play Chris Botti in our jacuzzi or listen to Delilah and Larry will stand up in the middle of the jaccuzi and ask me to dance. :-)

Well, the lights are all done in the front. Larry wants to put some more in the back this year since we have the patio completely done. Good idea! However I think the priority should be to fix the 'Stang first so I can actually FUNCTION normally. :-)

Tonight, Pastor Lindsay had a car accident. I feel her pain. I feel so incredibly sad for her. She waited so long for that car!!! She's fine (physically) but emotionally it hurts. I understand. When a complete jerk hit the Stang last year (a hit and run driver) I was depressed for a month. So depressed. I called Maria and cried for one hour straight. I waited 38 years for that car and somebody tried to take the joy of that away from me. The sad feeling in my heart didn't leave until Tom replaced the back end and actually made it BETTER than it was before. (I actually had a few scratches from the boys guitar cases...and with the new back end it is now PERFECT.) So eventually God brought a blessing out of the trial. I'm praying the same way for Lindsay. She's got that brand new car...she was so happy with it and she deserves it. I told her tonight I feel it is a spiritual attack because she is so faithful to the Lord in all things, including finances. I know He has a seven fold blessing in store for her, we just have to pray it in.

Happy Birthday Baby

Larry's birthday was today. Here he is with his ice cream cake.

We celebrated it with our favorite people in the world.

More pictures of the cruise

Isa sent me some great pictures. I wish I could post all 47 of them but I'll stop at just a few. Gosh, we had so much fun!

Me and my guy

Larry and I taking time for a little slow dance on the cruise. Mmmmmm...does this man look yummy or what?! He's like the jelly on a biscuit! Woo hoo!!!

Like Minded

I am so tired, but we had a good day today. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as work, it's just that every day is a good day - and a hardworking day - at Northside.

Today we were all dragging in physically because of the cruise. We all were partying to the max last night on everything from Pastor T doing the worm, to the cha-cha slide, to the conga. So...this morning coming into staff meeting somebody said something about a nap after lunch, but of course that wasn't practical...

We had staff meeting, and an excellent one I might add! We talked about the fact (among many other things) that statistics tell us only 1 in 20 people who go into FT Ministry retire from it. That many people quit! We were talking about safeguards in our ministry, and staying power. And a commitment to stay strong as a team. We were very excited talking about what we all feel is to come. Great, great stuff! We are on the brink of our next miracle. Our team is very like minded. Again, I am the happiest I have ever been in ministry and it's all because of who I am working with. I have determined that it really is the most important key. You can do all the "calling things that are not as though they were" and looking at the bright side of things, or trying to focus on a person's good points. But you know, if you just don't think alike, it's all over. That's just the simple fact of the matter.

After staff meeting we headed down to the hospital to visit Pastor Mel. He was getting ready to go into surgery. We are all believing for his miracle and I feel confident in my spirit it's going to happen. I have been praying all along that he'll be the first case ever that the doctors go, "Wow...we've never seen this kind of thing before...it's awesome." I am praying he'll make the medical journals.

Then we all went to staff lunch to a bad WW choice, but wow, was it ever good. A brazilian place that Larry read about in the paper. We were LOVING IT.

Larry has still not eaten any dinner tonight - he has absolutely no interest but I did come home and make dinner for myself and the kids. Other than that it's a night to straighten up the house, proofread some things for Larry, and get some more things in order for Christmas. Larry came home and trimmed all the bushes tonight outside. Mike put our last two trees in today. We got a magnolia and a tangerine tree. Yeah! We are all excited about the tangerine tree next year. It's too small to have any fruit this year but next year it will.

Friday is the Christmas Extravaganza Victorian Tea and I am trying not to think about what a long and busy day it's going to be this time. If I don't think about it...and just take the day as it comes...it'll be alright.

Good day

Tonight was a really fun night on the Northside couples cruise. What fun! One of the great highlights was watching Pastor T do the "worm". So funny. I think we truly have the most fun church that exists on planet earth. In fact, I know we do!

Tonight Pastor T said to the guitar player providing entertainment on the cruise... "I bet you never had a church group as fun as us..." The guitar player said, "yeah...um, are you guys Pentecostal?" T said, "yes..." and he said, "I thought so..." (Okay, and that means???) In any event, WHAT A TIME WE HAD!

This morning attendance was way down in fact about 75 people down from normal but we expected it to be low with so many people on vacation for Thanksgiving weekend. But that's okay, it was still a good day.

Lately I have been struck by God's faithfulness and provision for me. I have just been thanking him for everything. It really has nothing to do with "thanksgiving" the holiday...it has been something churning in my heart way before then. I just have a profound sense of God's goodness. He is watching out for me, always. He has my best interest in mind, always. He is making a way for me, in all things.

Last night I sat on my back patio for a long time and just looked up at the stars and THANKED GOD for all the blessings in my life. I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude for what He has done for me.

I have my ups and downs and my stressful moments, and my "Paris tea" escapes, but through it all, this is a WONDERFUL LIFE. And my worst day now is better than my best day of the past. I mean it! It's awesome. My very worst day now is a thousand times better than my best days in the past. God has brought me THAT FAR.

Just came home from the cruise, got SR ready for bed, cleaned up the last few dishes left out, straightened the living room, and now it's time to wind down my day in the best way possible, by spending time with the one I love here on planet earth...Larry Shrodes. :-)

Praise and worship all the time???

SOMEBODY GET ME A PARIS TEA! Thank you. Okay, I'm sitting here with a cup of Paris tea (my favorite) trying my best to calm myself down.

I have Christmas tree woes. Family dissension woes. Housework woes. What is it about this day? What is it? What is it? I don't want to be a complainer. Truly I don't. There are bigger things going on in the world other than a Christmas tree malfunction. People out there are dealing with big family problems, sickness and disease. There's the war in Iraq. There are starving children in Africa. I know my problems are small potatoes. But honestly, right now I'm irritated and I just need to calm down. So indulge me for a minute and for those that don't want to, just read somebody else's blog.

As usual the guys brought the Christmas tree in the day after Thanksgiving and set it up and just left it there for me to do my thing. Jordan checked five strands of lights to make sure they worked. And so then the work really began.

Nobody wants to do lights, me included but I always end up doing them. Somebody has to. Savanna and Jordan said they'd help this year but the whole time they argued. All the while Amy Grant was singing, "just hear those sleigh bells jingle and ring ting tinglin' too..." and meanwhile the two of them are hurling Christmas stuff across the room at each other.

Well after enduring that fiasco, we plug the tree in and a third of it is not working. I was frustrated, but a second later, Jordan just touched the tree, and "boom!" they came on. Halleluiah! I said, "kids leave it on, do not touch it again. Just leave it here until Christmas day, and things will be fine, thank you very much."

I proceeded to put all the beads and ornaments on. I thought, "it's a wonderful life." I went around the next few hours working on the rest of the decor, listening to XM Holiday music going la la la la la and thinking to myself, "it's the most wonderful time of the year especially because both Jordan and Savanna busied themselves in separate areas of the house and are no longer having their little spat!"

But then today I have noticed on and off as I am doing my mountain of church work and house work that the trees are periodically off. So I yell, "WHO TURNED OFF THE TREES?" To which one of the kids say, "I did..." To which I say, "And WHY pray tell, have you done that?" No real solid answer back, just an "I dunno" type thing. There is SOMETHING about a button that makes people feel they just HAVE to touch it.

All day long I've gone back and forth between my briefcase to my phone to my house, getting a myriad of things done all the while with a dull headache. Maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's the devil. Maybe it's just normal life and I have too high of expectations. But at one point both the boys (and some of their friends who were here spending the night) and Savanna were having another one of their brou-ha-ha's. This was all surrounding Playstation, which is often an issue of spiritual warfare in our house. In the midst of this Savanna says, "Momma, can I go to Savannah Dempsey's? Her Mom says it's alright."

"You betcha! Great idea!"

Mrs. Dempsey was kind enough to even come over and pick her up and she stayed there for 3 hours. I was able to finish the housework, ironing all the family's clothes for tommorrow, making a few more "care calls", returning messages, working on a message for Wednesday, washing and folding two loads of laundry, and more without hearing, "Mom...get her out of here! She's touching the Playstation again! She's bugging us!" ...

"No I wasn't, dork!"

"Yes you were, liar!"

There was no more la la la la la most wonderful time of the year stuff for me. I began singing "through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come, tis grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home..." Okey dokey...

So about 30 minutes ago I'm doing the third load of dishes for the day and getting the briefcase packed for tomorrow and I look over and see, only 1/2 the family tree is lit. WHY, WHY, WHY? So I ask this question and I find out, somebody just felt they had to go over and press the button to turn it off. So I yell, "WHATEVER! I'm not fixing it! We will just have an unlit tree for Christmas since no one in this house can keep their hands to themselves! Enjoy your UNLIT tree, everybody!"

To which Larry says, "Honey, why are you so upset? Calm down." He proceeds to go over and take a look at the tree. And after several moments of looking at it he says, "Deanna, how in the world did you do these lights in the first place anyway?" He proceeds to tell me all the reasons they were put on the tree wrong. (I put them on from the top down...I plugged them all into one switch, etc.) Pardon me, it's been a while since I graduated from Christmas tree lighting school.

So it's MY FAULT that nobody in this house can keep their hands off of an electric switch to turn the tree on or off???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like I said, it's time to sit here and have a Paris tea. AND take a long hot bath before bed. Misty told me yesterday that a lady she works with asked her, "So, when you are married to a pastor, what's it like? Do you just sit around at home and praise and worship all the time?"

I don't know how Misty kept a straight face on that one. Some of the time might be praise and worship, but for sure some of the time we're just praying and interceding that we won't lose our minds.

ONLY for this man

There are some things I do just because this man asks me to. No other reason, just that one.

What some people do not realize about marriage/ministry/co-pastoring is that sometimes you do not necessarily do things because you feel God's call to, but simply because the one you love here on earth has asked you to do them. Don't mistake it, I do have a divine call from God. But not for everything. Some things I do not do because I am the co-pastor of the church. Some things I do not even do because I am "the pastor's wife." Some things I do only out of sheer love for this man I have pledged my life to. It means something to him, therefore feelings for him compel me to act.

Today he asked me to do something I wanted to do as much as bang my head against a wall.

He says, "Shouldn't you want to do that for Jesus?"

"Well, JESUS hasn't asked me to, but YOU have...so because I love you, I will." Funny how after 20 years this still brings a puzzled look from him.

Larry Shrodes, I love you. More than life itself. And that's the reason I'm doing this today. No other.

The importance of fruit

Our house is decorated for Christmas now for the most part but the boys have to put the lights outside tomorrow. Each year I tell myself I'm going to add another tree and time always gets away from me but this year we did it.

Today we got another tree and I decided to decorate it in a sugared fruit theme. (Here is a photo... I think it's a work in progress, I'll be adding some things as we go along.)

As I was mulling over what to do the thought hit me about sugared fruit, not only because I think it's beautiful but because it reminded me of the fruit of the spirit. I have long said that if you don't possess the fruits of the spirit, nobody really cares if you have the gifts of the spirit. That is one of my pet peeves...fruitless Christians in the church. Just sort of hanging around, dead on the vine. Jesus said in John 15:16 "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last."

We are destined to be fruit bearers. It was His plan that we grow the fruit of the Spirit in our life and that we also bear all kinds of other fruit for Him. People saved through our influence...discipled...going forth to bear lasting fruit of their own. This is what really matters. When I am old someday, I want to basically have a vineyard full of spiritual fruit in my life. Forget about the basket. It's not big enough to hold what I believe God wants to do in my life.

I have both trees up and decorated and most of the decorations in the living room/dining room/family room. Larry and the boys have to go to the church to work tomorrow but when they get home they will do the lights. After I got these two trees up and done, (our family tree and the fruit tree) I stood back and said, "Larry, you're going to think I'm crazy but I want to put a third tree in the kitchen next year...I want to do a tea tree." He didn't say anything but just shot me a look that said, "Yep, you're crazy."

Living in Paradise

'LIFE IS A PARADISE FOR THOSE WHO LOVE MANY THINGS WITH A PASSION." - LEO BUSCAGLIA

Since I love many things with a passion I guess I am a paradise dweller. Things I love right now with a passion...

1) Decorating our house for Christmas. The fun begins today!

2) Shopping! (Also going to do some of that today for Christmas. Can you believe Pastor T waited in line at a store since 3 a.m. this morning? He better never accuse me of being a shopaholic is all I gotta say!)

4) Spending time with my sweetheart...another thing I'm going to do today. We are going Christmas shopping and to lunch, and then we will decorate the house together, at least a little bit. How did I get so blessed to have a man who does all this with me? (Oh yeah, I forgot, I trained him.) :-)

5) Writing.

6) Sitting on my swing on my brick paver patio in the back yard. At sunset is the best, when I'm not on my bike I like to be on the swing.

7) Finding something new in God's Word - seeing it a different way - stopping to catch something I didn't before when I read it.

8) Getting Christmas cards in the mail. We got our first one yesterday, from our district superintendent.

9) An opportunity to sleep in. I slept til noon today. For this Jesus, I give You thanks.

10) God forgave me for all that I ate yesterday. Now I'm back on track today and trying to not be too grouchy about it. After all, I'm living in paradise. What is there to be grouchy about, really?

Relaxing Thanksgiving

So here we are on this fine Thanksgiving day that our family enjoyed with our children's pastors - Trinity & Misty Mackley and their children, Nate & Celeena. You will notice my kids are not in the pictures. My boys were in their jammies most of the day lounging around. Being that I am a Mom that chooses my battles carefully and does not major in the minors........ it's really no big deal to me that the boys chose to lay around in their pj's on what is supposed to be one of the most relaxing days of the year anyway. We're just home all day relaxing and doing a bit of everything here and there. Truthfully I might have stayed in my jammies had I thought twice about it! (Sometimes I actually am in my pj's when the staff is here...appropriate ones of course!) Honestly now that I think about it I'm pretty much living in a swimsuit or jammies at home. What a life!

Larry and I stayed up very late last night together and then we slept in...me longer than him. I slept til' I could sleep no more. That right there made for a wonderful day. Larry got up to start making the turkey but I slept about another hour. He always makes the turkey and does a great job of it. I could have done a lot more housework (gotten into some deep cleaning rather than just general stuff) than I did this morning but decided to not to drive myself crazy and actually take some more time to relax. I already had the majority of the cooking done and the table set last night.

After sleeping a little while longer I got up to get the sweet rolls done for Savanna. The boys were coming home from Steven's mid morning and they got here right in time to get some sweet rolls before they were gone. I got the dough going for the dinner rolls and prepped everything to roll them out, finished some cleaning and then settled in for a long bath complete with a facial mask and a tea tree hair treatment. I like to do that kind of stuff when I'm home for holidays and can just soak in the tub. After all that, Mackley's arrived and we finished making the rest of the dinner. Before we ate I sent the customary basket of rolls over to the neighbors. It's a wonderful tradition I have of sharing bread with them each time I make it. Donna says it usually never makes it to their table. Each person grabs a roll and eats them up while she's passing the basket, they love them so much. Someday I need to have the neighbors over and teach them how to make bread. I keep saying that, now I just need to do it!

They guys watched football and played the Tiger Woods golf game most of the day and after cleaning up the incredible dinner we made, Misty and I took Celeena and went in our room and crashed on the bed and watched Take the Lead. I never did watch it last night - I just spend time with Larry. Anyhoo, the movie was good. We enjoyed it and it was so nice just to RELAX. When the staff/family is here I do not feel pressure to entertain although I like to do things nice, it's the type of thing where we can come together and do the things we all love to do whether it be movies, playstation, playing around on the computer or just having a cup of tea and talking. Being that our staff members are more family than anything, we are just at home doing whatever, even if we just fall on the couch asleep it's okay with everybody. So Misty and I watched our movie and then came out and had pie. Moooooreee food! This is THE DAY for it and tomorrow, we're right back to WW "point city"...all of us but Misty. (She doesn't need it.)

Actually everyone is still here...the guys have started watching Survivor and I convinced Misty that she should get on line and order her pictures from Sam's for Christmas. I did it and it was so easy. So she's sitting here poring through photos and ordering all that on line while I'm blogging. Savanna and Nate & Celeena are writing and putting on a play in various rooms. They have been perfecting various acts of this play all day. We've had a few cups of tea and talked for a long time, and it seems we just done a little of everything all day and it's really been great. The one thing we have left to do before they go home is jacuzzi, so I think I'll go put my suit on.

I'm thankful for a wonderful, relaxing Thanksgiving day that was just what the doctor ordered! Now if I can just get some more rest tomorrow! It's our regular day off. Barring no emergencies, I'm going to take this day off too. It's not often we get two days in a row off, normally we just have one day a week. (We always work Saturdays.) So I'm really looking forward to tomorrow and this down time. God is good!

Sweet Breakfast Rolls

This is what we are eating in our house right now on Thanksgiving morning. I make these every Thanksgiving and Christmas for our family. My kids are crazy about them. Jordan just walked in the door moments ago from spending the night at a friends house and said, "Mom...you have to start making two pans of these rolls instead of just one...there aren't enough!" I could probably make several pans and they would still say they aren't enough. It's the sort of thing you could just keep eating and eating. They are easy because you get them ready the night before and bake the next morning as soon as you wake up. MMMMmmmm...so good! Try it for Christmas...I promise, you'll like it. (Note: this is not weight watcher friendly, but it's a wonderful once in a while treat.)

SWEET BREAKFAST ROLLS
1 box of frozen dinner rolls. (They must be in "dough" form, not the kind already cooked that you warm up.)
1 small box of butterscotch pudding (the kind you cook - NOT instant)
1/2 cup light brown sugar

1 stick melted butter

You must begin this recipe the night before. Use a bundt pan and spray it lightly or grease it with oil. Place frozen rolls in the pan. (I usually use Parkerhouse rolls.) Sprinkle unmixed, dry pudding over top of the rolls. Sprinkle the brown sugar on top of this. Then pour melted butter over this. Place a kitchen towel over the bundt pan and keep it in the oven (cold - not turned on) all night long. When you wake up in the morning, take the towel off, and turn the oven on to 325 degrees. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until it looks done. Don't let rolls burn. Let them get just lightly brown and cook just long enough for them to be done on the inside. Take rolls out of oven, turn over onto a plate and serve. (You'll need to eat them with a fork as they are real "gooey" but so yum!)

You always knew

Beware of "the cares of this world . . ." ( Mark 4:19 ). They are the very things that produce the wrong attitudes in our soul. It is incredible what enormous power there is in simple things to distract our attention away from God. Refuse to be swamped by "the cares of this world." Another thing that distracts us is our passion for vindication. St. Augustine prayed, "O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself." Such a need for constant vindication destroys our soul’s faith in God. Don’t say, "I must explain myself," or, "I must get people to understand." Our Lord never explained anything— He left the misunderstandings or misconceptions of others to correct themselves. - Oswald Chambers; My Utmost for His Highest

I don't know why I worry about things so much when the God of the universe is on my side as long as I remain righteous. Or should I rephrase that - why should I worry when I'm on HIS side? Scripture asks us, "who is on the Lord's side?" Whoever is, is clearly always the winner.

I have this overwhelming need to always set the record straight on myself. To explain. To get people to understand. It's futile and beside that - God has a plan - always, that I know not of.

It's amazing to me how He always vindicates His servants and has a plan to usher us into our next level past criticism, and obstacles - if we just let Him.

God always has something up His sleeve for His servants. He's always on time. I stand amazed at His working in my life, in our family, in our church, in everything that touches our lives. God really does care about everything from my large concerns to my every day irritations. And as long as I stay true to Him, He promises to move the mountains on my behalf.

Father, I love You, and more than that right now, I TRUST YOU. While I can't always see Your hand at work in something right away, I can trust Your heart, because I remember what You have done in my past and who you have proven Yourself to be. Thank you for arranging, re-arranging, doing ALL THINGS FOR MY GOOD. For this and so many other things, I am thankful.

We are poised for a huge growth spurt in this coming year, and I sense you aligning all things to support that. I'm going to try to rest more in You and just allow you to do Your thing while I concentrate on what You've given me as my thing. The problem is when I worry about stuff that's just not my thing. I've got to stop doing that! So help me.

You always knew what you were going to do about my problems. You knew all along. You were already in the future, waiting to show me around.

10 Facts about Larry and I

1) We have been married 20 years on June 27, 2007.

2) We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon.

3) We're still living a honeymoon.

4) We are very adventurous.

5) Our favorite places in life: our home, our church, our bed, our jacuzzi, or anywhere on a date night together!

6) We love to talk to each other and never feel like we can get enough of it. "Life" is always interrupting, darn it!

7) We are both just as committed to ministry as the other.

8) We both love Greek food most.

9) We love movies.

10) We aren't afraid of being empty nesters someday. We can't wait for our house to be "clothing optional" 100% of the time instead of just the time the kids are in school. :-)

Holiday Preparations and Traditions

I think I've hit my limit tonight. After coming home from 1/2 day at the office today I started cleaning/cooking. So far I have the pies done and the sweet potato casserole, and I have the table set. I also have some of the cleaning done but not near enough. However, I think I'm quitting for tonight and I'll get up and start working in the morning although Larry and I are sleeping in. I should still have about 2 hours to clean after getting up and around before company comes. Or should I say after "family" comes. T and Misty and the kids are coming. Yeah! I wish all the staff could come but all the rest are with their biological families. :-)

Larry rented us a movie to see tonight, Take the Lead. I'm getting ready to warm up a scone for myself and some tea and sit down here with him to watch it. The boys went to Steven's tonight so we just have SR. She's been helping me with pies, giving Geena a bath, and cleaning her room.

I got this questionnaire from another pastor’s wife and thought I’d answer it for fun for all of you out there who give a rip about my Christmas traditions:

1) Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Usually hot tea or coffee.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? He absolutely wraps them.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored. I think it’s a more old fashioned look, and it reminds me of when I grew up. White lights just weren’t in back then…I’m a child of the 60’s/70’s.

4 . Do you hang mistletoe? I really don’t need it. My husband and I make out all the time without it around so what in the world would we do WITH it?

5. When do you put your decorations up? The day after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Stuffing and my sweet potato casserole. I can’t just pick one. My favorite food (all year round) is mashed potatoes. But I don’t consider that my favorite holiday food since I have it all the time.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: Singing Christmas carols either at church or out in the neighborhood. And our Christmas programs/concerts at school.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I never believed Santa brought the presents as a child…I always just thought he was a figure like Mickey Mouse.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes, we usually always do. Everyone in our family opens one.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Our tree is full of 20 years of memories. Nothing matches. It’s a “family tree” with ornaments given to us by friends and family, and homemade ornaments from the kids.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? At Christmas time love it, but I’m so glad to be a Floridian now. I don’t like dealing with it year round.

12. Can you ice skate? Yes. I love skating.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Wow…picking one of of 40 Christmases is kind of hard…but it would probably honestly be the first year my husband got to be with me on Christmas and did not have to work another job on Christmas day as he did our first two years in ministry.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Enjoying every single minute of it as much as I can. I watched one of my closest friends pass away twelve years ago now, and seeing his face as he realized it was his last Christmas…was a very difficult thing. I determined then never to take it for granted.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Absolutely Pumpkin Pie. (“There’s a happy feeling nothing in this world can buy…as they pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie! It’d nearly be like a picture print by Currier and Ives…these wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives…”)

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Going to Chinese with my family on Christmas Eve. Also taking some extra time to snuggle with my darling Larry.

17. What tops your tree? An angel

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving. Nothing makes me happier than giving to people. I wish I could do it so much more than I do. I always pray that God would give me more and more so I can give more and more. I have big dreams of what I want to give the people around me.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? hymn? O Little Town of Bethlehem and The Birthday of a King.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? I like looking at them and decorating my tree with them, but not eating them.

Fantabulous Date Night!

Larry and I went on a date tonight! It was spontaneous at the last minute but so wonderful. His board meeting got postponed because a few people couldn't make it. So that left the night open for us. He came home and decided to take me to Circles and then we went to Sam's to pick up a computer chair that he spent some b'day money on. We had such a nice time. I didn't know it but Circles has a dining room for people with kids, and one for people without. WOW. What a fantastic idea. We were without the kids so we were wildly excited to go in the room without. What a wonderful adult evening. We focused on each other and sharing thoughts uninterrupted. Now we're home but he's putting his chair together. Later we'll get in the jacuzzi and snuggle for a while.

Today Dustin and Jordan had a little Thanksgiving feast with their lunch table. We got them chicken and mashed potatoes for their contribution. Larry took it to them at school at lunch time. They said all the other kids were jealous of their incredible potluck they had with their friends. They organized the whole thing and had a whole big dinner. How fun! After dropping off their lunch, Larry and I met for a business lunch meeting. After our meeting I went to pick up Dustin's senior pictures. He loves them! I knew he would. All this time he told me he cared less about them but now that I presented them to him, he was impressed. Today we ordered his graduation announcements and cap and gown.

I'm getting Thanksgiving dinner together, shopping for food, cleaning the house and wrapping loose ends up for the work week. Only a few things left to do in prep for Sunday but I assume we'll work most of the day Saturday. At least we will have Thurs/Fri to rest and spend some time together. I've been trying to work very hard on work things so that I can focus on my family those two days and not open my briefcase. With the Victorian Tea and some unexpected things thrown in otherwise, that might be difficult but that's the goal. Speaking of the Victorian tea, I found the most darling thing today to use for favors for my table. I'm so thrilled! I was at Miracles/Maggie's and found teapot Christmas ornaments.

Talking to Pastor Linds today about things to come and we both agree, we're heading to a new level and some big change. I'm so excited. Big things are to come in 2007.

Well, time to finish up a few things, get in the jacuzzi, and make love to the sexiest man in the universe.

Dear Tooth Fairy

Actual note from Savanna Rose last night to the Tooth Fairy:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Thank you for all my money. And I would like to tell you that the last tooth I pulled, my brother Jordan took it and I haven't seen it since. You can even ask my mom. Oh, and I would like to keep my beautiful tooth so I can show people.

Love,

Savanna Rose Shrodes

Underneath the note was a picture she had drawn of herself and the tooth fairy. Interestingly enough, the "tooth fairy" looks quite a bit like me. :-) The Tooth Fairy left her four quarters, and the beautiful tooth.

Should we cut old people a break?

On bad behavior? No. We should not. Give them a discount at restaurants and stores, and give them your seat on the bus. But on attitudes and actions? No. Don't budge. Especially if they are supposedly saints of God.

There...I answered the question but now I'm going to give you the "why" behind my answer.

I for one am sick to high heaven of older Christian people acting crochety -- or worse -- and everybody side stepping a confrontation over their behavior, or rationalizing it away because of how many years they have lived.

Do a bunch of birthdays qualify you to act like a jerk or like a woman with perpetual PMS? Apparently for many it does long after the years where "that time of the month" are long over. For many when they are young they use the "that time of the month" excuse for their ill behavior, or the fact that they are laden down with raising a few kids who are difficult. Then we hear the "going through the change" excuse, and pretty soon they run out of excuses...we just have to accept, they are old and mean, plain and simple. Instead of focusing on the joys of life instead of the pain, and allowing Jesus to make them sweeter, they have chosen to become sour. And really, it is a choice.

Don't get me wrong...I love old people. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for old people. Some of you reading this might not think so by the tone of the above paragraphs but this might better explain it. I had a saint of a grandmother. She went through more stuff than you could shake a stick at. But she was never mean, or acted like she was on a constant cycle of PMS. She KNEW JESUS...really knew Jesus, and it affected her life in such a way that the more birthdays she had, the sweeter of a fragrance her life became. So now that I am pastoring some people (and have in the past as well) who don't always reflect that...I'm going, okay...what's this all about?

When I was a kid, and I would do something wrong I'd hear, "Deanna Lynn Doss! You're 5 years old now! You know better than that!" A few years would pass and if I did something out of line, again I would hear... "Deanna Lynn! You are 10 years old now...you know better!" So, why don't some people know better by the time they are 62? I mean c'mon, their Moms and Dads are long passed away, but does their PASTOR now have to rise up and say, "Martha Jo McGillicuty! (or whatever their name is), you are 73 years old now! And you know better!!!"

With the grandma that raised me, I had a front row seat in seeing a person who grew in her faith year after year right up until the time Jesus took her home, and each year she fell more in love with Him and with people. My grandma was on her death bed with cancer, her body racked with pain, but still...everything within her radiated the love of God. I remember she asked me to come and sing for her one day at the hospital. I went and she asked me to sing, "Bread Upon the Waters," one of her favorite songs that I sang in church. I took grandma's frail hand with many lines and crinkles on it from all her hard years of work. Even in a cold hospital room, her hands were warm and welcoming like they always were. As I held her hand I began to sing, "Oh there are people, never receiving anything from God at all...oh they are shaking in their believing..." and when I got to that point of the song on just the second line, I burst out crying. It was just too much. She was weak, her body totally drained, yet she sweetly managed to say, "that's okay hon, I understand why you can't sing right now." And she pulled me to her on the bed while I cried.

My grandma could be pushed by people, pulled by them, attacked by the enemy, or plagued by sickness but she never got rebellious or mean or did some stupid thing to her pastor or anybody else in the church. To me, that was a woman of God. So when I see critical old people I can't help but wonder..."are they saved?" I know, maybe that's a hard question but it's not one born out of meanness in me, but honestly wondering how a person who has supposedly known Jesus a bunch of years can act so stiffnecked sometimes.

My grandmother would never even THINK of criticizing her pastor or church. (She stiffly rebuked anyone who even sounded like they MIGHT be insinuating something like that.) She never talked about what she didn't like at church. If she didn't like something and she could possibly help the situation she just went and did whatever it took to make it better.

Some people think that when older people do something out of line or unbiblical we should just sort of let it pass because...after all...they are older. When did being old mean you weren't accountable anymore? When did having more candles on your cake mean you could say whatever you want and just expect people to understand your sin instead of confront it?

One thing that has always frosted my flakes is that when the youth of the church do something that is perceived that is out of line, people are very quick to jerk them right in line. And usually it's an older person pointing this infraction out or many times taking it upon themselves to correct it though sometimes they have absolutely NOTHING to do with the situation. No one blinks an eye at that. But when an elderly person has a critical attitude, instead of jerking them in line we say, "well, you have to understand the viewpoint Bro./Sis. so and so is coming from." Okay, why didn't we try to understand the viewpoint the youth in question was coming from? I am no teenager at this point (I'm 40) but I can understand why many youth get disillusioned by this rather unjust system that seems to be unspoken but very lived out in most churches.

If I get like this when I am old, I just hope the Lord will have compassion on everyone around me and take me home before I hurt a bunch of people or at least drive them crazy. I pray to God that when I am old and feeble someday, I am my spiritual leader's greatest blessing, not the bane of their existence. I want to lift them up to a higher level with my experience and my prayers and what I have to offer...not make them tired. I for one, want to INCREASE in my love for Jesus and in the fruit of the Spirit as I grow older. I want my legacy to be one like grandma's. If I can't be like that, to me there is no reason to be in this world. We are here to make a difference...to leave a legacy. If I can't do that...what's the use?

To all my friends reading this, please mark it down. I've said it right here for all the world to see. When I get older, CALL ME TO ACCOUNT. Please don't let me act like an idiot without somebody stepping forward to whip me in line. Don't shy away from me just because I have gray hair and walk with a cane. Just because I've seen tragedies in life and been through a lot, don't give me a free pass to recklessly run around sprinkling negative words on people. When and if you see me become mean, say to me, "Deanna Doss Shrodes! You are 80 now! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW, GIRL! So start acting your age IN JESUS!" I want somebody to point out to me should I become that way, that if I'm truly "in Jesus" I'm acting like Him. Please friends, if I start acting like a crotchety old coot, please feel free to come over to my house and give me a kick in my Depend! :-) Don't let me act with reckless abandon, hurting my friends, my neighbors, my pastor, my church. I encourage you who are my personal friends to feel free to be a convicting presence in my life and tell me the hard things. When I hurl a criticism at a teenager, don't pat them on the arm and say, "Cut Sis. Shrodes a break honey, she's old and from a different generation and she just doesn't understand you." No, I want you to take me by arm and share with me the importance of accepting, loving and apologizing to that teenager. Do what it takes. Lure me away with a latte and a chocolate cookie and say, "Now Deanna, there's something we've been meaning to talk to you about..." Just give me the one-two. I give you full permission to lace my Metamucil or my Ensure with a sedative if you need to calm me down long enough to listen to your reasoning with me about my destructive behavior to myself and others.

Please friends, whatever you do, don't let me get away with being fussy when I'm an old woman. I don't want a break from you. I want you to remind me that especially at the winter...the closing chapter of my life...I need to reflect Him who has called me more than ever.

Thank you, friends, for watching out for me as I grow old. Save me from myself if I need it.

Thank You, Lord

Okay, so pictured above are the people I love most next to my husband and kids...those phenomenal individuals I spoke of in my last blog...the Northside Staff, a.k.a. family. (I might lose some readers soon because you are sick of hearing of the aforementioned, but oh well.)

Today was another day where I realize how much I appreciate them. What a wonderful day we had in the house. It was a SPECTACULAR DAY both this morning, and then this evening at the Thanksgiving Dinner. I realize more each day how much I appreciate our staff/family and several other individuals who surround Larry and I with such love & support. This is the finest team in all the land.

Today I did have just one thing that upset me, having nothing to do with our staff. A difficult situation I dealt with in the midst of our blockbuster day in the house. It figures - the devil always has to send at least a little something to try and steal my joy. Well, this threatened to. But honestly I felt such an overwhelming sense of God's presence today and the wonderfulness of our staff/family that I didn't care!

We are growing so much. The Thanksgiving dinner was packed. This year we had more people sign up in just the first week or two sign up than we had at the final count last year! I honestly do not know what we will do next year as if we keep up this pattern of growth we will have outgrown our present location to have this event. (Although we can go to more services to accomodate growth we obviously cannot have several Thanksgiving dinners.) The purpose of the dinner is to come together as one family and not only share dinner but do a whole service with worship, testimonies and celebration of what God has done.

At this time my head is not only zoned into getting Thanksgiving ready for our family but also on the Christmas Extravaganza...preparing for the Victorian Tea. God has already given me my message........it's ready..........the power point is ready.........it's just a matter of prayer, prayer and more prayer. And it's a matter of details and more details...

The issue of child care is always a thorn in my flesh. Just when I think it's lined up it always falls through the cracks again. I have people signed up (from outside the church) that we pay to come in so none of my ladies have to miss the tea. Often those outside people quit on us unexpectedly. I believe I have solid people booked for this time.

I just found out I will also have a funeral to handle the day of the Christmas Extravaganza. There always seem to be situations like this where I have to "leap tall buildings in a single bound" on days like the princess luncheon or Victorian Tea. I know it'll be alright especially when I let a few intercessors know, this is going to take some more prayer cover to be fresh like I need to be for that evening. I usually like to take the day to rest a few hours beforehand (it's Friday which is usually my day off) and I will normally rest more in the morning, then pray throughout the afternoon and go over my message several times again thoroughly. Then I get ready to go over to the church. None of that will be possible this time as I will spend at least the first half of my day at the funeral. So I will get ready and then probably go to the church to quiet myself, spend whatever amount of time I have leftover that day in prayer and going over the message again. (Not to mention probably having another last minute run through of the music for the evening.) Tonight Dustin talked to me about doing a song together...we have to start working on that - it's something I'd like to add.

Time to go to bed, I'm exhausted but so thankful to God for all of the blessings in my life. Thank you, Jesus. I feel your love for me and I do not know what I would do without it! When I think of your goodness, it just makes me wanna SHOUT, SHOUT, SHOUT!!!!!!!!!

Baby don't move, right there it is...

I was reading another pastor's blog yesterday and he said something so true but something I had just never thought of. It was a lightbulb moment for me. He said that happiness in the ministry basically all depends on who you work with. So simple yet so profound and true.

I am the happiest right this moment that I have ever been in ministry. I realize that happiness is not a pre-requisite to fulfill the call of God. We need to go forth and do what He tells us to do whether it makes us happy or not. But my point is...I'M HAPPY!

There's a country song that says, "baby don't move, right there it is..." Well, I sort of want to freeze right now in ministry and say that. I want the church to grow, but in many ways I do not want to move beyond this spot in the pastoral staff aspect for a while. Sort of like, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it..." Meaning, I certainly don't want to subtract, but I'm also afraid to add! Things are perfect just like they are.

Yesterday at lunch Pastor T says, "well, when we get to 14,000 members you will have to add some people." That's true. :-)

Our staff members are not just "co-workers" but I consider them family. I actually get sad when I invite them over and for some reason they can't come (on our free time) although I definitely understand....we've all got stuff we've gotta do in life besides spend 24/7 together. But my point is, I'm crazy about them.

I realized when I read that other pastor's blog yesterday that this really is THE main key in ministry. In the midst of seeing literal miracles throughout my 20 years in ministry, there were times I was so sad. It was pathetic now that I think about it. Throughout the years I have had successful revivals, renewals, outreaches...yet not been happy. In fact I could see somebody get up out of a wheelchair healed, yet still wake up on Monday morning absolutely miserable. Yes, miserable in the midst of even a REVIVAL as crazy as that seems. I was happy people were being saved, filled with the Holy Ghost, healed and you name it. But inside I was miserable everyday coming to the office because I just simply was not happy with who I spent time with day after day. There are 7 days a week, and life is so much more than Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights. Your average person has no clue that a pastor (at least a good one) works a minimum of about 50 hours a week. So aside from those hours in services, who are you spending your time with? That is the question. If you are not spending it with people who click with you and are with your mission and vision 100%, with SHARED VALUES it will be difficult. For me when in that situation it creates an incredible quiet loneliness in my soul...

I realize some people who read this (and I'm shocked at the amount of you who read this blog, btw) will think, "Deanna, isn't that a spiritual problem that you didn't like who you worked with?" Well, yes and no. First let me say a person has to love everyone if you're going to walk in the way Jesus did. And I can manage to do that. But do you know what I mean when I say, often we love people, but we don't truly enjoy them? It's hard to enjoy someone who believes opposite of all the things you do and spend most of your time with them. It's the difference between being tolerated and celebrated. We all have relationships that click more than others. Those who share our core values, those we can count on, those who are loyal. Everyone does not fall into this category. I can manage through the grace and power of God to love everybody (at least eventually!) but wanting to be with people all the time, or partner with them in working together, even in the Kingdom of God, is another story. If you make the wrong choices, truly - it can make you very unhappy. It would not be so unlike marrying the wrong person. Do you have to love them? Yes, if you're going to follow the word of God. But the truth is, you really may have made a mistake, and...you might find yourself a very unhappy person if they never change. Which, to quote Randy White, "people change, but not THAT much."

I now realize that you can even have great Godly things going on - you can have a spiritual explosion going on in your church. You can make enough money. You can have recognition. You can speak and people will flock to the altars. You can get invited to preach at places. You can write books and have people say they have changed their life. You can have many things, yet not be fulfilled inside because you are not in sync with who you work alongside each day.

So profound, yet why did I not realize this before?

Author Barbara Johnson says, "Pain is inevitable, misery is optional." As much as I know that is true I many times over the years could not seem to pull myself out of the depressing spiral I felt in being "stuck" in situations working with those who didn't share our values, our philosophies, nor did we have their loyalty.

I have never seriously thought of leaving the ministry. Larry and I are in this for absolute life, no matter what ever happens. But my happiness in fulfilling this call has not always been there though the resolute commitment has been. Now I am not only committed, I am happy. Yes, I AM HAPPY! What a wonderful thing. I wake up in the mornings and I can hardly wait to get to the office! My phone rings, the caller id says Barta, Bancroft, Rhodes, Spratley, Sullivan or Mackley and I am THRILLED AS ALL GET OUT! HALLELUIAH!!! I cannot wait to answer the phone.

It's like marriage - I am absolutely committed to it, 100% NO MATTER WHAT. However I have not always been happy. I think everyone would agree with me, a happy marriage is definitely the preferred option and something people do almost anything to achieve.

This is how I feel about ministry and staff relations. Liking who you work with is not only the preferred option but it's something I believe you should do anything you have to, in order to achieve it. If a marriage is broken down, wise people will pray their guts out, go to counseling, go on marriage retreats, or whatever. I believe when it comes to staff you have to pray to God you have picked the right people in the first place and then do whatever it takes to stay in entrainment (sync) together.

Not that I'm trying to have a commune or start a cult or something (ha ha!) but I wouldn't even mind if some of them moved right on in. I love them THAT much!

Some of you who read this who are not in ministry might think, "well, don't you choose your staff members?" Not always. In our previous church we had a person we worked with who was a thorn in the flesh during our entire pastorate. The political climate there was one in which we could not dismiss the person without a greater problem than it would be to keep them. In some situations you really don't have a choice. At other times you hire a person thinking they have represented themselves honestly but they have not. Unless you are a pastor you probably don't understand this. Someone once said, "The pastoral ministry defies explanation to anyone outside of it." But my point is not to rehash the sadness of the past but to say...

I am so incredibly thankful and happy at this stage of my life. In Jesus name.......BABY DON'T MOVE, RIGHT THERE IT IS..........

Don't go to the Inquirer - read it here first!

I saw this on someone’s blog today with their answers and though I never met the person I was very intrigued by what they had to say. So, here I go with my own answers…….maybe somebody out there in cyber space who has never met me will read and go…”hmmmmm….this Deanna chick has some depth to her and maybe if I’m ever in Tampa I’ll look her up and have a latte with her…”

What has God truly called me to do?

write and pastor

What is my calling?

writing, pastoring, coaching/mentoring

Is there a call on my life?

absolutely

What are my 5 greatest wishes?

to write

to grow old with my husband

to see my children serve God all their lives & walk in their destiny

to mentor women

to be myself always

What are 5 short term goals?

write more articles

lose 10 more pounds

wake up ½ hour earlier each day

finish recording my CD

get through the holidays without stress this time

What are 5 long term goals?

get a book proposal accepted

save more for a rainy day (don’t plan to retire)

go on a cruise with Larry

have all my baseboards clean at one time!!!

finish developing my entire mentoring ministry

What are 3 things I want to experience before I die?

at least another 40 years with Larry

going on a special trip with all my kids as adults

having grandchildren

What are 3 things I want to accomplish before I die?

being able to write FT

have my whole entire house - closets, garage, everything - totally clean at once.

go on a sabbatical to Boone, NC

Where are 3 places I want to visit before I die?

England

Greece

Hawaii (again)

What is my biggest dream?

Writing, always writing

What would answer this phrase: “This is a dream come true.”

I just got my book proposal acceptance in the mail/on the phone!!!"

What do I want to be when I grow up?

A writer

What do I not want to be honest about?

How unbelievably mad I get at people sometimes.

What have I always said about life that has become a phrase instead of truth?

"Don’t ever expect anything out of anyone and then you will never be disappointed. You can spend your life being pleasantly surprised whenever people do right, or you can walk around being disappointed constantly."

What are my actual tastes?

bold, strong and ultra-feminine (clothing) and a mixture of taste in interior decorating. Everything from classic to shabby chic

What are my very favorite things?

Books, writing, coffee, tea, biking, walking, shopping

What are my greatest talents?

am I talented? I thank God that He has gifted me in utilizing words to change the atmosphere and bring people to a higher level whether it be through writing, preaching, teaching, singing or mentoring.

What is my sweet spot?

not sure exactly what this question means but it could be answered in a myriad of ways. As far as what do I like to eat that is sweet, there is not enough blogspace to even begin to cover that, but chocolate tops the list…as far as when I am sweetest, definitely not in the morning. I am a night person…as far as who do I think it sweetest in my life? My husband.

Where am I happiest?

at home – in my office – at church – on the beach with my toes in the sand

What is the coolest thing I have ever experienced?

having people tell me something I wrote saved their life

Who makes me smile?

my husband, my kids, and our staff

What makes me laugh?

our staff members – they are hysterical

Who makes me laugh?

same answer as above

What do I do that really makes everything in life click?

finish my initiative list each and every week.

What is my coolest memory?

looking at my birthmother face to face

How does God talk to me?

in the quietness of my own heart and mind when I settle down and listen to Him throughout my day or when I’m in prayer

How do I know that something is God and not me?

I have heard His voice enough that I instinctively know it’s Him. This has come through experience and confirmation.

What sounds like the most fun thing in the world?

going on a vacation with our staff

Busy, but it's A/G!

Here's a picture of my family taken this week...Holly took these pictures of us (thanks Holly!) in prep for Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, I have been in the holiday spirit for several months now because I have to think about it so far ahead of time to plan for various church events. For months now I have been picking out special music numbers to use for my women's Christmas Extravaganza (it's a Victorian Tea). Months ago some staffers laughed at me when they heard, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" coming out of my computer as I was reviewing sound track samples. Oh well, everything is planned now, just a matter of rehearsing it and making it work for us! Workday is tomorrow and the Northside campus will officially be decked out and ready for our first outreach (which is the women's). I have my message ready and just got my power point to go with it done today. I can't tell you how glad I was to get that off my back, and now just have it as part of my prayer life. There are still many more details to go to make the evening near-perfect (I realize to aim for perfection is unrealistic, still I do aim for excellence) and I'm still working on all those initiatives. I am disappointed that my friends I wanted to come from outside the church all have obligations that night where they can't. But sign ups are going great otherwise and it's going to be a night to remember! I can hardly wait but we have to get through Thanksgiving in the Shrodes house first...

Sunday night is the church Thanksgiving dinner (I love it!) and it's going to be great this year. We have so much multi media as a part of it. Pastor T has been working on video testimonies. Last night I did something crazy. In the midst of Cathy and PLinds and I doing a rehearsal of a trio song for Sunday night I said, "Hey, let's put pictures to this song and do a whole presentation..." to which PLinds echoes right behind me as usual, "YEAH! LET'S DO IT!" So til' 1 am last night I got every picture I could find from 2006 and put it in a power point. Then I tried to e-mail it to Lindsay and it was too large a file. I was so mad. I don't have a flash drive. I had to wait til morning to ask Dustin or Larry. They didn't know what to do so I called Pastor T this morning. He said put it on the IPOD. Fortunately Larry loaded the thing onto his IPOD and took it to the office this morning. PLinds will take it from here and make the thing stellar. We already had great things planned for Sun. night but now things will be even better!!!

After that I do have to get our personal Thanksgiving dinner ready. I haven't even thought 2 seconds about it, I have been so busy working, due to our shortened work week next week. I really would like to take not only Thanksgiving off, but the Friday after and possibly even the Sat. if by some miracle all the work is done. (We usually work on Saturdays, on church things most of the day albeit many times from home or out on errands for the same.) At some point I have to grocery shop, get the menu together and figure out exactly who we're having over and what we're doing.

I got a pile of work done today at work but I am planning on squeezing some more in around workday on Sat and I'll try to take tomorrow off if at all possible. The thing is, I have only 2 and 1/2 days to accomplish a large initiative list for next week. I'm always tempted to not take my day off but I know I need to. I want to go on a date with Larry and I want to also get a PPV movie, probably The Lake House as I really want to see it but quite truthfully I am so tired and lazy at this moment I don't even want to get my butt off this chair and go to Blockbuster to rent it. I want to just sit and click my TV. Should have gone to Zumba tonight but I am just too beat. Tomorrow is my day off and I will have a good amount of time to work out. Tonight I just wanted to snuggle with anyone in my family who will snuggle with me, lay on the couch and be a total blob. (Hey, at least I'm a smaller blob than I used to be, ha ha!)

Today someone I haven't heard from in a long time called me and asked me to get together with them for coffee/lunch the day or two after Thanksgiving. I felt pressured, but I stood firm and said no, I was going to take that time with my family. The second I hung up I felt RELIEF. This would have been good for them, but not for me. It's just not the priority for me right now. Aside from church I spend every moment at home that I can. I'm a homebody at heart (though most people don't know that) and if I don't get the time I need there, I get so edgy it's unbelievable. I'm glad I made the right choice and didn't say no just to please the other person. To be quite honest I haven't seen them in probably at least 6-8 years...and I know they really want to see me but I'm not close to them and I just do not have the energy for anything else right now. People say to me, "Pastor Deanna, you have so much energy." Yes, I do on the things I feel passion about. I could run all day on the things that give me passion. But to do things I don't want to do? (or don't feel called to do?) Zero energy. And I don't really feel compelled to change that. I'm happy in that regard with the way things are.

We're in such a busy season right now but life is good! God is good! I am so thankful for all His many blessings on my family, in my church, in my life.

Things are starting to take shape for 2007. We're working on finalizing the church calendar. Speaking dates for me outside the church have also been coming in for 2007. I am trying to make some decisions so that at the end of the year I do what God really wants me to do and choose wisely. I am glad that God has given me so many wonderful choices to think about and opportunities. And I so enjoy the people God has given me to share my life with. I love our staff so much - they are FAMILY. If I had my choice all of them would be over here for Thanksgiving day but I know some of them have other family plans that they need to fulfill, although a few of them will be here.

Life is moving at a fast pace as usual in this holiday season but it's A/G - all good as Pastor Aaron says!

If you can't stand the heat...

I happen to have kids that absolutely thrive on speaking out about their beliefs. (Where did they get this from?)

What I find interesting is that many times adults start conversations and are not willing to continue the conversations when young people actually know what they are talking about or can hold their own in a conversation. I have always believed in raising my children to be salt and light to the world around them. They aren’t perfect kids by any means, (no one’s children are though we would like to think so!) but I’m very proud of how they stand for what they believe in.

Jordan (10th grade - pictured here with one of his favorite pastimes - skateboarding) has a teacher who continually tries to talk to him about the Big Bang theory and how he truly believes it is reality. Jordan enjoys coming up with something creative to share with this teacher each day.

“Hey Mr. Mount…”

“Yes Jordan…” (with a weary sound in his voice…)

“You’ll never guess what happened today!”

“What’s that Jordan?” (sounding even more tired)

“Well, I was riding down the street today, felt a little jolt and… bang!!! A Wal-mart appeared beside me out of nowhere! Can you believe that, Mr. Mount?” The only response Jordan gets to this is a little eye rolling. Next day…

“Guess what Mr. Mount!”

“What’s that, Jordan?”

“You’ll never guess what happened today!”

“What’s that, Jordan?”

“Well, I was in the cafeteria…hungry for lunch when all of a sudden I felt a rumbling, and poof! There appeared a tuna fish sandwich right in front of me!”

“I think it’s time we change the subject Jordan…”

Poor Mr. Mount. He never knew what he was getting into when he decided to ask the class about what they thought about the Big Bang Theory, and try to shove this down their throats.

Last Tuesday something happened which I found very interesting. My kids came home and asked me who I voted for in the election earlier that day. When I told them, they said, “Oh wow, I wonder if that will affect the F-Cat?” I asked them what on earth they meant by that. They said that some teachers had told them to go home and tell their parents to vote for a certain candidate because if they were elected, they would fight to take the F-Cat test away. I thought, “surely if my children have told me the truth about this, it has to just be poor judgment on the part of one teacher.” Imagine my surprise to hear from several other friends from church who have children at different schools that their kids were evidently told the same thing!

Jordan discussed in class with the same teacher that made this admonition to go home and tell parents to vote for the apparent “F-Cat” abolisher that he would rather see people vote for individuals who would fight to save children’s lives. Jordan brought up the need to stop the horrible practice of near-full term babies having scissors jammed in to the back of their necks and murdered as they are in the practice of partial birth abortion. As soon as my son brought this up the teacher said, ”Uh, I think we should change the subject, Jordan.”

My question is, why change the subject? It was okay when the class was discussing embracing a candidate who would try to take away the F-cat, but when one was being discussed who would fight murder if elected, we need to stop talking? Is it too painful to hear the truth about things such as how we got here in the first place, how the earth was created, and why human life is so precious? Perhaps in the politically correct world we live in, the teacher was concerned that some students in the classroom themselves might have aborted babies, and would be hurt by such discussion. Maybe the teacher personally had an abortion and just didn’t want to face the discussion once it turned this way. In any event, why was it so out of place to talk about since the conversation began by talking about other reasons a candidate should be supported?

I find it interesting that adults just don’t expect to hear these kinds of strong opinions from students, or think they can hold their own. No matter what teachers say to my kids about evolution, abortion or whatever, my children can come right back at them verbally swinging. I’m so proud of our kids and the kids of our church.

If a teacher is not prepared to hear an answer, they should not ask a question. May they avoid the subject altogether if they are not able to sustain differing opinions. When I was growing up they used to say, “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen!”

Core values

Really great day in God's house today...just an all around positive time. God is good. Attendance slightly down with the holiday weekend, but only slightly, and the important thing is - His presence was there. Had the vision meeting at our house tonight and it was a good time of re-counting God's many blessings of the past year and strides made. I have just been seeking the Lord as to different steps He now wants me to take as we get to the end of the year and look forward to the future.

Reading in God's Word in Proverbs 12 today and so many things from it really spoke to me. Everywhere I turn, things are speaking to me about my core values.

I found a quote/poem today that says:

I am only one,But still I am one.

I cannot do everything,But still I can do something.

And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Edward Everett Hale

I am resolute more than ever about the fact that at the very core of my values is commitment. Faithfulness and commitment - nothing is more important to me.

Seize the moment - this is it!

Just got back tonight from the WOF Conference. It was very good...just what I needed. I pretty much zoned out like I was on a spiritual IV and listened to the speakers. As I was leaving for the trip, I got a last minute curve ball that basically meant that a lot of work I did preparing for Sunday's service was now down the drain and lots of things had to be re-done. It was par for the course for the past week. Thankfully Pastor Lindsay saved the day for me on this and made it so that my whole weekend was not a wreck. I have said many times, I have trained many people, but only cloned one. :-) She's my gem.

Well, although she saved the day for me, I left feeling even more so the disappointment of those who just don't share the same values as the people on our pastoral team. Pastor Aaron keeps comforting me with his words about shared values. Either people have them or they don't, they either live by them or they don't. And when they don't have them, we are often disappointed by whatever they don't follow through on.

Many times after having lined out expectations, trained, encouraged, motivated, etc., and still not seeing this out of a person you as a leader wonder what more you could have done. The answer I received by listening this weekend is: NOTHING. There are times things will happen that are not in "the plan" at all. Times things will happen - many times that are utterly disappointing. Nothing was sugar coated this weekend at the conference...it didn't smack of, "Just paste a smile on and claim to be happy til' you feel it..." but instead they reiterated the fact that many times we are disappointed and life is hard, but you have to grab those great moments...grab them and celebrate the heck out of them for all they are worth, because "this is it" -- we're in it -- we're living the big moment right now and when we find little or big bursts of joy in the midst of it, GO CRAZY, absolutely crazy with delight because it's those moments that make all the other stuff you go through worth it. Although Marilyn Meberg's message stirred me most emotionally and "inspired me" it was Luci Swindoll's message that most changed me and quite honestly began my road to liberation from some of what I've been feeling.

I have always believed in having a tremendous amount of fun doing whatever I'm doing because if not I always wondered what the worth or value of something would be if you were not enjoying it. This past weekend just solidified my belief in that way of life.

More than ever I am going to be seeking, seizing, gravitating toward - those large and small celebrative moments of each day, and savoring them for all their worth. This is a huge key to getting through that which, otherwise, would seriously paralyze you with depression.

I have been struggling with the thought of why things that would be considered relatively small by most "regular" people can really get me down. When someone doesn't follow through on what they told me they would do, it tends to torpedo me for a while or at least make me want to choke them. And I've come to the conclusion that "normal", or rather "regular" people leading non-descript lives don't really care about details. They just get by. There are people satisfied with success, never pushing toward great significance. Commitment is only followed through if it is convenient. If they say, "hey by the way, I won't be there tomorrow" (or they don't even bother to call) when you've been counting on them all along, it's really not a huge thing to them if there's something else that hits their fancy at that moment. People like that mix like oil and water with me.

Big dreams are not really in their hearts and the goals are more about just getting through life than grabbing it by the tail and getting everything out of it that they can give. (Again there we go with that shared values thing...) I personally care about dreams, and details. If you look at anybody who has done anything significant they cared about details. I look at the WOF conference and I start reviewing things that most people would never think about. I wondered, "okay, so how many workers did it take to post these product posters in each stall the restrooms?" and "How many workers do you think they had to get to take them all down at the end?" "How many volunteeres did it take to line up to run these product tables" (by the end I had my question answered - Mary Graham said something like 300 volunteers) I wondered if they changed the lights on the sides to match the speaker's outfits and planned that for each show, because it seemed that it sort of went that way most of the time. I wondered if the same people worked as the core speakers security people each time and if those people are FT. I wondered if they collected the leftover programs from the seats afterwards and if they were printed up for each city or one for the entire season. So many details. Obviously somebody cared and they had to make sure that whether let down or not by anyone involved -- things would go off just as they had decided in a planning meeting some time ago. It took shared values to accomplish it. Somebody cared and would jump off a cliff to get that stuff done no matter what came up that might have struck their fancy. No matter how many traffic jams...how many flat tires...how many plane delays...how many sick kids...how many whatevers...somebody inconvenienced themself so all that stuff this weekend could be near-perfect. (notice I didn't say perfect. Perfectionism isn't what I'm looking for - just the very best I and others can humanly give through God's grace and power. Although not perfect, that's really good!)

I get really depressed if people I am working with on anything don't share my values...if they don't care about details. For whatever reason if they should affect something I've been dreaming about for a while, and have worked my guts out on...well, it affects me for quite a while. I now realize there is a reason I feel this way, but I have to grab more moments of joy when they come and fully revel in them, to have hope in the midst of disappointments and give strength for the journey.

Thank God for a great pastoral team, and a great core leadership team because at least that is one place where we have shared values and work like a well oiled machine. I can't even describe how much that means. Since having our current team in place I have felt like God just let me fall into a Perkins Banana Cream pie ten months ago, and I've just been going yum, yum, this is sooo good ever since. It's a group with which I feel the comfort of speaking the same language. At least there is shared values in one area of my life and for that I am going to grab every "joy" moment that comes down the pike and enjoy it to it's fullest.

Monster Headache

I've been sick with a whopper headache.

I had all these grandiose plans for last night before leaving for Women of Faith today. I stayed home from Zumba last night to spend time with my family. I was going to get packed. We were going to have dinner together. Then I was going to get a movie, Larry and I were going to sit in the jaccuzi. We were going to have an absolutely wonderful evening together. But none of that happened.

Towards the end of the funeral yesterday I got a monster headache. I think all the lack of sleep lately had caught up with me, plus just being at such an emotional event. I came home and went to bed and now I have to pack this morning before leaving. Larry took care of the laundry so it should be that hard as everything is clean. But there went our wonderful evening. All that will have to wait until I get back from WOF, and delay itself for sometime next week since I'm coming home to the flurry of Sunday.

Truthfully, I still have a slight twinge of this headache left this morning which was why, despite twelve hours sleep I'm still taking tylenol. I hope it gets better within the next few hours because quite honestly 35,000 people clapping and singing is not going to make it feel any better. :-)

Three hours before departure. Time to shower, pack and spend some time with the man before I have to take off. I will miss him, and our day off, but next Friday will be guarded like the Hope Diamond.

Nothing that chocolate won't cure

I'm sitting here getting ready to eat a truffle. Someone gave it to me for pastor appreciation and I saved it for a rainy day. It's not raining outside but in my spirit it has been. So, today's the day for the truffle.

I'm feeling better. Not just because of the truffle but because of a few factors ~

1) Connected with Larry today... which always makes life sweeter.

2) Church was good tonight. I went in feeling low but by the last song of worship, stepping forward in faith turned on the switch of my feelings and I began to sense God's presence in a powerful way - which always makes all the difference in my situations.

3) I had some help from Lisa after the service which made things 100% easier.

4) My hardest work days this week are behind me. We have a funeral tomorrow and I have a few loose ends to tie up but after that I'm headed to Women of Faith.

5) The kids were good tonight and Jordan made me laugh so hard on the way home I almost told Larry to stop the car and pull over. He was so incredibly funny telling the story of something that happened at church, I couldn't contain myself.

6) Savanna found my favorite necklace tonight that has been lost for several weeks. THANK YOU JESUS, AND SR!

7) This truffle is so good...

Time to psych myself out

This is my friend, Joy Conley at left, with me when we were having a cup of coffee together at a conference we were both speaking at. She was here last night speaking for me at our Night of Power. I appreciate her friendship so much. She brings me joy...her name fits her well.

Well, I didn't go to WW this morning. I haven't gained anything this week, so I wasn't afraid to get on the scale. I was just too depressed to go and act normal. I didn't want to talk to people, didn't want to have to paste on a smile, so I didn't. I laid in bed as long as I could and then did what people with good character do...I got up and kept my commitment to go to work. And tonight I will keep my commitment to go to church and preach, again, because integral people keep their commitments. Right now I feel like taking off a few days, but I won't because I would be letting too many people down, and I can push through whatever I feel to do whatever needs to be done. It amazes me how many people just live by their feelings. I determined long ago not to do that. Despite my feelings, there's stuff that must be done everyday, so no matter what, I do it.

Larry got up with SR this morning and got her ready for school and just let me lay there. I normally always get her ready for school but a few days a year when I am sick or just really in need for some other reason, Larry does it. After getting SR ready he came back and just laid in bed and held me for a few minutes...didn't say anything, just held me. He knows that's all I needed, not his advice, not his 2 cents, but just his affection. After 20 years of marriage we have come to some good understandings about some things and one of them is that there are times I don't need him to solve anything, just to hold me.

Got a ton of work done today which was on my plate - tried to just stick to the computer pretty much like glue, and I had lunch with Sue, which is always a nice oasis in my day.

Time to psych myself out for church, put on Sinatra's "Fly Me to the Moon" and go preach. I can't wait to get home, watch LOST and sit in my jacuzzi.

Not feeling spiritual, you say? Yes, I am actually feeling very spiritual - talking to Jesus non stop. Just don't feel like much else right now.

When a dream dies

I Thessalonians 5:23-24 "May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he'll do it!" (The Message)

Thank God for Jesus. On Him I can depend. When I think about Him, it soothes me. If life just contained Jesus, everything would be okay, but unfortunately there are other things in life we still have to deal with at times. It can be a challenge for those who dare to dream, not just at night but in perfect daylight, wide awake. I hate it when my dreams die and I can do nothing about it. Today is one such day. Never again will there be another November 7, 2006, and nothing about this day can ever be taken back, altered or changed. It is what it is. Or should I say it was what it was. I can only go forward from here and make decisions based on what I have learned from this day.

Nothing would help right now except going to my in-laws house, eating my mother in law's pork chops with gravy and mashed potatoes, and sleeping in the guest bed as late as I want. And throwing my cell phone in a dumpster somewhere.

But that's not possible so, life goes on.

Soaking with the staff

Tonight after newcomer's night, we had a staff discussion in the jacuzzi for those who wanted to stay. We may be the only staff in the history of the A/G that often has meetings while soaking. Hey -- who says you can't be comfortable while at work? We sure are.

We had a very good newcomer's night as usual. It's always a good time. Each month we say, "who's going to come? Will we have anybody?" And each month we are never let down. Most months it's been a full house! God is good. He has been so faithful to send us so many new people. Tonight Judy told me we already have so many people signed up for Thanksgiving dinner, and it's weeks away. We have more people signed up than EVER.

It's going to be a busy week -- with Night of Power -- and also Women of Faith coming up. But it's A/G ~ all good! I know God is going to give us a week of favor and blessing.

Five things I'm very thankful for tonight:

1) My jacuzzi. No further explanation needed.

2) The finest staff in the world. I could go on and on. How much I love and appreciate these people.

3) The house is clean! Praise God!

4) I'm staying on program this week quite nicely. It's so helpful to have almost everyone in the office on WW.

5) I'm thankful to have such a wonderful husband, partner, friend, lover, pastor by my side. We are in serious need of a date night all by ourselves, and I think this week we just might get it despite all that is scheduled. I'm craving going somewhere special with him, and just talking about us.

Bobcats, hoods, and other crazy stuff

So this is one of the craziest days of my life.

This morning it's 7:30 am and I'm driving to the church for morning worship. I'm headed there in my car (pictured above) and as I'm going 70 miles an hour down 75, a bobcat darts in front of my car. Yep, it looked just like the picture above. Pretty crazy, huh? I missed hitting him by just inches, maybe less. How crazy. He just darts across the road like he has nothing better to do at 7:30 on a Sunday morning.

So then I'm staring at the hood periodically on the rest of the drive (which I normally don't do...I usually look down the road quite a ways but due to the bobcat incident, I'm a little distracted) and I notice my hood is popped up on the car. Never would have noticed this had the cat not crossed my path. It was rattling but then again I always have the radio up, this morning being no exception. Thankfully at 7:30 there aren't a lot of cars on 75 on a Sunday. So I pull over the try to shut the hood. It won't shut. I'm pushing down, sitting on it, all kinds of crazy stuff out there in my dress suit and heels feeling like an idiot, and the blasted thing won't shut. I tried to open it all the way, which it won't do either. How crazy.

So I figure, well at least it's hanging on there by something, so I get back in and start driving, but it's open even more and rattling worse which scared the heck out of me. I get out again, try to pull the latch open inside the car to open the hood, pull on it some more...no dice. I push and push. Still won't go down. I was so frustrated. So I get back in and drive about 10 miles an hour all the way to the church. A ways down the road, Chris Currie was behind me also headed to worship rehearsal. He stays behind me on the trip there and when we get to the church says, "what's wrong?" and gets out and tries to help me. He pushed down on the hood...nothing. Still won't close. He pulls. Nothing. Finally he sticks his hand under the hood and squeezes some metal things together and pop goes the hood, and comes up. Evidently there's a safety latch I didn't know about! Duh, duh, duh! Well, now I know.

Then we get to church and it still gets crazy. Nothing went right with worship. Everything was in it's own direction so much so that it even got comical. I just stopped the service at one point and said, "nothing's going right today, let's pray." How crazy is that. I haven't done that in 20 years of ministry but I did today! (Stop the service I mean. Obviously I have prayed. I'm one of those pastors that still believes in prayer.)

So I stop the service cold and say, "everything's going crazy. Let's just stop and pray." So we did. Someone told me later they were so grateful I did that. They said, "PD, everybody could see the thing was going like a train wreck and we're just so glad you acknowledged it and didn't try to just go on and ignore it because visitors might have thought, 'oh it's like this every week.' No, it's not, obviously. This was just a crazy "off week." At the outset of service I came up and enthusiastically proclaimed, "Pastor is preaching on the power of coming to the Lord's table today!" As I made this declaration, I pointed to the communion table. (Communion was coming a little later in the service.) But I notice, the table is bare. Nothing there but a flower arrangement. As soon as I make my declaration I look back at our head usher. The color drains out of Tom's face and he looks completely freaked out to realize that for the first time EVER the ushers forgot communion. He races out of the sanctuary and mobilizes people to get it ready and get it back in there. In between that time, it seemed so many things were haywire, like I said it even got comical. Finally after my prayer, Larry called everybody to the altar who wanted a touch from God. Note to self: it's always a great idea and in order to call people to the altar for a touch from God. Plenty of people came and we just prayed for people and it was a good time. When he went back to his seat on the platform, Pastor Aaron said to Larry, "Whew, that saved the day!" From my bobcat incident up til' now things have been pretty nutty, but I have kept a good attitude and just laughed about it all. I realize how much the devil hates us. He tries anything to distract the people of God. He'll pull out a bobcat if necessary. What a double loser he is. Oh well, he had no idea who he was messing with because at NS, we don't have to be perfect, we just state it like it is, "things are crazy today folks, let's just get on our faces and pray." Works every time. I was worried, "what are these visitors today going to think?" Pastor T said he wouldn't be surprised if they said, "you know that church was a little crazy today, but I still loved it!" If they stayed through today, they'll stay through anything. It's all about God and not about us anyway.

Bubble baths are a gift from God

This morning I made up for the bit of stress I faced yesterday...decided to sleep in. Except for Savanna coming home from Molly's and waking me up, I was able to let her in and go back to sleep for a few hours. Larry and I snuggled for a while before the start of a busy day.

Today was spent cleaning my house...something that I put off before even making the trip to Baltimore, and I had just decided to grin and bear it this past week til' Saturday came. I am trying not to spend my whole day off cleaning as I have done so many times.

Today I spent the bulk of the day cleaning - scrubbing down both bathrooms, dusting the whole house, laundry, and a host of other things, while also cooking and preparing for the newcomer's night tomorrow night.

At the end of it all I thought, "now it's time for a reward." We were scheduled for dinner at the Balid's tonight, but before I went, I lined up all the candles on the big bathtub, lit them, drew a bath with my new bubbles that someone gifted me with on Pastor Appreciation day, and...sunk in there to just soak for a while, which listening to Heart on XM. Wow, that was great. I didn't rush, I just stayed there and savored every single moment of it. You know, when I clean my house I don't complain. I thank God every day for my home, and for all He has given me. When I'm cleaning my bathrooms, I remind myself, "This is MY bathroom that God BLESSED ME WITH that I am cleaning...this is my BIG TUB that I always wanted...these are MY HARDWOOD FLOORS I'm scrubbing, MY big plants that I'm watering constantly, these are MY BLESSINGS FROM GOD!!! In all the things I have to do each and every week, I never lose sight of how much God has given me, and where I came from. I really came from having nothing, to having some great things. And even with those great things, it still gives me more joy in my life to give things away. That is another thing I thank the Lord for daily...THANK YOU LORD FOR BLESSING ME SO I CAN BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS!!!

Well anyway, that bubble bath sure was nice. It was the best part of my day so far. Now the day's not over yet and I still have some time with Larry so anything can happen... :-) and I'm pretty sure it might just be a lot more spectacular than even a bubble bath. So we'll see.

We had dinner with the Balid's and they are so precious. Arundhati worked ALL DAY on this meal for us. A traditional Indian meal...and she really pulled out all the stops, cooking all of her "specialties." I love the tandoori chicken and curry chicken most of all, with the rice. Yum Yum! T and Misty were so gracious as to watch Savanna for us at the last minute. I've been trying hard to find a sitter all day long since my boys (who I had planned on babysitting for us) got something scheduled at the last minute they had to be at. Once I had Savanna squared away, which was only hours beforehand, it made for a peaceful night.

I came home to get the news online that Haggard has been officially (permanently) dismissed from New Life, for apparent sexual misconduct that has been proven by the board. Ugh, ugh, ugh! Just what I DID NOT want to hear. My heart is further broken. Evangelicals everywhere need to seriously get on their faces before God. I want to be faith filled about this but it is hard to, having gone through the height of the Bakker/Swaggart scandals, I realize what we are probably in for. At least Haggard wasn't A/G, but he was spirit filled and "one of us" nonetheless. I remember when the Bakker/Swaggart thing happened, it was just awful for those of us in ministry. A man at my secular job where I worked at the time asked me, "so, do you think YOUR husband sleeps with prostitutes too?" Of course I said no, and I believed with my whole heart no, but he looked at me as if to say, "how do you know? Why trust him?" The whole climate back then was so untrusting of preachers. We just have to bolster up on prayer and realize, we are in the last days and even the elect will be deceived, as the Bible says.

Time to wrap up loose ends...get all last minute things lined up for tomorrow...spend time with Superman and get to sleep. Thank you Lord, for every blessing in my life. I love you...

WHY?

Why, why, why is all I can say.

I know, I know, sin doesn't make sense. It never will. Why is a dumb question, for that reason but I still ask it. My heart is broken.

But we don't know yet that he's guilty, you say. All he admitted to was buying meth and getting a massage. Well, quite honestly, that's enough for me. If I was buying meth and getting a massage from some gay woman that I found through an advertisement in a gay magazine, my district superintendent would not only have plenty of questions to ask, he would already be setting up my stint in the AG's two year restoration program, or saying ta-ta, that's it. More important than that my husband would be saying, ta-ta.

Larry says whether there is more to it or not, the fact that he changed his story from last night to this morning is so disappointing in itself. Last night he said he had never even met the guy. Today he admits to buying meth and getting a massage from him.

My heart is broken. People say, "we're following God, not man," but that is not entirely true. The apostle Paul said, "follow me as I follow Christ." We as ministers want our people to follow us as we follow Christ, and that's appropriate. The fact is, when we don't follow Christ -- it hurts them. It hurts individuals, it hurts the local church, it hurts the church at large. People are supposed to see Christ modeled through their pastors. We are "Jesus with skin on" to them. We are role models. The man who is accusing Haggard said today, "Pastor Haggard was a role model." That's true. We pastors are role models. This is why we have to THINK, THINK, THINK before we ACT. Sure, we aren't perfect and we make mistakes. But we have to take precautions against involving ourselves in something like this because it's not just like forgetting to return a church member's call, or getting a little angry or short with someone. People can move forward with us beyond that. But using drugs? Illicit sex? Seeking a gay man to massage us? These are things people just can't move beyond with us in ministry. They can forgive, but reinstating us as pastor and looking to us as a role model -- those days are pretty much over. And for that, the people grieve, understandably. We are ministers are held to a higher standard, the Bible says. I don't always like that, but it's true! So we have to work with it.

Now the church has to go through another Bakker/Swaggart like time where we will be under rapid fire from everywhere imaginable, and local pastors everywhere will have to double up on being so above reproach, almost to the point of being ridiculous. We have always been taught to never counsel the opposite sex alone, always have your office door open, etc. After so many scandals with other ministers in the past and realizing that the church today lacks so much trust, Larry and I decided years ago not even to counsel members of the opposite sex. We never have. Today we do very little counseling in fact, of either sex. Most people we refer. We go to the 'nth degree of trying to be integral. How much more ministers can go to be above reproach and integral, I don't know. But I realize we're all going to have to bear extra scrutiny because of what just happened though it has nothing to do with our personal behavior.

In the A/G I found out that only about 3% of ministers fall and go through something like this, yet 97% of us sure do pay for their indescretions. That disappoints me but most of all the hurt the church goes through and the way the world views us is what bothers me most. Today non-Christians were blasting us ad nauseum on line about how hypocritical we all are. That's really not true, but Ted Haggard has just made life a lot more difficult for all of us trying to help someone across the line of faith. How will this affect my neighbors that I'm trying to reach for Jesus? Will this cause them to doubt me a little now, although I've been trying to show them Jesus love for over two years now?

I will never understand how someone can throw everything away on something so stupid. When a minister does this, they lose EVERYTHING. Their spouse, their kids, their home, their income, their church, their reputation. They might as well just repent and then say, "Lord, take me to heaven NOW, because there is literally NOTHING left for me here on earth."

A friend of mine's Dad pastored a church for many years very successfully. They took this church with a handful of people and by God's power grew it to hundreds. His wife was a very involved partner by his side. They had grown this church to the point where they were making a very good income, had a lovely home after many years of poor living. Their church was one of the strongest in the area. The guy decided to have an affair. They lost everything else although they did manage to stay married. At this time both he and his wife work over 60 hours a week at Home Depot trying to make ends meet, which never happens each month. All of their experience and education was ministerial so they don't know how to do anything else really, therefore job choices are limited. They lost their home. Compared to their lifestyle before they are living in poverty. In addition to their home they lost their church, the respect of their peers, most of their friendships which were ministerial, and the list goes on. Most of all, they are spending their lives doing something they absolutely hate, which is working at Home Depot, something they were never called to do with their life. All because he decided to have sex with somebody. Wow, I sure do hope she was great, because he lost it all over it.

There is no drug in the world worth it. No person in the world worth it. No illicit relationship in the world worth it. No craving worth it. No porn video or site worth it. No sexual thrill worth it. No "curiousity" worth it. Haggard says he was "curious" about meth. You know, I'm curious about a lot of things, that doesn't mean I need to act on it. I'm curious about alligators but I will not go near one.

How can people lose their head so quickly?

Gayle Haggard is in my prayers tonight. Every Christian website or blog I read today that addressed the subject said, "Keep Ted in your prayers during this time,", or "don't be judgmental, just pray about it," but honestly my thought was for his wife. Even if it was just a meth purchase, (without using it), and a massage by a gay man...I will tell you, that right there would be enough heartbreak for me. God help our sister in Christ who is going through this right now.

As for being judgmental, I do realize, "there but for the grace of God..." however my heart is not judgment, but confusion and heartbreak. Heartbreak for Ted and the repercussions he will now face for this decision, heartbreak for Gayle for something she did not ask for and is undoubtedly completely blindsided by, heartbreak for the precious five children they have, heartbreak for New Life Church, heartbreak for the body of Christ that has been so blessed in the past by his ministry.

I pray every single day that the Lord would guard Larry and I from anything that would destroy our lives and our ministry such as this. We want to be able to confidently say, "Follow us as we follow Christ," and not have to fear thousands being disillusioned by the fact that they did just that.

Even the best laid plans...

...often go awry. This picture pretty much sums up the way I feel right now.

So much for my day off.

I have heard people say things like, "everything if Father-filtered." And..."nothing happens that doesn't go past God's desk first for His stamp of approval..."

I have to wonder. Does every phone call go through His filter? I really have to question that sometimes. I do believe some things happen that God does not filter or approve at all. If so, why would we have to pray in the Lord's prayer, "thy will be done"...if His will is ALWAYS done, why pray for it to be done?

People do have a free will.

Sometimes things happen that God is not happy with at all.

Sometimes things pass His desk, and He's not happy about it, but He watches as humans do it. Of this, I am convinced.

Even sometimes when emergencies happen, I have to wonder, "why today?" Didn't God know this in advance? And if He did, why did He allow it TODAY? Of all days. Oh well, the good thing is, there are more Fridays on the calendar to come, although next week will not be one of those for me. I'll be away with the ladies at WOF. (Which is not a break for me.)

Today when I calmed down a bit, I flopped down on my bed and picked up a book that has been on my nightstand, Come Away My Beloved, by Frances J. Roberts. It's a devotional classic that has been around for 30 years, and has sold 1.4 million copies. Somehow it has escaped my watchful eye, even with all the books I've read, it amazes me the classics I still have yet to discover. The book was given to me by Bobbie, one of my friends here in Tampa. She dropped by the office about 2 weeks ago and left it on my desk, while I was out at lunch. Bobbie is going through struggles of her own that I can't even imagine - she's suddenly had a bunch of family members in need move in with her and she has been taking care of 10 people these last few months. It's been crazy. How she even found the time to get this book for me, and bring it over the other week, I can't imagine. But she did. I haven't slowed down enough to really read it, but today I read a few chapters. And I can't even describe what it did for me.

Listen to an excerpt from the first chapter:

"O my beloved, abide under the shelter of the lattice, for I have betrothed you to Myself...

Tarry not for an opportunity to have more time to be alone with me...take it though you leave the tasks at hand...

I love you, and if you can always, as it were, feel My pulse beat, you will receive insight that will give you sustaining strength. I bore your sins and I wish to carry your burdens. You may take the gift of a light and merry heart, for My love dispels all fear and is a cure for every ill.

These are just a few sentences from the first chapter, but basically the whole entire book reads like this, with different topics each day, but the same style of writing. It was like water in a dry and thirsty land to me today. I think if I can run away for just a little while I'll read some of it sitting on my back patio. Til' the next emergency comes along.

Dismissing the crowd for Selah time

This will be my view tomorrow...on my day off. I am going to have A WHOLE DAY OFF. It's going to be so wonderful. I'm guarding it with my life! I'm going to enjoy it immensely. This is the view from my back patio. This is what I see when I sit in my jacuzzi. Right now the weather is cooling down, and it's the perfect time to sit on my swing, and read the Bible, or just think in silence. Oh, the bliss.

I'm in good company because Jesus loves to do things like this too. He always guarded His boundaries. We read about it in Matthew 13:36...Jesus left the crowd and He went into the house. The crowd was still there, but He wasn't. He came apart and found a quiet place to rest. There are times even now when life gets too noisy, and I just come apart to find a quiet place to rest. As much as I enjoy people and entertaining and parties, I enjoy solitude to a great degree. Again, I'm in good company. Jesus loves it too.

In Matthew 14:22, Jesus made the disciples get in the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side. After that He dismissed the crowd so He could pray. It had been more than just a bad hair day for Him. (Did the Lord ever have bad hair days?) Well, this was a really bad day because his cousin had just been beheaded. He needed to find a place to sort through things and be quiet. He needed God to renew and comfort Him.

I have learned that on a regular basis, I need to dismiss the crowd in my life, at least one day a week, and preferably also a little bit of time each evening. And it doesn't always have to be because of a tragedy. On the contrary, if I don't have this time regularly, I will become a tragedy!

Some people can't handle silence. They always have to have noise. I love noise, but I also love silence, and I need it. Every space of my life doesn't have to be filled up. I need margin. I need rests. Music would not be dramatic were it not for rests. There are various keys, time signatures, notes, and then there are...rests. In scripture we sometimes find the word "Selah". It simply means rest. After the Psalmist said something, you find the word "Selah." It means...rest, be quiet, think about that for a minute. And that's what I'm ready to do...rest, be quiet, and think for a minute. I want to even to something mindless tomorrow, like watch a non-sensical movie or TV show. It doesn't have to have any intrinsic value, just something to sit back and enjoy without having to think too hard.

I have even decided to leave the cleaning until Saturday. There's time on Saturday for dusting, vacuuming and the like. Tomorrow is Selah time.

No sex, no marriage?

Alright so Larry and I have been in a serious discussion today about what constitutes a marriage. The way some men view it really bothers me, I must confess.

I realize sex is an important part of marriage, and actually something I personally believe is a fantastic part. No disagreement there.

But lately we have heard some testimonies about people whose spouse has died, and they have gotten married shortly thereafter, or are quickly dating. This isn't wrong, but I've told Larry it just probably wouldn't be for me. He subsequently says, "well, you have to understand, so and so really didn't have a marriage for a long time...his wife didn't have sex with him for the last however many years...so for all intents and purposes, their marriage had completely deteriorated..."

Today we were talking about someone who is in such a situation and he says, "well, the guy says he hasn't had sex in "x" amount of time and really didn't have a marriage left."

And I said, "okay, so that's the deciding factor on whether someone has a marriage left or not?"

In my opinion, many people reduce the totality of marriage to sex and nothing else. In other words, aside from whatever other activities, words, affection, that these people shared together, none of that forms the "majority"of the relationship if sex is missing from the equation. So in some people's opinion, that's why you have people who run off and quickly get married once their partner is gone. That just doesn't sit right with me for some reason. I realize that sex is an extremely important aspect of marriage. I just don't see it as the one defining factor.

Larry kind of feels when the sex is over, the marriage is over, except for the basic biblical commitment to stay faithful and true until such time that a person dies. I disagree. I believe if he were to be impotent with no hope of changing, I could still be his wife -- and I could love and adore him and have a meaningful life with him. I wouldn't like the fact that sex would be gone, certainly not. But would I cease to consider myself a truly married woman anymore? No, I don't believe in my heart, I would. I would hope my husband would still be in my heart, not just on a legal court document. I believe it would be possible -- minus the sex -- to still be married in my heart and soul. (Of course my husband would have to be unable to have sex, not just lacking in desire.)

Look at Christopher and Dana Reeve. That's a perfect example to me. I believe they were TRULY MARRIED IN THEIR SOULS until the very end. They were not pals, they were lovers. I guess that brings me to a question...can you be a lover without having sex? Honestly, so much of it is in my mind, I believe you can. It kind of bothers me that many men do not look at it that way. In other words, if their wife is unable to have sex for a medical reason, they see it as suddenly their "marriage" is over and they are simply in a legal and binding relationship of "friendship" of sorts. Why does that bother me so much? Honestly, it makes me angry.

I guess because as much as I enjoy sex and know it was ordained by God, I see the act of sex as so much deeper than body parts joining together but I see a man and woman joining together body, soul, spirit and having something much deeper together than transcends just physical things. I look at it that when we had sex, our body, soul and spirit was joined -- forevermore, and whether we ever have opportunity to do it again or not - the blending of our lives, our soul, still and forever will remain.

Is a man's marriage "over" because his wife has not been physically able to have sex? I believe a marriage is not official in the eyes of God until it is consummated (and that belief is backed up by the laws of the land - you can get an annullment if it has not been consummated). But once it has, if one person cannot fulfill this part of marriage for a medical reason - I don't believe "it's over." I believe that is part of why God says until death do us part. A lot of things can happen in between the marriage altar and the day you die. Sickness, tragedy, anything can happen. I heard Dr. Mark Rutland say something to the effect of, "Girls, don't ask yourself, "does my fiancee' think I'm pretty? Instead ask..."will my fiancee be willing to change my diapers?" Marriage is about being there in the hard times. I would hope through sickness and tragedy, I'd be considered my husband's wife and soul mate, and not deteriorate into some sort of "sister" or "buddy" just because I couldn't perform sexually anymore.

So why does this bug me so much?

Time is ticking away...

Rehearsed a song with Pastor Lindsay for Sunday...

Took the missionary to Perkins tonight afterwards.

Time to crash now but not without counting a few blessings:

1) It's good to be back in Florida...home in my own bed...with my husband!

2) I'm on track with WW -- and I dropped 1.4 more pounds today at weight in!

3) Reading through Galatians this week, good stuff!

4) I almost have all my initiatives done for the week, which...coming back from a weekend away, is extremely ahead of the game.

5) The weather is beautiful.

6) God is giving me wisdom and peace with every situation in my life.

7) God's grace is sufficient for each day, for every moment, every situation.

8) I stand up for myself more and more all the time - with greater results.

9) I'm learning what it means to be content as Paul said - yet always pressing forward to the prize. I am learning balance.

10) I am committed more than ever to use my time wisely...making the most of every opportunity, minimizing fatal distractions, and maximizing God's power in my life.

I love you Jesus...good night!

It's Wednesday, but Friday's coming!

I haven't been THIS excited about a Friday coming for a long time.

Today was my first day back in the office. I worked yesterday, in fact a full day - but from home. Which is always easier because I do the first few hours of computer work in my jammies. I get so much done it's RIDICULOUS. Absolutely insane. The reason is, no one can interrupt me. That's how my "work from home" Tuesdays started. By me getting to Thursday and having so much unfinished because of constant interruptions. Distractions. Things that many times did not need my attention but because of my accessibility in the office, I was doomed. So I decided to take my accessibility away one day a week, and WHAMMO, the work began to magically get done.

Well anyway, today was my first day back in. It was fine just super busy with catching up from missing Monday. I have not been home for a day off, and actually been able to take the day off in a while. So I'm REALLY looking forward to it. Really looking forward to getting Savanna off to school, going back to bed and staying there as long as I want. Really looking forward to not getting dressed. Really looking forward to watching a movie or something equally as mindless. Really looking forward to sitting on my swing and just staring into space. Really looking forward to hours of quiet. Oh how awesome the day will be. I'm hanging on for it. Anyway who knows anything about me knows that as equal a party animal I can be, is also how much solitude I need. When I don't get it for a while, I feel like the walls are caving in.